Gucek Reviews

NOS4A2: The Wraith (2019) Season 1, Episode 5

teleporting Wraith and running..

[3/10 · 4 July 2022]

..like in Prometheus. Yup. That hit'n'run was *definitely* unavoidable in any way whatsoever.

I do not even about that "first kiss" or pointlessness of whole meeting with Charlie Manx..

it's really a pity - as the show does have some potential in general.. :(

Vagrant Queen: A Royal Ass-Kicking (2020) Season 1, Episode 1

what is wrong with those people?

[1/10 · 18 April 2020]

I see there some 10/10 in the ratings.. is this really the world we came to?wouldn't even know where to begin. had to turn off this garbage after almost exactly 2 minutes, because I *really* do not want to gauge my eyes out. for people with eyes AND brain: if you have seen trailer and thought: "this is bad" - stay away as far as possible from this. when I'm truly desperate AND in suicidal mood - I may consider *trying to* watch this again.

Men in Black: International (2019)

no chemistry, no story. just sorry.

[4/10 · 17 September 2019]

So much wrong with this movie. ten percent of promising components mixed into a *seriously* bad concoction. the first half was moderately bad, with horrible Chris' character and surprisingly not that bad (although too Mary Sue-ish) Tessa.

long story short - it just does NOT work on so many levels that it is just sad.

Killjoys: Run, Yala, Run (2019) Season 5, Episode 1

decent start. again.

[7/10 · 21 August 2019]

Surprisingly good return of the series after increasingly convoluted previous seasons. still.. I can't believe Sci-Fi Channel (I refuse to call them by their current name) ..choose this over Dark Matter.

Grey's Anatomy: Unbreak My Heart (2016) Season 12, Episode 11

finally.

[3/10 · 19 January 2019]

April is single most annoying character since the beginnings of the show. How she managed to not be killed or otherwise written-off from the show is beyond me. Always living within her own delusions and convinced how everything is everyone else's fault. After this episode it is even more clear that on multiple occasions she should have been hospitalised in psychiatric ward. There was never more unconvincing relationship than her and Jessie. Every single moment so forced, that my eyes were spinning - not just rolling inside my head. Finishing this farce was looong overdue.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: The Patriot (2017) Season 4, Episode 10

characters out of character - still great.

[8/10 · 30 January 2018]

I noticed, that most of my reviews recently are just complains, so here all those concerns are more related to characters' human sides rather than poor writing - that's why the episode still gets high rating from me.

Random thoughts (some of that stuff was signaled in previous episodes):

Simmons being a great scientist, acting all stupid on possibility of exploration of one of the greatest achievements in AI in *controlled* and safe environment. Radcliffe creating another Aida with exactly same look - just to make her easier to discover and being caught(?). Aida not listening to prime directives / not having any? / not listening to orders? Radcliffe arguing with Aida instead of appreciating calm analysis of extremely advanced AI. Mace's twist was somehow expected (not exactly like this, but it was foretold before). Simmons scaring Zaikin with severed head - nice, but she would definitely need to use some action, too.. possibly more than PG-TV would allow. Aida's subtle reactions: masterpiece. Fake May having doubts - this one is absolutely perfect (Impostor (2001)). Also: copying almost entire "personality" of original May - very Dollhouse (2009)

Lucifer: The Sin Bin (2017) Season 3, Episode 10

looks like two parts made by different people

[3/10 · 3 January 2018]

When 10-year old kid is the best actor in the episode - you know that Lucifer reached its new low. Currently this episode is rated 9.1, and how did this happen / what kind of people give such ratings eludes me. All that plan with "breaking out" the suspect - what the actual hell? Lucifer acting even beyond his recent typical moronic behaviour.. Such a pity. And *of course* you go "into the middle of nowhere", walking into very probable (and expected) ambush without any backup whatsoever. It is not just the characters acting dumb - it is the quality of writing, directing and acting. Drowning girl screaming "I can't breath".. REALLY?!??

After all that the episode gets noticeably better until *finally* revealing who was the *obvious* bad guy since the beginning of the season.

Arrow: Uprising (2015) Season 3, Episode 12

insulting the mind - as usual.. but somehow watchable

[6/10 · 25 September 2017]

adding to typical arrow-style insults - in this episode we find out how to triangulate signal from walkie-talkies sitting in front of a computer. also: remember to use your firearms only after you let the opponent closer and only after the hand combat. and let's not forget the good guys keeping the promise of not killing bad guys who right now extort the city in many ways, including.. well - killing people.

The Orville: Command Performance (2017) Season 1, Episode 2

went down REALLY fast

[3/10 · 19 September 2017]

While the first episode was promising - this one takes its worst treats and magnifies them. From childish, unprofessional and erratic behaviour of seemingly untrained crew to weak humour and pathetic clichés. Sprinkle it with some bad acting and you have it. So much wasted potential (again).

Stitchers: Kill It Forward (2017) Season 3, Episode 9

new low.

[2/10 · 17 September 2017]

just, when you think it cannot get any worse.. Stitcher does not disappoint. apart from prevailing issue with clues possible to be seen only from 3rd person perspective (which is the laziest part of basis for this show).. bunch of kiddies (again) having zero idea what they are doing and moronic 'suspense' moments. I can't believe how writers of this show are not homeless. then again.. who said there HAS TO be justice in the world.

Arrow: Midnight City (2015) Season 3, Episode 11

from bad to worse

[3/10 · 28 August 2017]

So.. we are THINKING about exchanging two hostages in exchange for emptying entire City area of cops - which might as well lead to hundreds of other casualties?!?? This was writer's idea to put into villain's mind?

Also: pacemaker battery typically lasts for ~5-15 years, but in this case "needs to be *recharged* SOON". I will skip the part where pacemaker has GPS, since well.. how else could the plot be progressed?

Killjoys: Heist, Heist Baby (2017) Season 3, Episode 8

not bad episode with some lines written by 12-years old.

[5/10 · 27 August 2017]

The amount of sexual references and their quality strongly suggests that this episode has either been written by extremely sexually frustrated semi-adult OR by a twelve-years old kid having all of his ideas from 4chan. The episode in itself is not the worse as it nicely progresses on the idea of Aneela being the only source for Dutch. The heist in itself - typical uninspired Killjoy crap.

Lego Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Brick (2008 TV Short)

forced and mostly unfunny

[4/10 · 11 May 2016]

While I really like later LEGO video-productions, Lego Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Brick humour seems quite forced and simply unfunny to me. Mostly the same scenes that have been spoofed hundreds of times elsewhere - and in a better way. "Weird Al" Yankovic's UHF comes to mind first.. come to think of it - even Muppet Babies did it better.

But what really killed this short for me was an inclusion of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - just like it was worth of (or needed) any parodying at all.

10 Lines /sigh/ ..what else can be said about this? Someone tried - and mostly failed. The good outcome is that at some point LEGO spoofs became funnier and while I'm still not entirely convinced to the whole LEGO Games / LEGO TV Shows sell-push-driven 'craze' - we still (possibly thanks to those beginnings) have e.g. LEGO Movie - which is genuinely original and *much* funnier.

Stitchers: Full Stop (2015) Season 1, Episode 10

surprisingly nice ideas, botched as usual.

[6/10 · 19 January 2016]

I have decided to change the summary from "high heels into action!" as it still is a tiny, unimportant spoiler (nothing, that anybody watching the show semi-regularly would find in any way surprising). but somehow this scene killed the episode for me much more than its typical, moronic representation of victims' memories (from external PoV? seriously?). I've decided to write few words because this episode *could* have been really, really good! (hence my unusually high for this show rating of 6/10) - there are some nice ideas and in particular "the messenger" was top-notch.. it even reminded me of Dollhouse, even tho there is gap of few classes between those shows. there are too many things wrong with this series (in addition to general naivety) ..and I watch it only to have some perspective between watching something *actually* good.

Dark Matter: Episode #1.8 (2015) Season 1, Episode 8

the writing is strong with this one..

[9/10 · 4 August 2015]

(I believe my "spoilers" are rather subtle and don't really spoil this episode in any way, but it's better to be safe than sorry, so - the choice is yours)

Wow. Just wow. This was the level of writing that we wanted to expect from e.g. Almost Human - where instead some people having no idea about Sci-Fi tried to wrap today's issues in 'futuristic' (tin)foil.

Idea of travel-by-wire isn't new but making it 'temporary' - just perfect for this intrigue. My only complain towards such "tools" is that they usually appear just once - to be used in one episode and they are later forgotten - like if given technology doesn't exist at all.. Still - the unfold (even if tiny bit predictable) was great - and it was logical, so predictability can be forgiven.. And One's appearance!?! It was so ingenious (and again - obvious - when you think about it) ..that I had to pick my jaw (and kick myself for not come up with it earlier). They even managed to "explain" android's "jealousy" which I hated so much in previous episode.. Even tho it wasn't a "proper" explanation - it makes us wonder.. what next. Even if it's just a glitch in her system - it can be used in the future for explaining tiny quirks in her behavior or.. create multi-episode arc. Nice touch.

I truly hope we will have this level of quality writing around 3rd/4th seasons, when actors will become more fused with their characters.. Right now this is the only small thing that prevents me from giving this episode ten stars.

Defiance: Dead Air (2015) Season 3, Episode 4

so close.. (to being great)

[7/10 · 29 June 2015]

it's a huge pity as both threads were very, very good - both in terms of writing and the execution. if it wasn't for that moronic idea of a slow-running bomb it could have easily been 9 stars episode.. >sigh<

I personally almost forgot about Mayor Niles, but still it was nice to see further part of his history. it was good enough to make it two or three episode arc.

Stahma/T'evgin part was also quite ehm.. interesting, despite being a bit too predictable.

all in all - why some creators think that making huge bomb will make an episode (or a movie) better? this tool has been used so many times and in this case it botched one of potentially best episodes of entire series (so far).

Sanctuary: Kush (2008) Season 1, Episode 5

Surprisingly good

[8/10 · 29 January 2009]

(spoilers are quite minor) It's actually the first episode of Sanctuary I really liked. Maybe because it's so different form other ones? Maybe because it brings some strong resemblance to "The Thing" (on good side) and "D-Tox" (on a bit worse)? Maybe because of small space and the old mystery "who is the killer"? I don't really know - but it worked for me. The solution/explanation wasn't really the smartest possible, but - well - you can't have everything. If the creature could do what it could - "ending" trick was too easy/obvious to work, really. I was probably going to stop watching this show, but this episode gives some hope to next ones. Really recommended. (I can't believe this minimum 10 lines limit - is it supposed to be a comment o a mini-review?!?)

Underworld (2003)

almost killed by bad acting...

[8/10 · 15 July 2005]

Tiny, not-really-spoiling spoilers ahead. When last time have you seen big production movie almost killed by bad acting? I can't even remember another example where almost every main actor's performance is closer to high school drama (I wish!) than such big production. Kate Beckinsale is great. As always. She suits the role and she LOOKS. Special effects are among the best I've seen - and what is most important - in most cases they look very transparent. In case of this one particular movie I really look forward for a sequel (and I hate sequels), because almost all those "bad-acting characters" are killed. So - unless it will NOT be a prequel and if SFX will not be overdone (like in Blade II) - it can only be better. I'm a huge fan of vampires so - still 8/10. It's just really better than the average (but it COULD be HUGE).

Spiral (2000)

Don't expect a horror...

[5/10 · 19 June 2004]

First of all - don't expect horror movie. I did and I was quite disappointed - not even by the lack of actual "horror" - much more by poor CG and lack of any sensible explanation(s). I could live with that, but what really bothers me - it looks like creators of Uzumaki themselves had no idea how to explain events (or at least develop a story). The movie IS twisted, like - well - home of a snail. Some people compare it to creations of David Lynch. There is one resemblance - Lynch also often has no idea how to clarify his story. Strange - or rather weird - things happen all the time but often without any particular reason. After the movie ended I felt like after watching "Twilight Zone" mixed with a pinch of "Tales from the Crypt" and all that shoot in "Ringu" style. Such blend sounds promising, but Uzumaki doesn't keep its promise - it's simply too uneven. In addition all actual action concentrates on scenes with CG effects, which are often so poor that they will make you laugh. Everything between them (while quite stylish) may bore you to death - especially if you're not a Ringu fan. A pity.

But there are two things that I actually "won" by watching this movie. The first one is end credits song (fortunately credited not with Japanese Kana, but Latin characters) - "Raven" by "Do As Infinity". I've found the video for it - and it basically contains all the action and special effects of the movie. If you will watch it before the movie - chances are that it will spare you the disappointment. And the song is really great!

Second great thing about Uzumaki is its origin - the comic book. After finding out it's based on a comic I understood why it recalls "Tales from the Crypt" so noticeably... But Uzumaki comic is simply great! The story is very well developed and everything makes *much* more sense than in the movie - and that's quite strange because the movie is quite heavily based on the comic! Unfortunately all threads are mixed and twisted (pun intended), and the final effect is much worse than its origin.

My final grade for Uzumaki is 5/10 - it doesn't mean that the movie is average. It's simple an average of what I want and would like to give it (i.e. 3/10 - 7/10).