Review of Hell High

Hell High (1987)
Bad. Really bad.
13 March 2003
(* out of *****) The Blockbuster Video Guide gave this movie three stars -- I'm thinking everyone involved in the Blockbuster franchise must have undergone mentally-corruptive radiation treatments in the '70s. Boy, is this movie stupid! It's your typical cruel prank/revenge/slasher plot, except it looks even cheaper and bored me even more than usual. Some mean (and over-aged) high school kids throw rocks at their mean teacher's house and then sexually molest her, so she jumps out the window. Well, of course she's not dead, and of course there's a traumatic incident from her childhood (she `accidentally' threw a bucktful of mud onto two libidinous motorists, causing them to fly off the bike and impale themselves on wooden stakes in a scene that I assume was supposed to be shocking, but, instead, had me laughing for a good five minutes), and, next thing you know, she's hopping mad and homicidal. Character motivations are weak and absurd, at best, and the plotting is almost transparent in this sick turkey. I loved the scene where the former football star and his friends drive a car onto the field in the middle of a game and intercept a pass while cheesy, triumphant music swells -- were we supposed to feel uplifted here and like this guy or something because he's not quite as cruel and sadistic as the other guy, he's just too much of a coward and a doofus to not go along with him? It stars -- well, really, who cares?

Lowlight: Oh dear, so much to choose from.... There's the tacky scene where the teacher's out cold and undressed on her bed and the slutty girl's showing her dopey ex-boyfriend how to properly touch a woman. But, no, let's just stick with the opening scene where the kid throws the mud at the bikers and they lose control and somehow land on those sharp wooden stakes. I'm sure there are even `better' scenes, but I'd have to rent the movie and watch it again to refresh my memory, and I'm just not ready to do that.
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