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Reviews
Kynodontas (2009)
Ruuffff! : I gave it a 2 (one for each laugh)
It's very difficult to write negative comments about a movie when so many other heap praise on it. I find that although I want to say "it's complete crap and anyone who says it's artsy, deep or interesting is simply a pretentious loser", I realize that wouldn't be fair because they may see things that I am missing. Those that liked this might simply be more "film savvy" than I am and have a better feel for the nuanced cinematic even that this could very well be. I just don't know. With that said, I have to say that I thought this was complete crap.
Here's why:
As you probably already know, a husband and wife decide to raise their kids in isolation. They want to protect them from the evil world around them. I assume they are home schooled. The boy certainly knows how to play the guitar – do they have books – how did he learn (mother or father)? The girls dance but as we see, clearly they had no instructor (the guitar/dance performance was one of two scenes that I enjoyed). They have told the children that leaving the grounds is deadly – they must remain within the gates or suffer horrible consequences. They seem to be okay with this. They seem to be okay with just about everything. They seem like idiots.
The look and feel of the movie is lifeless and drab. Maybe that was the intention but right from the beginning I felt distanced rather than involved or interested. I was not drawn in – if anything, I was put off. The music was not noteworthy with the one exception of Akira Ifukube's Godzilla segment – a great piece but out of place in this total POS.
The characters themselves are boring. Living in isolation like these three do would not make them imbeciles and yet that is how they behave (and so does the "normal" girl brought in as a sex partner – the fourth imbecile). The children appear to be in their late teens or early twenties and other than that, we get to learn nothing about them. There are a few sexual encounters that take place but they are no more interesting or revealing than when we get to see the kids drinking orange juice.
The adults are just as dull. A drag to look at – two old burnouts with little to say. Their responses to the children's questions are very, very lame. Their "teaching moments" are so over the top and contrived that you don't buy into any of it (get on all fours and bark – this is how you protect yourself from the dangerous predatory house cat). Okay, I'll admit that I laughed when they all went into a barking frenzy.
The ending is attempting to say "something" – I am not sure what they intended, but to me it seemed to say "hey, we're still out of good ideas!".
Okay, so what do I have here - 94 minutes of screen time. Three of those spent laughing at the celebratory brother/sister musical act. Add in another minute of mild amusement during the barking scene. That leaves ninety minutes of crap and anyone who says it's artsy, deep or interesting is simply a pretentious loser (yes, I am kidding - I just disagree strongly).
Hotel (2001)
DVD should come wrapped in a Glad Bag
I'm not sure what to say the negative reviews all seem to mirror my thoughts on this absolute crap movie. "No script", I think that says it all. Uninspired is the nicest thing that I can say about it. I am amazed at how delusional people can be Figgis, shame on you letting people pay for this load of garbage.
I would suspect that most people will find this to be a) a waste of money b) a waste of time c) a waste of talent (the actors) and d) an embarrassment for all involved. Some will also add e) insulting and f) bad PR for all artists trying to do some different and creative.
I am sure there is a small group of people that will cast this movie in a somewhat better light than others, but they will be the minority and their reasons for doing so are probably worth examining.
I notice that most of the reviews are well written and make their point without resorting to foul language or sophomoric references. I applaud you all. I must also add that this movie totally sucked the root.
Eight Crazy Nights (2002)
"It's a Sandler" (Slang:phrase: meaning: Garbage, worthless)
Someone stop him. How can people indulge this man.
The story:
Davey Stone (voice by A.S.) is a disgusting person. He insults others, mocks them and basically spends his time being a jerk. Why is he like this? There is a reason . . . but we don't care. No one cares. And the reason we don't care is that the story is so lame, the characters are so cruel and stupid and the humor is so juvenile that you lose interest after five minutes.
This is a disgrace. Movies are expensive - this is an insult.
Trouble Every Day (2001)
Trouble Making Sense Of This
Although there are a few scenes that are very, very striking (the gore and the sexuality), the movie just left me wondering "what was this all about?". There are no explanations for any of the events that take place and we never get any insight into the characters. It was as if I was observing a couple of very disturbed people but I was not allowed to ask questions and no information is available. I was disappointed.