Change Your Image
mavrachang1
Reviews
The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009)
Pointless, and it's been done before in literature better
First, this film is a failure in every way possible except that its awfully bad taste has elevated it to a legendarily bad status -- not that it even deserves that. Really, don't bother. Really. Fails as a horror movie, check. Fails as avant garde, check. Fails as torture porn, check. Fails as an original work, check (see Robert M. Price's disturbing Lovecraftian story Saucers From Yaddith, written in 1984, well told and much, much more creepy.) Fails as a moral story, check. Fails as a film adaptation of Two Girls and a Cup, check (hats off to the original reviewer who made that comparison.) Fails as a meme, check. Fails as a cult "good" bad movie, check. Fails as a script, check. Fails for being medically "accurate," check. Fails even as a failure, check. Fails even to get Howard Stern to watch it. The director/writer, who I refuse to name, needs at least 20 years of counseling, with a morning cup of doody. Weak, runny doody. Finally, don't waste your time. It's not even good for being bad. It's just plain awful. It is film feces. You'll have more entertainment value watching baby spiders eat their mother. This film makes David Lynch's work logical. Don't encourage this guy to make more movies. He is one step away from being a child molester.
Priest (2011)
Easy to criticize, but easy to enjoy
So I understand a lot of people consider this a vacuous film, but I see some very good points: Primarily: The comparison of a totalitarian Catholic monotheocracy (didn't we see this in the Middle Ages? Hmmm?) with a vampiric but freedom-loving underclass. Who do we cheer for? Both sides have ugliness, both sides have some valid aspects. By the way, I'm not comparing this to the original comic. That would be an insult to both the comic and the film. This work is simply what it is. There are many derivative elements: Maggie Q does a fantastic impersonation of Trinity from the Matrix, complete with motorcycle. The bad guy is predictable, and I'm reminded of John Carpenter's Vampires, and the Blade films, wherein both attempt or succeed to create a daywalker, a vampire who can survive sunlight. The biggest flaw, to me, was the fact that the priests have a cross tattooed on their forehead, and in Priest's world, crosses are effective, yet somehow they make a hybrid priest-vampire with a cross on his forehead. I cannot resolve this conflict. I had some giggles, as another reviewer mentioned, from watching these priests repeatedly go "nitro" on their motorcycles. That part was just plain silly. It is flawed, but there are moments. Christopher Plummer is a scene stealer as the smug high priest of the church. Were they afraid to call him Pope? I wonder. The commentary about the Catholic church could go on and on, but I like their approach: "If you oppose the church, you oppose God!" Yes, it's a paraphrase, so don't get all wrapped up in it. This is all opinion. There are elements of: Mad Max, The Matrix, (Carpenter's) Vampires, Alien, Crouching Tiger (hated it), Unforgiven, Twister, and many other films. All I can offer is, it is fun. Brad Dourif (the sheriff in Rob Zombie's remake of Halloween and the voice of Chucky, the best serial killer in a plastic doll's body) had a great cameo as one of the vampires' familiars and a traveling holy water salesman. Also, skip the 3D nonsense. They are just trying to get $10 more from you. Don't be a sucka! Final observation: I saw this on a Saturday late afternoon, theater half full, and there was scattered applause at the conclusion. They also leave plenty of room for a sequel. I would pay to see the sequel.
Thor (2011)
Thor is full of thunder!
I just saw Thor today, and my first impression is that it's visually fantastic. The designers of Asgard (and the other extraterrestrial realms) did a magnificent job. The actors were all a cut above your typical SF blockbuster, and perhaps the most understated but brilliant performance came from Sir Anthony Hopkins as Odin. Loki was a very interesting character, and instead of your stereotypical trickster, Loki actually had some depth to his character, and some very real issues. Rene Russo was a stealth goddess. I kept saying to myself "Where have I seen her before?" I was actually skeptical about Branagh directing, but he did an admirable job. Stellan Skarsgaard was interesting and subdued; he had one of the best lines: "I don't know if you're really the Thunder God, but if you're not, you should be!" **Edit** I agree with other reviewers about Idris Elba as Heimdall. Great character, and handled perfectly in character. A minor spoiler: Keep an eye out for the god of all gods, Stan Lee, making his obligatory cameo as the driver of a pickup truck. Natalie Portman had a quiet dignity and made her role more interesting than "the earth bimbo who falls for the thunder god." It seems like Marvel is creating a pantheon with Iron Man, The Hulk (not the Ang Lee version), and Thor. Next up: The Avengers! I don't want this to be long and windy: It's a helluva fun movie, the script is intelligent, the artwork is excellent, and make sure you sit through the credits for the S.H.I.E.L.D. teaser at the end. YOU WILL HAVE FUN.
Limitless (2011)
Inconsistent but very fun
I went into this film expecting nothing. After watching "I am Number Four" I really expected the worst. I was pleasantly surprised. It has flaws, but it's a very fun ride. It's implausible, but it makes you think. I chose this movie because De Niro was in it, and I thought, "If De Niro did it, it can't be all bad." Brad Cooper plays a desperate slacker who's about to crash and burn. Then a drug dealer acquaintance offers him an untested drug that will help him. The movie is a little long, but Cooper's character runs through a maze of women, addiction, loan sharks, and various scenarios with charisma before climaxing into a violent confrontation with the loan shark, who wants more of the drug, and De Niro. It's a great roller coaster, and De Niro's big shot Donald Trumplike character makes it top notch. There are some scenes where you're wondering how things tie in, and there's the standard jab at the sleazy lawyer, but in the end you just don't mind. This one is worth the ten spot. A future meme.