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Take Shelter (2011)
Take Shelter From This Movie!
Warning: Possible Spoilers Ahead
From now on, when I read the reviews for a movie, I am going to automatically view any ratings above an 8 as suspect and possibly written by the cast and crew and/or their family members.
I'm not especially a Michael Shannon fan but I liked the allusion to a supernatural premise and the trailers looked very interesting. I was also intrigued by reviews that beamed about it being a masterpiece of the slow burn with a cracking ending. It was neither. It was so interesting that I paused it about a third of the way through to take a nap, and then, when I restarted it to finish it out, I ended up pausing it every few minutes to see how much time there was left. In short, it was dull and plodding and a waste of two hours.
The first thing that came to mind was that this appeared to be a different sort of take on Richard Dreyfus' obsession with the mountain in Close Encounters, about his dissent into his own form of madness and how it effected his life. The difference is that the portrayal of Dreyfus' obsession was interesting. It held your attention. Take Shelter was dull in its portrayal of Shannon's descent into his own form of madness, mixed in with his psychic vision. And while Shannon's performance was excellent considering the turkey he'd been fed, the final vindication of his visions turned out to be completely uninteresting. Dreyfus' obsession culminated in an incredible first contact. Shannon's ended with him and his family seeing a storm out to sea that mirrored his visions. Yeah? Okay? And? Are you trying to tell us that he's actually psychic and not Schizophrenic? The viewer is fed this line that they are building up to an apocalyptic ending and it really wasn't. What? You've never seen a storm at sea? The fight scene at the Lion's Club supper was more interesting! After that, I couldn't turn the movie off fast enough.
But one thing that really annoyed me was towards the end when they were asleep and the sirens started wailing and they all ran to take cover in the shelter. I thought, finally! Something's about to happen! Then, as his wife was tediously trying to get him to open the door to the shelter, I'm thinking to myself that with the long and boring 'build-up' they've been doing up to now, there'd better not be bluebirds and rainbows when he opens that door! Well, guess what? Chirp, chirp. And then, there are his neighbors picking up the odd stray broken branches you might see after a good thunderstorm, but nothing the least bit apocalyptic.
Save yourself two hours and use it to go out to dinner with your friends. This opus is not worth your time, in my opinion.
The Walking Dead: World Beyond (2020)
Enough with this franchise already!
This show is just what one needs in the middle of a lockdown / pandemic...if you want to push people who are already depressed into a deeper depth of despair.
Really? Somebody actually thought this was a good idea? The original Walking Dead lost its way a long time ago when it killed off most of its interesting characters leaving us with characters who had no appeal whatsoever and writing that was banal at best. This World Beyond is the teen version of that, only worse with a depressing soundtrack. Don't waste your time. This whole franchise needs to go away.
Watch the Sky (2017)
Are You Kidding Me!?
Warning: Possible Spoilers Ahead
First, let me say that I very much enjoyed the work of all the actors in this movie, which is why I'm giving it as many stars as I am. There was good chemistry and good performances all around. I liked the growing bond between the two brothers and I very much liked the scene between Shawn and his mother. It was all very natural, and I think young Mr. Muir has a bright future ahead of him. None of the cast has anything at all to be ashamed of; the writer(s), director and producer(s), however, need to have their Guild memberships suspended while they go back to school for some refresher courses for having pulled the rug out from under the viewers like they did.
I ran across this movie on streaming. The summary sounded interesting, so I decided to give it a try. I was getting into it, even if it did move a bit slowly, so I looked it up on IMDB for more info and noticed that it only had a 3.6 rating. I didn't read the reviews because I was in the middle of the movie, but I did see that the user ratings were very low. I didn't understand why. I thought the movie was fairly engaging. Late in the movie, I hit the pause button to go to the bathroom and noticed that there was only about twelve minutes left. Twelve minutes? How are they going to wrap all of this up in twelve minutes? Twelve minutes later, I found out that their idea of wrapping things up and my idea of wrapping things up were two completely different ideas. This movie, essentially, is two acts of a three-act play. There's a whole other act missing that resolves what happens to the brothers and the families and the townspeople and...the aliens.
Whoever wrote this thought that they were going to be very clever and artsy and go for a Serlingesque ending but without really understanding Serling. Serling would sometimes end his stories without completely resolving something, leaving a bit up to the imagination of the viewer, and I think that's what the writer of WTS was going for but did not achieve. Serling, an incredibly talented writer, would often have a twist and a surprise ending with a moral to it, which is quite different than leaving the story completely unresolved. I mean, would "Romeo and Juliet" have had the same power without the suicide scene? No. Would the movie version of Stephen King's "The Mist" had the same impact if the movie had ended when the group left the grocery store and completely dropped the heavy irony of the ending? No. Would "Watch The Sky" have had the same impact if it had ended with the brothers being dragged out of the truck and spirited away into the night? Oh...wait...that's where it did end. And that little follow up scene where their movie camera was found before rolling the credits resolved nothing and was completely unsatisfying.
You would think that someone, anyone, would point out that this ending to an otherwise enjoyable movie, was going to do nothing but infuriate people. You owe us the third act to this play. And if anyone wants to say that we, the audience, just don't understand, I say good luck in your next career.
Thanks for your attention.
War of the Worlds (2019)
One Season and Done
Right up front, let me say that I don't hate the show, but I don't like it that much either.
It's one of those shows where you keep watching in anticipation of something that you don't want to miss and I don't feel that I ever got that something. The acting and the production values are both more than acceptable, but the pacing! GOD! Could you MAKE it any slower? It is very drawn out, like a soap opera. You could cut out the middle four or five episodes and you probably wouldn't be any the worse for wear. And if you fancy strangers doing a lot of wordless walking, pick up a copy of "Gerry". At least you feel some sort of empathy for those characters. This version of WOTW spends a great deal of time delving into the characters personal problems, which, for me, is an angle that kills most series'. I didn't watch this show hoping to hear about your marriage problems or your brother/sister BS; if I wanted that, I'd just listen to the gossip at work. I was hoping for some real escapist action and what I got was a bunch of robot dogs. Speaking of which...If you are going to the trouble of creating a SciFi Drama, one of the items on your checklist should be that eventually, you have to show the monster, or, to borrow from the Doctor in one of the later episodes, you need to show the Organ Grinder and give the monkey a rest. "Cloverfield" understood this, because even though the story was not about the monster per se, the filmmakers knew they had to at least give a glimpse of it now and then instead of just showing the spider things.
And if anyone feels that I 'just don't get it', fine; that's your opinion, and I don't care. Did it entertain me? Not as much as I'd hoped for, and if they do a second season, I'll probably take a pass.
The Dark Tapes (2016)
Sick, just sick
I am a definite fan of the found footage genre, and I usually have a fairly high threshold for getting grossed out, but this is just plain sick schlock. I couldn't even finish watching the trailer, so that should give you an idea of what my opinion of the entire movie was like. There's no artistry or imagination in anything anymore, it's just become all about how many buttons can we push and how much fake blood can we splatter over the screen. I also took an immediate dislike to ALL of the characters just from what I saw. Look at the trailer and see for yourself, but I'm not going to waste any more time with this thing.
Sickhouse (2016)
I guess all filmmakers have to start somewhere
I remember a Civics teacher once telling us kids a story about a politician who was asked to speak at some local function that was about a month away. The politician asked how much time he would be allotted and was told he'd have about ten minutes, to which he replied that he'd better get started writing his speech. The other person asked him why the rush and the politician said that since he only had ten minutes, he was going to have to choose his words and moderate his time carefully. Having been in similar situations, I can tell you that doing so is not an easy task and requires a great deal of focus, which is something that was lacking from the Sickhouse offering. This work came across like a class project that still requires a lot of work and critiquing, not something that you'd end up charging money for.
If you are only going to take an hour to tell a story, and tell it well, you can't waste a lot of time picking up relatives at the airport and getting ready for parties and going to parties and dealing with a sick animal
(Possible Spoiler Alert)
and, as an aside, speaking as an animal lover, the episode with the kitten garnered more raw emotions from me than anything that happened at the sickhouse. I truly hope that what happened with that poor little animal was not real, because I have no sympathy at all for people who would stand there making themselves up for a party while an small, helpless kitten is crying, probably in pain
and taking it to a party as well?! It should have stayed in the animal hospital until it was over whatever was wrong with it, and then to just coldly inform the audience that kitty didn't make it. Oh, well
on to the next one. That arc just completely drained from me any sympathy I had for the group for the rest of the movie. You get the sympathy you give.
I mostly agree with the first two reviews so I won't rehash what they said. There's nothing new in this offering and what is there isn't done especially well and comes across as trite.
Keep trying, though; we learn by doing. Oh, and lose the vertical formatting...it just ticks people off.
Speed Demon (2003)
Let this be a warning to young actors (Spoilers Ahead)
When I saw the movie 'Shock Waves' (1977), I thought I had, without a doubt, seen the worst movie ever made. I must now apologize to director Ken Wiederhorn for having thought so. Director David DeCoteau's 'Speed Demon' (2003) is worse. DeCoteau can do good work but this isn't an example of it.
(Potential Spoilers Ahead)
Let's start with the setting. Wherever this town is that these kids live, there is almost nobody else living there but them. The film was very shy on, almost devoid of, extras to give the feel of an actual living, breathing community with some depth to it. Perhaps this is because the director moved from his familiar campus settings, with a heavy student population to draw from for extras, out into a wider world where extras cost more money. I can understand wanting to keep costs down, but the lack of a believable population gives the movie an odd feel to it.
This town also, apparently, has some odd ordinances that require men under the age of, say, 25 to all wear sunglasses but mostly prohibit the wearing of shirts, except to funerals and other public functions. It's a shame that the story was not as well built as the bodies.
Good horror depends on proper setup in order to make the viewer suspend disbelief and buy into the world that the director is creating. A brief mention of a 'Speed Demon' near the beginning of the film does not suffice. Flashbacks, or some other device, could have been employed at the beginning to set the stage and give more depth to the premise. When the lead actor talks about the speed demon before a fateful race, it rings hollow, more like high school gossip than urban legend.
The fateful race was entirely predictable and came too early in the film to allow the viewer to develop any empathy for the unlucky character or his brother. It had none of the tension of, say, any of the race sequences from 'Rebel without a Cause' or even 'The Fast and the Furious' and 'The Wraith', which were the most likely inspirations for this film.
The characters were shallow and did not elicit the empathy, sympathy or strong dislike that good characters have to do if the movie is going to work well. This was due in no small part to the fact that, generally, the acting was poor and distracted from what story there was. As an example, the lead villain delivered his lines in a consistently stiff, emotionless manner that was guaranteed to cure insomnia. To anyone who has seen other DeCoteau movies, the villain's wooden delivery would remind one of Bradley Stryker (The Brotherhood, et al), except that Stryker's tone of voice occasionally varied.
However hokey the supernatural premise, almost any occult ritual scene can be made to work on some level if the lead actor has enough charisma to pull it off; think Michael Des Barres in 'Ghoulies' (1985). Des Barres performance was definitely over the top but it definitely didn't put the viewer to sleep, either. The lead villain in Speed Demon's occult ritual sequences leant no charisma whatsoever to the scenes and they came across as tedious frat initiations. This was not helped by DeCoteau's now-familiar, and tired, device of massage, to say nothing of underwear, either by doing it to one's self or with the help of a friend.
Forgive me for picking on the lead villain...there's plenty of banality to go around for the whole cast.
And the twist ending? Please. Not believable. The dark driver should've just driven off into the west, leaving them wondering about 'his' real identity similar to Eastwood's Preacher in 'Pale Rider'.
Let this be a warning to young, aspiring directors: Well developed pecs and abs are no substitute for a well developed story. To you young actors out there: There's absolutely nothing wrong with developing one's body, but pay attention in drama class; don't just sign up for it and then head for the gym. Develop and work at your craft or you may someday find yourself living back home with your parents while trying to scrounge money for head shots and wondering why your agent doesn't return your calls.
Dead in the Water (2002)
Oh, well...there goes THAT rental money...
***WARNING - POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD***
Please, if you're thinking about going down to Blockbuster or clicking on "Rent" at Netflix...Stop! Don't waste your time or money.
The premise was a little hokey, but OK, it happens. The movie outline on the IMDB page pretty much says it all...three friends take a fourth out for a day trip on the water. The odd man out disappears. The rest try to deal with the situation in less than scrupulous ways.
The acting was very mediocre; Henry Thomas' career obviously peeked with ET. The dialog was somewhat forced. I felt no sympathy at all for any of them, a key element to making this kind of story work, least of all the alleged victim! And speaking of the victim, what was up with that ending?! Those of you who've seen it know exactly what I'm talking about. I know the director was trying for a very clever twist but it just didn't work. There was absolutely no thread tying the ending to the rest of the film so that it ultimately made some modicum of sense. Send back your film school diploma, guy.
The short film in the bonus materials on the DVD was better than the feature. Still, save your money.
The Last Man on Planet Earth (1999)
Planet of the Apes Revisited
This film is a thinly veiled remake of the original "Planet of the Apes" but wholly without the depth or thought provoking qualities of the original. As one could deduce from the title, it is set in a world now composed almost exclusively of women. Except for a few, very few, moments near the end, the characters are cartoonish, and at times insulting, as is the explanation of how the world came to be in the state it finds itself. The film may be attempting to satirize the PC climate of today's society but does not succeed. Even as TV movies go, "Last Man..." serves mainly as something to fill air time between commercials. In general, if one finds ones self with nothing else to watch on a rainy day, go rent the original "Planet of the Apes".