Reviews

12 Reviews
Sort by:
Filter by Rating:
5/10
Silent Men in Woods Don't Like You.
13 December 2010
Warning: Spoilers
OK, so what we have here is "Valhalla Rising", a pretty, yet pretty vapid film by the same director of the superior "Bronson". The short version: men in damp clothes, nicely shot, frolic on moors and up and down hills, looking grim and dirty and saying little. People die. The end.

The longer version is marginally more interesting. Take two parts "Aguirre: The Wrath of God", one part Jarmusch's "Dead Man", and toss in a little moor-climbing, misty fun a la Rob Roy or Braveheart, and you have this odd, bloody-knuckled little... thing.

The grim faced Mads Mikkelsen is here to give you One-Eye, who has exactly zero lines in the film and hauls around a Blonde, cold looking boy who cryptically "interprets" for him as the cold-blue camera shows off lots of close ups of Mads. We get One-Eye's face framed against clouds, One Eye's face framed against craggy hills and moors, One-Eye's face - WOAH EVERYTHING TURNED RED FOR A MINUTE! - etc. It's all very arty and slow paced.

The story, such as it is, is broken up for no discernible reason into 6 chapters, "Wrath", "Hell", etc. Mads, I mean One-Eye, fights his way out of initial captivity and takes Blonde Boy (Maarten Stevenson) with him on his journey into the Heart of Darkness, in this case played by Highlands of Scotland. Our maimed Hero bounces off of a group of surly, Jerusalem-bound Christians, gets into a misty boat, climbs more hills. People die one by one, the bearded leader (most men are bearded in this film) goes a little nutso raving about building a "New Jerusalem" while the camera goes in for more close-ups of Mad's brooding, scarred face. It's all very arty, like the time your older brother bought a video camera and took it on the family vacation to Yellowstone while you screeched in the back of the station wagon and punched him in the arm.

The reason Bronson worked (warts and all) and this doesn't is largely because Valhalla Rising eschews The Basics like compelling characters and narrative structure in favor of hand-held camera work following Men In Woods and lots of brooding, icy close ups of Norsemen. It's a bad trade off, folks.

To say that there are flaws with Valhalla Rising is being generous. Technically, it's low budget yet solid: the music is sparse and grinding-minimal, the shots are often framed quite beautifully, the action (as in Bronson) is rough-and-tumble and brutal. Unfortunately, we really don't know what is going on, nor is it very easy to care. I assume the director was going for a "dream-like" film that you feel, rather than understand. This sort of thing is sadly out of Nicolas Winding Refn's reach, at least for now, so what we get is a nicely shot, confusing and over long (at only 93 minutes!) tale of men marching through woods in slow-mo.

Recommended with numerous reservations for those who like this sort of thing. Personally, I'd just go back to Dead Man and call it a black & white night.
3 out of 6 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
The 400 Blows (1959)
5/10
Overrated and tedious, alas!
16 April 2008
Warning: Spoilers
I picked this up precisely because of the high IMDb rating, and baffled by the time I finished the film. It's a hard slog that leads nowhere.

The 400 Blows is about a young sociopath in the making; the kind of kid who needs a good kick in the teeth to set him straight before he turns into the guy who carjacks you in a Wal-Mart parking lot at the age of 17. Our anti-hero is unrepentant, unintelligent, and most perilously -- boring! There could have been a good film here, if the director had decided to include a plot and not just follow a kid around the streets of Paris in 1959 with a camera.

Yeah yeah, it's French New Wave, it's Truffaunt, let's fawn over it! Or, not. Good for students of film and the pretentious, but folks looking for an interesting story or characters they care about should look elsewhere.

The cinematography had some high points, and it was fun to see Paris on the cusp of the 60s. Other than that: skip it.

If you absolutely must see a great story about kids in trouble with the law, watch City of God.
18 out of 37 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
7/10
Basement budget camp action
17 December 2007
Warning: Spoilers
There really is only one way to enjoy Kung Fu Rascals, and that is with several friends who appreciate Asian films and while drinking. Anything else will leave you with an inferior Rascals experience.

The laughs during the first 2/3rds of the film were frequent and loud; while the film drags during the end (a fight between two absurd sand-giants) the campy, ridiculous dialogue and ludicrous overacting make this a crowd pleaser.

Raspmutant the Pig monk. Bamboo Man. A queer kung fu fighter named Dar Ling. Chicken-fu. Explosive farts. Les Claypool as a wicked sheriff. Toupee torture. A gingerbread man who holds the key to power most big. If you're still not jonesing to see this film, I cannot help you.

Did I mention the budget for this film was likely under $30,000? No? Oh, you'll see...

Recommended, but again, friends and mind altering substances are probably essential for enjoyment of Kung Fu Rascals.
3 out of 3 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
6/10
Buffaloes, cannibals and... rockets?
22 October 2007
Warning: Spoilers
Really now folks... this movie isn't nearly as bad as the low rating suggests. It's got it all: evil warlocks, would-be-rapists with cleft palates, herds of water buffaloes, menstrual blood, rocket-ridin' Thai fighters, cannibalism, and tons of knee-meets face action.

While the action is a bit contrived and gets slightly old after a while, the sheer bizarreness of the plot and the few (unexpected) twists kept us going. It does pay off in the end.

So yes, I was entertained, and this'll go on my shelf of off the wall Thai films. It's no Ong Bak or even Born to Fight, but it's certainly different. Rocket riding magical fighters... I mean, you can't make some of this stuff up! Worth a watch and a laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. A good 2am action film to watch with your buddies.
1 out of 2 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
2/10
You'd rather cut off your arm.
18 September 2007
Warning: Spoilers
Sometimes movies differ from their source material. This I can accept. What I can't accept is a film that manages to get everything wrong about the source while simultaneously being boring and flat-out unentertaining.

You know, the more I think about this film the angrier I get. I'll say it -- this film was pure suck. It takes a special "talent" to turn an epic poem about a tough-as-nails warrior who battles a killer monster into a boring, plodding, PC piece of poop.

In the poem, Grendel was an evil monster, an amoral descendant of Cain, who needs killin', which our hero Beowulf provides. Beowulf rips off Grendel's arm, then goes to his lair and kills his mom for good measure.

In this wretched film, Grendel is a large man in furry boots who hits himself in the head with rocks. He is misunderstood and emo. See, he's angry with the Danes 'cause they killed his dad for being ugly. Therefore he must go on a killing spree amongst the whiny, weak Danes, necessitating Beowulf's arrival.

Did I mention Grendel has a "code of honor" and spares women and children? No? Oh yeah, he also cuts off his OWN arm; rapes a red-dreadlocked witch with an American accent and fathers a child in this film. Huh, I don't recall any of that in the source material. The director even goes the extra mile and shows the tender rape scene. At that point in the film, words failed me.

This film is... nothing. It's not suspenseful, interesting, scary, sexy, thrilling or even amusing. The filmmakers have turned Beowulf into a conflicted, apologetic, non-killer who humps around in a bleak wilderness and does jack-all in a mead (I mean, BEER) hall for the majority of the film. Although he does have sex with that accursed red headed whore/witch named Selma. The downside is that her big love scene with the monster (?) lasted longer and showed more. Go die in a fire, Selma.

Yes folks, they did it. Beowulf is now boring. This is a shoddily directed, poorly acted piece of troll-offal. Unbelievable really. You'd think they could at least get the general plot right. Nope. It's downright pathetic. Gerard Butler goes through the motions and it's a tragic waste of decent acting talent all around. The only (unintentional) humor comes from the grab-basket of accents which abound. We get English, Irish, Scottish, Scandinavian and, offensively, American.

Now would be an appropriate time to mention how much I hated that $*&#ing red-headed witch with the American accent. I hope you catch the plague, witch. You actually made this film worse, if possible.

I gave this two stars instead of one 'cause the costumes were cool and the scenery was decent. Other than that, there is really no reason to waste your time here.

Avoid Beowulf and Grendel like you'd avoid being raped by a troll.
10 out of 14 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
Sunshine (2007)
6/10
Technically sharp, has potential, but runs out of gas in the finish
19 August 2007
Warning: Spoilers
Plot: Our sun is going out. 8 multi-ethnic crew members are sent on a mission in a ship steering "all of the world's remaining fission material" on a crash course with the sun in an attempt to reboot it. This sets the stage for a lot of pretty shots of the sun, light, contrasting color, and a few inspired scenes. (The gold suits were particularly cool). Naturally, crew tension amps up as oxygen runs short, mistakes jeopardize the mission, and certain folks turn a bit weird....

Sunshine starts out promising, with the screw-ups, natural tension, and crew drama propelling this silly but pretty sci-fi flick. The acting is serviceable and the sparse music does its job. Somewhere along the line, the scriptwriter thought the introduction of an Event Horizon / Cube style bogeyman would spice things up. It doesn't, and turns an otherwise interesting film into yet another boring "Which crew members will survive and will they complete their mission?" film.

The cinematography is well done, and lifts heavily from 2001 and Blade Runner. But the film falters in the final third and loses touch with the audience (or at least myself) and in the process also jettisons a lot of what makes this film interesting in the first place.

Worth a look if you like the premise, just don't expect greatness.
2 out of 6 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
8/10
Stunning little film
29 October 2006
Not since The Lord of the Rings trilogy have I seen a film that so perfectly captures the spirit of an author's work. Created by the HP Lovecraft Historical Society, The Call of Cthulhu is a delightful independent film that immediately proves two things:

1. One can never underestimate the devotion of crazed fans to their source material.

2. A 45 minute black and white silent feature film is more entertaining than 80% of what Hollywood has put out in the last year.

This movie just works. Setting it as a silent film was a stroke of genius, and the low budget effects are given a free pass -- one could almost believe this really WAS made in the 30s. The musical score is wonderful and the use of light and shadows grand. This movie is clearly a labor of love.

See the Call of Cthulhu. In an age of tepid remakes and pointless sequels, it may just restore your faith in film.
18 out of 21 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
7/10
Don't do drugs. No, really.
3 September 2006
Warning: Spoilers
Requiem for a Dream is a staggeringly bleak look into the lives of four interconnected drug addicts living in Brooklyn. The story follows an older Jewish woman, Sara, her son Harry, his friend Tyrone and Harry's girlfriend Marion as they lose their sanity, dignity, bodies and eventually their futures to cocaine, diet pills, and heroin. The plot has been summarized enough here, but suffice it to say that it's one of the grimmest, heaviest films I've seen – and I've seen a fair amount. Requiem plays as an agonizing train wreck that ends without any hope whatsoever for our main characters. This film is full of moments where I wanted to grab the characters and force them to stop their self-destructive behavior. It really is gut-wrenching and is very tough to watch – viewer take caution.

Now that I think about it, Requiem reminds me of the more recent Passion of the Christ. Both are very well shot, edited and produced, but are tough to call entertaining and certainly not the kind of movies you'd pop in on a rainy day. While Requiem for a Dream is very much an anti-drug film, the message I got out of the film is: Your actions have consequences. As I watched the heartbreaking scene near the end, where Sara's two elderly friends sit on a bench outside the hospital and sob after visiting her, I couldn't help but wonder if Aronofsky had people in his own life who were destroyed by drug addiction.

So while I hesitantly recommend Requiem for a Dream, it's not the kind of film I'd care to own, and is certainly not for children or the squeamish. Powerful, brutal, and nightmarish, this film will have you questioning if you drink too much coffee. You may think I'm kidding, but I'm not.
4 out of 6 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
5/10
Silly, anarchic film
24 August 2006
Warning: Spoilers
I just finished watching AtGS, and am trying to get a handle on what the heck I just saw. The movie takes place over a single night, and is a "funny" hostage drama of sorts. While billed as a comedy, I'm guessing a lot of the humor will be lost on non-Korean audiences. It's a very odd film.

The plot has been discussed in detail here, but to sum up, four bored, disaffected youth vandalize a gas station, and a month later return to hijack it and extort money from the patrons. If someone annoys the young punks, they are added to the ever-growing list of hostages being held in a back room. One man, Mad Dog (Bulldozer) watches over them with a club. Various characters are played off each other, and we get a bit of back story on each of our heroes (?) while waiting for the inevitable gang vs police climax.

It's a bizarre film, and while quite silly and rarely serious, I never found the slapstick humor amusing. It's hard to wring humor out of old men and women being terrorized by wanna-be thugs, even if the victims are unsympathetic. The 4 attackers's motivations are never really explained; we're supposed to believe that their random, violent actions are a way of rebelling against a rigid, authoritarian society that marginalizes their talents. Yet this explanation is unconvincing, and the viewer is left with a hodgepodge of amusing scenes that don't cut it as a 110 minute movie.

Attack the Gas Station is a fast-paced, energetic film, but it fails as both an action film and as a comedy, so I'm not really sure how to recommend it. If you're a fan of Korean films, dark humor, and goofy characters, it may be worth a look. Overall, a sub-par film with a few good unexplored ideas.
2 out of 5 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
Zu Warriors (2001)
5/10
Great visuals, rubbish plot
29 May 2006
Warning: Spoilers
Another beautiful mess out of Hong Kong….

"The Legend of Zu" is a beautiful film, no doubt about it. Colors explode onto the screen in nearly every frame and there are some extremely cool shots of our heroes flying about, battling flying skulls and waves of blood. The special effects are no Weta, but they're passable. There are some real fun scenes here, and some flashes of originality in the fight scenes. Unfortunately, what little story there is -- something about mystical clans uniting to defeat a demon named Insomnia -- is incoherent when not horribly clichéd. Does anyone *really* think our hero King Sky will stay dead after his burn-accident? Is anyone surprised when Ying rediscovers his prowess with a sword?

So once again we're treated to a technically beautiful film, but one that's crippled by a confusing plot and poor characterization. I never could muster up even the slightest interest in the protagonists, and the villain bordered on the absurd. Watch "The Legend of Zu" for the amazing visuals, but if you're looking for a compelling story, check elsewhere.
3 out of 9 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
Psycho (1960)
9/10
High suspense!
5 April 2006
Warning: Spoilers
I am 23 years old and have just gotten around to watching "Pyscho" for the first time tonight. Gave me the chills. Very few movies are able to do that, so this is high praise indeed. All the praise you've heard about this film is true. The acting (especially by Perkins) is excellent, the score unsettling, and the cinematography brilliant.

The story begins with two lovers in Phoenix sharing a quick romp during Marion's (played by Janet Leigh) lunch break. She returns to her job and is given $40,000 to deposit at the bank. She takes the money and returns to her home, then decides to flee Phoenix and run away with her boyfriend. She drives most of the night, and, tired, pulls in to the Bates motel for the night....

Suffice it to say, what follows is one of the best murder-thrillers I've had the pleasure to watch. Everything about this movie is handled well, and Perkins knocks it out of the park playing the friendly, stuttering, and finally chilling Norman Bates. I can only imagine how shocking this movie was when it was released in 1960 -- many of these themes had yet to be explored in cinema, and if the infamous bathroom scene is still a bit unsettling to modern viewers, it must have been truly terrifying at the time.

This film is Hitchcock at his finest. Pure suspense.
0 out of 1 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
Crash (I) (2004)
5/10
Not horrible, but quite shallow.
3 April 2006
Caught this movie the other night, as I was curious to see what Hollywood deems "Best Picture" material these days.

Crash is an uneven film. It was mildly engaging, well shot and had an enjoyable musical score. The constant cutting between various characters in dramatic situations kept the film moving along at a brisk pace, and the acting was above average. However, the message Crash tries to convey seems to amount to:

1. The City of LA is filled with racists. 2. Racism is bad. 3. Are you sure you're not racist? Even a little bit?

The dialog was borderline absurd; there was virtually no one in the film who was able to interact with another person without the topic of race immediately entering the situation. In the Crash universe, a typical elevator conversation would play out thusly:

A professionally dressed white man and a black youth with baggy jeans and bling enter an elevator.

Racist white man: "Hello young black man. I notice you are black. Would you happen to be carrying a handgun?"

Thuggish-looking black man: "Mr. White man, I am offended! Just because I dress like the gangsters you see on MTV does not qualify me as a gang-banger! You're just perpetuating a damaging stereotype about young black men in America today! You should be ashamed of yourself. But to answer your question, yeah, I'm packing."

The women in the film are shrill, demanding and hysterical, the men are degraded, bitter and fit their stereotypes a far too well. Oh, and everyone is racist.

I just can't see this as being Best Picture material, but then again, neither could I with "Chicago". I suppose in today's culture, any film that broaches the subject of racism, however ham-fistedly, must be considered edgy and bold.

I didn't rate Crash a total disaster, but if I wanted an enlightening look on race in America today, I'd watch Chappelle's Show. So should you.
7 out of 13 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Recently Viewed