Change Your Image
SatanicMushrooms
Reviews
Gran Torino (2008)
A fantastic film showing that Eastwood still has what it takes.
Not having seen any Eastwood films in my time (not even Dirty Harry!) I didn't know what to expect from the actor who'd built a reputation as portraying a hard-ass blowing away bad guys left right and center. I left the cinema feeling inspired and entertained at the same time. The characters, particularly Eastwood's (a hardened old war veteran with a distinct racist personality), are portrayed in such a believable, amazing manner I found myself comparing the standard of the acting to that of The Shawshank Redemption.
Whilst Gran Torino is chock full of life-important messages, they aren't merely thrown into your face whilst being tacked onto a weak, filler plot. The story, a tale of redemption and Walt's reluctance to join a war of a much smaller scale, one in his own neighborhood, is both interesting and spectacular, whilst at the same time Walt's coy racial remarks will keep the audience entertained (though I'd not be surprised if this film were to cop a bit of flak regarding the racist remarks).
After Shawshank Redemption and Forest Gump, this film has become a favorite of mine, and if it's Eastwood's last acting role, then he most definitely went out on a positively high note. Bless you, Clint Eastwood.
The Dudesons Movie (2006)
"The Dudesons f**king rock!"
As MTV personality Bam Margera so delicately put it, The Dudesons rock. Four childhood friends living in the Finnish countryside doing crazy stunts for a living and for a lifestyle, spawning a huge cult following and putting the likes of Jackass and Viva La Bam to shame.
The Dudesons Movie, whilst essentially being the European version of Jackass, is additionally an interesting documentary which depicts the life of each of the four Dudesons as well as amazing time lapses and stills of the Finnish countryside. Despite the ensuring hilarity of the stunts these guys pull off, one wonders where to to draw the line between hilarity or insanity, a line in which the Dudesons are constantly crossing with their life-threatening antics.
This is definitely one for the Jackass fans, it'll blow your f**king mind.
You Don't Mess with the Zohan (2008)
Don't waste your money.
Adam Sandler has built himself a reputation of starring in movies which feature the same rinse-and-repeat plot structure; A misfit with no meaningful future discovers X (X being the key to the plot), has a ball, then has a self-realization moment that either: a) His life sucks b) He'll lose X or c) He won't get laid, then he changes, beats the bad guy, and throws in a few laughs into the mix, making us leave the cinema having laughed ourselves silly or slightly dead on the inside knowing we were cheated out of the price of a movie ticket.
Sadly, Zohan does not fit into this category, Sandler takes on a different tact; A plot line so outrageously stupid it's attempted to be passed off as a random sort of humor. Even by "Sandler Standards" (that is, low standards), the acting in this movie is just...awful. It's hard to listen to Sandler's dialogue whilst keeping a straight face.
As the movie went on, I became increasingly intoxicated, and even then, I found it extremely difficult to even force a laugh during this tripe.
Don't waste your money.
The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
The greatest movie I've ever seen
I'll admit, I'd held off on seeing the Shawshank Redemption. I remained a little apprehensive; was this film as great as the masses of IMDb and particularly world wide were saying? From the moment I began watching this film to the very end, I was kept completely in awe at how beautiful and amazing this film is.
The Shawshank Redemption is a film set in a US Prison, following the story of Andy Dufrense who was sent to Shawshank for a crime in which he did not forget. Here, he meets Ellis "Red" Redding (played by Morgan Freeman) an aged convict who, unlike the majority of the populace, accepts that he is a guilty man. The two develop a friendship over the lasting years, which evolves into what could be akin to brotherhood.
The message of hope in this film is as inspirational as it is an interesting concept. Despite being convicted, Andy undertakes a quest to become a free man once more, even if it means breaking the laws and, as shown later in the film, breaking out of Shawshank
The acting in this film is simply outstanding. Morgan Freeman, providing both a character and the narration of said character, portrays his character in such a convincing way that one can't help but feel moved by his dialogue. Bob Gunton, who plays Warden Norton (an immensely corrupt individual), passes himself off in such a brilliant performance that I couldn't help but feel pure anger for the Warden throughout the movie.
But perhaps what makes this movie so beautiful is the underlying messages. Despite being incarcerated for life without parole, Andy maintains hope, despite what the others say when he freely speaks of it. The evolving friendship of Red and himself delivers the message that not all criminals are rabid beasts, and that friendship can outlast the grim depression of a prison. Though I am by no means proud to admit it, I felt myself become watery-eyed several times throughout the film, particularly the letter sent by Brooks before he commits suicide, climaxing in a tragic, heart-breaking scene.
Wherever you are in the world, you must see this movie. It will most certainly change your life. It did mine.
Half Past Dead (2002)
What the **** is this?
Bad acting. Flashy special effects. Terrible storyline, and a complete dog's breakfast of a script, sounds just like your average Seagal movie. Even though I still watched this movie knowing full well it wasn't going to be remarkably good, I was still disgusted, even insulted, at how excruciatingly painful this film was to watch.
The synopsis of this film is interesting enough - an undercover agent on Alcatraz infiltrating a mafia's inner circle, suddenly highly-trained commandos pop up, blah blah blah.
This is the only redeeming factor in this film. The acting is ****ing pathetic. The so-called acting is hopeless. Seagal puts as much authenticity into his acting in this screen as a rusty fork, and the other characters are no better. The realism of this film, aside from the leaps-and-bounds in technology, is so far from reality you're wondering if you're watching a comedy as opposed to a so-called action flick. Example: The prison warden. The prison warden is a middle-aged Mexican who wanders around in his fancy leather jacket and for some reason allows the inmates to have PlayStation 2 consoles in their cells.
The actual realism of the prison itself is beyond a joke. Example: The intake processing scene, Seagal just moseys on over to another line to talk to Ja Rule, completely unheckled by guards. Seagal and Ja Rule then proceed to kick the crap out of four Federal Prison Guards.
That's right. In the entire building, there were only four guards, none of them carrying firearms. If I knew prison was that easy, I'd have taken up a life of crime.
The progression of the plot in Half Past Dead is complete filth. You're introduced to some characters, they're given no backstory or explanation as to why their in prison/being all evil-like. In fact, you're not even aware of Seagal being undercover until the last half-hour (the writers obviously thought they could make it a big Sopranos-style moment, yet failed to bear in mind that it says UNDERCOVER FBI AGENT in a nice size-14 font on the back of the DVD's case.), you're not given a reason for the bad-guys doing what they're doing until the last twenty minutes, and the climax is just....painful.
I came in with low expectations, but I came out insulted thinking that Hollywood believe that this kind of trash is what appeals to people nowadays. Shame on you Seagal.
The Breakfast Club (1985)
Brilliant. Absolutely and utterly brilliant.
Despite this film being an interpretation of the sub-cultures within High School in 1985 (24 Years ago as of the time of writing this), the basic fundamentals of High School life in present-day have not change a bit, even if fashions and social groups have.
The characters themselves portray, in an excellent manner, five stereotypical students of a typical American High School (a jock, "basket-case", princess, nerd, and a criminal - though now this could be interpreted as a stoner/gangster). Each character is very believable in the role in which they've been given, and by the end of the film, with the aid of the character development, we, the audience, are positioned to see the characters not as the stereotypes in which they're portrayed as, but as unique individuals.
Emilio Estevez, despite pulling off his character as Andy Clark in a passable manner was cringe-worthy during the famous "ad-libbed" scene. I found myself growing impatient of his turd-flinging-ape style deliverance of lines whilst at the same time feeling a very real sense of nostalgia as the way he spoke and his sentence structure was very accurate to some of the jocks during my time in High School.
This is a brilliant film in which all teenagers, regardless of what year it may be, can relate to. I strongly recommend that, should you not have seen it, hire/purchase a copy of this film immediately.
Death Row (2006)
Terrible!
I hired this out knowing full well it wasn't going to be an A-Grade horror flick. But even then, I'm still disgusted at this movie. A combination of terrible actors and equally terrible dialogue made this movie almost unbearable, and not because of the gore scenes, which is the only redeeming factor to this waste of 90 minutes. The premise of the film, a haunted prison, is not given an explanation as to how it obtained such a status until the last five minutes of the film, when shonky dialogue between Poor Actor 1 and Poor Actor 2 rams a quick summary of it down the viewer's throat.
The acting....disgusting. The actors showed zero emotion whatsoever. When the group of allegedly naive teenagers come across the corpse of one of their own, there is no emotion displayed. Even in the following scenes, they mention the names of the victims as if they were commenting on the weather. Pathetic acting. No emotion was showed at all. As for the ending, pffft, what ending?
*Spoiler* The surviving three somehow manage to escape the prison before it blows up and miraculously manage to flag down an unidentified boat, which begins to change course and head towards them. Fade to black. Worst. Ending. Ever. It's as if the creators wanted to give the viewers one final middle-finger by tossing together a shoddy ending and tagging it on using Windows Movie Maker.
All in all: Do not waste your time on this garbage. Even die-hard horror/gore fans will be disgusted by this disgraceful "film".