I'm shocked how high "The Dark Knight" has been rated on this site, currently at #1 with a 9.5 rating. It must come down. But what if it doesn't? Below is my Onion-esque take as one future possibility:
Warner Brothers Announces: No More New Movies
Hollywood, CA -- Warner Brothers announced today they will not be making new movies, and those that are currently in production are going to be shut down. As CEO Barry M. Meyer explains, "What's the point in making new movies? 'The Dark Knight' is a perfect picture that can't be topped, so we're simply going to re-release it at regular intervals and save a bundle on production costs." Other studios expect to follow suit after "The Dark Knight" overtook the number one spot on IMDb.com's top 250 Films List within a record-breaking four days after its release, usurping longtime #1 film, "The Godfather." Talk has already begun between Warner Brothers and rival studios to license out distribution rights to "The Dark Knight" so that competing studios can also stop producing new films and simply re-release "The Dark Knight." As Steven Spielberg noted, "It makes total sense. 'The Dark Knight' has been instantly recognized by the public as the pinnacle of movie making, far surpassing the critical acclaim of films such as 'Casablanca,' 'Lawrence of Arabia,' 'Star Wars,' and even 'Schindler's List,' so there's little incentive for studios and filmmakers to move forward on product that we know beforehand will be vastly inferior." Rumors that the major broadcast and cable networks are trying to obtain the rights to replace all of their current programming with 24/7 showings of "The Dark Knight" have not yet been confirmed.
Warner Brothers Announces: No More New Movies
Hollywood, CA -- Warner Brothers announced today they will not be making new movies, and those that are currently in production are going to be shut down. As CEO Barry M. Meyer explains, "What's the point in making new movies? 'The Dark Knight' is a perfect picture that can't be topped, so we're simply going to re-release it at regular intervals and save a bundle on production costs." Other studios expect to follow suit after "The Dark Knight" overtook the number one spot on IMDb.com's top 250 Films List within a record-breaking four days after its release, usurping longtime #1 film, "The Godfather." Talk has already begun between Warner Brothers and rival studios to license out distribution rights to "The Dark Knight" so that competing studios can also stop producing new films and simply re-release "The Dark Knight." As Steven Spielberg noted, "It makes total sense. 'The Dark Knight' has been instantly recognized by the public as the pinnacle of movie making, far surpassing the critical acclaim of films such as 'Casablanca,' 'Lawrence of Arabia,' 'Star Wars,' and even 'Schindler's List,' so there's little incentive for studios and filmmakers to move forward on product that we know beforehand will be vastly inferior." Rumors that the major broadcast and cable networks are trying to obtain the rights to replace all of their current programming with 24/7 showings of "The Dark Knight" have not yet been confirmed.