Good old fashioned trash
19 September 2002
This movie made a major impression on me when I was a kid and turned on the TV halfway though it on a Saturday afternoon. It was right in the middle of the scene where the archetypical cartoon beatnik character is babbling moronically about his diet...within seconds, I was watching a grown man scream like a little girl while being literally devoured from the inside out. That's all I remember from back then, that and how uncommonly UGLY those monsters turned out to be. I mean HIDEOUS (I'm still convinced that the brain-bug in "Starship Troopers" is just a watered down version of these things).

Later I watched it again, and again.

They start out really small, the monsters, so small that you can't see them except as a swarm. They are electrified somehow--electrified carnivorous blood cells, I think, the result of an evil Nazi experiment--and just sort of twinkle at first.

At the end, one gets really, really big. Once they're big enough to see, you realize just how UGLY these things are. These are old-school special effects, the kind that required some EFFORT, even when they were bad, and I miss that.

To add to this, you have a stranded island-load of the most ridiculous, archetypical, two-dimensional characters saying and doing the dumbest things imaginable. A mad Nazi scientist, a drunken has-been movie starlet, a once-successful pilot with a dark incident that ruined his life, and the aforementioned cartoon beatnik. It's like ten bad movies rolled into one. I'm not even convinced it's unintenionally funny. I imagine the people behind this debacle were made jaded and cynical by their hardships in Hollywood and amused themselves during the filming of this hack work by at least making it fun. My favorite part is when the square jawed pilot asks for something to bandage a wound with, and of course the attractive young women immediately rips her shirt off.

Bad special effects, bad writing, bad acting, and, I'm telling you, the ugliest monster I've ever seen. If this doesn't sound good to you, don't rent it, and stay away from my house.
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