Another wretchedly unwatchable effort from the straight to DVD horror bonanza of the noughties. Little silverfish like parasites which variously kill people or control them while squirming around under their skin ran rampant on Kuttyhunk (!) Island 20 years ago, thanks to some Resident Evilly maniac scientists who wanted to create super citizens – and now, it's happening again, albeit very slowly and stupidly.
The presence of cool CGI parasites is all for naught because the film fails on all the most basic levels: You don't give a crap about any of the characters, the editing is incompetent, and the script is gaping with holes of illogic sure to keep any viewers in Total Cynic mode. The result is extreme boredom.
An opening montage shows parasites swarming like ants in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. This never happens during the present day invasion of the island. Instead these parasites, which have demonstrated the ability to leap from one infected person to another over 20 feet away with extraordinary ease and finesse, choose to propagate in the following manner: They infect one young man, imbue him with superpowers and confidence, and make him stroll into the Kuttyhunk Tavern, where he goes all out to pick up one local young woman. After she admits that ' he really gets her', her boyfriend's gander is raised. The boyfriend and Superman go out into the parking lot for a scuffle, which is the cue for Matrix-like articulate slow motion kung fu. After Superman's inevitable victory over three locals, he emphasises his win by smashing the car park asphalt up with his foot. His newly won girlfriend fails to notice the strangeness of this and trundles off into the woods with him for some smoochies. Finally, FINALLY, a parasite begins to squirm out of his ear in readiness to attack a new victim, but her scream panics Superman and he tears the girl's throat in annoyance.
DAMN! The invasion's never going to get anywhere at this rate.
There's an unintentional laugh when heroine B, the one with the really short shorts, begins to play the accordion one night in her cabin, after saying earlier to her would-be boyfriend that she was going to do this. I admired the film's follow-up in this area when it had failed to follow up in most others. That we see her playing the accordion from the POV of a heavy breathing, hooded parasite dude just makes the moment even funnier. However, such pleasing moments are thin on the ground.
As the cliché goes, this is 80 something minutes (which felt like two hours) which I can never get back. CGI tricks and RED camera cinematography are wasted time and time again in the service of completely sloppy material like this from indie filmmakers who haven't got their skills up enough before throwing out a feature with a shiny veneer but zero watchability.
The presence of cool CGI parasites is all for naught because the film fails on all the most basic levels: You don't give a crap about any of the characters, the editing is incompetent, and the script is gaping with holes of illogic sure to keep any viewers in Total Cynic mode. The result is extreme boredom.
An opening montage shows parasites swarming like ants in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. This never happens during the present day invasion of the island. Instead these parasites, which have demonstrated the ability to leap from one infected person to another over 20 feet away with extraordinary ease and finesse, choose to propagate in the following manner: They infect one young man, imbue him with superpowers and confidence, and make him stroll into the Kuttyhunk Tavern, where he goes all out to pick up one local young woman. After she admits that ' he really gets her', her boyfriend's gander is raised. The boyfriend and Superman go out into the parking lot for a scuffle, which is the cue for Matrix-like articulate slow motion kung fu. After Superman's inevitable victory over three locals, he emphasises his win by smashing the car park asphalt up with his foot. His newly won girlfriend fails to notice the strangeness of this and trundles off into the woods with him for some smoochies. Finally, FINALLY, a parasite begins to squirm out of his ear in readiness to attack a new victim, but her scream panics Superman and he tears the girl's throat in annoyance.
DAMN! The invasion's never going to get anywhere at this rate.
There's an unintentional laugh when heroine B, the one with the really short shorts, begins to play the accordion one night in her cabin, after saying earlier to her would-be boyfriend that she was going to do this. I admired the film's follow-up in this area when it had failed to follow up in most others. That we see her playing the accordion from the POV of a heavy breathing, hooded parasite dude just makes the moment even funnier. However, such pleasing moments are thin on the ground.
As the cliché goes, this is 80 something minutes (which felt like two hours) which I can never get back. CGI tricks and RED camera cinematography are wasted time and time again in the service of completely sloppy material like this from indie filmmakers who haven't got their skills up enough before throwing out a feature with a shiny veneer but zero watchability.