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Reviews
Kingdom of Heaven (2005)
Dull, clichéd and miscast
We've seen this all before. The defense of innocents against the faceless hordes. The hero rising from simple laborer to speech-making leader of men. The forbidden romance. It's the same movie we saw last year and the year before.
But this time, it's deathly dull, loaded with under-developed characters and a ham-handed message. Worst of all is a critical miscasting of Orlando Bloom as the hero lead. Bloom is young and lightweight, barely credible as the great Lord he is destined to become. He's too small and pretty to carry this type of role.
Even if you like Bloom, this movie's an overlong, slow-paced, textbook costume war piece. Ridley Scott's done better.
Fat Albert (2004)
Dreary
As a long-time fan of the cartoon and an admirer of Bill Cosby, I was looking forward to this movie. I was sorely disappointed.
"Fat Albert" is awkward, ineptly-directed, lamely-plotted. It's loaded with movie clichés that all fail: * The fish-out-of-water jokes are barely jokes at all ("What's this thing?" "That's a phone? Where's the wire?") * The "trying on clothes at the mall" montage doesn't even try to be clever or fun. * The obligatory rap-and-dance number is straight out bad '80s movies.
The whole movie has the tenor of a sappy after-school special, without Kristy McNichol, and it has nothing to offer kids, teens, or adults. Compared to the current slate of kid-friendly fare in theaters now, "Fat Albert" is a fat disappointment.