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Fall (2022)
They took the climax from us
As someone who suffers severe fear of heights, I feel insulted that I went through all the pain of watching this movie only to find that THEY WON'T SHOW US HOW THE GIRL IS RESCUED.
The only thing..... THE ONLY thing the audience was waiting for! And they DON'T SHOW IT. We all wanted to see her face full of hope again after seeing a helicopter or something like that! It would have been an amazing scene to watch Becky being lifted! BUT NO...All this suffering for nothing!!
I was about to forgive the clumsy screenplay and dull CGI... even the dumb plot twist (yeah... the dead friend), but now I think this film was an utter failure.
Babylon (2022)
A hilarious chaotic ride
It is exactly what you would expect from a Chazelle film but louder and funnier.
The cast is amazing and really delivers in this film, and although there's great character development, I feel the conclusion of each of the stories was lazy and could have been executed better.
I mean... a gambling problem with a character we are only introduced to way too late into the movie is the reason for the demise of our lead characters? The film made us feel real love and empathy towards them. They deserved better (even if their fate was to die).
The last sequence with the trippy montage was too long, and, in some way, unnecessary. The audience is perfectly conscious of the evolution of film, as well as the impact that visionary film pioneers have had on the industry. We don't need a 15-minute-long sequence of memorable movie scenes to get the idea.
Nonetheless I believe the script works overall, and it is one of the funniest movies I've seen in a long time.
With great cinematography and nods to films such as Once Upon a Time in Hollywood and The Artist, this movie will earn its place as one of the greatest tributes to Hollywood.
M3GAN (2022)
what if Anabelle, but WiFi
So cursed doll movies have finally stepped into the Internet of Things era, but with the wrong foot.
The first half was actually quite enjoyable and manages to keep you engaged as they explore a particular aspect of grief. Nonetheless I would like to point out a few things that bothered me:
First of all, it's obvious that the writers don't have the slightest idea of how technology industry works. I mean... a team of three geeks somehow managed to spend thousands of dollars on a "secret" project with no consequences?
Also, a product as complex as m3gan would never be successfully developed by such a small team in such lab conditions in such secrecy. Additionally, any serious company would run extensive testing and go through several layers of approvals (or at least ensure smart toys follow Asimov's Laws) before a product like this could see the light.
Then we find some well known clichés: rude boss/dumb assistant combo, PHONE BAD lines, misunderstood genius, moustached cop...
I was able to cope with these minor flaws... until the killing of the neighbor. If garden tools could inflict such damage then we would all be screwed by now.
For me that was the inflection point. From there everything began to spiral down into a cringe-worthy mess that no one could take seriously any longer... It was like Anabelle meets kill bill meets Alexa.
Then the doll steals a sport car.
The. Doll. Steals. A. Car.
Thankfully the agony doesn't last long and everything is solved in a deus ex -litteraly- machina fashion.
Even though at the end we're hinted that the doll's spirit still wanders through the cloud for a potential sequel, I hope producers learn from their own film and decide to stop a project that is destined to fail.
Barry (2018)
A Masterpiece
This is so very well made, that no big review is needed.
Go and watch it now. Photography is beautiful, acting is SUPERB, pacing is excellent, etc.
You will laugh and cry and laugh about it all again.
Barry: 710N (2022)
Flawless
What a good episode!! Incredible writing and cinematography. Superb acting. I laughed and laughed, and laughed again.
I feel like I need some of those Beignets.
Ambulance (2022)
Nonsensical. Noisy. Neverending.
What a ride. Where do we begin? I guess I'll just make a list.
-Lazy motivations for the protagonists' actions.
-Lots... LOTS of characters. They add one every 5 minutes.
-Who's the protagonist anyways?
-A 5 hour chase in LA. Really? No traffic?
-Lots of comedy relief moments. Almost like a comedy film.
-Ambulances never run out of fuel, apparently.
-Cars will crash into fruit stands. All the time.
-Unsettling camera angles. Either waaay to close to actors, or recurring "dive and spin" shots that will eventually make you wanna puke.
-This was very long. Not because it's over 2 hours long. It's really because the film takes too long to get to the point in every scene.
-Jake Gyllenhaal delivers, but does not cease yelling throughout the movie.
-A young EMT performs a spleen surgery guided by golf-playing trauma doctors via facetime, inside an ambulance moving at +80mph, and stops bleeding with a hair clip.
-Insufficient back story for the brothers.
-The latino gang involvement was HUGELY unnecessary.
I probably missed several other flaws, but it's late already and I want to get some sleep. Just gonna say this was one of the worst movies I've ever watched. Even for action film lovers this film will be a waste of time. All I wish is that Michael Bay was in prison.
¿Quién Mató a Sara? (2021)
Cheap Mexican telenovela with Money Heist production
This series is absorbing. No doubt about that.
The problem is that there's so many things wrong that you just keep watching just to have a laugh.
I'll try to list the biggest flaws:
1. Alex is really dumb. He doesn't have a plan (just a goal: find out who killed Sara). He puts himself in danger in the most incongruent ways possible. Also... did he want to kill Cesar or not. It seems like he wanted to and he could, but his real intentions towards him were a bit blurry
2. There are just too many characters and backstories that don't really add value.
3. TOO MUCH UNNECESSARY SEX SCENES
4. Dialogues are clumsy. 90% of what Alex says is either "I have to know who killed my sister" or "I spent 18 years in prison"
5. Too much sex
6. The final chapter makes no sense. Nothing about the actions of all the characters in the final chapter made any sense.
I guess I'll recommend it just for entertainment nd for the laughs.
The Minimalists: Less Is Now (2021)
They also got rid of content
This is a very simplistic collection of testimonies about people getting rid off of their stuff and somehow improving their lives in a quasi spiritual way.
There is no connection whatsoever between the act of giving away stuff and the act of living a better life.
Well produced and maybe well intentioned, but shallow execution.
The Dark and the Wicked (2020)
Ambitious but underachieving
Although providing a very decent first act, this movie never finishes to define its own myth, and then it becomes just a series of clichéd scenes with very predictable outcomes.
I was not expecting a complete explanation of what happened, but the elements of the plot won't even let you come up with your own conclusions.
Very weak ending as well.
Acting and photography stand out on this one.
The Killing of a Sacred Deer (2017)
Unconventional does not mean good
The intention was good, the premise was great but the execution was very flawed. It feels like this film wanted to be achieve so much that it forgot to keep a good rhythm.
Slow story pacing and unexplained mythology are my main problems with this film. Also the robotic acting which is mixed with a lazy script (characters explaining everything they do, and family members talking to each other as if they were complete strangers).
Soulless dialogue does not necessarily mean "eerie". It should make you feel uncomfortable but in a creepy way, not in a cringy way. You have to make it believable enough so that it doesn't look like Google Translate bots reading lines.
The cast is amazing but they could only do so much with the screenplay they were given.
I'm a big fan of psychological thrillers but this one failed to engage me into it.
Realms (2017)
Awful mess
I won't waste time pointing out all the wrong things in this film. Just avoid it.
It Chapter Two (2019)
Twice as long ain't twice as good
What's the goal of this film?
Without intelligent storytelling and without the correct atmosphere, an horror movie becomes just a noisy collage of frames.
After a decent first act, recurring jump-scares and cliches (lots (LOTS) of them) make you get tired of this film. It's a 3 hour loop of "guy walking alone in town. guy sees something creepy. guy gets scared (even though it's clear for him/her that the situation not real). Clown shows teeth and makes loud noises. Clown stops the attack abruptly".
At the end, the hope of an epic final battle vanishes with the anti-climatic solution that they could have figured out since the first part.
Humor is slightly better timed, but still manages to break the tense atmosphere that every horror movie should build. This movie is a big NOPE from me.
It (2017)
It... meh
The real problem with this movie is that it never quite creates a tense atmosphere because they rely so much on the visual creepyness of the clown, and it ultimately wears off. By the second half of the movie you just start seeing predictable clown sightings with no interesting outcome whatsoever.
Also there's this trend in horror movies of adding comedy bits sporadically, killing any possibility of suspense (bathroom-cleaning scene anyone?).
Acting and photography are really really good, but the weakness of the screenplay downplays everything.
Bohemian Rhapsody (2018)
Did all happen this way?
Although highly entertaining and visually appealing, clichéd dialogues and fast-paced events leave you wonder how much of what we're seeing is historically verifiable. I understand they must fit a lot of information in one hour and a half, but I'm sure there are more credible ways to accomplish this. Audio mixing and audio design were fantastic, as well as the Live Aid takes.
The Nun (2018)
Plain bad. Cheap horror (if so).
A movie this bad only makes you wonder if they really tried to make a genuine horror movie and not only a money maker). Acting was decent, but the storyline was replaced by a series of jump scares that fail miserably due to the fact that no tense atmosphere was built whatsoever.
Additionally, the movie relies too much on "scary" visuals, which are so abused that in the end they just stop being scary. Just think about the Nun itself, whose creepiness wore off even before the film was released.
Also, the comic relief... It is so brutally misplaced that it kills the very very few moments of suspense. It almost seems like the creators of the movie were boycotting themselves. I mean, you don't insert a joke in the middle -or right after- an important (and supposedly scary) event happens. It's Writing 101.
In the closing scene we see the true purpose of this film: keep milking this franchise and the moviegoers.
Annabelle (2014)
Worn-out doll
They try so hard to creep you out with the doll's face (personally I don't find it scary at all) that you just get used to it. I mean, you already know the doll from the posters, trailers, previous installments, etc. But still they insist on relying on the "creepy" doll to engage -and try to scare- their audience.
The problem with so much emphasis on that prop: a forsaken story whose linearity fails to build tension, and also makes the plot easily predictable.
Acting was bad (specially that of Mia).
Additionally, we have plot holes. For instance, there were no solid basis on why Anabelle decided to possess that specific doll and haunt that specific family. Would have she attacked the Forms had not John enterd her parents' house that night? If the demon's ultimate goal was to "devour" (?) a soul, why waste so much time haunting a mother and not just take away the baby as soon as possible? Also, why on earth would Evelyn get so deeply involved with that family to the point of taking her own life to save the baby?
Maybe there are more unanswered questions, but my point has been made.
Signs (2002)
A must-miss!
What you will find in this film:
-Ridiculous plot elements: such as the water thing, and the totally unnecessary back-story explanation of Joaquin Phoenix character.
-Risible dialogue: lil' Culkin giving a speech to her 5-year-old sister about the importance of documenting the invasion so their sons will know their parents were there. Also Mel Gibson cursing (" Ahh! I'm insane with anger!")
-Poor acting: there would have been more emotionality and gesticulation in carboard cut-outs of the cast. Just terrible.
-Cheap CGI. Not even the characters in the film were scared of the alien.
-Coincidental Broadcast cliché: Turning the news on precisely at the right moment EVERY SINGLE TIME.
Someone please stop Shyamalan from making movies.
The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence) (2015)
The Room (2003) meets Hostel (2005)
What if Tommy Wiseau decided to direct and star in a body horror film? The answer would definitely look like the final installment of the Human Centipede series.
From highly-improbable scenarios to disappointing technical issues, Human Centipede III is a lesson on the things a movie should not do.
I'm certain that HC fans were expecting the most bizarre and graphical depiction of the creation of the ultimate mouth-to-anus chimera, but practically only a glimpse of the beast was shown during the anti-climax. Same with the "Human Caterpillar". Probably as a black comedy this movie could work: Dieter Laser character's yelling lines were absolutely hilarious, as well as the scenes where he pushes his secretary out of the office. Also, when have you seen a Governor that looks as unkempt as the one in the movie? Even the appearance of Tom six himself was risible (remember the music that played every time he drives his Mercedes into the prison?).
Conclusion: If you have watched the previous HC films and you are bored to hell, watch this. If not, well, don't bother and watch the first one.