Completely useless remake (in all fairness, it doesn't really deserve to be called a remake - people might think that the original is just as bad) of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. That film, about a group of kids stranded in the middle of nowhere hunted down by a nut with a skin fetish, has been remade as a film about a bunch of complete morons (more on that later) hunted down by a guy with a chainsaw and his inbred crazy family.
Neither of the two films are heavy on plot, but the original was truly disturbing and scary. The new version skips all that in favour of blood, spit, vomit, and sweat. Is it gross? Yes. Is there any point in watching it? Well, that depends how much you're in to bodily fluids.
Then there's the characters. Holy crap, they're retarded. Not like your average stupid teen horror characters - these guys and girls take stupidity to whole new levels. From about five minutes in, alarm bells should be ringing in their heads: "Get out of here! Get out of here!" But sadly, no. They make every possible wrong choice there is to make. As the film progresses you're amazed how each character not only are complete idiots, but they also evolve into even more stupid characters.
"Say, that sheriff that wrapped up the dead girl in plastic and threw her in the trunk (after he fondled her a bit first, of course), well, he must be an honest and decent fellow." RUN! FLEE! But sadly, no. Why run and hide in the forest, or just run for that matter, when you can hide inside a building where every crazed killer within a five mile radius is bound to find you? If your handcuffed friend is fighting with one of the aforementioned killers, would it not be better to scratch his eyes out, kick him, pick up the chainsaw from the floor and dice him, than to slap him on the back? But sadly, no.
I guess some mention should go to the rest of the poor saps that inhabit this demented hell hole. As mentioned earlier, it's a bunch of weird freaks that serves no other purpose than being weird and evil (apart for the kid, who made even less sense than any of the others). What's their motivation? Poor Leatherface has got a skin disease and was bullied as a child. Anyone can see how that would turn them all into cannibalistic weirdos, right? But sadly, no - I don't.
Some people seem to really like the look of the film, with fast editing, gritty pictures, eerie music, and cool lighting effects. Well, the editing is pretty fast I guess, but adding a sepia filter to the film, ripping music (and poor R Lee Ermey) from Seven, and shining a spotlight through some cracks in a wall can hardly be called anything near fantastic. Kudos, though, to the screenwriters who managed to cram in several scenes where it was raining or dripping water for no other reason than to show off Biel's "acting skills".
There is exactly one sensible character in this entire film - and she blows her brains out ten minutes in or so. Now, if only the other cool kids could have done the same (I believe there were five bullets left in the gun - enough for everyone) the pain and misery that calls itself The Texas Chainsaw Massacre could have been over in less than 15 minutes. But sadly, no. [1/10]
Neither of the two films are heavy on plot, but the original was truly disturbing and scary. The new version skips all that in favour of blood, spit, vomit, and sweat. Is it gross? Yes. Is there any point in watching it? Well, that depends how much you're in to bodily fluids.
Then there's the characters. Holy crap, they're retarded. Not like your average stupid teen horror characters - these guys and girls take stupidity to whole new levels. From about five minutes in, alarm bells should be ringing in their heads: "Get out of here! Get out of here!" But sadly, no. They make every possible wrong choice there is to make. As the film progresses you're amazed how each character not only are complete idiots, but they also evolve into even more stupid characters.
"Say, that sheriff that wrapped up the dead girl in plastic and threw her in the trunk (after he fondled her a bit first, of course), well, he must be an honest and decent fellow." RUN! FLEE! But sadly, no. Why run and hide in the forest, or just run for that matter, when you can hide inside a building where every crazed killer within a five mile radius is bound to find you? If your handcuffed friend is fighting with one of the aforementioned killers, would it not be better to scratch his eyes out, kick him, pick up the chainsaw from the floor and dice him, than to slap him on the back? But sadly, no.
I guess some mention should go to the rest of the poor saps that inhabit this demented hell hole. As mentioned earlier, it's a bunch of weird freaks that serves no other purpose than being weird and evil (apart for the kid, who made even less sense than any of the others). What's their motivation? Poor Leatherface has got a skin disease and was bullied as a child. Anyone can see how that would turn them all into cannibalistic weirdos, right? But sadly, no - I don't.
Some people seem to really like the look of the film, with fast editing, gritty pictures, eerie music, and cool lighting effects. Well, the editing is pretty fast I guess, but adding a sepia filter to the film, ripping music (and poor R Lee Ermey) from Seven, and shining a spotlight through some cracks in a wall can hardly be called anything near fantastic. Kudos, though, to the screenwriters who managed to cram in several scenes where it was raining or dripping water for no other reason than to show off Biel's "acting skills".
There is exactly one sensible character in this entire film - and she blows her brains out ten minutes in or so. Now, if only the other cool kids could have done the same (I believe there were five bullets left in the gun - enough for everyone) the pain and misery that calls itself The Texas Chainsaw Massacre could have been over in less than 15 minutes. But sadly, no. [1/10]