Rolly_Dodger Reviews

Annika (2021– )

So far, sooo bad.

[3/10 · 18 October 2023]

Confession one: I have only seen S2 E1.

Confession two: Narration always sets me up to expect bad writing. Narration is characters talking about the story instead of living it.

Rocking start with Annika locked in the trunk of a speeding car. Caption: "Earlier that day". Quirky, I wonder where this is going? Apparent answer: NOWHERE.

Annika spends the remains of the episode stunned and a bit disoriented, as does the audience. Nary a mention of the exploding car. On to the next crime. A little chit chat through the fourth wall about shape-shifting seals and hints of a troubled relationship with a rebellious teenage daughter.

Crime two pretty much resolves itself, thanks to a suddenly cooperative thief and a two camera CCtv video. Cut to mother/daughter bonding moment. (Is this the troubled teen we were warned about or are we still waiting to meet her?)

More fourth wall, mythical exposition, dissecting the interpersonal conflicts we keep being teased about but which never appear on screen. Clownish conclusion of the main case. Talk to the camera.

The End.

I will give it one more episode. Probably just a half episode.

Narration. A dead give away for bad writing? Confirmed once again.

Traces (2019–2022)

Intriguing premise marred by amateur plotting.

[4/10 · 1 October 2023]

The premise of Traces is intriguing; a young student of forensics, stumbles into her own mother's cold-case murder, reigniting an investigation of the crime and her presumptions about her family and childhood.

The telling of the story is plagued with amateur writing mistakes and reliance on mind-boggling coincidences.

We can understand how the crime might have subconsciously inspired Emma's desire to excel at forensics. We can even accept that the theoretical test-case in her training might be based on the botched investigation of her mother's murder and that the similarities might trigger her suspicions, but...

Many other coincidences read more like lazy shortcuts for the writers, especially the central romance between Emma and Daniel. The personal, professional and criminal entanglements of their "accidental" meeting are so vast and determinative to the plot, they feel unnatural and deeply contrived.

Having avoided the real work of competent plotting, the writers pad the story with equally contrived and irrelevant romances between supporting characters. In a better story, these dalliances would have added colour and charm. Here they feel like distractions, complications rather than complexity.

A side plot about deadly street drugs, waxes and wanes to fill time, only serving to signal Emma's brilliance as a laboratory sleuth. Skye and Emma's own voluntary brush with these drugs, which might have formed the basis for a season two theme, simply evaporates in the middle of a peevish argument between them.

And after five and a half episodes of meandering plot twists, everything suddenly falls into place. Evil is punished, the good are redeemed and the credits roll.

So much wasted potential. Hence the 4 stars.

Around the World in 80 Days (2021– )

Ham-fisted, contrived and riddled with plot holes. SPOILERS.

[3/10 · 6 January 2022]

The title sequence is marvelous. The production design and values are top notch. The anticipation was enormous and the let down even greater.

Plot holes and procedurals are the first hint: While the Gendarme can muster an instant army to pursue the protagonists through the day-lit caverns of the Parisian sewers, they could not spare a few constables to patrol the conveniently derelict sniper's nest across from the Prime Minister's balcony. - A scrawny, long neglected, lighter than air balloon, sits fully inflated, in the yard of its depressive creator, then leaps out of rifle range moments after the police break down the door, under the preternatural control of instant aeronaut, P. Fogg.

Such contrivances struggle and fail to fill the gaping wounds in the natural drama which the writers hacked out of the story.

It is possible to introduce modern sensibilities to a period piece but it must be done in moderation, with wit and subtlety, not with relentless, amateurish monotony.

I doubt it will improve but I will give it one more chance.

The Mallorca Files (2019– )

Contrived, hollow and rushed.

[2/10 · 10 October 2021]

The first five minutes of S1E1 was promising. The next ten minutes was boring. The next forty-five minutes was deleted.

My easy to please partner, who enjoys day-time soaps, was quick to turn her nose up at it. Her tastes in television are unsophisticated but even she saw right through the cardboard characters, the plot holes, the over-blown characters, the plodding dialogue, the unlikable characters, the wretched writing.

Seriously, was this a first draft from a high school drama club project?

Crime writing is hard. Comedy writing is harder. Crime comedy writing require consummate professionals, not underfed interns. It saddens me to know that good money and talent is being flushed for excrement like this.

Death in Paradise (2011– )

Formulaic but mostly fun.

[5/10 · 21 July 2021]

Some are better than others and as the seasons wear on, the puzzles get recycled. The writers are trapped churning out Christieesque, locked room stumpers, week after week. Why do so many devious killers converge on this picturesque island? It's good for a bit of light entertainment but sometimes the procedural aspects are cringefully inept, just to propel the plot. It's too bad they couldn't have taken it in a different direction or just wound it down sooner.

When Nature Calls (2021–2022)

Opportunity Squandered. Painfully Bad.

[2/10 · 3 July 2021]

This could have been good, with some savvy writing, based on actual animal behaviours. Instead it is an unwatchable insult to viewers and animals alike.

Crash (I) (2004)

Contrived and way overrated.

[3/10 · 16 June 2021]

How this dog's breakfast of clichés, stereotypes, absurd premises, sophomoric writing, plodding direction and predictable plot lines, became the darling of Hollywood, is perhaps the greatest mystery of 2004.

The real achievement is the scale of the con-job that Paul Haggis engineered and the sheer tonnage of wool he pulled over the eyes of an all too willing public.

Vikings: All at Sea (2020) Season 6, Episode 15

A ship of fools drifting nowhere.

[3/10 · 7 February 2021]

I knew that writing a satisfying end to so many plots would be difficult and likely unsatisfying in some cases but I was not prepared for the absurdity, sterility and desolation of this final season. The Greenlanders flee in panic to the ships, despite outnumbering their enemies, not even pausing to gather supplies. Why? Drama at sea. The Rus gave up, Ivar gave up, Harald gave up... the writers gave up.

Glad this mess was on free preview.

All Creatures Great and Small: A Tricki Case (2020) Season 1, Episode 4

Lazy writing.

[5/10 · 3 February 2021]

I hope this is just a blip but this episode was pretty bad. All the characters seemed to be mostly out of character, exhibiting quirks of convenience to advance the plot.

So much contrivance, like a bad bedroom farce done by an amateur theater company. And three vets being clueless about how to handle an aggressive dog, as if they were first year students, just so we can get a payoff at the end? Agonizing and infantile.

Meanwhile genuine moments were lost and squandered.

I love this series but the writing needs to improve.

NCIS: 1mm (2021) Season 18, Episode 6

Dreadful plotting in service of a plodding romance.

[3/10 · 27 January 2021]

I heard there were new writers on board for this season. Apparently they just graduated middle school. Oh, plot holes, let me count the ways:

• Apparently NCIS has no procedures requiring agents to report their destination or expected check-in times before embarking on dangerous investigations in remote locations.

• Once a cell phone registers on a local tower, the strength of its signal is irrelevant. NCIS could have based their search on the location of the last tower both agents reached.

• Text! TEXT! Everyone knows it's better to text. Text your sit rep and location, don't have broken up phone conversations reminiscent of early cell phone coverage ads.

• When the agent's car is recovered on a rural road, Gibbs instructs local law enforcement to do nothing about searching for the missing agents.

• Smugglers rig 1890's jail cells to close automatically... why? Just in case they drive investigators into them during a fire fight, maybe??? Oh, and bombs. There must be bombs.

This is just a short list of the plot holes used to get Bishop and Torres to rub up against each other.

Embarassing.

Injustice (2011)

Sophomoric, plodding and unfinished.

[4/10 · 22 November 2020]

Maybe I would have liked this better if I hadn't just finished "The Missing", a three season series, with Detective Julien Baptiste. In comparison, "Injustice" is clunky, plodding and unsophisticated. Not as bad as Van der Valk but not as daring either.

Characters are right out of the box, partially assembled, sometimes with the shipping tape still attached. The good guys are sincere and bland. The bad guys are cut-out corrupt and fumbling.

There's Travers, a brilliant, socially woke defense lawyer and his activist wife, who teaches literature in juvie jail. There's her star pupil, the sensitive youth offender with the brilliant streak and his nemesis, the unrelentingly cynical youth offender with the stupid streak... Their jailer is right out of the 1800's, longing for the days of the whipping bench (before women got the vote and everything went to hell).

There's Travers' unwilling partner, the caustic lady lawyer and the even more caustic old boy's club prosecutor (and Traver's old school nemesis). And then there's the police. DI Mark Wenborn is caustic, crude and abrasive. Not in an engaging, no bullshit, Dr. House sort of way. Wenborn is simply unpleasant. His brilliant detective mind feels more like a necessary, ill-fitting afterthought, grafted on by writers needing to propel the plot. Imagine Sherlock Holmes as a skin-head football hooligan.

It feels like the writers got bored of it halfway to the deadline and couldn't rise to the occasion. And if they can't be bothered, why should I? Another case of, it could have been great but it wasn't.

The title sequence is super, though.

Game of Thrones (2011–2019)

Wait and see.

[7/10 · 17 July 2017]

First thing - all review sites should remove any reviews with ratings of 10 or zero. These are die-hard fans, with no critical faculties, and haters, entirely hostile to anything good. Neither are capable of giving a balanced opinion.

As a long time fan of GoT I am obliged to watch and I do get considerable enjoyment from the series. I want to see the story unfold and conclude.

But my enthusiasm is being tested. Inevitably the plots and character arcs, spun out in the early episodes, must be resolved or abandoned. For instance, the one eyed servant of the Lord of Light suddenly reappeared after many seasons absent.

Drawing these threads together is making things a bit crowded and a bit hurried. The various plots are jostling for attention. It's a symptom of episodic stories, perhaps an unavoidable one; the enthusiasm for complexity early on, bites the writers in the ass.

And that's happening with GoT. So much to do. So little time.

I will still be watching until the bitter end and still loving it but objectively, so far it lacks the quality and promise of earlier seasons.

But I might be proved wrong. I hope so.

Victor Frankenstein (2015)

"Sound and fury signifying nothing." - The Bard

[3/10 · 25 October 2016]

When will Hollywood learn that throwing talent and special effects at dreadful scripts just makes them suck all the more? The first clue is five minutes of rambling narration. When the main character has to tell you what the film is about, you know the writer doesn't have any idea himself.

The second clue is the cast of pre-cut characters, from an entire circus of irredeemable sadists, to Victor F. himself, twitching and fuming his way from one justification to the next.

Cruel-to-be-kind, Frankenstein, fixes Igor's hump with a medicinal turkey baster, wielded like a slashers kitchen knife, gulping a mouthful of pus before humping Igor into a state of spinal alignment (via the Batman Begins School of full contact corrective surgery). This scene alone did more damage to the image of gays than a Westboro Church rally.

And it never gets better. It just stumbles from one frenetic mess to the next, squandering the considerable acting talents and HUGE production budget on a monster more cobbled and dysfunctional than Dr. F's worst nightmare.

Dross.

Texas Rising: Fate and Fury (2015) Season 1, Episode 2

Epic Disappointment

[3/10 · 27 May 2015]

Others have taken this series to task on the deplorable history (or lack thereof). While I do expect some creative license in padding such stories I also expect the History Channel to provide some minimal historical accuracy, not blatant nonsense.

But aside from that, the writing is simply dreadful. It reads like a first draft - stilted, expository and plodding. Some of the money they saved, avoiding big battle scenes, could have been used to pay a writer or two.

I can't understand why such an important and engaging story could be treated with this degree of neglect. Shame on History Channel and the producers.

America Unearthed (2012– )

Warts and all but not all warts.

[9/10 · 6 April 2013]

I think the truth about America Unearthed is somewhere between the extremes some of the other reviews here. The show has significant scientific and creative flaws but it is not supernatural speculation or outright fraud, by any stretch.

America Unearthed introduces people to actual evidence supporting alternate ideas about the presence of Europeans in the Americas, prior to Columbus. Whatever you think of Wolter and his pet theory, there is physical evidence of pre-columbian visitations from people of the Orient and Europe, some possibly going back to the stone age.

Dismissing Wolter out of hand by comparing his show to Ancient Aliens or Ghost Hunters, displays the very kinds of hyperbolic thinking he is accused of. Wolter's thesis does not make any claims of extraordinary technologies or super human capabilities. He is hardly comparable to von Daniken. Templars are not extraterrestrials and the technologies to accomplish a transatlantic journey have been in the human toolkit for centuries.

It is unfair associating Wolter with the deeply regrettable prosecution of geo-scientists in Italy or the politically convenient opinions of climate deniers. Ad hominem attacks and guilt by association are, after all, logical fallacies, not arguments. When someone can prove he is a deliberate fraud THEN they can compare him to Hwang Woo-suk. Until then, let them address the evidence and it's interpretation.

It is likewise an error to assume he is right because of unfair push-back from traditional thinkers. Wolter does indulge in lazy thinking and methods and he does let his prejudice colour his ideas. It's not like that is a unique vice but it does not excuse sloppy science.

So haters, chill out or bring your evidence but don't think that appealing to your own authority or simply insulting Wolter is a cogent argument. Fans, examine Wolter's thesis and his methods as if you want them to be wrong. Look for contrary opinions and alternate explanations.

If you haven't seen America Unearthed, don't be turned off by the sneering, watch it and decide for yourself.

PROS: Provokes a reconsideration of the history of North America. Presents physical evidence. Doesn't make supernatural claims.

CONS: Too much padding. Sloppy methodology. Boosterism.

I would give it a 7 but I gave it a 9 because I think some people have scored it unfairly.

360 (2011)

This is the film that "Crash" wanted to be.

[9/10 · 5 April 2013]

360 is the film that "Crash" wanted to be. Unlike the overt manipulations of "Crash", 360 is a slow burn with a deft sleight of hand.

Rather than leading you along with neon coloured sign-posts, lets your mind do a lot of the driving. Shot in a muted, bluish pallet, the gorgeous cinematography captures the attention, while your imagination is allowed to build up steam. It doesn't demand your attention, it flirts with it. I found that refreshing.

The first few plot twists put my brain was on alert, trying to predict where the stories would lead. All the while the tension built, waiting for the axe to fall or the excrement hit the fan.

A few people have complained that 360 was slow and boring and left story lines unfinished. But that is what made it such a good film for me, it took its time and avoided clichés. The characters were neither good nor bad, they simply struggled. Some triumph and some fall, but none are unchanged.

It isn't without faults, nothing with intertwined stories can avoid some contrivance. But it didn't fall prey to the imagined demand of the audience, that everything resolve neatly. Some plots twist and turn until the very end, some evaporate like mist in the light of hearts restored while others end badly.

I can understand how the film's pacing might annoy if you aren't in the mood but if you are prepared to be a bit patient and to do some of the work, 360 is a rare treat.