Futurama (TV Series)

Xmas Story (1999)

John DiMaggio: Bender, Man with Broken Leg

Quotes 

• Bender : I'm plenty generous. What about that time I gave blood.

  Fry : Whose blood?

  Bender : Some guy's.

• [singing] 

  Amy Wong : He knows when you are sleeping.

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : He knows when you're on the can.

  Leela : He'll hunt you down and blast your ass / From here to Pakistan.

  Dr. Zoidberg : Oh...

  Hermes Conrad : You better not breathe / You better not move

  Bender : You're better off dead, / I'm tellin' you, dude.

  Fry : Santa Claus is gunning you down!

• Conan O'Brien : Listen, I may have lost my freakishly long legs in the war of 2012, but I have one thing you'll never have: A SOUL.

  Bender : [Scoffs]  Pffft.

  Conan O'Brien : And freckles.

  Bender : [Cries]  WAHHH.

• Fry : [the Planet Express crew is relaxing at the ski lodge]  It really puts you in the Christmas mood.

  Bender : What-mas?

  Fry : Christmas! You know, X-M-A-S.

  Leela : Oh, you mean *Xmas*! You must be using an archaic pronunciation, like when you say "ask" instead of "axe".

• Bender : Let's face it, comedy is a dead art form. Now tragedy, ha ha ha, that's funny.

• [Bender is snowboarding] 

  Man : Excuse me, sir, you're snowboarding off the trail.

  Bender : Lick my frozen metal ass.

• [Fry and co. are being terrorized by the robot Santa Claus] 

  Fry : Please let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you.

  Robot Santa : You *dare* bribe Santa. I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.

• Tinny Tim : It's humans. Shall we mug them, robot sir?

  Bender : No, wait. I know these guys. They got nothing.

• Bender : Nothing like a warm fire and a super soaker of fine cognac.

• Bender : Ah, Xmas Eve. Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing.

• Bender : [singing]  On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady/

  Homeless Robot #1 : Four family photos/

  Tinny Tim : Three jars of pennies/

  Homeless Robot #2 : Two former husbands/

  Bender : And a slipper on a shoe tree/

  [tosses slipper away] 

  Bender : Yep.

• Conan O'Brien : So, people are getting worried about this Y2K problem, huh?

  Bender : No, they fixed it 900 years ago.

  Conan O'Brien : Just bear with me, sir. Anyway, I'm walking to work this morning...

  Bender : I doubt it!