danomychowski Reviews

Miss March (2009)

I guess we just aren't allowed to have fun at the movies anymore...

[8/10 · 16 March 2009]

Obviously, this movie is not for everyone. It makes last years Sex Drive look like a family movie. Because of this, many people will be turned off by the movie. About a third of the people walked out of the theater when I saw it, and most likely the majority of them went home and rated this a One. Being a fan of the Whitest Kids U'know, I was very excited to hear about this back in December. and then very annoyed when they kept pushing back the release date. But finally, It arrived and it was great, in my opinion. Not quite to my expectations but by no means bad. It is true that some of the jokes become incredibly repetitive, and they dragged the lesbians scene out to the point that it was no longer funny. But more often than not, the jokes are hits rather than misses. Many people have given the film poor reviews because of how unbelievably vulgar the jokes are. Which makes me wonder: Why would you see a raunchy teen sex comedy that takes place at the playboy mansion, and was written, directed by, and starring two of the Whitest Kids U'know if you are offended by vulgar humor? Trevor Moore was hilarious as always but I do feel that Zach Creggor's talent was in many ways wasted. He got very few of the best lines, though, one could expect that since he plays the cliché "serious" buddy that is found in all teen sex comedies. Craig Robinson was great, though I thought that his character got a bit annoying after a while. But despite the films dirty charm and frequent laugh out loud moments, there were also a fair number of flaws. Miss MArch suffered from the same issue that the latest Harold And Kumar installment did: Every once in a while they would go just a bit too far. In a film like this you have to walk the line. In many cases, they would take a flying leap over it. Which is fine, to a certain extent. The problem was that the just didn't seem to realize when to quit. Dirty does not always mean funny. If you are trying to decide whether or not to see it, just know that it can either be a laugh out loud hilarious raunch filled comedy roller-coaster or it can be a dull, lifeless, trashy, tasteless, bomb of a movie, depending on your taste, or lack thereof. I personally found it to be the former rather than the latter. But it is most certainly not the type of movie that you should see with your family. 8/10

Friday the 13th (2009)

Surprisingly excellent!

[8/10 · 14 February 2009]

Based on the trailers for the movie, I wasn't sure what to expect. It looked, more than anything, like just another lame remake. This is the third attempt at a Jason movie from New Line Cinema, the first two being Jason Goes To Hell, and Freddy VS. Jason. Neither of which were particularly memorable. so this movie could easily have ended up like those two as another mediocre rehash. especially since it has the same writers as Freddy VS. Jason. Well believe me, this is NOT just another lame remake, nor is it just another lame rehash. In fact, I liked it a little more than the original. Granted, it wasn't really a remake, so much as a comeback vehicle for Jason Vorhees. Perhaps a better title for the film would have been Jason Returns--Again. the thing is, that writers Mark Swift and Damian Shannon GET Jason Vorhees. Whereas Freddy Kreuger seemingly wasn't exactly their specialty as was made obvious in FvJ it is clear that they are the ones that Friday fans such as myself have been waiting for. Of course, the film did have its Cons. The Pros:

-Derek Mears was amazing as Jason. Naturally, he was a major improvement over Ken Kirzinger. In fact, he may just be the best Jason Vorheesbesides Kane Hodder.

-The rest of the Cast were also great. They truly captured the essence the stereotypes inn which they played. They took the stereotypes and made actual characters out of them. Though the very comical, never taking itself completely seriously styled writing may have done much of the work in that case. -The Music was perfect for the movie. It sounded enough like the original music to give off that sweet sense of nostalgia but different enough to seem new and fresh. -The Nostalgia Factor! This was perhaps the best part about the whole movie. With all of its throwbacks to the originals and its entire opening scene, which was, in itself an awesome homage to the first movie, it left you feeling young again. Basically, it was almost, if not just as fun as the first film was back in 1980. It was perfect both as a re-introduction to modern audiences and as a nostalgic tribute to those of us who saw the original. Now we can go through the experience all over again, this time with our kids who, as we were when we saw the original, are way to young to see it!

Of course, there was a Con or two thrown into the mix.

-Amanda Righetti's character seems very out of place in the movie. I don't want to give anything away, but I didn't like her as the Co-main female lead. They should have left that to Danielle Panabacker, who I thought did great. -Jared Padalecki of Supernatural fame sold his role, but his character, as is his character from Supernatural, was just a bit too whiny for my taste. It was almost as if HE was the main Female lead.

Other than that, I can't really think of any other notable Cons. When the movie is funny, It's laugh out loud funny. When it tries to be scary, it is scary enough. The action is intense, there are plenty jump out of your seat moments, and of course, what Friday movie would be complete without Five totally gratuitous Nude scenes?

The film has every thing you could possibly want out of a Jason movie, as I have probably said before. It exhibits untamed Nudity and sex and uncensored Blood and gore--often within the same scene. And they didn't waste any time with a Crazy Ralph typed character, a character that I never particularly cared for.

So I would once again lie to extend my utter gratitude to All who worked on this movie, and helped make it the re-boot we have been waiting for. And to all of those who worried about the involvement of Michael Bay: It looks like he finally made a movie that he deserves respect for. And Marcus Nispel did a decent job too, soon enough, the lame TCM remake will just be an event of the past, because this film more than made up for his past misfires. And to all of the parents of all of the teenagers who will obviously want to see this movie, If your kid has EVER seen a horror movie before (and I mean a HORROR movie, Prom Night and The Unborn don't count)they will not have any problem with this movie. And as far as content goes, It is rated R for a reason, but if your kid is over the age of 14, he has seen it all before, whether you know it or not.

I look foreward to seeing the next F13 movie.

The Tiffany Problem (2008)

Hilarious! Adam Green has done it again

[10/10 · 14 December 2008]

After making such classics as Hatchet, and Spiral (I still haven't seen Cofee & Donuts) Adam Green made this sitcom styled internet Halloween special, just like he does every year. This particular installment, however, is even better than the last, which was better than the previous year's and so on. I won't take the time to explain the story since it is only about a 10 minute long movie, but I will say that it is excellently made and strikingly well written. And with a cast so great you can't fail. Joel Moore from Hatchet and Dodgeball, and Joel Murray also from Hatchet and one of my favorite sitcoms: Still Standing are among some of the main cast members. Overall this was an excellent short film and I hope to see more of Adam Green in the near future.

Python (2000 TV Movie)

Silly but fun

[6/10 · 27 November 2008]

Looking at the title/DVD cover/ plot you may be led to believe that this is just another cheesy direct to video sci-fi flick to be dismissed. That is what I thought at first, but as I watched it it became more and more enjoyable (especially the opening sequence, not a bad way to start off your movie). What is it that sets this particular film apart from all others of its kind? One thing, it knows that it's ridiculous, and rather than simply ignoring that it uses its own flaws as source material to create some very funny jokes. Basically, this is one of those anything goes type of movie along the lines of "Frankenfish" and "Hatchet", though I believe that those two movies are a bit better than this one. And its refusal to take itself seriously, is what sets it apart.

So, overall this is a campy, goofy sci-fi flick that is perfect for a Friday night. Watch it with an open mind, as tired as that phrase is it is still valid--especially on this occasion. And if your head is in the right place, it can be loads of fun.

Eddie's Million Dollar Cook-Off (2003 TV Movie)

Taylor Ball is awesome

[5/10 · 27 November 2008]

Honestly, I never cared for the movies produced by the modern Disney channel (I think they're calling it Zoog? Whatever that means.). In fact, I haven't really liked most of the more recent theatrical films from the Disney company. They seem to have gone way downhill since Walt died, though there have been signs that they are returning to form lately. Movies like Sky High, Pirates, and even The Game Plan was a minor improvement over the countless number of sub-par attempts they have been making since the late 80's. And now we have this. Yet another family sports comedy featuring a kid as the lead, just another sandlot wannabe. Or is it? Yes, the plot is cliché and tired, and yes, the film itself is endlessly predictable--especially how it ends. But somehow it manages to pull itself away from what seemed like inevitable mediocrity. The film itself had a sort of charm to it that really added to the viewer's enjoyment of what would be an otherwise pointless mess of cliché. That and Taylor Ball, best known for playing the part of Brian on the sitcom Still Standing. He times his lines just well enough that he actually makes some rather silly lines of dialog work. He manages to make a character out of one of the most tired cliché vehicles in the book. and for that, I praise him. Taylor Ball saved this movie from being a total failure. It is a wonder why he doesn't get more work.

-Ryan out.

An American Haunting (2005)

It had its ups and downs...

[5/10 · 23 November 2008]

I will say this: It started out well. The film built up momentum by creating a creepy atmosphere and introducing characters that the audience will actually care about and not just the usual stereotype vehicles that are laid down at the beginning simply for the purpose of killing them off later. So, anyway, everything was going well up until about the last 25 minutes or so. The writers, who had up to this point written a fairly creepy and cliché free movie, decided to insert one of those damn twist endings. Everything was going great and the BAM! There it is, a twist in the final act that completely destroys any trace of a well established storyline. Of course, that is the way that most horror films are nowdays. The same thing happened to another recent horror film, Haute Tension. That movie had so much potential, and it lived up to the majority of it but then the filmmakers decided to tack on a plot twist that made NO sense.

But, back to this movie. For the most part it was decent, and certainly a cut above many other recent horror films e.g, The Grudge, Prom Night, Hostel. But, as always, it was the ending that kept it from being a truly memorable and worthwhile film.

-Ryan

The Fly II (1989)

Though it lacks the plot, character development, and budget of the original, i found it to be more entertaining and fun in every way possible than cronenberg's version.

[7/10 · 11 October 2008]

This film was about as campy as they come. silly, stupid, way over the top. that is why i love it. I watch it every time it comes on television.( for some reason it only ever seems to come on in October? not really a halloween film.) Now, many people HATE this movie. They compare it to cronenberg's original. Well, comparing the two films is just a bad idea. The fly was a serious horror?sci-fi film that just happened to packed full of totally over the top gore scenes. The fly 2 is a cheaply made gross out flick and I am fairly sure that the creators made it with a frequent USA Up All Night time slot in mind. so, don't compare it to the original. just watch it, turn off your brain and enjoy.

Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992)

Certainly not a bad movie, But sub par compared to the first two.

[5/10 · 5 October 2008]

Hellraiser 1 was a masterpiece. It turned out to be one of the best horror movies of the 80's (which was a good time for horror if you ask me) maybe even of all time. it was well paced, creepy, and strangely moving. Hellraiser 2 was also a fantastic film. it was one of the very few sequels that are actually as good or better than the original. (this and wayne's world 2). Hellraiser 3... well,it was pretty good. the big problem here was that rather than making him the emotionless figure of pure evil like the first two he was turned into just another bad guy in another horror movie. basically hell on earth was campier, bloodier, trashier, and much more mindless than it's predeccesors. back when it came out it seemed like an abomination, now, when compared to current horror (if you can even call them that) movies it looks like a masterpiece. so overall i thought it was a decent movie, just don't compare it to the first and second.

Meet the Spartans (2008)

By no means a GOOD movie, but not AS bad as I though it would be.

[3/10 · 2 October 2008]

I absolutely HATED epic movie and date movie. the recent disaster movie was even WORSE. Meet the spartans was definitely not a very funny movie but unlike its predecessors it had a funny moment or two. yes, most of the jokes fell flat but there were a few that managed to save this from being a total failure. still, the majority of the jokes simply left you with a kind of wtf? feeling. (like the gta reference, what was the point of that?

anyway, if you can manage wading through a pile of lame jokes to pick out the couple of actually fairly funny jokes then go ahead and see this. but otherwise watch something else.

Dolls (1986)

I LOVE this movie

[8/10 · 2 October 2008]

Now, many people have trashed this movie for being stupid or unrealistic, but that is the whole point of this type of film. Of course it is unrealistic and of course it is silly. VERY silly. but regardless of that it is an excellent film and certainly a worthwhile view. It is not particularly scary though there are definitely some incredibly creepy moments, but the thing is that you cannot really look at this as a horror film because it isn't any more of a horror flick than the lion king. it is much more of a fantasy story or even better yet, the story of a lonely young girl who simply wants a friend. the only problem is that the friends she does make are killer dolls who reside in the house of a elderly couple who are very kind people when you get past the fact that THEY MAKE KILLER DOLLS! But the one thing that stands out in particular is that in this movie, rather than depicting the DOLLS as the main villains, the true bad - guys are a certain few of the PEOPLE. which in this case is very appropriate. So take my advice and rent it (or watch the full movie on youtube because since it is currently in the public domain you can legally watch it there. that is how i see it.) and have the mind set that it isn't a bloody trashy horror movie but in fact it is a very creepy fairy tale that is sometimes funny (both intentionally and unintentionally). 8/10