Review of Wild Roomies

Wild Roomies (I) (2004)
3/10
A plot twist only the Underpants Gnomes could love
4 March 2011
Warning: Spoilers
This is a comedy that doesn't get within a country mile of being funny…and that's not its biggest problem. One of the actresses in this film looks like her upper lip has had a stroke…and that's not its biggest problem. Wild Roomies also tries to be a sex romp while having only slightly more nudity than the average episode of The Waltons…and that's not its biggest problem. No, the biggest problem here is an ending that's so inexplicable that it appears as though these filmmakers made two completely different movies with the same cast and accidentally swapped conclusions. Imagine watching a sucky version of Romancing The Stone where the finish is from an even suckier version of The War of the Roses.

The story starts in Dallas, Texas. None of the characters are vaguely Texan and the setting has nothing at all to do with anything else in the film, but that's where it starts. The stars of this little tale are Reno (A.J. Buckley) and his live-in girlfriend Holly (Holly Fields). Even though neither of them appear to have a job, skills, prospects or money, the only difficulty in Reno and Holly's relationship is a playful standoff on the subject of fellatio.

After watching Reno obsess over a corn dog and Holly get hit on by a smarmy dickhead, Reno's uncle in LA dies in a strip club, something the audience is shown despite there not being a single reason for such a scene to be in the film. Reno inherits his uncle's rundown mansion and he and Holly move to LA. Reno immediately suggests they take in roommates to help pay the bills, even though the movie repeatedly establishes that Reno hates the very idea of roommates because he caught his previous roommate boffing his previous girlfriend.

The two they come up with are quasi-Zen sex maniac Chad (David Wheir) and Nicole (Jennifer Lyons), the world's most inappropriately dressed coffee shop waitress. As soon as all four are living in the mansion, Wild Roomies pretty much ceases to have anything that remotely resembles a plot. Some stuff happens, but you could take the middle 70 minutes of this film, rearrange it into any order and it would make about as much sense.

The we come to the freakish ending where…wait for it…Holly comes home one night when Reno is out of town to find a mansion being trashed in a huge party, stumbles upon Nicole and Chad having sex and, even though she's very angry about the party, Holly winds up having a threesome with them. Reno returns the next morning to not only find all three of them asleep together, but to see Polaroid pictures of the threesome scattered all over their unconscious bodies. Reno tells Holly to beat it and then the film jumps ahead several months to Holly reluctantly going out with the smarmy dickhead from the start of the story and Reno being a hugely successful author. Credits roll.

The nicest thing I can say about that conclusion is it must have been written by the Underpants Gnomes from South Park.

Step 1. Enrage your landlord by holding a ginormous, drunken fiesta that ransacks the place.

Step 2. ????

Step 3. Threesome!

I have to assume that the ending is autobiographical for one of the screenwriters and he or she snuck it into the script when the other two were passed out drunk. That doesn't explain how such a ridiculous and ridiculously ill fitting ending stayed in the script, of course. Perhaps fellatio and/or a threesome were involved in the negotiations. All I can say is The Sopranos could have ended with Tony doing a rap battle against MC Hammer and it would have made more sense than Wild Roomies.

This movie is dumb, boring and doesn't even have enough naked chicks to be worth your while. Or enough naked dudes, depending on which way your wind blows. Don't bother with this thing.
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