This movie is so cheap and shoddy that I wouldn't be surprised if it took me longer to watch it than it did to actually make it, the density of crap being so intense that it somehow bent the space-time continuum like a black hole. But in addition to being so bad that you have to measure its awfulness using Einsteinian physics, Behind Bedroom Doors is another example of the bizarre cinema sub-genre of "no core pornography".
Combing the efforts of a writer who can't write, a director who can't direct and a mostly unattractive cast who can't act, this story is supposedly about a man running for district attorney and the con woman who tries to sexually blackmail him. That's really just a pretense for a series of weirdly truncated sex scenes while one of the characters repeatedly wears the same black tank top. The sex scenes are all barely 20 seconds long and the stuff in between the abortive erotica is so wooden you could chop it up and burn it for heat during the winter. In fact, collecting all the DVDs of Behind Bedroom Doors and letting the homeless burn them for heat during the winter would be much better than anyone watching them.
It's almost impossible to exaggerate how terrible this movie is. One of the alleged actors is so horrible that he not only gives the same inflection to every line of dialog he speaks, he has the same expression on his face whether he's having an argument or receiving oral sex. Most of the alleged actresses appear to be under the influence of multiple pharmacological agents, because apparently getting drugged out of their gourds is the only way they would agree to participate in this used kitty litter of a film. The plot is so simple and obvious it would bore an unborn fetus, yet these filmmakers still end up with scenes that make absolutely no sense.
And then there are the sex scenes, which are over so quickly even a premature ejaculator can't enjoy them. Which is what makes this movie "no core" porn. Hard core porn is really just about displays of real and varied intercourse. Soft core porn has cinematic pretensions and revolves around simulated sexual activity. "No core" porn is as aesthetically barren as the other two and, in addition, has virtually no sex in it, real or otherwise. "No core" porn has less nudity and sex than your average 1980s horror movie and it's less arousing than viewing Meg Ryan's botched erotic thriller, In The Cut.
Soft core porn seems a little useless in a world where hard core is available with a single mouse click. But just as some people prefer Maxim over Playboy, there are probably folks who feel hard core porn is "too icky" and are happy to have a less morally repellent alternative. However, "no core" porn can serve no function nor satisfy any need whatsoever.
I don't understand why Behind Bedroom Doors was made. I don't understand why anyone would want to watch it. That is all.
Combing the efforts of a writer who can't write, a director who can't direct and a mostly unattractive cast who can't act, this story is supposedly about a man running for district attorney and the con woman who tries to sexually blackmail him. That's really just a pretense for a series of weirdly truncated sex scenes while one of the characters repeatedly wears the same black tank top. The sex scenes are all barely 20 seconds long and the stuff in between the abortive erotica is so wooden you could chop it up and burn it for heat during the winter. In fact, collecting all the DVDs of Behind Bedroom Doors and letting the homeless burn them for heat during the winter would be much better than anyone watching them.
It's almost impossible to exaggerate how terrible this movie is. One of the alleged actors is so horrible that he not only gives the same inflection to every line of dialog he speaks, he has the same expression on his face whether he's having an argument or receiving oral sex. Most of the alleged actresses appear to be under the influence of multiple pharmacological agents, because apparently getting drugged out of their gourds is the only way they would agree to participate in this used kitty litter of a film. The plot is so simple and obvious it would bore an unborn fetus, yet these filmmakers still end up with scenes that make absolutely no sense.
And then there are the sex scenes, which are over so quickly even a premature ejaculator can't enjoy them. Which is what makes this movie "no core" porn. Hard core porn is really just about displays of real and varied intercourse. Soft core porn has cinematic pretensions and revolves around simulated sexual activity. "No core" porn is as aesthetically barren as the other two and, in addition, has virtually no sex in it, real or otherwise. "No core" porn has less nudity and sex than your average 1980s horror movie and it's less arousing than viewing Meg Ryan's botched erotic thriller, In The Cut.
Soft core porn seems a little useless in a world where hard core is available with a single mouse click. But just as some people prefer Maxim over Playboy, there are probably folks who feel hard core porn is "too icky" and are happy to have a less morally repellent alternative. However, "no core" porn can serve no function nor satisfy any need whatsoever.
I don't understand why Behind Bedroom Doors was made. I don't understand why anyone would want to watch it. That is all.