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TheColonel1947
Reviews
Angels & Demons (2009)
Ron, Tom you're both better than this.
Here we are, July 2021, and I hadn't seen this until last night. What a pile of poo. A huge waste of talent. Hang your head in shame guys. For me, movies like this have to have at least some tenuous link to reality to make them enjoyable. This storyline is so far removed from reality to make it laughable and cringeworthy. That's the best part of three hours of my life I won't get back.
Military Wives (2019)
You've seen this so many times before.
I hate to be down on a movie which essentially has a good heart but it is just awful. The plot and script are tired and hackneyed and the direction lacking in any spark whatsoever. The characters are cardboard cutouts and beyond the efforts of the cast to inject any life into them. All very predictable. Wait until it's on tv and save it for a rainy Sunday afternoon.
The Lone Ranger (2013)
Depp misses by a mile
The movie is a mess. It doesn't know what it wants to be. Some scenes are extremely violent and then others have over-the-top comedy. There's no cohesion and a storyline that goes off piste way too often. Depp trivialises the Native American (God knows what their take is on this) whereas Jay Silverheels (the TV Tonto) was a campaigner for the rights of Native Americans in Hollywood. Some legacy. Armie Hammer could have been good but was directed to play the part as an incompetent fool, the opposite of Fran Striker's original. Incidentally, Striker - who created The Lone Ranger, doesn't even get a credit. It is sad when iconic heroes are trivialised. I'm amazed more Americans aren't up-in-arms. Anyway, it's no more than you should expect from the Disney Corporation, they sold their souls a long time ago.
The Red Machine (2009)
1935 Espionage Caper Buddy Movie
Highly recommended. A 1935 espionage 'caper'. Elements of humour but not enough, thank goodness, to distract from the essential drama. The Japanese suddenly start using new cryptography leaving the US Navy code-breakers with their pants down. A stoical lieutenant (why the hell he is still a lieutenant will keep you guessing) is brought out of his backwater job to recruit a local safe-cracking crook. They form a begrudging partnership based on mutual respect and it goes from there with some indistinct flashbacks to fill in the gaps without spelling it all out for you. Hard to believe it was made on a small budget. The period costumes and 'feel' are excellent. Look out for it. Brilliant.
Tiny Furniture (2010)
Tiny entertainment
I'm sorry. Young filmmakers should and must be encouraged because otherwise - as in any other branch of the arts - there is no tomorrow. I went to see this based on an encouraging recommendation in the Buffalo News. My taste in movies is quite broad and I usually enjoy 'art house' offerings. But this is way too long for it's tiny, introspective storyline. I found it impossible to engage with any of the characters they were all so shallow. 98 minutes of tedium was almost more than I could bear but bear I did to the bitter end. Sadly, for me, there was no reward. Ms Dunham should perhaps have settled for a short and honed her editing skills instead.
Death at a Funeral (2010)
Bad, bad, bad
This is an example of movie-making at its worst. I really am at a loss to know what market these sorts of movies are aimed at. Perhaps a black US audience might find more amusement than a UK audience – although the director is white. I don't know. This IS a black movie with a capital B. There are three token white actors one of which is a token midget. They studiously avoid referring to his lack of height until the end of the movie when it all comes thick and fast but, as with the rest of the movie, unfunny. Chris Rock, arguably the lead, is not an actor of any discernible talent, closely followed by his brother in the movie – that's brother rather than brother – Martin Lawrence. The women and the white actors come off marginally better. A gag about a guy getting crap all over his hand is a toe-curlingly unfunny set-up for a totally unamusing running gag. The movie doesn't even end when it should do but has another two or three minutes of 'story wrap-up' scenes which are completely unnecessary. Directed by Neil (The Wicker Man 2006 remake) LaBute one can only wonder what dirt he holds on Hollywood execs that they continue to bankroll his worthless projects. If anything, perhaps it is good to see something like this occasionally just to remind oneself what good cinema is all about.
Perfume: The Story of a Murderer (2006)
'Perfume' Stinks
Two hours and twenty-seven minutes of boredom. You just know that when a movie has to rely on a tedious voice-over (John Hurt) to constantly explain everything to you (the movie must be at least half-way through before the narration finally disappears) that it has failed. I too am surprised at the number of extremely high ratings in these reviews. There are, inevitably with a movie of this calibre, things to admire about the technical arts of film-making, photography, acting and so on but on the entertainment front it completely failed for me. I really just didn't care about the fate of any of the protagonists. I felt so uninvolved it was almost difficult to feel sorry for the girls who are murdered. Stay away and do something useful with the two hours instead.