Change Your Image
kakuraffe
Reviews
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
The Downfall
I remember seeing this in theaters and being absolutely livid. Even now, I still can't watch this movie in a yearly rewatch without instantly being angry about it.
New Dumbledore - Michael Gamon, rest in peace, was a terrible Dumbledore. He said he didn't read the books which was pretty stupid for an actor, I think. The movies were big by then and what kind of commitment was there if he didn't bother knowing the character?
Honesty, as far as adult actors went, if it wasn't Alan Rickman and Emma Thomson this movie would literally be unwatchable.
Gary Oldman just wasn't Sirius. But in a recent interview, I have to give him a lot of credit for owning up to it:
"I dunno... maybe if I had read the books like Alan, if I'd got ahead of the curve [...] if I had known what's coming, I honestly think I would have played it differently."
Good for him and I completely agree.
David Thewlis was pretty decent as Lupin, actually. Too bad the movie made his werewolf form absolutely revolting. He was supposed to be a huge wolf but what we got some hideous biped nightmare fuel.
The direction was horrible and the worst part of the movie. I know there's so much information in the books to put into the movie but the director was more concerned with unnecessary shots than explaining anything! Do movie-only watchers know who the Marauders even are? They had to use the nicknames in other movies but this one dropped the ball hard on that. I'm just glad this was the only one the director did.
There was a ridiculously long shot of Harry on Buckbeak which was just annoying because he not only hated it but it was a really short trip. + The wacky crazy Whomping Willow scene didn't happen either. Crookshanks pressed a knob and the tree froze. I'll take plot over these unneeded shots all day long.
There was also a lot of creepy Hermione praise. They have her a lot of Ron's lines (eg. "you'll have to go through us to get to Harry"), Sirius and Lupin praise her for being smart even though she really didn't do anything. Even though it was more Ron assassination, I always chuckle when he agrees with Snape in calling her an "insufferable know it all" since she was really obnoxious in this movie.
I loved Stan Shunpike and can't even count how many times I've said "wut chew fell ova for?!" Truly a treasure along with Tom Felton.
Five Nights at Freddy's (2023)
I really enjoyed it! Also MatPat is the worst.
As someone who played the games and read the books, I was extremely impressed at how fun this movie was to watch! Many elements from all the games molded to a simplistic storyline with familiar characters that anyone watching can enjoy despite their knowledge of the series.
The ending revelation of not obsessing on the past to focus on the important parts of the present is a powerful one and something many can relate to. I know I did.
The animatronics were amazing and almost surreal with how perfect they were! Jim Henson's Creature Shop completely (and almost eerily) created perfect replicas of the characters.
On to the bad...
MatPat - the dorky waiter and YouTuber who makes repetitive videos of FNAF lore - ruined the movie for me twice so I feel the need to roast him for it.
The first time was being in the movie - it wasn't needed at all and completely ruined the emersion. "It's just a theory!" I was legitimately mad about this scene.
Second is that he completely spoiled the entire movie on his YouTube channel! I don't know how YouTube even recommended his video to me when I explicitly told them to "never recommend". Still, I watched his video anyway to give him a chance because I was excited about the movie.
He stated "William Afton is Matthew Liliard's character!" and that stuck with me while watching. So, when the big revel came I was just angry again.
Sorry to any fans of his who read this, but you can't say I'm wrong with my annoyances.
Now that I got the negatives off my chest, Scott created such a powerful series and I'm so glad the movie held up great even on its own. I have to admit this is the best movie I've seen in a really long time. Well done, Mr. Cawthon!
DuckTales (2017)
Not for this OG
Honestly I didn't care about the series and had more of a "sure, use a style slightly better than stick figures for that generation". The moment they touched Dawrkwing Duck? The gloves came off.
Sorry but this style is just offensive to the original and my eyes. Where are all the details? I even tried to rationalize what was so appalling with my artist brother who is 15 years younger and even he admitted that while he's a fan of the series - that the style is as simplistic as it can get. But apparently that's what's popular. I told him that didn't bode well for the future but ah well, here we are.
Also disgracing Darkwing and Negaduck's backstories like that is just plain rude.
The Conners (2018)
The 1 star is for the good reviews!
I gave this series way too much watch time in hopes it was going to produce some of that original magic even if it was missing the main ingredient. It never did.
The thing with Rosanne was that you always cheered on the family with all of its rough edges because they were lovable and pretty relatable in the 90s. But this mess just felt like political nonsense nonstop without a care for anything else. Who cares that the son has no personality when he dresses like a girl! Yeah it doesn't work like that. Then something with the daughter's school...? I honestly just didn't care enough to even remember. I get tired of politics and just want to watch a series of the people I grew up with but there was none of that left.
The acting was pretty bad and they all just seem so lifeless. The only good thing was seeing Katey Sagal who actually kept me watching. But she couldn't carry the whole thing on her back and with COVID storylines about to come up I bailed really fast.
I honestly don't know how this is still going on.
Old (2021)
I aged watching this...
It's kind of funny when I saw the poster for this on HBO Max and thought to myself how much it reminded me of a 90s RL Stein or Christopher Pike YA horror novel, because that's exactly what it was. I'm sure M Night was "inspired" by YA horror (again) to make this so maybe I'm not far off. (ETA: Just read that it was based off a comic but my point of "recycled YA horror plot" still stands.)
The acting was pretty terrible too. The crazy knife doctor was especially bad and there were so many awkward moments that made every scene worse.
Honestly the 2 stars were mostly for the fact I got to groan out "aww don't spill the baby".
A Quiet Place (2018)
Absolutely infuriating!
While it's always incredible and refreshing to see a movie made that isn't a reboot and has a really decent premise, I was just angry the entire time.
If you're going to feature a family who survived monsters that wiped out nearly the entire population, you shouldn't make them stupid. I couldn't even muster a smidgen of sympathy for Beau dying when the trek home was so badly planned out. Honestly I was waiting for the "well, we wanted to thin out the herd" reveal at the end for how that went down. (No mom, you didn't have to carry him, you should have been in the back to watch the kids.)
Even with the precautions of "soundproofing" and the oxygen crib/coffin, getting pregnant in such a world didn't seem like such a great idea. Though I guess it's not too bad when you have the fastest labor and delivery in the history of forever.
I honestly really wanted to like this movie and there were some scenes that had the tension high and gave me hope that it could be redeemed. Unfortunately all the aggravating moments took up too much of the good parts and ruined the whole thing for me.
Invader ZIM: Enter the Florpus (2019)
Perfection.
I went in watching with impossibly high standards as I was pretty obsessed with the show when it began its run in 2001, and I was still blown away by how much I loved "Enter the Florpus".
It definitely retained not only the look of the original series, but also the overall feel. With the same brilliant cast, Jhonen crafted a story that plucked from the random mayhem that was known and loved from the series and added in some rather heartwarming scenes as well.
Bones (2005)
A Huge Mess
Honestly, this was a series that would have been perfect for me. When I watched it weekly, I jumped ship after they killed off Sweets (who was undoubtedly my favorite character). Thanks to Hulu, I decided to give it another shot and quickly realized why I never wanted to watch again.
Bones and Booth as a couple was terrible. It was the most inorganic pairing that was painful to watch at times. For five seasons, you can't just have random characters ask "are you a couple?" to engage the viewer to ask the same question. There was no chemistry between them to root for them to get together. The difference me between them were too vast; Bones is cold and clinical while Booth is warm and emotional. If she changed more before he realized he loved her, it would have made much more sense.
Which goes to the main character who could grate my nerves so very easily. I read another review where she was a "Mary Sue" and that fits the bill quite perfectly. She's so infallible and perfect with her vast wisdom, beauty, wealth, fighting skills, and making everyone around her feel like lesser humans because of it all. When her life was in danger, I couldn't find it in me to care.
"I wasn't aware our child's genitals were so important to you." For a genius, Brennen was an absolute moron.
It was also funny that by the second season they gave up on trying to explain why the FBI would take cases when they had zero jurisdiction.
It wasn't all bad; the rest of the cast I absolutely adored. Cam, Hodgins, Sweets, Angela and all of the Squinterns were more that worthy to carry the whole show. I really wish this had been the case for the show so I could have liked it more.
Easy A (2010)
Easily Rewatchable!
There are so many great things about this movie that it's easy to rewatch it at least once or twice a year. A great tribute to the outstanding John Hughes movies from the 80s, Easy A has a great cast, soundtrack, and pretty decent storyline...
Despite the fact that in 2010 California a 17 year old having sex was earth shattering somehow. (And they could have definitely done without Lisa Kudrow and her goofy acting.)
All the small irks are overclouded by the great things it offers. Emma Stone was brilliant as a Gilmore Girl talking Olive with quite possibly the best movie parents in the world (Patricia Clarkson and Stanley Tucci).
High school is hard, no matter when, where, or why. The movie delivers the best advice that it will pass and finding a way to go through it is key.
Danganronpa: Kibô no gakuen to zetsubô no kôkôsei - The animation (2013)
Started a great love!
First Viewing: Japanese Dub; no prior game play.
I don't know or care what the tween "critics" say about this anime, I'm glad I watched on pure recommendation and it was absolutely worth it. The end may have hit me a bit personally and I found myself unintentionally crying. (Dealing with severe depression, it put the hope/despair into a wonderful light and the writers should be praised for putting it in perspective.)
It's pretty obvious it will differ from the game, so that argument is just laughable. The point is, I never played the games until I watched the anime and I'm sure that was exactly the point. It did seem a bit rushed, which is why I played the games after. And it sure didn't sour me from doing so.
The Japanese cast is incredible! With many popular seiyuu for nostalgia and some newer ones to fully appreciate.
Overall, being new to the series this was the best place to start. The animation wasn't golden, though I found that's hardly a problem if the story holds up as great as this did.
13 Reasons Why (2017)
Are they paying for positive reviews?
I'll share some of my personal information that helped me arrive at the fury I have to this trash of a show.
Me and my family have been a part of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) since my father was victim to suicide. Though I'm in my 30s and have my own mental illnesses I deal with daily, I also have a high school son and college student brother. We did a lot for their schools.
This show is slowly UNDOING all the actual good others do!
Victims of suicide are VICTIMS. They get so lost in this dark hole and feel that's the best option for them. They do NOT blame others, they blame themselves for not being strong enough or not being good enough, etc.
Hannah Baker was NONE of these things. She was a revenge fueled pity-party and the only reason I think they added the one and only bad thing that actually happened to her at the very end so anyone opposing this series is going to look like a horrible person.
I'm risking that because one incident (sorry but WHY get in a hot tub with HIM, at night, alone? Are you f'ing kidding me?) does not make up for the horrible things she did. 13 tapes to 12 pretty innocent people.
There are so many articles, YouTube videos, REAL in-depth looks to how this series is far more harmful than helpful. It's sad to see these clearly messed with ratings pausing it and I pray it does NOT ever receive any awards. (The acting, writing, story, camera work = absolute garbage.)
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015)
It's a miracle!
UKS has to be one of the most hilarious and original shows out there. Taking the Allegory of the Cave and making a show out of it? Pure Tina Fey brilliance.
This show touches on serious issues firstly for humor but there's such a real-ness behind it all you realize you do need humor in your life to get through the darkest times.
As me and my early-millennial friends discussed; I think my favorite theme is how oddly relateable Kimmy is. Not being kidnapped of course, but when life drives you to a consuming job, marriage and/or parenting at an early age, you can and will emerge to see the world and wonder "what the hell happened here?!" And soon you'll make scary sounds when confident children tell you to ghost someone.
Of course, if you don't like to laugh at yourself (looking left) you'll probably miss out on such brilliant and layered humor because it's not for Breakables.
Amy Schumer: The Leather Special (2017)
Useful only as an emetic!
The only "conspiracy" going on from this is the collective realization Amy Schumer was never that funny on her own.
Though the biggest tragedy from this was Netflix caving into her complaints and introduced the "like/dislike" feature instead of community rating. Sorry Amy - giving it one star was extremely generous.
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Dead Doll (2007)
You can't force me to care.
I don't know if this episode was trying to create the suspense of the amazing two-part "Grave Danger" but it failed on so many levels.
The big part is Sara Sidle being the most uninteresting character and expected me to care if she lived or died. I did not. Honestly if she would have, it would have been a lot more interesting. I haven't seen anything else with Jorja Fox, but if she was meant to play a childish bore, it was pretty spot on. In Grave Danger - Nick gave us something to care about. He had this strength one can only hope for and it was easy to root and feel for him. He has a good heart, showed he's a great friend and CSI, I felt for him. I would have cared if he died.
Big difference between the two from a viewer.
The "Miniture Killer" arc was incredible. Very well written and a great (possible?) nod to "The Doll House Murders", which I had taken a big interest when I was a teen. Needless to say, I found the arc very entertaining. Which is why I didn't like the conclusion at all. Natalie's backstory could have been written a little better, but I'm sure they had to flatten it to watch Sara walk around the desert. Zzz.
No palpable tension and a boring character made for a very irritating conclusion. When it first aired I remember being at my end. With all the very false forensics, questionable liking of many other characters, and horrible police procedures - I felt the testing of my patience was up.
Rewatching it all now, my opinion hasn't wavered in almost 10 years and I guess that says quite a lot.
Eegah (1962)
Kiel for the save!
"Eegah" is probably one of those movies that had a few gems under piles of rubble. The overall story of Eegah sounds like that of Nephilim and I instantly loved it because of that. However, a great story hook (at least for me) can't just dangle in the background which is pretty much what happened here.
With all the really terrible scenes of random dune buggy'ing, ugh music, uncomfortable exchanges between the "father and daughter"... Far too much clutter, basically.
I'm not going to lie, I'm a bias Richard Kiel fan and I had such a huge crush on him ever since I first watched this movie (I was about 13-14) and Jaws?! He's just too amazing. Which I think was the only redeeming quality of this stinker.
Despite my complaining, I think leaving Eegah's background (well, all information really) a mystery was a pretty decent way to go.
Though there were many, many....many! parts of the movie that were just unwatchable, the underlying main plot and Kiel struck my heart. (Reasoning for really generous rating.)
Soultaker (1990)
Not that bad of a movie!
First! OK, when you have to find everyone who worked on the film to come in giving this bad movie 9-10 stars... Wow, that's sad. MST3K called attention to this movie where it would have gotten *none*, I'm pretty sure you should be thanking them instead of whining and trying to mess with IMDb's score.
No. This movie was not good. That's fine! It wasn't horrible, but it was perfect for riffing. And the "attacks on Vivian!"? She really does look like Tonya Harding which was a big thing going on during that time. Just...stop!
MOVIE: The story wasn't bad, I won't lie. When I first watched the movie I was 15 and an aspiring writer myself, I looked past all the laughs I got from the MST3K version (so many laughs) and somehow I got to watch the full movie (I think SciFi played it?) and I was a little more impressed. This was probably the first movie that made me think "maybe I can be a writer!" ... Until I aged a bit.
Having a decent but very THIN plot doesn't make for a good movie. It moves at a snails pace half the time to stretch out the run time (it's been "almost midnight" for an hour!). Creeping mother bath scene, Joe walking around in attempts to catch... someone with no legs? There were just too many scenes that make you think it should have been half the time and know it wouldn't have lost any plot.
The camera work was terrible, though. It was shaky-cam when it needed not be and unnatural/bad angles. Not flattering at all.
I have a great deal of respect for Ms. Vivian for writing and staring in her own story and she's made an adorable movie I just watched recently! If this had been a book she wrote, I probably wouldn't have put it down. As a movie it did not work at all. Cast and crew gave the vibe of not really caring ...or just trying too hard? Not sure which, but that's what ruined the movie for me personally.
The Carbonaro Effect (2014)
Very fun family show!
Camera tricks and editing? Wrong. Michael is not only skilled at some really interesting and fun slight-of-hand that are just hilarious to watch. I never liked magician shows, Chris Angel and others like him just came off as monotone and really boring. But this show is not only incredibly funny but you can tell he put such though into all his work. The negative reviews seem to miss that point completely. I'm really glad I found this show and love watching it with my family. As I need more space, I guess I'll go into the fun fact that I got to meet him once and he's a very sweet guy and that's what I think we need more of instead of disgusting humor that isn't really funny anymore. You can only do so much. This show breaks to clean humor and trickery that has the audience and his "victims" laughing at the end.