Sideline Secrets (2006 Video)
3/10
If you get the chance to Miss it... DO.
2 May 2011
I'm a film festival junkie. I've seen over 1500 gay films in my life and I keep a bottom 10 list. This film made that list. I've seen worse films so this film doesn't really merit one other reviewers comment... "As bad as a movie can be."

However it IS well and truly bad. The problems starts with a disjointed plot that attempts to be a mystery but ends up being a missed try. Then there's amateurish dialogue, as stilted and heavy handed as any I've heard; and often it's as teeth-jarringly delivered as in the most graphic porn film.

Other reviewers have commented... "This film is just plain bad." and... "THIS FILM IS LAME, LAME, LAME!!!!!" and even ... "Everything about this movie is terrible, the script, the story, the casting, the acting, the direction, the photography, the editing, the music... what else goes into a movie? Whatever it is, here it's as bad as it gets."

That's not entirely fair, but unfortunately it's closer to the truth than the several laudatory reviews that are posted here. You'll notice that there are about 14 people who have ranked many of the reviews of this film. I'm tempted to ask "If a dozen people or so were friends of, or paid by, the film makers how would these reviews be scored?" I'm guessing that something along those lines would explain the wide variation in opinion about this film.

James Townsend who plays the lead also wrote the script. That's generally a bad combo though it stops short of the total lack of perspective one sometimes sees when the writer/star also directs. Talk about your real triple-threat!

I don't enjoy writing negative reviews, but I do think folks should be warned. I've given this film three stars. I have scored other films lower, but only when they were offensive or so disjointed and difficult to sit through that I wanted to punish the folks responsible for the crime. Here it's just a matter of a poorly executed attempt at making a movie.

It's probably unfair to rant about this film in general... Here are just a few specifics. There is an early masturbation scene which includes fantasy shots that stops just short of porno. Shortly thereafter there's a heterosexual kiss in the park that includes another gay fantasy. The boys are hot enough and the scene is pretty tolerable though it is over-thought. The scene is disrupted by cuts from full-color to artistic black & white & back. The acting by the mother was so bad at one time I swore she was cold reading from cards off camera... and that she was a poor reader. The father was even worse.

Generally I'm a pretty easy grader and a sucker for over earnest plots by novice film makers. Often gay-themed indie films have "diamond in the rough" moments that ring so true that they make sitting through the sometimes amateur film making, the frequent insufferable dialogue and the poor plotting worth it. This film may have a few rhinestones in the rough, but they're buried in a whole truckload of dross.

Oftentimes gay indie films have the problem that poor acting and poor dialogue make their characters more caricatures than character. Unfortunately here the characters here would need more detail to become caricatures.

Don't get me wrong. A few of the main characters turn in performances worthy of off off Broadway (maybe on an off night). However the parent roles and the police roles were even below that standard. I'm guessing that those making this film had no friends that fit those particular characters and had to settle for whoever they could con into doing the part. And let's face it the talent pool of those looking to play minor roles in gay themed direct to video indie films is pretty shallow.

Fortunately the boys playing the main roles were pretty. They should just try to exercise better judgment about what they let others put in their mouths, at least dialogue-wise.

Roger Ebert once described "Midnight Cowboy" as a good movie with a masterpiece inside, struggling to break free. Unfortunately this film is hollow inside.
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