In the 80's, the era of the hack and slash movie was well and truly underway, thanks to the success of one Conan The Barbarian. Sad to say though that most of these blatant imitations were truly awful, as is the case with this abysmal effort from Italy.
To begin with there isn't really a plot at all, merely some utterly unconvincing fights set in the background of a misty forest. Oh, of course you get the usual nonsense about the father who died and his only son who grows up to avenge him, but that only becomes relevant in the last five minutes of the film. Most of the running time here is taken up with sweaty men grunting at each other ( there isn't much dialogue which is just as well: what there is is unbelievably badly dubbed and trite) looking more like failed WWF wrestlers than actors and romantic interludes in which our chum Thor splashes in the surf and rolls around in the hay with a busty female warrior who he was going to decapitate but then decides to spare the life of, especially as he finds out she can bear in his own words "the fruit of his loins." Nice thought, eh?
Other friends include a sorceror who can turn himself into an owl who decided to take Thor under his wing (ho ho) after his dads premature demise. He is pretty much ineffectual throughout most of the film, stopping only to spy on his adopted son's lovemaking and offering useless clues in prose as to what he should do next. Oh, he conjours up a horse for the final showdown and does his part to cure our hero of blindness, but you'd think with all the power at his disposal he'd be able to do a bit more then sit in a branch and talk gobble de gook. Then there's the bad guy who Thor is after who is another of those types who spurns the chance to kill his nemesis when presented with it, preferring instead to laugh manically and abuse our hero's bride-to-be. Safe to say that in the pantheon of villians, Hans Gruber and Darth Vader can sleep easy.
I've already wasted enough enough time on this waste of celluloid but just 2 more observations 1. The bombastic score that alternates between cheap action music during the fight scenes and slushy love tunes when our hero gets to show his mushy side is dreadful.. turn that stereo down and 2. The aforementioned final battle where the sorceror's horse manages to scare off 20 or so grunting extras without Thor having to lay a finger on them. Yes, we know they've never seen one before but a bit of an extreme reaction don't you think? And with that I bid you good day and remember: life is too short to waste on movies like this, go and read a good book or take your kids to the park, just leave it on the shelf!!
2/10
To begin with there isn't really a plot at all, merely some utterly unconvincing fights set in the background of a misty forest. Oh, of course you get the usual nonsense about the father who died and his only son who grows up to avenge him, but that only becomes relevant in the last five minutes of the film. Most of the running time here is taken up with sweaty men grunting at each other ( there isn't much dialogue which is just as well: what there is is unbelievably badly dubbed and trite) looking more like failed WWF wrestlers than actors and romantic interludes in which our chum Thor splashes in the surf and rolls around in the hay with a busty female warrior who he was going to decapitate but then decides to spare the life of, especially as he finds out she can bear in his own words "the fruit of his loins." Nice thought, eh?
Other friends include a sorceror who can turn himself into an owl who decided to take Thor under his wing (ho ho) after his dads premature demise. He is pretty much ineffectual throughout most of the film, stopping only to spy on his adopted son's lovemaking and offering useless clues in prose as to what he should do next. Oh, he conjours up a horse for the final showdown and does his part to cure our hero of blindness, but you'd think with all the power at his disposal he'd be able to do a bit more then sit in a branch and talk gobble de gook. Then there's the bad guy who Thor is after who is another of those types who spurns the chance to kill his nemesis when presented with it, preferring instead to laugh manically and abuse our hero's bride-to-be. Safe to say that in the pantheon of villians, Hans Gruber and Darth Vader can sleep easy.
I've already wasted enough enough time on this waste of celluloid but just 2 more observations 1. The bombastic score that alternates between cheap action music during the fight scenes and slushy love tunes when our hero gets to show his mushy side is dreadful.. turn that stereo down and 2. The aforementioned final battle where the sorceror's horse manages to scare off 20 or so grunting extras without Thor having to lay a finger on them. Yes, we know they've never seen one before but a bit of an extreme reaction don't you think? And with that I bid you good day and remember: life is too short to waste on movies like this, go and read a good book or take your kids to the park, just leave it on the shelf!!
2/10