Review of It Waits

It Waits (2005)
1/10
The "Lifetime Movie Of The Week" of horror movies
11 September 2006
Warning: Spoilers
This is about a girl who takes a job as a forest ranger up in some remote area. She spends the whole first half of the movie wallowing in a pool of alcohol and self pity because she caused the death of her best friend in a drunk driving accident. We don't know originally that she caused the accident, but it's a "big revelation" when it's finally discovered. Like we didn't see that coming. If you like watching a girl walk around in drunken anguish feeling sorry for herself for what seems like endless hours, you'll love this. We're also lucky enough to get flashbacks - numerous, uncountable flashbacks - of the accident. We get a whole pile of them at the beginning of the movie, then when she's whining and crying and relating the whole story to her boyfriend, we get a whole pile of them again.

Oh, wait, is there supposed to be some horror aspect to this thing? Yes, there's some critter who likes to play pranks on her by climbing up on the roof of her ranger station and conveniently wrecking the radio antenna. It generally makes a lot of noise but never attacks her. Funny, it kills all the miscellaneous folks out in the woods, but chooses just to pull pranks on her. Oh wait, that's because, as is explained by the requisite secondary character who conveniently appears just to tell her "the secret", she's "at the center" of this thing. How is she at the center? What special connection does she have to the beast? Your guess is as good as mine.

It's unfortunate, because there's some really beautiful scenery in this thing, and the setting, up high in the air in a ranger tower, could have been very effective - if it weren't housing someone who spent the whole movie whining and crying and having flashbacks to something utterly unrelated to the story at hand.

The second half of the movie picks up a bit as the monster chases the girl around the woods. This at least stops her from wallowing in her pool of self pity for a few minutes. Unfortunately just when things seem to be picking up, we get this truly awful theme music, enough to completely ruin this part of the movie. Think Joan Baez on whiskey and tranquilizers. Even though the girl doesn't have time to cry and whine, the theme music does it for her. This kills any possibility of excitement or suspense and shifts your attention to wondering what the director could possibly have been thinking when he chose this crap.

The ending, where the girl comes to grips with her guilt; oh good grief. It's so predictable and so stupid I just had to laugh. Overall, I couldn't watch more than a few minutes of this thing at a time. It's like they had no idea what direction they wanted to go with this. An atmospheric thriller, a teen sex romp, a Lifetime Movie of the Week, a killer critter in the woods movie; they just tossed all the elements in a blender and the mangled remains is what appears on screen.
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