When you pick up a movie called Zombie Island Massacre, it's not too hard to let your imagination run away with you. It certainly sounds like there's going to be a massacre; its obviously going to take place on an island - and it looks to me like a gang of Romero-like zombies are sure to be the culprits. Why else would you choose a title like that? Well only director John Carter knows the answer to that conundrum, as he alone seems to be the only zombie that was present on the set of this eighties miss match, which is a damn site more Friday the 13th than it is Fulci. Yes folks for some unknown reason he and his crew have took the trappings of an eighties slasher and slapped on a misleading tag to excite fans of the living dead. But even stalk and slash addicts will feel cheated because the movie swaps genres once again towards the climax. More on that later
Things launch with the oldest and most common of slasher movie chestnuts. The camera pans in on the exceptionally well-endowed Sandy (Rita Jenrette) as she washes off the suds in a shower. She must've just finished mud wrestling in a sewer judging by the way she's scrubbing those bazookas. Before you have the chance to say 'hackneyed', a masked intruder is on the scene creeping up on the unsuspecting female. Fortunately for Sandy, it's only her husband Joe (Ian McMillan) playing a prank. As a consolation the two head off to the bedroom so Jenrette can give us one last flash of her jublies. Next up we learn that the couple are currently in the Caribbean enjoying a pleasure trip with a group of surprisingly non-teenage tourists. Along with Sandy and Joe we have an elderly couple, a pair of newly weds, two stoners, a mysterious photographer and a single guy and gal who look certain to join the couple's list any time soon.
Part of their holiday package includes a trip to the remote isle of San Marie and they will be transported to the location aboard a coach that looks fit only for the scrap yard. Upon arrival they witness a voodoo mass, which sees a priest bring a corpse back to life using only goats blood and a few bizarre chants. The gruesome sacrificial sights are too much for one young madam to handle, so she and her hubby head off to the deep forest for a kiss and cuddle under the moonlight. That cues the arrival of an unseen menace with a spiked club, a murderous intent and heavy breath that sounds like a pig grunting over its chow. The maniac slaughters the two lovers before disappearing into the depths of the forest. Meanwhile, the rest of the holiday makers head back to their coach only to find that their driver is missing and so is the distributor cap, making the vehicle about as much use as a glass hammer. Luckily one of the travellers knows of a house that is situated nearby and the troupe decides to head over and bed down until morning. Little do they know that a psychopath is stalking them and it doesn't take long for him to start slashing the tourists
Zombie Island Massacre is a bit of a let down in every respect really. As a Living Dead flick the lack of any actual zombies pretty much ruins it from that aspect. As a slasher it starts promisingly with a few tense shocks and creative use of the clichés, but soon withers with an unnecessary climax that involves everything from Columbian drugs cartel to spear chucking Zulu assassins. No really. Finally as a gore film it looks about as gruesome as an episode of Sesame Street, which also sums up the level of the producer's mentality. The early woodland stalking scenes are fairly atmospheric mainly due to the decent musical accompaniment from Harry Manfredini. But he proves once again that he can only produce one horror soundtrack that is re-used continuously throughout almost every slasher flick that he's been involved with (Friday the 13th/Slaughter High etc).
To be fair the acting is passable and you'll never ever guess who it is that's behind the maniacal murders. The Caribbean scenery is alluring to the eye and a sub-reggae soundtrack was somewhat refreshing for a flick of this genre. The maniac's disguise is also worth a look; imagine a ninja that's covered in feathers and has just been dragged backwards through forty yards of forest and you'll almost have a mental picture. The problem is that it just feels like John Carter set out to make three different movies and ended up chucking elements from all of them into one. It's just a shame that the net result was a bit of a mess with one too many rough edges that certainly needed sanding down.
So I can't really find much to recommend about Zombie Island Massacre, which is better described as the living dead flick where the only zombie was the guy in the director's chair. It's never a good idea to leave the audience feeling ripped off and that's why Carter's slasher fails dramatically
Things launch with the oldest and most common of slasher movie chestnuts. The camera pans in on the exceptionally well-endowed Sandy (Rita Jenrette) as she washes off the suds in a shower. She must've just finished mud wrestling in a sewer judging by the way she's scrubbing those bazookas. Before you have the chance to say 'hackneyed', a masked intruder is on the scene creeping up on the unsuspecting female. Fortunately for Sandy, it's only her husband Joe (Ian McMillan) playing a prank. As a consolation the two head off to the bedroom so Jenrette can give us one last flash of her jublies. Next up we learn that the couple are currently in the Caribbean enjoying a pleasure trip with a group of surprisingly non-teenage tourists. Along with Sandy and Joe we have an elderly couple, a pair of newly weds, two stoners, a mysterious photographer and a single guy and gal who look certain to join the couple's list any time soon.
Part of their holiday package includes a trip to the remote isle of San Marie and they will be transported to the location aboard a coach that looks fit only for the scrap yard. Upon arrival they witness a voodoo mass, which sees a priest bring a corpse back to life using only goats blood and a few bizarre chants. The gruesome sacrificial sights are too much for one young madam to handle, so she and her hubby head off to the deep forest for a kiss and cuddle under the moonlight. That cues the arrival of an unseen menace with a spiked club, a murderous intent and heavy breath that sounds like a pig grunting over its chow. The maniac slaughters the two lovers before disappearing into the depths of the forest. Meanwhile, the rest of the holiday makers head back to their coach only to find that their driver is missing and so is the distributor cap, making the vehicle about as much use as a glass hammer. Luckily one of the travellers knows of a house that is situated nearby and the troupe decides to head over and bed down until morning. Little do they know that a psychopath is stalking them and it doesn't take long for him to start slashing the tourists
Zombie Island Massacre is a bit of a let down in every respect really. As a Living Dead flick the lack of any actual zombies pretty much ruins it from that aspect. As a slasher it starts promisingly with a few tense shocks and creative use of the clichés, but soon withers with an unnecessary climax that involves everything from Columbian drugs cartel to spear chucking Zulu assassins. No really. Finally as a gore film it looks about as gruesome as an episode of Sesame Street, which also sums up the level of the producer's mentality. The early woodland stalking scenes are fairly atmospheric mainly due to the decent musical accompaniment from Harry Manfredini. But he proves once again that he can only produce one horror soundtrack that is re-used continuously throughout almost every slasher flick that he's been involved with (Friday the 13th/Slaughter High etc).
To be fair the acting is passable and you'll never ever guess who it is that's behind the maniacal murders. The Caribbean scenery is alluring to the eye and a sub-reggae soundtrack was somewhat refreshing for a flick of this genre. The maniac's disguise is also worth a look; imagine a ninja that's covered in feathers and has just been dragged backwards through forty yards of forest and you'll almost have a mental picture. The problem is that it just feels like John Carter set out to make three different movies and ended up chucking elements from all of them into one. It's just a shame that the net result was a bit of a mess with one too many rough edges that certainly needed sanding down.
So I can't really find much to recommend about Zombie Island Massacre, which is better described as the living dead flick where the only zombie was the guy in the director's chair. It's never a good idea to leave the audience feeling ripped off and that's why Carter's slasher fails dramatically