Dallas Strikes Again
13 June 2002
Warning: Spoilers
I say this because I live near Dallas. A Dallas attorney got together with producer/director Larry Buchanan to remake a bunch of Grade B flicks. Incredibly, each film was budgeted at $25-35,000! That Buchanan somehow managed to lure the likes of John Ford-veteran John Agar and veteran stage and screen star Les Tremayne to some of this movies shows how far one's acting career can really fall when alcohol takes over.

This movie was filmed in and around Dallas, especially near the Casa Linda shopping center (thankfully torn down).

The basic plot, lifted almost line-for-line from Roger Corman's schlock classic "It Conquered the World," involves a naive scientist (Anthony Houston) who plots with Zontar, a walking, bat-like, three-eyed lobster, to

bring "peace" to mankind. Zontar hitches a ride on an Earth satellite and takes up residence in a cave that looks suspiciously like a soundstage. He immediately turns off the world's power and turns several key citizens into zombies by using insect-like bats to implant electrodes in their necks. Ironically, the electrodes seem to give the people some personality.

John Agar plays the lead scientist trying to stop the takeover, but he's mostly bluster and wooden acting. By this time, Agar had taken so heavily to booze that his marriage to Shirley Temple and his career in Hollywood had long since evaporated. At times, you'll swear he was drinking on the set, judging by his performance.

The whole problem with the invasion is that it doesn't present a real foe. In "It Conquered the World" Corman mad it a sly satire of the Cold War and Red Scare. "Zontar" can't find anything to real latch onto. It doesn't even bother mentioning Vietnam.

The camera work in poor. Night looked like day because they had little money for portable lighting. The sound quality is poor and, in many scenes, the dialogue is hard to discern.

Anthony Houston shows some flair, but he mostly looks like someone trying to make the most of a bad role and parlay it into a real acting career. In "It Conquered the World," I thought Russ Bender's part as the general was so wooden, it was laughable, though I did feel pity because his character was bashed on the head with a monkey wrench, shoved headfirst out of a jeep and shot twice. In "Zontar," Neil Fletcher is even worse. While Agar had a problem with booze, Fletcher's general looks like he's on the sauce during the film. His face is red, he seems to be sweating a lot, his speech is slurred and slow at times. Then again, it could have been that his uniform was two sizes too small for his massive bulk.

I thought the movie would ultimately be good for a laugh, but I couldn't find time to laugh. I was too busy picking out all the blunders and mistakes. The entrance to Zontar's cave, for example, is actually the entrance to a storm drain. In "It Conquered the World" the soldiers were much better, led by Corman vets Jonathan Haze and Dick Miller, who played their parts with comedic effectiveness. In "Zontar," we get three dopey-looking National Guardsmen who mostly look lost. When the enter the cave and see Zontar, they fire a couple of shots. Then, the first soldier stands there so Zontar can walk up to him and kill him. His buddies take off and, apparently, never tell anybody. During this time, Buchanan starts using some shaky camera work (a la "Blair Witch Project"), possibly to make the viewers wake up.

When Anthony Houston's character finally comes to his senses and decides to help Agar, he pulls out this plutonium-powered laser crystal. It's supposedly the same crystal he used to send messages to Zontar on Venus. But, in the end *****Spoiler alert ***** he confesses he may have to use it at close range on Zontar. I guess shooting from a distance would have been the coward's way out, especially since he would have had to answer for all the death and property damage he caused.

The final indignity is Agar's endless, mind-numbing speech about the nature of mankind. Peter Graves made a similar speech in Corman's original and that was tough to take. But Agar, his speech sounding slightly slurred from alcohol, is enough to make you reach for the remote or "accidentally" take over the end of "Zontar."

Larry Buchanan also butchered a few other films including "She Creature" (as "Creature of Destruction") and "Invasion of the Saucer Men" (as "Eye Creatures" -- sweater- and sneaker-wearing eye creatures, at that).

Roger Corman is the King of the B's, but Larry Buchanan is King of the Z's.
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