"God's gonna sit this one out!"
Ain't that the truth!
For as long as I can remember, I've wanted a good 'Punisher' movie. When they announced this project, I was excited...but scared. I thought about all the ways this movie could suck...and, sadly, I saw every one of them realized on the screen with this inept film.
As hysterically wretched as the Dolph Lundgren film is, at least that was more entertaining than watching Thomas Jane ever-so-slowly seek revenge by nagging a rich baddie to death. Not that this film was miscast; I think Jane would've been great in this role...had he been directed by someone with TALENT.
There are endless reasons why this film sucks. Let's begin...
(some spoilers)
1. There's nothing in the narrative that gives us any reason to care about anyone. We get lots of bad Lifetime family drama during the first 20 minutes...then babbling one note characters. Frank doesn't even feel tortured. He just broods and broods and broods. Only, at the end during his attempted suicide, is any character depth displayed whatsoever.
2. The opening family massacre is actually a boring cop-out. For a brutal triggering event, they sure didn't show much. Duplicate that scene from 'Mad Max,' remove all skill, emotion and reasons to care...and you've got the death of Frank's family.
3. The violence in this film is not gritty or disturbing, as it was obviously intended. It's just plain goofy.
4. One of the worst musical scores ever "composed."
5. The acting. I honestly don't know who was more bored...me or the actors. It takes a special kind of worthlessness to get wooden, careless performances out of a cast like this.
6. Frank's three cartoony neighbors are the most useless and annoying sub-characters in film history. They'll make you long for Jar Jar Binks, they're so bad. Worst damn subplot ever!
7. John Travolta babbles about killing Frank Castle the whole movie. It's all he cares about. Well, it's obvious he's not too hard to find, because every henchmen he sends out locates him immediately. So, if he knew where Frank was, why in the hell didn't he just send out an entire army of guys like he did at the beginning of the movie?!?!?
8. Frank Castle, who is supposed to be a revenge-obsessed man who's lost everything, never goes far too far. In fact, he doesn't go anywhere. He catches one of Travolta's goons and obtains information by "torturing" him with a cold popsicle. Guess those hard days in kindergarten paid off, huh Frank? He also steals Travolta's wife's car and gives her parking tickets. He screws Travolta out of his money. He's not The Punisher. He's THE PESTERER. He's Diet Charles Bronsan.
Other stupid things...
The introduction of Frank's skill t-shirt is the single dumbest origin in a comic book movie.
Why does Frank fake his own death at the beginning? He's an undercover FBI agent, not James Bond.
It's a good thing some random guy Frank happens to know strolled up and nonchalantly saved him from certain death.
The Russian looks like he'd be better off fighting Van Damme in an 80's Cold War action movie.
Frank rigs up 80 cars in a parking lot, so that they'll blow up and make the Punisher logo. Riiigggghhht. C'mon...it worked in 'The Crow,' but enough is enough.
Hopefully in another 20 years, we'll get a decent 'Punisher' film. This one is as soulless and passionless as Hollywood movies come...and worst of all, it was done with something beautiful.
Ain't that the truth!
For as long as I can remember, I've wanted a good 'Punisher' movie. When they announced this project, I was excited...but scared. I thought about all the ways this movie could suck...and, sadly, I saw every one of them realized on the screen with this inept film.
As hysterically wretched as the Dolph Lundgren film is, at least that was more entertaining than watching Thomas Jane ever-so-slowly seek revenge by nagging a rich baddie to death. Not that this film was miscast; I think Jane would've been great in this role...had he been directed by someone with TALENT.
There are endless reasons why this film sucks. Let's begin...
(some spoilers)
1. There's nothing in the narrative that gives us any reason to care about anyone. We get lots of bad Lifetime family drama during the first 20 minutes...then babbling one note characters. Frank doesn't even feel tortured. He just broods and broods and broods. Only, at the end during his attempted suicide, is any character depth displayed whatsoever.
2. The opening family massacre is actually a boring cop-out. For a brutal triggering event, they sure didn't show much. Duplicate that scene from 'Mad Max,' remove all skill, emotion and reasons to care...and you've got the death of Frank's family.
3. The violence in this film is not gritty or disturbing, as it was obviously intended. It's just plain goofy.
4. One of the worst musical scores ever "composed."
5. The acting. I honestly don't know who was more bored...me or the actors. It takes a special kind of worthlessness to get wooden, careless performances out of a cast like this.
6. Frank's three cartoony neighbors are the most useless and annoying sub-characters in film history. They'll make you long for Jar Jar Binks, they're so bad. Worst damn subplot ever!
7. John Travolta babbles about killing Frank Castle the whole movie. It's all he cares about. Well, it's obvious he's not too hard to find, because every henchmen he sends out locates him immediately. So, if he knew where Frank was, why in the hell didn't he just send out an entire army of guys like he did at the beginning of the movie?!?!?
8. Frank Castle, who is supposed to be a revenge-obsessed man who's lost everything, never goes far too far. In fact, he doesn't go anywhere. He catches one of Travolta's goons and obtains information by "torturing" him with a cold popsicle. Guess those hard days in kindergarten paid off, huh Frank? He also steals Travolta's wife's car and gives her parking tickets. He screws Travolta out of his money. He's not The Punisher. He's THE PESTERER. He's Diet Charles Bronsan.
Other stupid things...
The introduction of Frank's skill t-shirt is the single dumbest origin in a comic book movie.
Why does Frank fake his own death at the beginning? He's an undercover FBI agent, not James Bond.
It's a good thing some random guy Frank happens to know strolled up and nonchalantly saved him from certain death.
The Russian looks like he'd be better off fighting Van Damme in an 80's Cold War action movie.
Frank rigs up 80 cars in a parking lot, so that they'll blow up and make the Punisher logo. Riiigggghhht. C'mon...it worked in 'The Crow,' but enough is enough.
Hopefully in another 20 years, we'll get a decent 'Punisher' film. This one is as soulless and passionless as Hollywood movies come...and worst of all, it was done with something beautiful.