Everyone, *ignore* the whiny negative advance reviews and go see this movie! It is such an exhilarating rush it literally left me breathless. Dense political machinations balanced out by stunning visual beauty, a touch of comedy and some of the greatest science-fiction action sequences ever. Already being a SW fan will help you appreciate much of the plot-establishing material (and a lot of the dialogue), but I think ANY movie fan can enjoy it for its astonishing visuals, its exciting battle and race scenes, the calm and clever bravery of Queen Amidala and the touching scenes between young Anakin and the mother he has to leave behind. (I know this will be one of 1000 reviews - can't wait to read the rest!).
Reviews
26 Reviews
Confused and pretentious
18 May 1999
I'll be as generous as possible by saying that I can at least tell what this movie is trying to do: show the disorientation and weirdness of a living man's slow descent into undeath. However, in my opinion, it doesn't even come close to working as designed. The artsy visual effects, constant flashbacks, bizarre peripheral characters and other efforts at a "dream logic" feel only result in an exasperating incoherence. Totally unappealing characters, gratuitous gore (why would vampires be so wasteful of blood?) and too many different locations (should have stayed in Philadelphia with only flashbacks to Alaska - California and Louisiana sequences are completely unnecessary) add to a general feeling of wasted energy. (--and that...outfit...on Legion nearly made me lose my pizza.) Badly wants to be "Carnival of Souls" or even "Jacob's Ladder" but accomplishes only "The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies".
Shadow Zone: The Undead Express
(1996 TV Movie)
Tedious but not worthless
18 May 1999
Warning: Spoilers
Glacially paced TVM in which kid discovers the existence of a vampire colony living in the New York subway. So much accompanying plot business that it begins to feel like an "After-School Special" - kid hero Zach comes from broken home, is neglected by workaholic mom, habitually tells lies about his great adventures (so, of course, no one believes him when he's finally telling the truth). Happy ending not only reunites Zach's separated parents but causes him to swear off lying for good *yawn*. Only thing that saves it from being formula teen adventure is the sympathetic and dignified performance of Ron Silver as master vampire Valentine Cutter, who has never lost his humanity. The only moments in which the film lurches up from its rut and achieves real beauty are those in which Valentine shows Zach the treasures of his subterranean world. For these scenes (which even coax some acting ability and charm out of the irritating Leopardi as Zach) - and for the terrific twist ending, which should give any viewer real respect for Valentine's nobility - I'm willing to cut it a little slack. But only a little...
The Space Children
(1958)
Not Arnold's best, but still a classic
9 April 1999
While not Arnold's best film, IMHO (I find it a bit preachy and badly hampered by the rubbery silliness of the Big Alien Brain), this is still a memorable film. Though set in a beachfront area it happens mostly at night, using Arnold's typically haunting black-and-white compositions to set an appropriate tone of strangeness and isolation. The children, alienated from their preoccupied and overworked parents, are almost adopted by the space creature, which takes them under its protection (a drunken and abusive father is disposed of soon after the brain's arrival) even as it enlists them in its pacifist mission. At first fairly typical kids, they quickly develop an air of gravity and wisdom that remains after the alien departs, suggesting a lasting, even evolutionary effect. The film's title is perfect: the kids do become Space Children, more in tune with alien than human thought.
The perfect monster movie!
9 April 1999
No way I can say enough about this gem! My absolute favorite of all the Universal monster movies; a close runner-up (after "It Came From Outer Space") for the title of Jack Arnold's finest film; a beautiful, poetic, haunting chiller that truly carries forward the folkloric spirit of the 1930s classics. The brilliance of the Creature's conception goes beyond the grace of Ricou Browning's underwater performance to the elements of his predecessors that he combines. Like the Mummy, he has lived long ages beyond his time, is immensely old and alone; like Frankenstein's Monster, he seems to be a savage brute, yet shows gleams of intelligence and the appreciation of beauty; like Dracula, he is an abductor and seducer, who craves human company for inhuman reasons. Yet at the same time he's unique, as alien as any space creature, a mystery from the deep. Giger's elegant Alien and Sil ("Species") are surely his descendants. And he's darn scary too! with his unpredictable temper and long razor claws. All this resonance plus a creepy, lyrical river journey into deep mysterious jungle, gorgeous black and white photography (including Haven's glowing underwater work), Julia Adams' beauty, Richard Carlson's square-jawed scientific integrity, and Antonio Moreno's entertaining character turn as the stout captain of the RITA. Simply a classic! It's no wonder that, though the youngest and last of the line, the Creature has attained iconic status (and use in merchandising!) nearly equal to Dracula or the Monster.
Godzilla vs. Biollante
(1989)
The most striking and surreal of all Big G films
26 February 1999
I agree with Guilala, this is unusually dark and mystical for a Godzilla film, and an Ifukube score would have suited it perfectly. I'm not too impressed with Biollante's later metamorphosis, but its original form - a giant, mutant rose - makes it the most unique adversary in any Godzilla film (IMHO). Its first appearance, towering out of a still lake at night, is a tremendously strange and beautiful image. The mystical tone is served by the idea (if I understand it correctly) that Biollante in some way both draws strength from, and imprisons, the spirit of its creator's dead daughter - and can only be defeated when her soul is set free. Despite the fine Godzilla design for this film (the head is especially nice), Biollante and its/her creator are the core of the story and make it a real standout.
Laserblast
(1978)
It's not *that* bad...
26 February 1999
People are being awfully harsh on this unassuming little teenage-revenge-monster flick. I'm pretty fond of it, myself. The stop-motion aliens (by Phil Tippett) are well-done and engaging, the dramatic score is terrific (swiped for other films since, BTW), and c'mon, it's got Kim Milford in it! Don't any *girls* watch these movies? =) Besides, it's got empathy value: if you never during your teen years wished some super-powerful and massively cool-looking weapon that could fry every bully in town would fall into your hands, you had a better adolescence than I did...
Cripes, what a stinker.
26 February 1999
So bad it has to struggle even to be funny. All the "cute" character bits, plus Mamie Van Doren in an assortment of form-fitting outfits, can't save this nonsensical stock-footage-fest. And those "night monsters"! The Triffids should sue for plagiarism, if not defamation of character. Gad. How did this one escape the MST3K treatment?
Non-stop action fun!
19 January 1999
A treat! Overflows with energy, humor, excitement, and jaw-dropping stunts (especially the motorcycle chase scene, during which Jackie takes time out to rescue a runaway baby carriage!). The climactic fight in the Nazi outpost is terrific. Just as much fun, though, are the comedy scenes, like those with the innocent waif (and her pet scorpion) Jackie's team encounters in the desert, or Jackie's impersonation of the folkloric Chinese "hopping vampire" - one of the funniest things I've ever seen in an action film. Didn't think much of "First Strike" but I recommend this one without reservation.
Curse of the Undead
(1959)
Classy little chiller
19 January 1999
I've always liked this movie: it takes a theme that could easily have been preposterous (a vampire Western?) and handles it with restraint, dignity, a nice feel for its two respective folklores, and deep, handsome B&W photography. It's an easy step from natural to supernatural for that classic Western icon, the mysterious, black-clad gunslinger who rides into town by night, and the rest of the movie is just as comfortable a blend. The laconic vampire, Drake Robey ("The dead don't bother me, ma'am, it's the living that give me trouble") is a noble monster who first preys on, then falls for the feisty rancher heroine, and there's a neat iconic scene involving a bullet mounted with Preacher Dan's precious fragment of the True Cross. Really a classy little movie and most unfairly overlooked - I can't believe this is the first comment on it!
It Conquered the World
(1956)
Better than you'd think
19 January 1999
OK, it's got one of the goofiest monsters ever constructed, a toothy rubber cone that no one could possibly take seriously. Never mind that. This is a nifty little piece of Body-Snatchers style Cold War paranoia about free will and the fear of ideological slavery, with Lee Van Cleef wound *really* tight as the Brilliant Scientist On The Edge, a never-better performance by Peter Graves as his Heroic and Visionary Colleague, and Beverly Garland at her all-time coolest - 50's sweater and all - as the rifle-toting wife who storms into Zontar's cave to settle the hash of the beastie who stole her man. This is *good* stuff!
Blade
(1998)
Dumb, soporific and underacted
1 January 1999
Expensive-looking but d-u-m-b. *Again* the cliche of the undead secret society that controls the world. *Again* the cliche of the arcane techno-magical process that ALMOST gives the villain total power but it defused at the last instant. And why on earth did Snipes, a capable actor, walk through this film with only one facial expression? - not even true to the comic book character. Skip renting this one and play a game of "Vampire: The Masquerade" instead.
Titanic
(1997)
All that fuss about this?
30 December 1998
Sorry, but I just don't see what all the fuss is about here. Handsomely designed and appointed movie, terrific special effects and costumes, etc., but the leads are so bland and lackluster that I wasn't able to care whether they drowned or not. Winslet has exactly one facial expression, deCaprio is much too '90s to be convincing as a 1912 roustabout, and neither of them made me believe they were passionately in love, which makes most of their actions in the last hour look simply brainless if not suicidal. Most interesting relationship in the film is actually between Rose and the ship's designer...
The Castle of Fu Manchu
(1969)
Subtle and insidious torture
30 December 1998
Handsome but utterly incoherent nonsense. Nice locations and sets and Lee looks really impressive in those Mandarin robes, but cripes, it's got about 30 extraneous characters, a vague and torturous plot, and a nonexistent ending. Bad in a way cheaper movies can't be; you can't help thinking it *must* have a plot because it *looks* well-made, so you end up blaming yourself for not getting it and you feel wretched and vaguely ill...agh. Took a grave toll on the Satellite of Love's morale and it will on yours.
Red Zone Cuba
(1966)
Ghastly, suffocating ordeal
30 December 1998
I can only agree with the other comments already posted: this is a terrible experience, an interminable bad dream in which aimless characters with no identity do pointless things with no explanation or reason. Watching it is like dragging sand. Crow T. Robot said it best: "I want to hurt this movie, but I can never hurt it the way it hurt me."
Monster a Go-Go
(1965)
Absolutely incredible loser
30 December 1998
Warning: Spoilers
So low-budget that not only are all the supposedly hideous mutilations and murders unseen (people just wince and turn away while the narrator tells us how horrible it is), but in a scene you will not believe, a scientist leaves his lab, returns to find it trashed, and *a voiceover TELLS us the monster did it!!!* I mean, mother of mercy! To polish it off, while the monster is being pursued thru a storm drain, it suddenly disappears - and it's discovered that the astronaut (which the monster was supposed to be, in mutant form) has been discovered safe and sound hundreds of miles away! So what were we chasing? Where did it go? What the frag happened and why did anyone bother to make a movie about it?! Really makes your brain hurt...
Attack of the Eye Creatures
(1967 TV Movie)
Lame'n'sleazy filmmaking at its best
30 December 1998
Buchanan's scuzzy remake of "Invasion of the Saucermen" is so cheap that only one full eyeball suit was made for the whole invasion, treating us to shots of several Eye Creatures wearing stylish black leotards with their eyeball headpieces. And they didn't even re-shoot! Not to mention saucer landing scenes swiped from "Invaders From Mars" and the cheesiest day-for-night color footage ever. Amazing. Definitely stick to the MST3K version.
The Crawling Hand
(1963)
One of my favorite really awful movies!
30 December 1998
Now here's what cheap sci-fi teen horror is all about, and it's from AIP, of course! Astronaut is killed in space while possessed by an evil alien force, but somehow his severed arm makes its way to earth, still hosting the alien, and begins a killing spree. If that's not good enough, you've got troubled teens, two proto-X-Files scientists tracking the hand, a sublimely weird malt-shop assault scene, and the crawling arm's demise comes via a pack of stray cats! Classic trash from start to finish!
The Crawling Eye
(1958)
Actually pretty creepy
30 December 1998
Actually, a not-so-bad little chiller. The psychic woman who makes telepathic contact with the giant alien eyeballs has a thankless part but carries it off well. Standout in cheap special effects history: the cotton ball stuck to a photo of the mountain to indicate movement of the alien cloud.
Joe's Apartment
(1996)
Hilarious!
27 December 1998
A complete stitch! The all-roach musical numbers (complete with choreography!) had my whole household in stitches. The songs are so catchy they'll have you singing them for days. I think it suffers by being expanded from a short, as the pasted-on plot becomes a bit cumbersome, but the bugs carry it all. Very, very funny!
Pet Shop
(1994)
Here's a cute detail
27 December 1998
...the pet shop of the title is in a mall where all the stores have strictly generic signs, not names. Early on we see that the sign "Pet Shop" has lost its "P" and so now reads "ET SHOP" - it is, of course, about to be taken over by aliens selling alien pets....
Pet Shop
(1994)
Harmless but awful SF/comedy
27 December 1998
Pretty, um, unique - a sci-fi comedy for little kids? Definitely trying for a Spielberg-type E.T./Goonies feel, but it's all just too cheap and silly to convince; c'mon, child-snatching villains from outer space whose earthly disguise is Nashville-style cowboy suits and "Western" accents? Other special effects are even cheesier. The kids try hard but are locked into playing "types". The whole budget was probably spent on building robots to animate the five different alien pets, which work fairly well and are cute as heck (one of them looks more like a "Furby" toy than Gizmo the Gremlin does!) --Overall harmless, but pretty awful...
The People Under the Stairs
(1991)
A classic fairy tale!
27 December 1998
I really think people who describe this as a comedy or even a horror comedy are missing the point - it's a classic fairy/folk tale, right down to the theme of the kid having to earn manhood and a "real name" by doing a heroic deed. Wicked step-parents, hidden treasure (gold coins, even!), creepy house with secret passages and monsters in the basement, captive maiden to be rescued, innocent villagers held in slavery by evil (land)lords - it's all there! I know this could be said of a lot of fantasy/horror films, but this one seems to be more clearly derived than most. Loved it!
Dust Devil
(1992)
Cryptic, bloody, fascinating
27 December 1998
Very dark, gory, mystical film with strong, haunting atmosphere, much in the spirit of Stanley's work for occultist rock band Fields of the Nephilim. A demonic entity hitchhikes across the desert taking possession of bodies with which to commit ritualistic murders - the crime scenes, their walls minutely detailed with glyphs and sigils painted in the victims' blood, are stunningly effective. Skeptical detective finally enlists the help of an old shaman who knows the creature's vulnerabilities and the killer is stopped - or is it? --Really remarkable; anyone who enjoyed Stanley's earlier "Hardware" should make the effort to find it.
Heart of Dragon
(1985)
Surprising and touching film
27 December 1998
It's something of a surprise to see so much serious emotional content in a Jackie Chan film, but I found it convincing and touching. There's enough martial arts action to keep things moving (even by Sammo Hung, who is excellent as Jackie's "slow" brother) but the core of the film is Jackie's frustration at having had to set his life aside to care for and worry about his brother, and his brother's distress and guilt. The resolution is a real tear-jerker (never thought I'd be crying at a Chan movie!). Not the one to choose when you want to see Jackie kick butt, but shouldn't be ignored either.
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