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Reviews
Men in White (1998)
Dire, dreadful, disastrous, but please watch it anyway!
I saw this film back in 99 when it was first on in the UK, and here I am writing about it in 2004. Since then I consider myself a little bit older, a little bit wiser but one thing still remains the same- This film is one of the worst ever to grace (or is that disgrace?) celluloid. I understand a few of the gags more, most notably since I watched the likes of 2001 and that but they are still absolutely abysmal. Gags should appeal to everyone of the target audience (bit of advice for you Mr writer) but jokes about smoking aren't really going to make the kids laugh are they? So what else is terrible in this film? Well I only have a 1000 word limit on the IMDb so I will keep it brief so let us start with the dreadful plotting.
One previous writer is correct, a dead cat could write something better. Then we have the characters, two idiotic morons which worked well in Dumb and Dumber because they had the dialogue but in this film I won't even go there, OK then I will as you insist..."We've been saving the Earth from alien invasion", "I hope you don't expect any extra bonus for this..." you get the picture in this dire picture. Another previous writer was correct also, Tom Wilson is a decent actor as he showed us in Back to the Future, but since then work has kind of dried up. He shouldn't be getting this guff at all, but the question we need to ask ourselves is WHY Mr Wilson decided to do this film in the first place? If you haven't seen this diabolical mess of a film, then I have a surprise for you...watch it! Seriously, watch this film, I kid you not. And why? Well if you are a budding screenwriter it is truly a lesson of how NOT to make a film.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
Boring, nonsensical, but inventive. (Spoilers there be).
Was this film really worth watching? I thought I would give it a chance as a) Jim Carrey was in it, but more importantly b) Charlie Kaufman wrote it, whom after Adaption really set my hopes up high. The film definitely starts on a high note, the mundanity of Joel's life is shown to us in full and there is some a really interesting exchange on a train between Joel and Clementine. Then after 20 minutes, you realise there has been no opening credits and thus we are thrown into the story, with Joel sobbing his heart out over Clementine's infidelity. Then comes the boring part. We realise that she has had something to do with removing the memories of poor Joel from her mind. But Kaufman forgot one thing, and that was to tell us HOW LONG they had actually been together. Then for some reason Joel gets the memory erasing thingymajig treatment, cue HUGELY overlong scenes of Joel and Clementine talking inside Joel's mind in different scenario's where the weird and wonderful (sometimes) happen. I thought these would last only 10 minutes, but they actually take up the majority of the film. My main problem was that nothing made sense, but after seeing many many films I decided that the convention of cinema dictates that when you're watching a film where crazy things are happening they are always tied up in a neat fashion at the end which makes you think "...oh yeah!". However, Eternal Sunshine's ending tried to do this but as all of these things were happening, I got completely lost and I was paying very close attention. The end of the film just made me think "what the hell?" and will require another couple of viewings to get my head around completely. Also, Mr Carrey isn't given the chance to flex his facial muscles as much as before. I thought he had gone serious when I saw Trueman Show, and The Majestic confirmed it but last year's insanely enjoyable Bruce Almighty made me think he could do both. I was disappointed that the comedy was removed from his role and the funniest thing in the film was Clementine's worrying habit of dressing up potatoes (you will see for yourself). Overall, Charlie Kaufman has given us an intriguing story and the suggestion that we should just keep bad memories inside us as it builds character and lets us remember for future purposes. Unfortunately it isn't really applied to this film, and definitely left me feeling very cold and unfulfilled.
Get it on video so you can rewind and see it again to understand it, but it's not worth going to the cinema because you can't ask the projectionist to show you it again to understand what happened.
2 out of 5 Hattori Hanzo blades.
Marathon Man (1976)
Is it safe?
Is it safe? Is it safe? Is, it, safe? Asks Szell to Dustin Hoffman before drilling into his tooth. This film is basically an underrated classic, the script is thick and the acting is top rate and the battle scenes are also realistic. Laurence Olivier is definitely at home with Szell and he looks scary (not as scary as The Terminator) but never the less he looks as if he means business in a subtle way. A young Dustin Hoffman post-gruff voice act and a pre-Jaws performance from Rob Schneider.
RoboCop 2 (1991)
the first game I ever bought... and it was great!
This was the first game I bought for my Commodore 64 and, effectively, the first game I ever bought. The game saw you as Robocop, shooting bad guys with pink tops ? against a time limit. The game was side on and the only level that I do remember well was the level in a factory with all sorts of cogs and spikes and powerful magnets to dodge. If you remember this game, you should agree with me that it was great. Pure magic, 4.5 out of 5
Bloody Sunday (2002)
Great, and tragic re-enactment
This "film", as what it qualifies for is probably the most true to life re-enactment of the fateful day in Ireland on Sunday 30th Jan. The fly-on-the-wall style of the programme and the dull, wet settings really recreate the 70's style of the film/tv programme. When the different scenes cut from one another its all done with an effective fade to black effect. The different viewpoints of the British Paras and the marchers are realistic and the acting is top rate, especially from James Nesbitt and Tim-Piggott Smith. Final word? Amazing 10/10
Braindead (1992)
I was very sceptical at first...
I thought that this film before I watched it would be an awful bloodfest with a weak plot and thin script, but this film is king!!! The type of film is categorises could be B-Movie, Video Nasty or Comedy but whatever way it rules with an iron fist. The script is rather decent when compared to others, and the effects aren't bad, albeit with crude puppets and blood everywhere, but it's the reasonable plot. One of the best scenes is the baby scene, it's unimaginable to think that a zombie baby is cute but when it escapes, some hi-jinks on the see-saw and the swing will have you laughing. Also, another favourite scene of mine is the lawnmower scene, limbs, red claret and zombie infested corpses are the result, much reminescent of the scene from Frankenhooker(1990). The gags and the gore all combine into one smooth film where they just never stop. The guy stuck in the window is pulled through only to see that he's left with his bones with a pair of boots and the guy whose skin is ripped off his face is just plain hilarious. Where else could you find a priest who proclaims "I kick arse for the Lord"?, a Nazi vet who slobbers or a vicious rat monkey whose life is cut short by the fearsome mother of a good little lad. You want it, you got it, I strongly recommend this film to anyone intersted in the genre. Watch it and love it!