El_Nastro Reviews

The Fall of the House of Usher (2023)

It's ok but with dumb "diverse" casting.

[6/10 · 17 December 2023]

It's ok. The pacing ok, editing, music, acting is all acceptable.

But OF COURSE each of the six siblings is a Diversity Checkbox. They're supposed to be siblings, but GOD FORBID we have an ensemble cast that doesn't look like a UC Berkeley College Course Catalogue Cover.

The fact that they're supposed to be a family makes it even dumber. I know, I know...."but they all have different moms!!". Whatever. That's a lame explanation they came up with after-the-fact to explain the unbelievable racial "diversity" of the "family". One of the "siblings" is a black woman with an English accent. Makes perfect sense and is totally believable.

Meanwhile, the majority of humans in this universe are some kind of sexual deviant. There's apparently no heterosexual humans in this universe. They're all bisexual or gay because OF COURSE they are.

AND THEN...all the women are All-Confident Genius's. There's a part where the main guy gives a little speech about how his sister is "a once in a generation genius". Of course she is. She's an assertive in-control Grrl Boss genius, and he's just 2nd Fiddle. All the women are Assertive In-Control Genius Grrl Bosses and the men are....not.

All these things are dumb, annoying, and ruinsmy suspension of disbelief regardless of how good all the other elements are.

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds: Lost in Translation (2023) Season 2, Episode 6

This show continues to be awful.

[2/10 · 21 July 2023]

So much potential. So little imagination.

These writers need to be fired. They're terrible at their jobs.

What little plot there is feels hollow and rushed. Instead of bringing the viewing audience somewhere new and interesting, it's usually based on cheap "Remember THIS?!"-nostalgia. Or cheap time travel. The pacing feels weird...instead of smooth pacing, the plots seem jagged and clunky with no flow. This thing happens, then another thing happens, then another thing happens. No flow. It's bad.

We DON'T get any "Strange NEW worlds" at all. There's no interesting science fiction ideas about technology or aliens or exploration.

We sure do get some Grrl Power though. A LOT of it. The crew is 80% Strong Female Characters, and they're all literally superhuman.

#1 is a genetically engineered superhuman, Uhura is an impossible superhuman genius, Whatshername is related to Khan, the quirky old lady engineer is an immortal.

Pike is worthless, ineffectual, and irrelevant. He never solves any problems or shows any real authority. Why would he when he's surrounded by Superhuman Grrl Bosses...all he does is defer to them. They come up with all the solutions to whatever poorly-written problem is at hand. Pike is just sort of...there (but only sometimes).

Meanwhile Spock isn't Spock. According to these writers, the most important things about Spock are: his uncontrollable emotions and his love life. They're REALLY interested in sexing up Overemotional Spock. It's stupid and weird.

The dialogue is awful. It's like bad fan-fiction with a strong stench of Joss Whedon...there's winky-winky self-aware "jokes" way too often. It's really dumb.

And since these stupid writers have no imagination, they keep falling back on Captain Kirk. When he does show up though, he's as worthless as Pike. He doesn't know what to do, can't solve any problems, and doesn't take charge of the situation...he's novelty fan-service, comic relief, and plays 2nd Fiddle to the Superhuman Grrl Boss.

It's just awful. If you think this show is in any way good, you have no standards.

1917 (2019)

Best thing I've seen in a while.

[9/10 · 20 July 2023]

Good, solid movie. Editing, pacing, music, effects, production design, acting, story...everything about this movie is solid.

The story is simple in the sense that it's NOT a convoluted mess where nothing makes sense. This story makes sense, you know what's happening, and there's still some unexpected stuff to keep you engaged.

Even better is what this movie is NOT, and what it DOESN"T do. It's not another &^%$#@ comic book movie or Star Wars or remake or reboot.

It's not full of cutesy-patootsie winky-winky snarky quippy "jokes" every 10 seconds. The movie takes itself seriously. It's sincere.

The filmmakers apparently cared more about historical accuracy than they did about "diversity", which I appreciated. The cast did NOT look like they stepped out of a UC Berkeley College Course Catalogue cover. Usually a movie MUST have a black guy even if it makes no sense, and the Token Black Guy MUST be at least an Authority Figure, a Scientific or Technical Genius, or a Wise Soulful Saint. None of that here.

Not a single "Strong Female Character" anywhere in this movie. At no point did a 105 lb. Scowling Girl with a chip-on-her-shoulder effortlessly beat up a 200 lb man. At no point did a Grrl Boss belittle and demean the Dumb Man. Not once did the Precocious Girl Genius demonstrate how awesome and amazing she is while all the Stupid Men can barely tie their own shoes.

1917 was great. Refreshing, engrossing, entertaining, well-executed enjoyable solid movie.

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (2022– )

I wanted to like this.

[2/10 · 18 June 2023]

I added a star because it's neat seeing the original Enterprise with modern effects.

But who writes this, and what is wrong with them? Do they just not give a $h!t? Are they stupid?

So many things about this show are eye-rollingly stupid it's difficult to find where to start, so I'll just start rambling.

The title should be: Star Trek Strong Female Character.

Why is Uhura a literally inhuman super-genius? I get that the writers wanted her to have an actual character beyond "Black Girl Who Answers The Phone"...ok, fine. But their answer is to make her a super genius who speaks an IMPOSSIBLE "36 languages". It's not enough for her to be a competent officer who's good at her job...that's not progressive enough. She has to be a wunderkind super genius. Because she's a black woman. God forbid we have a black woman who's anything less than AMAZING.

For that matter, all the women (which is about 80% of the crew) seem to be superhuman. Uhura's a super-genius. Number One is a genetically engineered superhuman. Khan's granddaughter (or whatever) is a superhuman. Ortegas makes Maverick from Top Gun look like a drunk orangutan with self-esteem issues.

Why are there SO MANY women and why are they all just like Rey? That's a rhetorical question: it's because the writers are liberal progressive activist-types who care more about "MESSAGING" than they do about writing a story. Their priority is something like, "We need to show all the little girls out there that they can be super-genius's who can speak 36 languages or beat the snot out of grown me who outweigh them by 100 pounds!"

I've known lots of females in my life...most of them don't like Star Trek, and it's not because there weren't enough women in the show. It's because most of the time most girls and women think spaceships and technobabble and bumpy-headed "aliens" are silly and stupid. Star Trek is for nerds. Most of the time most women don't want anything to do with nerd-stuff. The hack writers apparently think that females are so shallow and stupid they'll see this show and go, "Hey look other females! I like this!"

As far as I can tell, this show was made exclusively for Steve Shives. It's like that ONE GUY was their audience model. "Hmmm....what would Steve Shives like?" What they don't realize is that obese blue haired women with lip piercings and Steve Shives are a TINY % of people. Most normal people find this hamfisted messaging obnoxious. They don't like it, don't agree with it, and find it annoying.

It's a shame. I wanted to like this show. A lot of effort went into the sets and the production value is good. But the characters are YET MORE "Strong Female Characters", the dialogue sounds like amateurish fan-fiction, the humor is so stupid it makes me want to shoot the tv, the plots are bad, there's no interesting sci fi ideas...it's just awful. Terrible. Bad. No bueno.

The BFG (2016)

It's good!

[7/10 · 5 March 2022]

A good kid's movie based on a great kid's book. My favorite thing about this movie is what it is NOT: It's not obnoxious. For DECADES now, kid's movies have been obnoxious. They're fast, snarky, sarcastic, frenetic, self-aware, smart-alecky, and waaaaay too "wacky". This movie is none of those things. It's NOT slow or boring or "bland", it's sincere. There aren't pop-culture references every 2 minutes, the characters aren't making stupid obnoxious "wacky jokes" ALL THE TIME, there's no fast-talking modern slang, none of the characters have any sort of "edgy" or sarcastic attitude...it's just a solid, timeless, sincere and genuine adventure story for kids. It's well-made, well-acted, and well-paced. This is good stuf.

The Guardians of Justice (Will Save You!) (2022– )

Seen it before. Several times.

[2/10 · 5 March 2022]

Is anyone else sick of "edgy deconstructions" of superheroes? How many times do we need cussing superhero's making fun of Generic Aquaman? How many times do we get to see a Generic Superman who's a Giant Jerk? Seriously...how many more times are they going to do this? Mystery Men, Watchmen, Kick-Ass, Invincible, The Boys, etc. Etc.

Talk about beating a dead horse. We get it. Aquaman's lame, Superman would probably be a jerk, and the whole genre is naive, unrealistic, childish and silly. WE. GET. IT.

Aside from that, this show is bad. I turned it off after about 15 minutes. The dialogue is bad and the acting is bad. If we MUST do "edgy deconstruction of superheroes" YET AGAIN, can we at least do it well? Apparently not.

Dexter: New Blood (2021–2022)

15 minutes in and I'm already annoyed.

[3/10 · 22 February 2022]

Let's talk about the scene where the obnoxious guy tries to buy a gun from Dexter.

Yet another demonstration that people in Hollywood don't know ANYTHING about guns, and another example of what Hollywood people think about hunters.

The dialogue was something like, "I want a more powerful gun than my buddy's hunting rifle. Like that AR15." "That AR15 is too much firepower for anything that lives around here, and it costs nine thousand dollars".

Everything about the entire exchange is wrong: 1. Almost every hunting rifle fires a round that is a LOT more powerful than the 223/5.56 cartridge that almost every AR15 fires.

The AR15 fires a skinny little bullet...the benefit is that the rifle is light, ergonomic, and very low recoil. The benefit of the 5.56 round is that it's cheap, small and easier to carry a lot of them.

But the AR15 and the 223/5.56 round is NOT some kind of super-expensive mega-powerful Cannon of Destruction.

2. Nine THOUSAND dollars for an AR15!? What?! The VERY BEST AR15 that $ can buy might cost about $2000, but most of them run $700-$1400.

A good hunting rifle is almost always more expensive than an AR15.

Then OF COURSE the hunters are stupid, bratty, bloodthirsty jerkoffs.

I tried to give this show a chance, but it's just too stupid.

The Green Inferno (2013)

This movie Breaks the Rules.

[7/10 · 30 December 2021]

This movie was gross and mean and I liked it. It did something that is otherwise FORDBIDDEN.

In movies, Native Americans and Indigenous People MUST be portrayed sympathetically. They MUST be Nobly Oppressed, At-One-With-Nature, Spiritually Enlightened metaphors for Environmental Activism and a vehicle for a message of the Evils of White Christian Colonialism.

I don't want to spoil anything, so I'll leave it with: This movie flips the script, and it's ballsy and cool.

Don't Look Up (2021)

Not clever, not subtle, not funny, & not very good.

[3/10 · 27 December 2021]

Well-acted and competently constructed, but not a good movie. It was supposed to be a satire, and it failed. Good satire is clever, subtle, and funny. This movie was none of those things. The point of the movie was (basically): "If you're not on-board with what Environmental Activists say, you're some combination of Stupid, Greedy, & Evil. Environmental Activists are Good and Right, and if you don't toe the line, you are Bad and Wrong". The parts that were supposed to be funny weren't funny, the parts that were supposed to be clever and edgy were obvious and unoriginal, and the parts that were supposed to be biting satire were easy hackneyed cliches. This movie was not good.

In a Valley of Violence (2016)

It's the same story as John Wick.

[5/10 · 23 November 2020]

Like, EXACTLY the same story. ... Apparently the above sentence is too short to submit as a review. So I'm typing these words. Nothing else needs to be said with respect to this movie.

A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017–2019)

Not Horrible, but far from Good.

[3/10 · 8 January 2019]

The show tries way too hard to be Whimsical. It's like the author read Roald Dahl and said, "I'm gonna do something like that!". When Dahl did it, that was HIS imagination...he couldn't help telling those stories. But this comes off as a deliberately manufactured Whimsy Product. It's like Roald Dahl, The Hudsucker Proxy, and Wes Anderson DNA was all mixed up, but the fetus suffered alcohol poisoning. It's the same joke over and over and over and over and over and over again. The adults are dumb as vegetables while being super-chipper and upbeat. And that's the joke. The dialogue tries SOOOO hard to be "quirky" that it tries too hard, and the result isn't "quirky", it's just forced and dumb. That's the other joke. And in EVERY episode, Count Olaf (what is he Count of, exactly? This is never explained...) wears a disguise, but the Stupid Chipper adults can't figure it out. This is the last joke. The kids are ok...but they're soooo dry. It must be the direction. They're robotic and almost monotone while they speak perfect English without exclamations or contractions. Mostly they observe the Insanely Idiotic adults, occasionally ask questions, sometimes they do something, but mostly they're just kind of...there. This show is almost like a parody of the "Whimsical Fantasy"-genre. It's like the actors/characters are always winking at the camera and saying, "Get it!?" It's just not sincere. Everything is contrived and forced. Like, why is Count Olaf a Count? The character is an American actor who lives in a dilapidated house. That's not what a Count is, but fairy tale villains are Counts or Barons or Dukes, so that's what his name is...because the name is Whimsical and Fairy Tale-esque, even if it makes no sense. The whole show is like that....forced whimsy, contrived quirkiness, manufactured sarcastic fantasy. The production value is good though. The editing's ok. The music's decent. And it's not as puke-inducingly terrible as a lot of other garbage, so I give it a 4.

Outlaw King (2018)

Relatively historically accurate and well-made.

[7/10 · 17 December 2018]

This was pretty good. It didn't suffer from the usual mountain of inaccurate cliches that moviemakers seem compelled to indulge in. The costumes, arms and armor, architecture, portrayal of medieval customs and culture...it's all pretty good. You can tell they really tried to respect the history, which is rare. They also didn't indulge in Politically Correct cliches like the Asskicking Strong Woman or The Token Black Guy, which is refreshing. When I hear people complain about how women are always weak damsels-in-distress, or how The Black Guys are always criminals, it confuses me...movies haven't been like that in at least 35 years. Anyway, none of that nonsense in this movie. The story's good, the acting is competent, the production values are good, the cinematography and editing is good...it's a solid flick. I liked it.