The horror...the horror.
I have looked into Conrad's Heart of Darkness...and Mark Hammill was there.
Wearing heavy pancake makeup and eyeshadow.
Now, please don't get me wrong: I'm a Star Wars fan. I'm also a bad movie aficionado, and I enjoy 70's chintz. I have gleefully sat through some of the worst movies in history multiple times.
I truly do not think that I can sit through this again. It's not the schlock...it's the alternating bouts of schlock and sheer, mind-numbing tedium.
The opening scene...in which we watch Chewbacca's family shamble about aimlessly making unintelligible Wookie noises...lasts for seventeen and a half hours. The clock may say fifteen minutes; the clock lies.
The search of the Wookies house...by two stormtroopers, one extremely swishy Imperial Navy officer, and a guy dressed like Dark Helmet ten years prior to "Spaceballs," might have been good for a chuckle, had it lasted for a minute or two.
It doesn't. It goes on...and on...and on...and, at some point, you discover that you're weeping uncontrollably and can't stop.
In the name of all that's holy: turn back before it's too late.
I have looked into Conrad's Heart of Darkness...and Mark Hammill was there.
Wearing heavy pancake makeup and eyeshadow.
Now, please don't get me wrong: I'm a Star Wars fan. I'm also a bad movie aficionado, and I enjoy 70's chintz. I have gleefully sat through some of the worst movies in history multiple times.
I truly do not think that I can sit through this again. It's not the schlock...it's the alternating bouts of schlock and sheer, mind-numbing tedium.
The opening scene...in which we watch Chewbacca's family shamble about aimlessly making unintelligible Wookie noises...lasts for seventeen and a half hours. The clock may say fifteen minutes; the clock lies.
The search of the Wookies house...by two stormtroopers, one extremely swishy Imperial Navy officer, and a guy dressed like Dark Helmet ten years prior to "Spaceballs," might have been good for a chuckle, had it lasted for a minute or two.
It doesn't. It goes on...and on...and on...and, at some point, you discover that you're weeping uncontrollably and can't stop.
In the name of all that's holy: turn back before it's too late.