Once again the entire film is based on big dinosaurs going "Boo!" and eating people. Only having seen it happen before, there is actually very little scary about this. Are we honestly supposed to quake as "Spinosaurus Egypticus" comes into shot heralded by a mobile phone ringtone? I am sorry, I find that about as scary as the kid who plays Laura Dern's son. Less perhaps because it made me laugh so much. Sam Neil, I hate to say it but this may be the biggest mistake of your career, after the first JP I honestly respected you and thought you were going to be huge . . . Event Horizon went someway to confirming you were every bit as good as you had promised. And then this. The script seems as deep and involving as a four frame cartoon in a kids magazine. It is unimaginative, awfully executed and an insult to anyone watching it. I had been told it was good so was looking forward to it.
My favourite bit was the way the dialogue seemed to have been written by primates and I am sorry but I cannto see where it was scary. The first one was - Raptor's throwing themselves against doors and making "bang!" noises is scary. But raptor's getting together and discussing the latest episode of their favourite prehistoric soap opera is farcical. "What are you saying?" asks Grant. If you have the innate ability to speak raptor - as Grant miraculously gains in the worst scene of all time - you would see one is inviting the other for some tea. "Yes Joshua, wait there presently will you, I would just like to take a bite out of this man's skull." "Oh Sebastian you are so vulgar, my scones are getting hard." The best part was hearing the classic film score signalling the end of the film. But by that point I was crying so hard that I didn't care.
If there are two types of kids - ones who want to be astronauts and ones who want to be astronomers, then there must be two types of film. Ones which are good, and ones which are not good. This film falls into the second category and, unlike the main cast who survive a plane crash with no more than a bruised forehead, this film grazes its bum very badly. I hope they dont' release JP4, or if they do, that they take the time to make it good. Or at least better. Please. Pretty please?
My favourite bit was the way the dialogue seemed to have been written by primates and I am sorry but I cannto see where it was scary. The first one was - Raptor's throwing themselves against doors and making "bang!" noises is scary. But raptor's getting together and discussing the latest episode of their favourite prehistoric soap opera is farcical. "What are you saying?" asks Grant. If you have the innate ability to speak raptor - as Grant miraculously gains in the worst scene of all time - you would see one is inviting the other for some tea. "Yes Joshua, wait there presently will you, I would just like to take a bite out of this man's skull." "Oh Sebastian you are so vulgar, my scones are getting hard." The best part was hearing the classic film score signalling the end of the film. But by that point I was crying so hard that I didn't care.
If there are two types of kids - ones who want to be astronauts and ones who want to be astronomers, then there must be two types of film. Ones which are good, and ones which are not good. This film falls into the second category and, unlike the main cast who survive a plane crash with no more than a bruised forehead, this film grazes its bum very badly. I hope they dont' release JP4, or if they do, that they take the time to make it good. Or at least better. Please. Pretty please?