Review of Fear of Clowns

Fear of Clowns (2004 Video)
2/10
Not in the league of Killer Klowns.
15 March 2006
Warning: Spoilers
As a fan of killer clowns, I've seen pretty much every movie as such that's out there, including Clownhouse, Killjoy, and of course, Killer Klowns From Outer Space. A low budget movie has been added to the mix, entitled Fear of Clowns.

Unfortunately, I did not really enjoy this movie. First of all, 90% of the death scenes you don't see, since it always cuts-away right before each one. This is a big disappointment for horror fans, as seeing the carnage makes for more enjoyable horror. I mean, it's like renting a porno that cuts away to a different scene right before Ron Jeremy pulls his pants down.

The acting was really bad, particularly that of the token black policeman. He had such a small role in the film, yet his acting in those few minutes he had was so bad, it became the most memorable part of the film. Never have I wanted to kick somebody in the teeth so hard in my life.

The clown himself wasn't scary, at all. He was just some buff, shirtless man with a grease paint covered bald head, and Limp Bizkit eyes. That's not intimidating at all, but even if it had just one shred of horror, that becomes completely diminished when you hear him speak. I'm sorry, but a Vin Diesel clone in clown paint who sounds like a drunken wizard couldn't even scare a newborn baby with caulrophobia.

It's also funny how a half-naked clown holding King Arthur's axe casually walks around town and cuts people's heads off (although his body never gets stained with blood), and nobody notices. Unless they have a local circus in town whose clowns do double shifts as jousters at a Medieval Times restaurant, I'm pretty sure this guy would definitely warrant some concern with the citizens.

In a nutshell, this movie is not good at all. It's not because of the fact that it was low budget. The story was bad, leaving many loose ends and much nonsense. I'll give this movie 4 stars, but only because the camp value may keep you somewhat entertained. View this movie as a comedy, and not as a horror/thriller.
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