Halloween (2007)
2/10
It just didn't get it..
3 September 2007
Warning: Spoilers
I had heard nothing but positive reviews from friends and family when I decided to check Zombie's version of Halloween out for myself. So you could say I was looking forward a nonstop thrill-ride of some sort. To say it simply, I couldn't count the numerous times I yawned through-out this terrible movie. Rob Zombie had made it clear to his audience, to see this for a movie itself, don't try to compare it to the original. But what you don't understand is that when you're remaking the classic best horror movie of all time, it is impossible to just forget the original completely, especially when several scenes came STRAIGHT from the original.

If anything, I'd call this a remake of The Blair Witch Project with better cameras, since half of the movie was done in the dark and with hand-held cameras, which made it impossible to really see anything and just create some massive migraines for the entire audience. It was hard to watch and what you did see, you wish you hadn't. Zombie said he approached this film from a serious angle, but all I heard in the crowd was laughter.It was either too fast, or too slow, or just down right annoying to watch.

Something else that bugged me about this film was the people who said "Finally! We get to see what made Michael the way he is!" And no, you don't. You get to see Rob Zombie's version of what his own impression of why Michael does what it is he does. In which, it completely treads on the original, of an average built guy being able to do things that only someone much stronger would be capable of doing. Zombie's solution to this problem was to hire a giant actor who COULD break someone's face with his bare hands, rather than just someone full of such evil and having the power to take a bullet and still get up.

It was more of a 'craptastic' prequel if anything at all, showing Michael's youth of being a redneck in a family of lazy and greasy people. The way Zombie set it up, apparently, is that Michael was full of such rage due to the fact that his mother was a prostitute ... Yeah. Something Rob Zombie has failed to do three times in a row now, was to make you sympathetic for the victims. Just doesn't show them long enough to make you miss them when they're gone. Most of the movie was done with little Myers in the hospital, so the last thirty or so minutes of him randomly killing people goes by so fast that you don't really care. He tries to cover this up by playing sad music like "Love hurts" when someone special is killed, but all it did was get more laughter for a reaction.

The major character changes were all that but flawless, Don't get me wrong, the actors did their jobs well, it's just they were given the jobs that they never should have done. To show so little of key characters like Dr. Loomis and then to rid him away so quickly.. The entire cast, good actors I can say, just were all terribly wrong for their parts. Danielle Harris is the perfect example, reduced to play a teenage slut after her major involvement in the prior Halloween series? When you make a slasher flick, the object is to cast people you want to survive, not a cast of faces and whiny little voices that you wish would be killed off sooner. It just didn't get it. The film was nothing short of disappointing, which is as was expected as soon as I heard that Zombie had been set to direct. I honestly do think that if someone were to ever ask "Would you do a prequel to House 1000 and show where Otis came from exactly?" Zombie would reply with "Halloween."

In the end, this movie was just like every other recent remake of something classic that shouldn't exist but does, and now we just have to deal with it. . In my opinion, which is all I can offer, is that this is the best example of what a true insult to the horror genre could ever be. I always said that one day a remake would pop up that might open up peoples eyes as to the real damage remakes are doing to horror, and now I just have to point at this. Honestly, Halloween was just not the film Rob Zombie should have remade, and the movie itself stands as if saying "This is what you get for not letting me remake 'Texas Chainsaw Masscre' instead!"

Simply and yet sadly said, it was for todays generation where true horror no longer exists. That's all. :(
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