Margrave Reviews

When a Stranger Calls (2006)

The clichés of Scream, but without the entertainment.

[1/10 · 4 February 2006]

This movie is the reason I rarely watch horror flicks these days. I honestly believe horror flicks should be cheaper than regular movies, because a new one comes out each week, they have sub-par directors, actors, and scripts, and it takes honestly no thought to come up with a new one.

When my girlfriend (who sees almost every horror flick) dragged me along to this turkey, and told me the premise, I thought it would have to be covered in the first 15 minutes, and then the "interesting Hollywood take on it" begins.

CONTAINS SPOILERS? (i think)

Apparently the premise is the old urban legend where the girl is babysitting and answers the phone, to find the stranger breathing heavy and spying on her. Then he says "have you checked the children?" and she calls the police, only to find when they trace the call that the call is coming... from inside the house! (shiver)

END SPOILERS

This I usually wouldn't spoil, except for the fact that I think it's covered in the trailer and TV spots, and we've all known this story for the last 30 years. But no, there was nothing more to it than that. They just stretched a lame, trite, overused concept to the length of the movie.

It's full of every horror cliché in the book. I thought there was no way a movie like this COULD have been made post-Scream, after someone finally took what we ALL had observed from horror movies, slapped it on the screen, and said, "Ok, Hollywood. We all get it. These conventions are trite and uninteresting. Do something new." But these bozos actually made this thing. I guess you can make a living with absolutely no creativity or hard work. 1/10

Spider-Man 2 (2004)

O-ver-ra-ted (clap...clap, clap clap)

[6/10 · 1 July 2004]

This has got to be the most overrated movie of the summer. Not that it's a bad movie, but the critics just seem to be hailing it as the best comic book movie of all time, and quite frankly, it isn't.

This movie is like the LA Lakers, and the Shaq and Kobe are Doc Ock and his Arms. The third major force, Phil Jackson, is like J. Jonah Jameson. Without these three, this would be a terrible movie.

It brings nothing new to the table, with the exception of Doc Ock. I kept trying to remember awesome scenes from it that DON'T involve Doc Ock, and there aren't any. There isn't enough of him, though. The rest of the movie is a rehash of all the themes touched on in the first one.

A movie about the tough decisions of Peter Parker: whether he can exist as both Peter and Spiderman, the pitfalls of being a hero the world underappreciates, and the bitter truth that he can never have Mary Jane, lest his foes harm her. I liked this movie better the first time I saw it, when it was called Spiderman 1. Roger Ebert slammed Shrek 2 for "saying nothing original." Apparently by the time he wrote his 4 star review for Spidey, he lost interest in the importance of novelty.

How many times do we have to watch Tobey Maguire gazing into a mirror as if yet another Uncle has died? How many times do we have to watch MJ react to petty accidents as if her life has been destroyed? How many times must we hear the same old sappy Heroes and Virtue monologue from the old woman? I put up with it the first time, but it got too old. With Doc Ock the movie is good. Not great. Not even as good as the first. But you have to have meat, and without Ock, this movie is the most boring rehash comic book movie I've ever seen. 6/10

Swordfish (2001)

Swordfish is not another "Matrix"

[6/10 · 8 June 2001]

Swordfish is about on the level of the average Summer Blockbuster flick. John Travolta plays a terrorist who uses a superhacker, played by Hugh Jackman, to do his cyber-robbing. Halle Berry comes into the picture as a mysterious femme fatale-type who is in the terrorist gang, which is being tracked by an FBI agent played by Don Cheadle.

Overall, Swordfish is average. It has great special effects, but great special effects do not a great movie make. Some of the ways the envelope was pushed in this film turned me off to it, but the story is okay and the ending is pretty good, if understood.

If you see Swordfish this summer, do not expect another Matrix. You'll just have to wait until Matrix 2 comes out. Just expect another summer action flick with good performances from Travolta, Jackman, Berry, and Cheadle.

I give Swordfish a 6.

Moulin Rouge! (2001)

Finally! A break from Hollywood's monotony!

[9/10 · 7 June 2001]

I went into the theater with my girlfriend reluctantly to see Moulin Rouge. But this movie, for lack of a better term, rocked my world. I was not expecting the jolt I got in there. I am so glad to see a director and a film turn a cheek to the critics and the establishment and be different. I love Moulin Rouge for its music, its sights, and for its freshness. Very good.