Rock Monster (2008 TV Movie)
3/10
Petrified stupidity
13 July 2008
The bad guy, who has a megalomania problem, looks like a refugee from an Uwe Bolle movie, complete with the lousy accent, shaved bald head, phony make-up, and ridiculous black leather jacket costuming. Most of the time he's making "I will take over the world and here's how I'll do it!" speeches.

But the rock creature is even more pathetic. CGI animation that looks like it was done by Mickey Mouse, and the thing is less scary than Mickey is. It hobbles around, looking like it's going to crumble into a pile of fake-looking pebbles any moment. Meanwhile, Uwe Bolle, or whatever his name is, screams dumb comments to and about the thing any chance he gets to shoot his mouth off. The hero: some guy in an orange down jacket that he never takes off. At least this guy made an effort to act, as did his love interest and the guy playing the Major. But with a script this sloppy, they end up looking silly too.

Somebody smash this rocky horror with a sledge hammer.
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