1480: Cruel, evil, haughty schizophrenic holy man Guru (a deliciously over the top performance by Neil Flanagan) resides on the remote island of Mortavia. Guru gets his sadistic jollies out of killing and maiming thieves, voyeurs, witches and various other sinners. Crazed lesbian vampire lady Olga (the seriously strange Jaqueline Webb) and meek, whimpering one-eyed hunchback Igor (an uproariously geeky turn by Jack Spencer) assist Guru with his heinous misdeeds. Meanwhile, kindly jailer Carl (the extremely fey Paul Lieber) tries to save condemned fair maiden Nadja (pretty blonde Judith Israel) from Guru's foul clutches. Legendary Do-It-Yourself dimestore indie Staten Island schlockmeister Andy Milligan really outdoes himself with this astonishingly awful, yet often amusing and oddly entertaining period Gothic horror atrocity. The drippy'n'droning stock film library score, ratty, ugly, scratched-up cinematography (Andy gleefully indulges in his ghastly penchant for drab static master shots to an appalling degree), the outrageously tasteless plot, ripely hammy eye-rolling histrionic acting from a game no-name cast (many of whom talk with heavy New York accents), cynical misanthropic sensibility, cheesy gore, the hysterical bloodbath conclusion, and the gut-busting abundant anachronisms (one villager is clearly wearing corduroy pants!) all ensure that this spectacularly shoddy swill is absolutely sidesplitting from stinky start to fumbled finish. A positively jaw-dropping celluloid abomination.
Review of Guru, the Mad Monk
