Roseanne (TV Series)

Promises, Promises (1993)

Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner

Quotes 

• Roger : I'm sure if you made it, Roseanne, it will be delicious.

  Roseanne : Cool it, Roger. Dan doesn't like it when I'm lied to by other men.

• Jackie : Okay, twenty minutes 'till the movie, let's go.

  Roseanne : Okay, hold on, um, because I want you to wear my coat with the big pockets, so we can sneak in our own drinks.

  Jackie : Why don't you wear it?

  Roseanne : [groans]  Oh, they're on to me.

• Roseanne : [trying to talk Darlene into going to the prom with David]  Well, you know, it's not just for David. I mean, before I die, I would like to see one of my kids go out that door in a prom dress, and if it's not you, D.J.'s gonna be real unhappy.

• Roseanne : [Nancy shows up as Roger's date]  Well, Nancy, what's going on? I thought you were our "little gay friend".

  Nancy Bartlett : So?

  Anne-Marie Mitchell : So, can't you get kicked out of the club for this?

  Nancy Bartlett : What? He's a nice guy, and he worships me.

  Roseanne : Yeah, but I mean, you know, he's an outie, not an innie.

• Roseanne : [Jackie asks Roseanne if she wants to talk to Darlene about the possibility that Darlene has had sex]  No, Jackie, I don't even want to know about it. Millions of people's kids have sex every day, and they don't know about it; how come I have to know about it? No, I mean, how come I have to know about it! How come my kids always make sure that I find out about every damn thing they do? I want to be in-the-dark, Jackie. I want to walk around with a great big, stupid smile on my face like everybody elses parents in the whole damn world!