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The Little Things (2021)
Woof, no wonder it took so long for this move to get made.
During these troubling times, the world is obviously starved for quality entertainment but 'The Little Things' is certainly not that. I am an HBO subscriber, so I totally could have watched this on HBO Max for no additional charge at home, but I really wanted to support my local theater and go see something new yesterday. Glad I only ended up wasting $8.
This movie is so heavily flawed and full of lackluster performances I don't know where to begin, but let's start with flavor of the month, Rami Malek. This guy is overrated like a mutha. Every time he's on the screen, it's so obvious that there's a man trying to convince the world that he deserved that Oscar. Truly great actors effortlessly disappear into a role, but not Malek. Every bug-eyed decision he made was questionable and transparent. It was actually painful to watch and I'm now bummed out that he's the next Bond villain. And poor Denzel who has been phoning it in lately, most likely due to a lack of quality roles being offered. He looks just as bored as the audience is while sleep walking through this snoozefest. And then there's Leto, who is also struggling to convince us that he's an award-worthy actor. Granted, he was great in 'Dallas Buyer's Club', but ever since then his choices have been suspect. Just because you attach a nose prosthetic and change the way you walk slightly, doesn't mean you're method. I guess that's the curse of being told you're the best at what you do any given year. Think Halle Berry's choices post 'Monster's Ball'.
The story is totally paint by numbers and so heavily flawed, while it tries to summon that impending doom so masterfully created in thrillers like 'Seven' or 'The Pledge', but never succeeds. No wonder it took the writer/director a couple decades to get this film made and it's not a surprise that folks like Spielberg and Eastwood backed out from making this movie. 'The Little Things' offers nothing new or clever to the genre and it actually made me laugh aloud a couple times, while sitting in the theater at how ridiculous it was.
Oh well, I've wasted enough time griping about this poorly written, poorly acted and poorly directed thriller. Like I said, I was happy to support my local theater but I honestly have nothing positive to say about this movie. It's a stinker and a reminder that boasting how many Oscar winners are in your film doesn't mean jack do-doo these days. That's my word!
Miracle Workers (2019)
I thought comedies were supposed to be funny?
I agree with a lot of other reviewers here that this show has absolutely zero laughs. I'm not sure why, but I actually watched all seven episodes too because I do like some of the cast members and thought it might get better, but this show was an epic fail. I'd be really surprised if they brought this stinker back for another season, but then again TBS has very little to offer, so they just might.
For a much better show, go watch the creator's other series Man Seeking Woman, which is way funnier and far more clever.
Maude (1972)
Pass the damn Tylenol!
I really want to like this forward-thinking show from legendary TV creator Normal Lear, but the more episodes I've consumed in syndication lately, the more irritated I am getting. There's so much bickering and yelling over one another on this show that it's giving me mad anxiety.
I've barely made it through the 4th season and I am just about ready to tap out. Their British maid Mrs. Naugatuck is especially unbearable and quite possibly one of the worst casting decisions in all of television. Most shows tend to get better in their 3rd and 4th seasons as they continue to hone their craft, but this show appears to have gotten worse as it goes on. At least Adrienne Barbeau's career was launched with this series, but even here she's given little to do and reduced to jokes about her ample bosoms. Mind you, they are real and they are spectacular, but I doubt that's enough to keep me watching.
Maybe if I keep the headache medicine handy I can hang in there and finish the series, but it seems unlikely. There's plenty of other programming out there that won't drive me batty from marital bickering.
The Time Machine (2002)
Excuse me if I'm curt, but time is of the essence...
The 2002 remake of The Time Machine is pretty much the crappiest movie I have ever seen on cable television. Of course I couldn't sit through the whole film and if anyone out there did you are a fool and have no concept of "enough is enough". First of all, the original version starring Rod Taylor and Yvette Mimieux is a timeless classic. The special effects were ahead of it's time and the performances were pulled off flawlessly and believable considering the subject matter. Wonderfully casted and skillfully directed, this film really did not need to be bastardized. This is equally just as bad of an idea as that pretentious hack Gus Van Sant remaking a Hitchcock film.
It just doesn't need to be done. And poor Guy Pearce didn't know just what a piece of doo-doo brown he was agreeing to star in. I will admit that the few scenes that I saw with Samantha Mumba kept me glued to the screeen in hopes that her hair would quit covering her see-through chainmail shirt. She has nice legs and smooth skin, so I won't blame her for my horrible cinematic experience. But her performance was pretty lame as well. Anyone who thinks she has acting potential is just too embarassed to say they think she's a fine looker and want to get crunk with that booty.
But I'm already spending too much time on this "review", so let's get to the meat of the matter. The Moorlocks look like a family of Cryptkeepers with nappy dreads and the ostrich noises emanating from their pieholes is sooooo played out. Even the Moorlocks of the original film looked 12 times creepier. And once again we are subjected to embarrasingly bad CGI effects and a musical score reminiscent of the poor man's Enya. Sounds like a joyous theater experience eh? I hope this film keeps the director Simon West from ever shooting any form of film ever again. Perhaps he could get a job developing film at Walmart. That's my word! I'm outta here.....
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
Not for those who like to be entertained by a movie...
Well with all of the positive reviews of this film abound, it's nice to see that I'm not alone in thinking this movie is weak, lame and predictable. Sure, I haven't read any of the books. And now that I have watched both of the Potter films, I can be absolutely sure that I will not waste any more time on such a crap series. Really people, does this movie need to be 2 hours and 40 minutes? I think not.... I'd rather do my laundry by hand...
Once again, the desire to make $$$ results in a sequel that needs to rehash all of the same boring details from the first movie.... As if we're all to dumb to remember what happened a year ago, this is one of those sequels that has to ask us, "Hey, remember this from the first movie? Well here it is again." Instead of trying to entice us with new cool ideas, the CHAMBER OF SECRETS treats the audience like a bunch of cucumber-brained dolts who can't handle a developed story with interesting characters... Is there one character from either of these flicks that is remotely likeable? Surely not the stupid troll Dobie or whatever it's name is, introduced to make audiences cringe like the horror of another CGI annoyance Jar Jar Binks. Kenneth Branagh is also added to the mix as a vain professor with no brass, and that should have been enough to keep me away, but for some reason I kept watching. And Robbie Coltrane should not have been given another job after making that POPE MUST DIE movie in the mid 90s... Poor Richard Harris though. It's a shame that such an accomplished actor had to die with this film being his last effort. I would have much rather seen him as English Bob again in an UNFORGIVEN sequel.
Sure this is ultimately a kids movie. I understand that, but why treat today's kids like dingbats? Why can the two BABE films be enjoyable for adults and kids, but these POTTER flicks stink like yesterday's diapers... And talk about unnecessarily long... The two movies together add up to be slightly over 5 hours.... Now wouldn't one think that within 5 hours of footage, some of it would be entertaining? Just like the new STAR WARS prequels, it's all about lame effects and bad acting.... Why get good actors when the SPFX are of low caliber as well? I guess I miss the good old days when monsters and creatures were made of latex & makeup, and obviously in the scene being shot. Whereas nowadays, actors are required to react to a blue screen or a piece of cardboard.
Well I guess I got what I deserve. It's a good thing that well-crafted films are still in the theaters now, like PUNCH-DRUNK LOVE, RULES OF ATTRACTION, ROGER DODGER and AUTO FOCUS, otherwise we'd be in a sad state of affairs.... I mean c'mon, the only good film Chris Columbus has been associated with was GOONIES, and that was about 18 years ago....
Bottom line, if you want to be aggravated by bad acting, lame story developments and half-a**ed SPFX, see this movie. If you want to watch a film with some heart, go rent the DANGEROUS LIVES OF ALTAR BOYS. I'm outta here...