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Reviews
Sonic the Hedgehog: Sonic and Sally (1993)
Sally to the Second Power
Sometimes things don't go quite according to plan, as there are a few missteps, unexpected surprises, twists and turns that can happen at any time. No matter how much you prepare in advance, you're never truly ready for what lies ahead. Take the time Sonic and company went on a mission to blow up the Swat Bot factory, when they lost one of their own and not only was their cover nearly blown, but they came very close to being discovered by Dr. Robotnik and vanquished once and for all. Of course, it helped to have a little luck on their side. That's the gist of what happens in this week's episode of Sonic the Hedgehog, though sometimes I call it Saturday Sonic. I will never call it Sonic SatAM, because that is a stupid title. Anyway, one fateful evening, Sonic, Sally, and Bunny ventured into Robotropolis to destroy one of Botsy's Swat Bot plants and thin out his numbers. For the most part, their mission went along smoothly. I mean, Sonic almost fell into a smelting pot and Bunny was narrowly detected by security bots, but the hedgehog was able to plant the explosives, despite swift resistance. I like how these machines specifically designed for shooting can't hit their target. It's one thing if a living being can't aim, but what about robots that are programmed to do it? Sonic escapes the factory with help from a power ring, so all that was left to do was blow that place sky high... but uh oh, Sally gets captured. Third time's the charm, I guess. Sonic and Bunny rendevouz at Knothole, only to find Sally was missing. Knowing she'd been captured, the hedgehog wants to go back for her, but he needs a power ring, and they only come out once a day. Oh man, what's Robotnik going to do with Sally? The most important member of the freedom fighters and the last link to the previous ruler before Botsy overthrew him. He could just kill her right now, but instead he's going to create himself a robot clone of her, so when Sonic comes for the inevitable rescue, he'll end up taking Robo-Sally, and their allies will be doomed. Twenty four hours pass and Sonic is able to collect another power ring, now to go back to Robotropolis and rescue Sally, who Botsy has seamlessly replaced with her robot double. With only minor resistance, Sonic rescues the hostage and makes tracks with help from his ring power-up. What about the real Sally? She's going to be roboticized. Well, looks like this is it. The freedom fighters are doomed, as that robot will give away their location, and Princess Sally is going to become an evil robot to do Robotnik's bidding. Huh, but what's this? The machines conveniently overload and blow up, shutting down the roboticizer and taking out Robo-Sally's video feed. Yeah, whenever you write yourself into a corner, just blow something up. Works every time. The sound feed still works, so at least Robotnik can hear them talk about him behind his back.
The rest of Knothole is pleased to see Sally, especially Tails, however he notices something's wrong when Sally doesn't give him the "funny kiss." This is a very awkward scene that ranges on being uncomfortable, but we can just chalk it up to Tails having a big crush on Sally too. Sonic can't be the only one who wants a piece of that piece... moving on. That night, after Sally unenthusiastically reads Tails a bedtime story, she awkwardly goes outside to talk to herself and look around with her red laser-beam eyes, the little fox realizes that isn't Sally! Of course, instead of telling someone, he just hides under his covers. After that, Sonic meets up with Bunny and "Sally", saying he heard the Swat Bot factory was still online. Really? I thought you said it was blown up when you returned to Knothole, Sonic. Didn't want to stick around to see the fruits of your labor? With his miniscule attention span and anorexically thin patience, I guess not. So it looks like they gotta go back to Robotropolis and do it again. As they leave in the morning, Tails catches up with Sonic and tells him something wasn't quite right with Sally. Of course, the hedgehog chalks it up to Tails having a bad dream and leaves with the others. Yeah, I guess you'll have to find out for yourself, numbnuts. Sonic, Robo-Sally, Bunny, and Rotor enter the dark, automated city, and are instantly spotted by Swat Bots. That's not all, when Sonic notices that Sally doesn't know their secret handshake, he deduces that Tails was right and this wasn't Sally! The robot clone runs away, firing frickin' laser beams, and she almost obliterated Sonic, but he was thankfully saved by Bunny just in time. They manage to short out Robo-Sally, and with Rotor's help, it tells them where to find the real Sally, and how high the security is. The hedgehog sends the others to destroy the factory, while he and Robo-Sally head on their rescue mission. He manages to liberate the genuine article and swap her out for the robot while Botsy was watching his precious Swat-Bot factory go up in smoke. Sonic and Sally taunt the doc and head off, while Robotnik and Snively have to deal with Robo-Sally a-firin' her lasers. So all was well, Sally was reunited with the folks at Knothole, and even gives Tails his funny kiss, which of course makes Sonic want in on the action too.
This was a good episode. Well written, if not a bit cliche here and there, good animation, and great voice acting. Dark and atmospheric, it's a very good looking show. It's not just all action like a lot of shows were at the time, as we have some nice character moments, like Sally reading Tails a bedtime story, and the scene at the end was sweet, showing that these guys aren't just allies in a war against Dr. Robotnik, they're a family. I also like how Sonic isn't entirely infallible and invincible, like when he was rescued by Bunny. The other characters do serve a purpose, which is something else I give them credit for. It's just very well done. Oh, and I'm glad there wasn't a moment where Sonic had to "choose the real Sally." You know how it goes when the friend of a hero is cloned, particularly if its his girlfriend or love interest, and he has to choose between the real and the fake. It's an overdone cliche and I'm happy to report they don't do that here. So the next time you're in a Sonic mood, I recommend "Sonic and Sally." It's dark, but fun. There's suspense, there's triumph, and best of all, very little Antoine.
Sonic the Hedgehog: Sonic Boom (1993)
The Princess and the Bean
Robotnik Reigns. He rules Mobius with an iron fist, thousands of robots at his command, he roboticizes any living creature he gets his hands on. He has turned this once great and prosperous world into a mechanical hellhole. The only hope of preserving what's good and pure in the world lies in the hands of a group of freedom fighters, led by Princess Sally Acorn, and with her friend Sonic the Hedgehog watching her back, they set off on their quest to slowly dismantle Robotnik's army of evil robots and restore freedom to Mobius. However, this quest would not be easy, as Robotropolis is huge, with many underground tunnels that lead all over the place, and without proper guidance, they would get lost before they got anywhere near Botsy. That won't hold them back, however. One way or another, they'll take him down. On this evening, Sonic and Sally, accompanied by Antoine and a red-shirt named Cat (he's not wearing any clothes, but if he did, he'd be wearing a red shirt), infiltrate the base and attempt to hack into Botsy's stealth bots to take them offline. No more spying on them in the woods. The hacking process takes a while and Sonic gets impatient. You know how he is. Oh, but what's this? As Sally has Nicole (her personal AI computer) hack the systems, she receives a one-word message: Bean. Mr. Bean? No, and it's not Orson Bean either. This was a nickname given to Sally by her father, King Acorn, who was believed to be dead. This message originated from the Dark Swamp, where Sally was sure her father was located. But before they can plan a reunion, a legion of swat-bots show up, and thanks to Antoine being a klutz, he gives away their position. Why did they bring him? Our heroes book it and meet outside, only they discover Dead-Meat, er, I mean Cat is missing. Figuring he was captured, Sonic goes back for him, while Sally decides to follow up on that lead possibly from her father. She's going off to the swamp, and taking Antoine with her. Unless she plans on using him for gator bait or sacrificing him to some witch doctor, I don't see what use he would be. As for Cat, he's taken before Robotnik, who orders him to tell about the freedom fighters, but he refuses. Good man. Had they captured Antoine, he would've spilled his guts in five seconds. Cat's put in a cell, where Sonic eventually finds him, but ever the selfless being, he tells him that Robotnik knows where Sally is going and insists Sonic save her. The hedgehog juices away before he's spotted, promising he'd be back. Meanwhile, Sally and Antoine are trudging through the swamp with the latter being terrified of his own shadow. Again, why did you bring him along? I want an answer! So determined was she to find any clue of her father's whereabouts, Sally has Nicole search for any structures, and one is discovered: Iron Lock Prison, long since abandoned.
Sonic was making his way through the Dark Swamp, following Sally and Antoine's footprints, when suddenly he's spotted by a stealth bot that launches a hedgehog-seeking missile. However, a trip through a dead tree reroutes the missile back to the bot and destroys it. Very resourceful. As for his friends, they're presently making their way through the spooky abandoned prison, when suddenly, they discover a cloth on the ground. A piece of King Acorn's cloak. Proof positive that he was there... at some point. Sonic catches up to them, and thinks this is a fine time for pranks as he scares Antoine half to death sneaking up behind him. He's so immature. They even find an old computer, which Sally is sure the king used to send her that message. Checking the ancient machine, they discover part of a cryptic message, which proves to Sally that her father is indeed alive. They also discover schematics to every location under Robotropolis! Very nice. While Sally starts downloading the data to Nicole, Sonic starts getting impatient again. Dude, you are being a real S. O. B. Sally just discovered her father is still alive and is getting information you need to take down Robotnik, can you just please keep your shoes on?! As he drums his big fingers on the wall, a stone falls out of place, hits the computer and opens a trap door beneath them, sending Sonic, Sally, and Antoine to the basement. Now look what you've done, Sonic. If you all get eaten by giant rats or some kind of slug monster, it's all your fault! Their only way out is down a long, dark tunnel, and at the end of it was a glowing red light. Spooky. Sonic goes to investigate the red light, and discovers it to be a giant slug monster. Um, eat Antoine! However, Sonic runs through the monster like chili runs through him and bursts out the back, revealing it to be a robot. Once that's done, Sally brings up the schematics left by the king, while Sonic... ugh, taps his feet and says, "I'm waiting." In the words of Walter Peck: "if he does that again, you can shoot him." They follow a series of underground caves until they return to Robotnik's base where the whole adventure started. Once there, they hack all of the stealth bots, while Sonic goes back to rescue Cat. Upon returning to his cell, he discovers that, alas, Cat was gone. Worse yet, he's spotted by Botsy, who activates his stealth bots. Oh, is he in for a surprise. They launch and subsequently explode, as Sonic shows Robotnik via his own robo-cam, saying, "that was for Cat." I guess we have to assume the worst as Cat is never seen or heard from again. It's a real shame. Why couldn't it have been Antoine?
So that was "Sonic Boom", and it was really good. The writing, the animation, and the voice acting were all superb, even if the dialogue came off as corny now and then. I really wish this episode had gotten a Part 2, where we find out Cat's fate, like did Robotnik kill him, or roboticize him? Maybe see Cat turned into a robot and be forced to hunt down Sonic and his friends, as he was once their ally but was now their enemy. And what of Sally's father? We know he was in Iron Lock, but where did he go? I'm sure we'll find out the answer to that one later on, but aside from that, this episode was well-done. It had plenty of suspense and it was also quite dark. A huge departure from Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog. Speaking of whom, he was very annoying in this one, making wisecracks and acting impatient, especially when Sally was finding that information left by her father. His cocky attitude gets under your skin now and then, and here he really overdid it. He was more annoying than Antoine, who was his usual cowardly self. But anyway, if you can stand Sonic being a pain in the butt and Antoine being a sniveling coward, then I recommend "Sonic Boom." There was a Sonic show of the same name that came out ten years ago, with Roger Craig Smith as the voice of Sonic, and that show spun off from a video game of the same name, which accidentally colored Sonic's arms blue, and someone who shall remain nameless threw a huge fit over that.
Sonic the Hedgehog: Sonic Past Cool (1993)
Talk to Me
When it comes to any battle against nature and technology, nature almost always wins in the end, even if technology puts up a very good fight. Sometimes, however, their efforts can be combined and put to a particular use, whether it be good or bad, and as Sonic and his freedom fighter friends learn in this week's episode, it's not the weapon, it's the wielder. Our little bout of nature versus technology began one fine day when Bunny's go-go-gadget legs were acting up, literally sending her through the roof. Tails comes by and asks if anyone wants to play, but they're too busy dealing with Bunny's ups and downs, so the little fox goes off to play by himself. While in the woods, he amuses himself with a game of dirt hockey, until he comes upon a baby terrapod. It's like a triceratops, only without the horns. Tails teaches him the finer points of the game, and the little guy picks it up right away. When they're done with that, they find that they're hungry and sneak back into Knothole to get some chow. Yeah, don't bother sneaking around, they can spot that creature from miles away. Tails and his new buddy, whom he's affectionately named Baby T, raid the cupboards for food, and I'm surprised that their only source of food isn't chili dogs. Either way, Baby T has a big appetite and scarfs down all the cookies, for which Tails scolds him. Ah, you would've done it yourself anyway. This causes this little guy to run off, so Tails goes to find Sonic and then introduces he, Sally, Bunny, and Rotor to his new friend. With her vast knowledge of woodland creatures great and small, Sally immediately identified the creature as a baby terrapod, and suspects it broke away from its herd, which was supposed to be migrating to Boulder Bay. Since none of them speak terrapod, this finally gives Sally an excuse to use her terrapod translator she'd invented years before, but had never used. How convenient. Even more convenient is that the herd of terrapods was passing them by at that moment. There were tons of them. Oh, I like how Tails falls over and is nearly crushed by the stampede before Sonic runs in to save him. What, did he forget he could fly? Yeah, just lay there and let them stomp on you, you little nimrod. Anyway, it seems this herd is going the wrong way. Something, or someone had spooked them. Sonic diverts them to a dead-end while Sally slips on her nifty terrapod translator, so they could finally communicate with these beasts. They discover that, for unknown reasons, they want to traverse through the Great Jungle, which is dark, dangerous, and uncharted. To go that way, they must be desperate. Oh, and in case you haven't guessed, Dr. Robotnik is behind this. He's out to capture the terrapods, as once they're roboticized, he'll control every living thing on Mobius, except his most-hated freedom fighters. With the stealth bots losing the terrapods' signal, Botsy decides he'll have to do the job himself.
Navigating inside their hovercraft, Robotnik and Snively find not only the terrapods, but Sonic and his friends. Wasting no time, they hurry into the Great Jungle, into uncharted territory. Who knows what sorts of terrors await them? Well, for starters, they see a plant that dissolves metal and rocks with a single touch. Next, a sentient vine wraps itself around Sonic and lifts him into the air. Couldn't he just cut himself out of it? I've seen him buzz his way out of bondage before. But this time, for whatever reason, he can't, so Tails instructs Baby T and his mother, Mama T (though who we really need is Mr. T) to push over a dead tree to help Sonic. They push it over, just as Sonic's vines break away, and success, he's free. Nice job, group. After dealing with homicidal flora, Sonic, Sally, Bunny, Tails, Rotor, and the T's have a break, but they're not safe for long. Mama T's terrapod sense is tingling. Uh oh, here comes a trio of stealth bots. Our heroes hop on the T's and gallop away, avoiding laser fire. And here comes Botsy, activating a giant, impenetrable forcefield around them, then he drops a giant cage on Mama T, looking to take her back to his headquarters to run experiments. He would make a baby terrapod an orphan, the crumb. Sonic jumps on top of the cage to override it, and by the way, have you noticed who suddenly disappeared from the group? Where'd Bunny go? She disappeared when the others ran away from the stealth bots. Anyway, Sonic stops them from reeling in the cage, but is nearly knocked off by stealth bot laser fire, and only now, here comes Bunny to the rescue. What a time for a bathroom break. Her gadget legs come in handy as she goes up to save Sonic and opens the cage... Um, you should probably do that when you're back on the ground. If Mama T falls, she'll make one heck of a crater. Anyway, Sonic brings the cage down, and Bunny is nearly crushed to death. I like how Rotor just runs away to save himself and probably would've let Bunny be squashed. However, he does help when her leg temporarily malfunctions, so... kudos? They've rescued the terrapods, but there's no way to get out of the forcefield. Couldn't Sonic just tunnel underneath it? Nope, he goes one better and plans to run through it. Like Popeye and his spinach can, Sonic pulls from his knapsack a power ring! Harnessing its immense energy, Sonic bolts through those beams like a rock through wet tissue paper and the others haul ass out of there before the hole seals up. Now to get those bothersome bots off their backs. Sonic remembers the plants they encountered in the forest, the ones that eat metal, and realize that's their only chance. Sonic lures Robotnik's steal boths into chasing him toward a whole field of those wicked "scorch" plants. The stealth bots are reduced to junk, and Robotnik has lost his prey. That's what you get for underestimating Mother Nature, Botsy. With the bad guys out of the way, the gang finally makes it to Boulder Bay. Tails and Baby T share a tearful goodbye, while Sonic wishes they could have some of those scorch plants back at Knothole. Sally is one step ahead, as she gathered some of their seeds to plant, which Sonic declares way past cool, then goes on to state that when it comes to coolness, he's way past, and she's only past. Sonic... stop talking.
So that was "Sonic Past Cool", and it was pretty good. The voice acting was good, the animation and writing were good, it was an entertaining episode. Another plus is that Antoine wasn't in it. So, Robotnik's plan was to have all creatures on Mobius roboticized, and the terrapods were the last ones to add to his collection. Good to know it remained incomplete. The message of this episode was a good one: if we all learn to communicate, we can all learn a great deal about each other, even if we can't always understand. At least, that's what I got from it. Sally's translator didn't always work right, but it seemed to me that Sonic and Tails were able to talk to those creatures just fine without it. I'm sure that with all the time they spent together, they could learn to read and understand one another. Anyway, not much else I can say except I recommend "Sonic Past Cool." This is indeed a well made show with good messages and take-away truths.
Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog Pilot (1993)
Getting the Ball Rolling
Here is the pilot episode for what would soon be Sonic the Hedgehog's television debut. You loved him in those awesome Sega games, so how well does a team of animators and producers bring him to your television every weekday afternoon? Ha, well, obviously on a very thin budget and a very tight schedule. This pilot episode sums up the series in seven minutes: Dr. Robotnik is trying to take over the world, and Sonic the Hedgehog is all that stands in his way. Robotnik may be a cruel and cunning adversary, but beneath it all, he's a bumbling idiot. No matter what the trap, what the device, Sonic always finds a way to outsmart the doc and leave him a blubbering mess. That's about it. I could just stop talking about it right here, however I do feel compelled to go on. A huge inspiration for this series is obviously the Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote cartoons of yesteryear: a very fast creature outwits an enemy, who is a self-proclaimed genius but is really a clumsy imbecile, with an arsenal at his disposal, and it ends up backfiring on him. I can imagine that being what the pitch was for this series: "Mr. Network President, remember the Roadrunner? Well, we're basically doing the same thing, except with Sonic and, er, that fat guy who's always attacking him." Of course I don't know exactly how the pitch went, but I guarantee Roadrunner and Coyote were mentioned once or twice. How does our pilot open? Curiously with narration from Gary Owens, introducing us to the planet Mobius, and calling Robotnik a pirate. He's more of a mad scientist bent on world domination, but I guess you could call him a pirate too. The first scene was reused in the series' first proper episode "The Super 'Special' Sonic Search and Smash Squad", as Botsy is holding a meeting of robot bounty hunters, saying whoever catches the hedgehog can claim his own reward. Long story short, Sonic outwits them all, even making them crash into a mechanical bull. Now, it's Robotnik's turn, going at Sonic with a cannon into which he loads a cactus. What's wrong, too cheap to pay for a cannonball? He fires it and the cactus goes flying, with Sonic using one of its needles to pick his teeth. Eventually, the cactus gives up, flies back into the cannon, explodes, and embeds its stickers into Robotnik. I should like to add that this is a show that thumbs its nose at logic and physics. Then Sonic defaces a poster of Botsy. Yeah, so far this guy doesn't seem like much of a threat, I think Mobius is pretty safe.
What happens next is something frequent viewers of the series will recognize, as this clip plays during the end credits of every episode. Robotnik's got a metal weight hanging over an archway, ready to squash Sonic into a blue pancake once he runs underneath it. He sees Sonic coming and drops the weight, but when he lifts it up, the hedgehog is gone. While he stands around like a fool wondering what happened, Sonic emerges from a manhole with the remote, hits the button, and Botsy is flattened. Sonic races off as the squashed Robotnik lands on the remote, crushing him again. It's at this point Robotnik should just give up, but he's very determined. He'll fail a thousand times before he gives up trying to destroy a certain hedgehog and conquer a certain planet. His next big idea is to steal a village's water supply, so down into the depths Sonic goes, being chased by familiar robot fish from the video games, getting them all tangled in seaweed. He goes through the pipe, out to the machine, and simply reverses it, while Robotnik, Scratch, and Grounder fail to stop him. When that plan blew chunks, Botsy tunnels under the beach where Sonic was catching some rays and successfully nabs him with his robot pod, however Tails flies up behind him, causing them to drill further and further until they shoot out the side of hill, Tails saves Sonic and they let Robotnik plummet to his death. We then transition to Sonic agreeing to help a lion king and his gorilla fighters, just as Robotnik comes in driving an enormous machine that pulls out trees, saying this will be the location of his new air base. Oh gee, this looks serious. I wonder what's gonna happen. Did you guess that Sonic would make a fool out of Robotnik once again? He orders Coconuts to pull him out of this jam, which he does by pulling his mustache. Once free, he gets into his Egg-o-Matic and goes at Sonic with a swinging ball, just like the boss battle in level 1 of the first game. However, I didn't know there was a cheat where Sonic wraps Botsy and his hovercraft up like a mummy and makes him crash into a hillside. That's all this is, Robotnik trying to catch Sonic, and failing every time because he's very ineffectual, and Sonic is written like a world-class Mary Sue. Now believe it or not, the pilot has a Sonic Says, and it's about crossing the street. Dummy Tails is nearly wiped out by a truck because he wasn't watching where he was going, but luckily Sonic rescued him in time, even though Tails can fly and could've easily avoided danger. The hedgehog says he doesn't want his pals turned into road pizza. But road chili dogs on the other hand... eh, whatever.
So that was the pilot to Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog. It has an excuse for there being no story or plot, as it was just to sell the show to the networks. This thing was never meant to air, and the only copy of it available is a workprint, complete with number counter, and even some scenes have sounds and dialogue missing. As for voice acting, we got Jaleel White as Sonic, and this was a big thing: hearing Sonic the Hedgehog talk for the very first time. We had no idea what he would sound like, much like when Mario first spoke in The Super Mario Bros Super Show, giving him a Brooklyn accent, which I think much better suits him than the stereotypical Italian voice he has now. No disrespect to Charles Martinet, but I think Lou Albano and Walker Boone (from Super Mario 3 and World) voiced him better. As for Jaleel's take, yes, I can buy that Sonic would talk like that, so he's not a bad casting decision. As for Robotnik, that's the one and only Jim Cummings playing him here, and it's a good thing he didn't sign on to do the rest of the series, or else we might not have gotten him to play the much darker and nastier Robotnik in the Saturday morning series. He would be replaced in Adventures by Long John Baldry. As for Tails, that's Russi Taylor voicing him here, and child actor Christopher Evan Welch would play him on the show. Gary Owens only narrates this pilot, as the series doesn't have narration. Wish it did, because half the time I can't figure out what's going on. The characters were designed by Milton Knight, who was obviously paid minimum wage to do so. While this pilot is forgettable, the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog series is pretty good. Most episodes are entertaining, while some are kinda bad, but all in all, it was a good effort. If you've watched it before, I recommend going back and watching it again, and if you've never seen it before, I say approach it carefully. If you start out with the wrong episode, it can alienate you from seeing the rest of the series. Also, if you're the type who binge watches, this is not the kind of show you want to sit and watch in is entirety all at once. It will annoy you and drive you nuts, so take it in small doses. Here are my favorite episodes, and ones that would be good to start out watching the show with: Mass Transit Trouble, Spaceman Sonic, MacHopper, Babysitter Jitters, Musta Been a Beautiful Baby, The Robotnik Express, Tails Prevails, Tails' Tale, Big Daddy, The Little Merhog, Close Encounter of the Sonic Kind, Mad Mike Da Bear Warrior, Untouchable Sonic, and Magnificent Sonic. Here are some of my least favorites: The Coachnik, Robolympics, Lovesick Sonic, Magic Hassle, Birth of a Salesman, Robo-Ninjas, Super Robotnik, Momma Robotnik Returns, Robotnik's Rival, Zoobotnik, Attack on Pinball Fortress, and Fast and Easy. Finally, these are ones I absolutely hate and should be avoided at ALL costs: Trail of Missing Tails, Tails' New Home, and Sonically Ever After. In closing, if you can find the pilot, it's worth checking out, and I also recommend Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog. Go on back and relive the memories. It's been fun rewatching this series again, revisiting old favorites, finding new ones, and bringing back bad memories of ones I hate. No matter, it's still a fun show and holds a special place in our hearts. Gotta buzz, cuz.
Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine (1993)
Bean There, Done That
Since I'm in the mood to talk about all things Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, I thought I would take a look at the video game tie-in. Kinda funny, the franchise started out as a video game, then spun off into a cartoon (or two) and now it's come full circle back to games. But this time, Dr. Robotnik takes center stage as this game is all about him. See, he's invented a mean bean steaming machine which he intends to use to transform those jolly, fun-loving beans of Beanville into robot slaves to serve his evil purposes. He'll rid Mobius of music and fun forever. Looks like we need a hero, but Sonic the Hedgehog is nowhere to be found in this game, he's not even mentioned. Therefore, it's up to us, the players, to help the beans escape, pitting our skills against 12 of Robotnik's henchbots. Scratch and Grounder you're already familiar with, as well as Coconuts, but the others are characters only those who paid attention to the very first episode "The Super 'Special' Sonic Search and Smash Squad" will recognize. They are as follows: Arms, Frankly, Humpty, Davy Sprocket, Skweel, Dynamight, Spike, Sir Ffuzzy-Logik, and Dragon Breath. Some of these guys were just background players and contributed nothing but just easy bots for Sonic to dispatch. After the developers of this game gave them personalities, it made me want to see them highlighted on the show. Especially Sir Ffuzzy-Logik, now that's a foe to be reckoned with. He's certainly among the hardest opponents in this game, and he looks terrifying. Sure, Sonic would've made short work of him, but it still would've been cool to see. Now as for the game, there are 12 levels. Beat those, and you get to face off against Dr. Robotnik himself. But it will not be easy. This is a puzzle game in the tradition of Tetris. In fact, it's an American port of Puyo Puyo, a Tetris-like puzzle game that Sega decided to use to promote the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog cartoon, rebranding it and using characters from that show. It's a match-four game, match four like-colored beans and they disappear, which will add a clear bean to your opponent's stack, however they can do the same to you. The trick is to clear multiple rows, one after the other, so you can bury your opponent, but this must be accomplished before they can bury you. Like most games, it starts out easy enough, but then it picks up speed so you have to think faster. Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts may be bumbling hedgehog nappers, but they're pretty skilled at puzzle games, so don't underestimate them.
Keep clearing as many rows at a time as you can, because if your side gets too full, the beans all fall out the trap door to their deaths and the game is over, however the developers thankfully toss you a bone as this game has unlimited continues, unlimited lives, and an easy-to-remember password, so you can keep playing forever. Once you've defeated all your opponents from Arms to Scratch, Botsy flies in, angry that his duncebots screwed up yet again, so he has to take matters into his own hands. He's a very worthy adversary, but when you defeat him, his mean bean steaming machine gets destroyed and he flies away in his Egg-o-Matic as his fortress burns. I first played this game as a kid, being a fan of Sonic and a frequent watcher of the Adventures series, so I was curious about this game and wanted to try it out. Unfortunately, puzzle games are not my strong suit, much like fighting games, but it's challenging enough to where you don't want to give up. You want to keep going, if anything to wipe that smirk off your opponent's face. And when your beans are piling up, panic music starts to play, similar to the drowning music in the Sonic games, like find a bubble soon or Sonic's dead. Same here, match up the beans in a hurry, or they're goners. Overall, I think Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine is a good game. The graphics are decent, and ironically they look better than the series it's based on. The music is really good. It has a fair challenge. It even has a versus mode and an exercise mode to practice before beginning the story. It's included with most Sonic the Hedgehog game compilations, even though Sonic isn't in it. However, in Sonic Mania, one of the boss battles is Sonic playing this game opposite Dr. Robotnik. That was a nice touch. So the next time you whip out that old school Sega Genesis game collection and you play it on your seventh or eighth generation consoles, and you're playing some classic Sonic games, I recommend revisiting Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine. If you like puzzle games, it's your forte. Also, I think someone at Rockstar is a fan, because in Grand Theft Auto V they named the Coffee Bean equivalent Bean Machine, and I believe the name even found its way into the live action Sonic movies. Shows that the love is still there. Not much else I can say, except give the game a try, and catch some reruns of Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog. The characters from this game all appear in the first episode, and after seeing them get personalities here, you'll wish they'd stayed on.
Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Pseudo Sonic (1993)
Will the Real Sonic Please Slow Down?
A certain hedgehog has been a thorn in Dr. Robotnik's side for far too long, and since the doc has been unable to successfully capture and end him, he's going to go a step further and sully his good image. For you see, Botsy has invented a robot that looks like Sonic, though not a perfect replica, and to operate it, he's using his lab rat Lawrence. Ordinarily Robotnik's robots operate on their own, but this time, for whatever reason, they're taking a page from the video games. You know, Robotnik's robots are powered by an animal's life force, and when Sonic or Tails defeat them, the animal is set free. At first Lawrence refuses to take part in this evil scheme, but for insurance, Robotnik says that unless he does as ordered, he'll use his parents as test targets for his new Surface to Sonic Missile, at which point Lawrence agrees. Robotnik is one nasty S. O. B. However, before Pseudo Sonic can be put to good use, Scratch and Grounder see him and think he's the real Sonic, so they burst into the lab and prove that even against a lab rat in a Sonic robot suit they're completely useless. With that pointless set piece out of the way, Botsy sends his robot Sonic out into the world to commit crimes for which the real Sonic would be blamed. What does he do? He robs a museum of a priceless artifact, robs an armored car- looks like Robotnik even included Sonic's penchant for wearing disguises. Good touch. In addition, he also commits mean-spirited pranks, like going into a guy's house in the dead of night and replacing a lightbulb with a hand grenade. Luckily it's only a cartoon or he would've killed that guy. Then he walks an old lady into coming traffic, steals candy from a baby, steals a bone from a dog. So far, everything is going according to plan as the real Sonic is blamed for all this mischief. He and Tails watch the news report from a store window, with Tails even being fooled, asking Sonic how he did all that when he'd been standing there the whole time. Never mind that, what would possibly make Tails think that Sonic would commit such heinous and downright rude crimes? The old lady who got turned to road pizza even shows up and spouts stereotypical old lady lines at him before he leaves, and luckily it isn't long before Sonic runs into his imposter. When Lawrence sees the genuine article, he makes Pseudo Sonic takes off in a flash, with the maligned hedgehog right on his tail. He chases him to a steep cliff where neither can stop in time and go flying into Poison Flower Valley. Once they land, Lawrence comes out of the robot and apologizes, saying Robotnik was behind it all, but right now they've got bigger problems, as they're standing in a field of poison flowers, which make them start itching something awful, and worse yet, they both blow up like balloons.
Unfortunately, poisoned, puffed up Sonic would be no match against Robotnik, so it seems he's down for the count. With he and Lawrence fast asleep and knowing that the rat's mom and dad were still in danger, Tails decides to take matters into his own hands, and luckily, there's a Sonic robot at his disposal. And here is where we get a serious size discrepancy of that thing, as before it was only big enough for Lawrence to fit, but when Tails goes inside, it's twice as big, even though on the outside, he's the same size as it. No matter, Tails always wanted to be inside Sonic... er, um, I mean wanted be Sonic, and here's his chance. Excuse the Freudian slip. At first the controls are a bit confusing, but before long he figures it out and races off toward Robotnik's fortress. Almost instantly he finds Lawrence's parents, but before he can free them, a giant cage falls on him. It was Scratch and Grounder and... that's right, they were fooled AGAIN by this fake Sonic. That's when Tails abandons ship, er, robot body and flies off. Robotnik sees him and deduces the real Sonic must be close by, knowing he'd be coming for Lawrence's parents, so time for Plan B. Turns out Botsy was right, as the still puffed up Sonic noticed Tails was gone and had come to help him. And what brilliant plan will the doc use to capture himself a hedgehog, since the last one seemed to work out oh-so-well? He's using Lawrence's parents for bait, and when Sonic shows up, his Super "Special" Stupid Stumbling Sucker Squad will fire his Surface to Sonic Missile and blow all three of them to kingdom come. Okay, with that house of cards built, let's see it all come crashing down. Tails distracts Botsy by pouring a bucket of ice water on his pointed head, and Sonic, who luckily packed an extra large costume, poses as a military general and selects Grounder and Scratch to be test pilots aboard the S. S. M., even giving them the launch button for when they see a certain pesky hedgehog, and at that moment, Tails parked the Pseudo Sonic at the fortress window and... oh no, seriously? They're fooled a third time?! Good lord above! They fire the missile and take off toward the imposter, while Sonic and Tails rescue Lawrence's parents. Well, I'm sorry to say that Dr. Robotnik and his henchbots... survived the explosion, and as Botsy lays back in his hospital bed, he laments that Sonic's good name was restored and that his lab rats were free, but at least he still has Grounder and Scratch. Upon that realization, Botsy throws a fit. Hey, that's nothing, wait 'til you get the bill. Our Sonic Says is about what to do in case you come across poison ivy, as this relates to the scene where Sonic and Lawrence fell into those poison flowers. Don't just scratch, get some lotion. It's a good message. In fact, all the Sonic Says segments are good messages, even if some are delivered a bit more clunky than others. It makes me wonder what they would've done had the Adventures series been picked up for another reason. They covered pretty much every possible topic in the first 65 episodes: strangers, fire, babysitting, crossing the street, nutrition, exercise, poison ivy, stealing, vandalism, graffiti, smoking, drinking, I mean what would be left except drugs? But then, I think the makers of this show were on drugs, so they didn't want to be seem like hypocrites.
"Pseudo Sonic" was a good episode. It had a good story, decent plot, decent animation, and the voicework... eh, still subpar. It's clear that they took inspiration from the Sonic games in this one, as Pseudo Sonic is based off Metal Sonic, as seen in Sonic 2, Sonic & Knuckles, and Sonic CD. In fact, when I play those games, I call him Pseudo Sonic instead of Metal. Strange that they went with having a live animal operate the robot in this episode, and even the only time in the series where that happens. Maybe if animals controlled Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts, they wouldn't screw up so much, as I think Robotnik's AI program is shoddy to say the least. This episode is a classic example of "Double Trouble", in which a clone of a hero who doesn't look very much like him goes out and causes mischief, while the hero blamed. DiC must like this plot, as it's been lifted right from an episode of Inspector Gadget. In that one, Dr. Claw made a robot clone of Gadget, framing him for bank robberies and getting the genuine article arrested. That was also one of Claw's dumbest moments, but that's another story. For now, if you're a fan of the Sonic games, you like seeing episodes where heroes are framed by poor imitations, then I recommend "Pseudo Sonic." Not among the series' best, but it's still entertaining.
Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Sonic Breakout (1993)
Dr. Robotnik Invents Cancel Culture
Being the one and only evildoer on Mobius, Dr. Robotnik likes to strike fear and intimidation into the hearts of all around him, making them too afraid to try and oppose him. In fact, only one being truly dares to stand up to him and make him look like the bumbling fool he is, and as we all know, that's Sonic the Hedgehog, with Tails at his back. But suppose someone else had the gall to stand up to Robotnik and poke fun at him? Someone who didn't have the power of super speed to fight back? Why it would be curtains for him. Well, let's take a look at how Robotnik was made a figure of ridicule in "Sonic Breakout." It all started when the latest issue of Crack-Ups hit the newsstands. It's the Mobius equivalent of Mad Magazine. Sonic, Tails, and all the weird alien children line up to get a copy, as you see, this isn't any ordinary comic book. It's a futuristic one with animated panels and recorded sounds. This issue even comes with a free poster of Sonic, which the genuine article mentions being taller than his likeness. Scratch and Grounder are also frequent readers of this periodical, which they amuse themselves with as Dr. Robotnik goes on about the new super prison he'd built. He calls it Robotnik's Wretched Life Away Dungeons, but I'm just going to call it Robotnitraz for short. However, his dumbots were too distracted by the comic, which features a Humpty Dumpty parody with Robotnik. His morbidly obese carcass falls off a wall and breaks in two, while everyone around him, including a small pink Mike Wazowski just laughed. Look at that fat, egg-shaped blob flailing around. Oh, when Robotnik saw that, he was livid. How dare anyone make a mockery of him, even when he's such an easy target. Incensed that everyone on Mobius was laughing at him behind his back, and even more angry that he's just now catching on, he orders Scratch and Grounder to kidnap the one responsible, as he would be the first prisoner of Robotnitraz. The artist was a kooky yellow bird named Sketch Lampoon, and he's easily apprehended. Meanwhile, Sonic and Tails are still having a huge laugh at Robotnik's expense, when they hear that International Lampoon was kidnapped. Seeing that his arch nemesis has no respect for the First Amendment, Sonic and Tails head off to commence the Jailbreak Jam. Once he sees where Lampoon is being held, in Botsy's new maximum security prison with every bell and whistle security system conceivable, Sonic hatches a plan to free the cocky cartoonist by way of allowing himself to be captured. Of course, he can't make it too easy, and we're very light on plot so we have to pad it out a bit. Once alerted to the hedgehog's presence, Robotnik dispatches his Super "Special" goon squad to apprehend him, and the chase begins. They wind up on the beach, with Sonic tricking Scratch and Grounder with various items built from sand, and while the first two don't fool them, the metal anchor disguised as a sand castle knocked the juice out of them. As they pull themselves together, Scratch calls Grounder a mutant chicken. What? You're the chicken, you lanky idiot. However, it's at this point Sonic decides to stop screwing around and let the two bumbling bags of bolts to capture him.
Upon being taken into Robotnitraz, Sonic meets Sketch Lampoon, saying he's his biggest fan and compliments him on the Robotnik Dumpty gag. When asked about the poster, Sonic says he's taller than that. You know, it wasn't funny the first time! After that, Botsy takes the hedgehog to his own personal cell, in his own personal, inescapable wing. This one's got everything: forged nuclear steel, laser and missile cannons programmed to shoot at anything blue, and a big spike ball to finish the job. He throws Sonic in his cell and locks the door. Now that he has Sonic right where he wants him, what's Robotnik going to do next? Why, he's going to force Sketch Lampoon to make a more "accurate" comic portrayal of him. You might be scratching your head wondering how in the world is Sonic going to get out of this trap? His arms and legs are chained together and he can't cut out of his cell, so for once, he has to rely on his intelligence, and thankfully, Botsy left two very unintelligent guards. It's also a good thing he doesn't search his prisoners before locking them up, as Sonic managed to smuggle in the Crack Ups magazine that started this whole mess. He tricks Scratch and Grounder into thinking he has the next issue and dares them to come inside and get it. I mean, Grounder could easily reach in with his robot arm and get it, but because these two are as stupid as dust vapor, they unlock the cell and go in, allowing Sonic to secretly stick his poster on Grounder's back. Just as the two dunces realize they'd been duped, the lasers and spike ball do their thing, and I guess the laser cannon was only good for one shot, as Sonic strolls out freely and finagles the keys to his shackles. Lucky. Nice, impenetrable prison you got there, Botsy, as Tails manages to fly in to meet Sonic without any trouble, then they run roughshod around the place, tripping every sensor and alarm, driving the computer up the wall. I guess it was loadbaring, as the whole place begins to fall apart. Sonic rescues Sketch, who was moments away from going nuts after having to illustrate Robotnik's life story, then the three make a beeline for the exit. Robotnitraz is completely destroyed, and our heroes look on in amusement as life imitated art: there lay Botsy in the crumbling remains of his super prison, flailing around, saying he's fallen and can't get up. Our Sonic Says is about graffiti and how it isn't art. Any kind of artistic painting should be restricted to a canvas, as Sonic paints a crappy picture of a foot, while Tails paints a delicious rendering of a chili dog. He's right about graffiti, keep it off the sides of buildings, and especially freight trains.
So that was "Sonic Breakout." The story and plot are decent, but the animation is a bit sloppy, and the voice acting is terrible. This one seemed to jump on the bandwagon of making fun of that old lady on TV back in the day, you know, "I've fallen and I can't get up" that was quoted everywhere, even in Ninja Turtles III. Seeing Botsy as a cracked egg flailing around while everyone laughs at him was pretty funny, even if evildoers have feelings too. Robotnik does a great impression of someone on social media and calls for the one responsible for making jokes to be shut up. Now adays, I think people would take his side, sadly. Just shows how the world has changed, and not for the better. We need to be able to laugh at ourselves, as having a sense of humor separates us from other creatures. Sure Robotnik has no sense of humor and is unable to laugh at himself, and we the audience are always laughing at him because he's such an inept and ineffectual villain, or at least he is whenever he faces Sonic. In closing, I recommend "Sonic Breakout", as it has some gags that are funny, the story and plot are amusing, and it has a good message, and shows that if you don't like what someone says about you, ignore them, don't shut them out or incarcerate them in a flamboyant super max prison. At least, that's what I got from it.
Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Honey, I Shrunk the Hedgehog (1993)
That's About the Size of It
With his new shrink ray, Dr. Robotnik is going to cause big problems for Mobius. Entire civilizations can he shrunk down to microscopic size. There would be no stopping him. He may actually succeed in taking over the world. However, seeing as how it's only episode 53 out of 65, he'll undoubtedly screw things up like always, but let's see how he can take a decent idea and enlarge it into a catastrophe. It all started when he trusted Scratch and Grounder into assembling his latest invention, and there's a funny gag where Scratch places Grounder's head into the machine because it resembles the battery, then puts the battery on Grounder's body, making it run amok and chase them all over the lab. Eventually, the rights are wronged, well not all of them because the dumbots are both still in one piece, but the machine is all powered up. This is Dr. Robotnik's new shrink machine, and what's he going to do with it? Why he's going to shrink key cities of Mobius, transport them into a large container and force them to surrender their natural resources, which he will then enlarge. Sounds a might complicated, but he might manage to pull it off. Ah, who are we kidding? We all know Sonic is going to stop him. True, but it may not be so easy for him this time. Get a load of this: Sonic and Tails were at the coal mine of Mr. McMole and his crew of mole miners, looking to help boost productivity as they had fallen far below quota. Ah, a labor dispute, eh? What's the solution? Sonic gifts the workers blue spiny hardhats and nifty red sneakers. This is enough to increase their morale and get them digging faster and deeper. Very easily led group of workers he's got there. Unfortunately, while this was going on, Robotnik had shrunk and enslaved key pieces of civilization. He had forests, oil, iron ore, precious gems, so all he needed now was coal, and it just so happens that McMole's mine was his next target. He shrinks the mine, along with all the workers, including Sonic and Tails, and transports it back to his fortress. Oh, if only Botsy knew his arch-nemesis was included as a bonus. First thing to do was get out of their predicament, but Sonic finds he can't cut through the plastic wall. Luckily, McMole and the other miners join in and they form a giant chainsaw and successfully cut their way out, just as Robotnik uses his ray to enlarge a tanker truck. Knowing the ray can be used to enlarge them, Sonic and Tails make a plan to head for the machine. At normal size, they could've accomplished this in a few seconds, but since they're three quarters of an inch tall, it may take longer. Tails manages to fly Sonic half way, until they get caught in a spider's web, and uh oh, here comes a giant spider, or at least, it's giant to them. This predicament is only momentary, as Sonic manages to spin them out, wrapping the spider in its own web, but unfortunately, Tails lost the use of his tails due to stickiness, so now they gotta hoof it. Meanwhile, Botsy discovers that someone broke out of his dome prison. Searching the floor, he discovers, to his delight, that Sonic was now tiny. Looks like this is his chance to finally get rid of him. He assigns Scratch and Grounder to pest control and they chase the tiny hedgehog and fox around the room, before their quarry make them crash into each other. However, Grounder has an ace up his sleeve, or in this case, in his stomach, as he unleashes his pet bug-eating lizard, which to Sonic and Tails, is the size of a T-Rex. However, Sonic manages to literally tongue tie the beast and send it flying. Another momentary predicament.
Now to the shrink ray and put things right, but uh oh, there's Robotnik, and he's got a vacuum cleaner. Well, that sucks. Now that he's got his foes trapped in a vacuum bag, Botsy starts squashing it like an accordion. Oh, I like when Robotnik asks if Sonic is ready to cry 'uncle', and when he does, Botsy puckers his lips like he's about to kiss him (what?) only he takes a screw to the nose and our heroes escape. That was awkward. Well, Sonic isn't out of the woods yet, as Robotnik warns him to either give up, or he'll destroy the tiny cities he abducted with a mondo earthquake. As a result, Sonic surrenders, and Botsy places he and Tails in a giant test tube blocked with a stopper. Guess Robotnik wins. He's got all the natural resources he could want, until he inevitably depletes them, and the only ones who can stop him are too small and stuck tight. Luckily, McMole and his workers formulate a plan to free them. They dig deep out of their confines and climb up to where our heroes were being held. Unfortunately, they can't tip the tube over, but maybe they can utilize Botsy's lab rat. Tying a rope around the rat's leg and another around the tube, he pulls it over. However, they still can't remove the stopper, so Sonic and Tails play spin the bottle to roll on the floor and smash it, but unfortunately, they're caught in the air by Scratch. Good thing for them he's so stupid, as when he gloats, Sonic claims he can't hear him, which eventually leads to the chicken brain pulling out the stopper and freeing them. Just like always, when Sonic can't get himself out of a trap, the writers have to rely on the robots' stupidity to free them. Anyway, they don't get far before they're cornered by Robotnik, Scratch, and Grounder, all wielding fly swatters. That's when the moles arrive on the rat's back and literally get a leg up in the competition. They crawl up Botsy's leg and start biting, while Sonic gets a great idea: time to finally put those dumbots to good use. He runs up into Scratch's empty head, while Tails flies into Grounder's equally empty cranium, then they manually override their controls. Just as Robotnik captured the moles, his overridden lackies knock him about and rescue the captives, then once they've readied the machine, they vacate and instantly get enlarged back to normal size, then they re-enlarge all the captured cities and return them to their proper places. Now the only thing left to do is destroy the shrink machine, right? Well, first, they give Dr. Robotnik a taste of his own medicine and shrink him down to a quarter of an inch. Good, squash him like a bug, then Mobius will be safe. Or stick him in a test tube. Instead, they just watch while he gets chased away by a bug. Our Sonic Says is about recycling and picking up your trash. A very good lesson.
That was "Honey I Shrunk the Hedgehog", and it was pretty good. We had a good story and plot, some funny gags, the animation was decent, and Jeffrey Scott's script was well written. My favorite part has to be when Sonic and Tails take control of Scratch and Grounder, hearing them talk in their voices was hilarious. It was also refreshing to see the other hostages participate and actually rescue Sonic, rather than just relying on him to do everything. Now, when Sonic gave the miners shoes like this and they started running really fast, that made me think it was the shoes that made them fast, even what gave Sonic his super speed, but like it was already proven, he's naturally fast, and just wears the shoes to keep his feet from getting burnt. But a slick pair of kicks and snazzy blue helmets were all those workers needed to get motivated. I guess that's the equivalent of giving school kids in the early '90s Ninja Turtles bandanas and shells to get them to do their homework. Not much else I can say, except I recommend "Honey I Shrunk the Hedgehog." It's fun, it's action packed, it's a good time for anyone big and small.
Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: The Mystery of the Missing Hi-Tops (1993)
The Red Shoe Mystery
What is the most important thing that Sonic the Hedgehog possesses? His friend Tails, his super speed, his heart, and his head? Sure, to be technical, but his super speed is what separates him from the rest and makes him a worthy adversary for the evil Dr. Robotnik. No matter the trap, the danger, Sonic always races out of it and thumbs his nose at that bumbling badnik. But what would happen if Sonic lost his speed? Or rather, lost the one thing that enables him to be fast on his feet? Those nifty, iconic sneakers, colored red with the white stripe. What if somebody swiped them right out from under him? I'd say he'd be in big trouble, but who would ever manage such a feat (pun intended)? Even Robotnik never tried to steal Sonic's shoes. But there was a time when a brazen thief pilfered Sonic's super shoes, and it was a mystery to end all. I mean, don't expect anything on the same level as Agatha Christie or Sherlock Holmes, and with a share of red herrings, it will keep you guessing. This is "Mystery of the Missing Hi-Tops." We open on Sonic and Tails being chased by a trio of buzz-bombers. They manage to lose them by tunneling through a wall and bursting out into the middle of a town. After stopping the dim-witted robot bugs, Sonic discovers that this town, simply known as McGuffin (ha, ha) is holding its annual Sonic Appreciation Day tomorrow. He and Tails decide to stay in town to witness the holiday, while the news dog telephones somebody to say Sonic has arrived, and he's wearing his special shoes. Surprisingly, he's not calling Dr. Robotnik. Who is it? We'll find out later, you'll never guess. First person Sonic meets is a pushy salesman named Harry, who tries to sell a ton of unlicensed merchandise baring the blue hedgehog's likeness. Oh well, at least it isn't Wes Weasely again. Sonic isn't interested in his trademark infringing crap, but he does accept a blue bookmark as a free token. Now remember that his bookmark is blue, as that will come in handy later. Anyway, enough falderal, let's see Scratch and Grounder try to stomp out our heroes in a giant robot walker. Luckily Sonic has seen The Empire Strikes Back, so he ties up the legs, making it fall over with a crash. Well, that was pointless. One catastrophe leads to another, as Sonic now has to save a hysterical girl falling from a tall building. This is Sonnet, an obsessed fan. She jumped just so Sonic would rescue her. Man, get away from her and call the cops, pronto. As if that wasn't bad enough, as Sonic and Tails try checking into their hotel, the former is accosted by an old friend, a giant rabbit named Hodge Podge. They go "way back" and start acting like this is a high school reunion, remembering back to the old days, and how once Hodge Podge used to be pretty fast on his feet. They even have a little race, which of course, Sonic wins. As he tries to get away from his overbearing friend of yesteryear, Sonic accidentally bumps into a vendor, unaware that it was Coconuts in disguise. It's refreshing when the tables are turned and Sonic doesn't recognize the one incognito. That monkey is in town to clobber himself a hedgehog. Meanwhile, since he has nothing to do in this episode, Dr. Robotnik plays gin rummy against a robot he'd programmed to lose, but since his machines almost never do as they're programmed, it won the game and made Botsy blow his top. Worse yet, when he hears there's a Sonic Appreciation Day in McGuffin, he orders the town destroyed. Envious, much? I'm surprised he didn't try to organize a Robotnik Appreciation Day instead. That night, as Sonic and Tails were snoozing, someone filled the room with sleeping gas, and when he woke up the next morning, Sonic discovered that his hi-tops were gone!
I used to wonder if it was the shoes that gave Sonic his speed or if he was just naturally fast, and here we see that his speed comes naturally. His shoes simply protect his feet from friction. By the way, nice job, animators, as it's supposed to be morning, but the exterior shots show it's still night. Anyway, looks like they've got a mystery to solve, though Sonic prefers using his feet instead of his head. Yeah, well, your feet ain't gonna get you far this time, Speedy. First thing they do is look for clues, and lo and behold, they find a dumb robot ape fast asleep in the closet. Upon interrogating Coconuts, he said he was waiting in there to clobber Sonic in his sleep, but whoever sprayed the gas ended up conking him out too. So robots can be affected by sleeping gas, eh? In this world, anything's possible. Sonic and Tails also discover the door's lock was picked and someone cut a hole in the bottom. Also useful clues to remember. Immediately, Tails suspects Hodge Podge so he goes and leans on him. The big doofus explains that there's no bad blood between he and Sonic anymore. Not to mention, there's no way Sonic's shoes would fit his ginormous feet. Hodge Podge then informs our heroes he heard a radio broadcast saying Dr. Robotnik was coming to destroy the town, and he sounds awfully calm about it. Did they not evacuate? Regardless, Sonic is too down in the dumps and is losing faith in himself, despite H. P. trying to build him up, saying he's more than just his speed. No, apparently, he isn't. At least not on this show. Sherlock Sonic and Dr. Tails resume their search, and come across crazy Sonnet. She would be the perfect suspect, as she swore vengeance when Sonic refused to let her crazy lips touch him. They accuse her of being a thief, she breaks down in tears and gives back what she took. It wasn't Sonic's shoes, but it was a bundle of Sonic merchandise, including... a red bookmark. Remember that information for later as well. She was in his room last night... and a creepy stalker to boot. Lock this woman up. Anyway, she was in his room, the door was open, and she took the souvenirs. So she was there after the shoes were swiped. Looks like the hedgehog solved the caper. He knows whodunnit... but first, he has to stop Scratch and Grounder in a giant steamroller from flattening this stupid town. What's he going to do without his super speed? Looks like he has to rely on his swift thinking. He'll need to apply careful action, plan his moves accordingly, avoid detection, sneak around... or he could just dare the robots to try and follow him onto a race track that was erected for Sonic Appreciation Day where the hedgehog would've put on a show. If they attempted the first loop, it would flip that machine over. Well, the plan almost worked, except Coconuts managed to tell the two dumbots that it was a trap. Well, that didn't work, so I guess Sonic will have to try something more ingenious, more cunning, more slippery, more... or he could just put on a damn disguise. Seriously, I hate that gag! He dresses as an old lady, using reverse psychology, saying if they drive the steamroller onto the ramps, they'll destroy them and the widows and orphans will be out of charity money to be raised by the race that was supposed to happen. Coconuts actually sees through the disguise and tries to warn Dumb and Dumber again, only to be silenced by Sonnet, saying he talks too much. He does, and so do you, you crazy stalker. Long story short, the steamroller is overturned, the crisis is averted. Now that they're done farting around, maybe Sonic can tell us who done swiped his magic shoes. You remember Harry, the salesman who tried to sell all that Sonic merchandise? It was him! How did he know? Well, remember the blue bookmark he gave Sonic? And the one Sonnet returned was red? Well, when Harry broke into Sonic's room to steal his shoes, he accidentally dropped a red bookmark he was holding, and then picked up the blue one by mistake. Why'd he do it? He wanted to cut up the shoes and sell them piece by piece. So, Harry is placed under arrest, and I think Sonnet should've been arrested too for trespassing, theft, and harassment. Then, to cap off our adventure, Sonic sends Robotnik a talking T-shirt. Our Sonic Says is about stealing, as we see Sonnet contemplating stealing Sonic's shoes, even having an angel and devil on her shoulders. She ultimately decides not to, as stealing is just not right... but everything else she did was okay, I guess. What a hypocrite.
So that was "The Mystery of the Missing Hi-Tops", and while Ed Ferrera and Kevin Murphy's script was horribly written, this was not a bad episode. It was fun, entertaining, had an interesting story and plot. We meet our roster of suspects, and the culprit is the one we least expect. Like I said, it's not Arthur Conan Doyle material, but for what it is, it's alright. It actually kept me guessing. The animation is flawed here and there, but it's not bad, and the voice acting is terrible, as usual, but I want to reiterate that I don't think the actors are bad. We have good actors attached to this show. I believe the problem is that their performances all sound like it was the first take, like they had to nail their line on the first take, then they move on. They probably had to record five episodes a day, so there wasn't time for extra takes and re-recording. Man, imagine having to do those voices all day for eight hours. I'll bet Phil Hayes, Gary Chalk, and Ian James Corlett had really sore throats at the end of the session, so I give them a lot of credit. Jaleel White too, as he had to record two Sonic shows and play Urkel on Family Matters. I'd say he more than earned his money. So anyway, I recommend "The Mystery of the Missing Hi-Tops", a fun episode with some interesting characters, even if that Sonnet is really creepy, and you'll notice they threw the audience off the track with that phone call scene, as while I don't know who was voicing Harry, I definitely recognized Gary Chalk as the voice on the other line, so kudos for not immediately making it obvious. If you're in a Sonic mood, check it out, and keep an eye on your shoes.
Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Submerged Sonic (1993)
Run Fast, Run Deep
Since he's tried conquering civilizations in the air and on land, Dr. Robotnik has decided to give the depths of the sea a try. Down he dives in his robotic submersible, heading for the undersea city of Labyrinth, named after everybody's favorite level in the first Sonic the Hedgehog game. If you're not familiar with it, it requires Sonic to show some precise platforming skills while being forced to traverse very slowly underwater, and unlike Mario, he can't breathe under water, so if you can't find a big bubble, you're in deep trouble. Also unlike Mario, he can't swim, so that adds to the frustration. Do that for three acts and you've got the gist. However, this particular Labyrinth isn't modeled after the video game level, as with most instances of levels being turned into places in the show, it's in name only, and in this case, Labyrinth isn't a maze, it's a kingdom. Robotnik wants it because they possess power pearls, which... are pearls and have power. It's valuable and unstable, which is why Botsy wants them so bad. He wants to create an army of ultra strong robots that not even Sonic could stop. Oh, don't worry, he'd definitely find a way. Meanwhile in the kingdom of Labyrinth, a stereotypical love story is in progress, as the bad-tempered King Saline is none too pleased about his daughter, Princess Bubbles, dating a slacker surfer dude named Surff, and I hope you like surfer lingo because that's the only way this guy talks. Mostly, Surff wants to join the fight against Robotnik, but the king is confident that tyrannical fat man won't bother them. He then angrily banishes Surff from Labyrinth forever and chases him out of the palace with lightning bolts. Whoa, like, not radical, dude. Worse yet, Robotnik infiltrates the domed city and kidnaps Bubbles. Whoa, even more not radical. Where's a hero when we need one? Well, up on land, we see Tails acting as Sonic's nagging wife, asking when he's going to help out with the dishes, and so Showoff dries them in record time. Not sure why they have glass plates, as they're always on the move, but anyway, they both get bored and decide to go look for Robotnik to liven things up. They literally run into Surff, who tells them what's going on under the sea. I like when he says he's looking for Sonic and when Tails points him out, he starts waving his hands as if to say "no, no." What, did he think Surff was a fan bugging him for an autograph, or did he just not want to help him because he speaks "slow-mo"? Man, what is the deal with the term "slow-mo"? He always uses that as an insult. Is it to identify beings not as fast as he? In that case, he's insulting everyone on Mobius. We can't all be as swift and chic as you, you little blue Mary Sue. Anyway, they all hop into Surff's pedal-sub and proceed toward Labyrinth, narrowly missing a barrage of shark bots with spears. Meanwhile on Botsy's sub, Scratch and Grounder are eager to just blow up the city, but Robotnik is in no hurry. He's got the princess hostage and he knows King Windbag will fork over those power pearls to ensure her safe return. He gives him 45 minutes to decide before he lays waste to the entire kingdom. The king was so angry at Robotnik's ultimatum that when Sonic, Tails, and Surff show up to encourage him to fight back, he has them thrown into the dungeon.
If he thought a prison door would contain the fastest thing on Mobius, he was sorely mistaken, as Sonic easily cuts his way out. He was on a mission to rescue the princess and somehow get Surff into the king's good graces. Well, nothing is impossible for Sonic the Hedgehog. I guess that whole jailbreak took 45 minutes, as Botsy gets impatient and orders his bots to fire on the kingdom. I thought you said a destroyed city was no good to you and you just wanted the pearls. No matter, before he has the chance, he discovers Sonic on his tail. The three get into the pedal sub and make waves before being torpedoed, with Surff bringing along a sack of power pearls. How do they work? Well, you stick them both together and they explode within five seconds, as Surff demonstrates right there on the sub. Yeah, I counted and it was at least ten seconds before Sonic told the kelp-brain to get rid of it, so they should all be dead right now. He ejects them from the sub and they destroy the torpedo. Deciding it was time for Plan B, Robotnik summons his robot ray, which was essentially a giant robotic stingray. Oh no, they're really in trouble now. Guess they don't have any more power pearls? No matter, Sonic goes out to give that ray a serious attack on indigestion, then literally cuts him down to size. Another crisis averted in only a few seconds, big surprise. As for Robotnik, it was time to face him head on. His giant rub versus their small, yellow pedal sub, but remember, it's not what you got, it's what you do with it. As they head for each other, they shoot out a couple of power pearls, thus destroying Botsy's sub. Surff swims out and rescues Bubbles, while the villains plummet into the watery depths. King Saline was so pleased with Surff's bravery that he appoints him commander of the Labyrinth army, and gives his full blessing to be with his daughter. Labyrinth was safe, good had triumphed once again. Now it's time for Sonic Says, in which Sonic and Tails stop Surff from diving into shallow water. A very good lesson for all those showoffs at the lake or the pool, as it can lead to serious injury. Shallow water ain't for diving. It's like, not cool, dude.
"Submerged Sonic" was a good episode. It was fun, creative, had funny gags, likeable characters, decent writing, and alright animation, even if some scenes were predictable. Like why is Sonic never allowed to be in any real danger for more than a few seconds before he predictably just races or slices his way out of it? If you like underwater Sonic episodes, then I'd also recommend "The Little Merhog", which has a similar plot: Dr. Robotnik threatening an underwater city, so a resident of said city goes to find Sonic for help, there are submarine battles, and Robotnik gets lost at sea with his two dim-witted assistants. It's also interesting to see that Sonic fairs just as easily under water as he does on land, though I think it would've been a nice touch if it were revealed he had a fear of water or that he couldn't swim. I mean, make him afraid of something and not just be a near-invincible Mary Sue all the time. I know I'm reaching here, but at least make the hero relatable in some way. In closing, I recommend "Submerged Sonic," another good script from Bob Forward, along with "Tails Prevails,", evening out his two duds "Attack on Pinball Fortress", and my mosted hated "Trail of Missing Tails." If you like undersea adventures, you dig surfer lingo, then this one's for you. Also, is it just me or do Surff and Bubbles look like Fry and Leela, but with two eyes?
Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: The Little Merhog (1993)
20,000 Leagues Under Mobius
Sometimes you just never know what to expect throughout the course of your day, so you have to expect the unexpected, and on Mobius, the unexpected happens every day. Take this day for example, when Sonic and Tails were having a slow day fishing, when suddenly, Tails lands an orange hedgehog. Weren't expecting that, were you? She introduces herself as Myrna the Merhog, like a mermaid except she's half hedgehog, and tells them that her people are being threatened by the notorious Captain Memo. Fitting themselves with scuba suits and air tanks, Sonic and Tails follow Myrna down to the depths to see what's what. Sure enough, at that moment, Captain Memo was laying waste to the underwater village in his octopus-shaped submarine. Now the reason he's called Memo isn't just a parody of Captain Nemo, but because his schtick is communicating via written memos. Every time he has something to tell his lieutenant, he tells him to take a memo and has him write down the order he's relaying. You may think that sounds funny, but it's not. So what's Captain Paper Pusher about? Why, he wants to decimate this tiny village and open shopping malls and condos, then make the residents pay him rent for it. So what does Sonic do when he sees Memo's sub? Well, it's a good thing he can run as fast under water as he can on land, not sure how accurate that is, because like a flash, he wraps the anchor around the octopus' tentacles and calls it an "octopussy cat." Nice James Bond reference there, and something tells me he didn't want to add the "cat" part. Determined to find out who would dare oppose the "great" Captain Memo, he quickly identifies his new opponent as a hedgehog in the "Sonic class", citing him as the only one. Makes me wonder what happened to Sonic's family if he's the last of his kind, is it like a Superman type scenario, is he the last surviving member of dying world who got sent away to Mobius, or is he like Tigger and is just the only one to exist ever? Guess it's left up to us to decide. Memo breaks free of his chains and orders an attack. The sub sprays Sonic, Tails, and Myrna with ink and ensares them in its tentacles, doomed to be turned into one of Memo's new mini malls. Well, looks like they're screwed. But, maybe not, as Myrna has the ability to summon a pack of electric eels via sonar. They temporarily short out the sub, allowing our heroes to go free, but almost instantly, Memo arms it so Sonic can't penetrate it. Out of options, Myrna takes them to her kingdom of Mertopia, where they meet the queen and try to come up with a solution to their problem, though time was of the essence, as Memo had arrived, setting his sights on turning Mertopia into a Dystopia. What to do? This was a very desperate situation, and unfortunately, there was only one being on Mobius who could even out the odds. Only one man who could face Captain Memo with an arsenal as powerful as his. It was a last resort, but again, it was a desperate situation, so Sonic and Tails go topside and run right up to Dr. Robotnik's fortress. Of course, Robotnik would never willingly help Sonic, nor would he willingly come right out and ask for the doc's help, so get this: while Scratch and Grounder are bumbling about the kitchen, our heroes come in disguised as pizza delivery boys, asking if they ordered an anchovy and jellyfish pizza. Gross! They add that such delicacies will be hard to come by once Captain Memo conquers the ocean, and then while he's at it, he'll conquer all of Mobius, so the two dumbots go off to warn Robotnik. When he heard that there was another villain stirring up trouble on his turf, he was incensed. Looks like the battle is on.
He orders Scratch and Grounder to build him a sub, and after they each make it look like themselves, Robotnik fixes it to resemble himself, then they all set sail on the ocean green. They discover Memo's octopus sub destroying Mertopia, and after Scratch and Grounder accidentally bean Robotnik with the periscope, he loads them into the torpedo tubes and fires them at the ship. Once hit, Memo orders his lieutenant to take another memo... you know what, I've got one: To Captain Memo, this gag is not funny! Signed, Explorerds. Robotnik and Memo begin hammering each others' subs while Sonic and Tails, who had stowed away aboard Botsy's, swim out and return to the merpeople, letting them know their problems are over. Unfortunately, this was overheard by Grounder and Scratch, who report back to Robotnik, as he and Memo were still in a game of sub tug-o-war. When he hears that Memo taking over Mobius was just a ruse to get him to intervene in the little man's attack on Mertopia, Robotnik contacts Memo and they issue a temporary truce, citing a new mutual enemy. Nice plan, Sonic, now you've got two power-hungry tyrants who will decimate the merpeople and their civilization two times over. Worse yet, they're going to split the profits reaped from Memo's shopping malls and condos! Their only option now would be to fight fish with fish, so Sonic and Myrna head out to do just that, with the latter summoning every fish and whale in the area to come rallying to their cause. A killer whale rams Robotnik's sub into Memo's, causing both to crash on the ocean floor, while the tiny fish, crabs, and clams give Robotnik a pain in the keister. And, once they reach the surface, he gets chased away by a gang of sharks. As for Memo and his lieutenant, they're apprehended and fed to a giant squid. Mertopia was saved and the seas were peaceful once again. Sonic and Myrna share a smooch, while the queen wants to hug Tails, but he instead asks to slap five. She responds by slapping him with her tail, sending him flying into the water. That'll teach you to disrespect undersea royalty, Tails. We end on Dr. Robotnik cutting in to say he hates seafood and hedgehogs. Well, you shouldn't be eating hedgehogs anyway. Our Sonic Says is about playing with matches, and the setup is pretty strange: Grounder has Sonic tied up and they're on a slow moving sub, so the little green jackhammer gets bored and starts playing with matches. I actually thought at first he was going to light a cigarette, but they already did a no-smoking Sonic Says in "Full Tilt Tails." It's a good lesson. Don't play with fire.
That was "The Little Merhog", and it was actually pretty good. It was an episode I had never seen before. It's been very enjoyable going back and watching the whole series, as there are some episodes I had never seen, and some of them were very creative. Take this one, for example. We see another villain not associated with Dr. Robotnik trying to take over the world. It's also another episode where I feel Robotnik could've been left out, as we already had an effective villain. I don't feel that he needed to be in every episode, and Captain Memo was a worthy adversary, except his memo gag got old. In fact, I'm reminded of when they gave that running gag to Cruella DeVil in the 101 Dalmatians animated series, as whenever something went awry, she'd pull out a tape recorder and leave a memo to herself, except there it was funnier and she didn't do it that much. As for "The Little Merhog", the animation was decent, Jeffrey Scott's writing was well done, and the voice acting... left much to be desired. Despite the title, it's not so much parodying The Little Mermaid as it is 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Memo and his octopus sub are a dead giveaway. The gags are funny and there are some suspenseful moments. It's a good episode. So if you like undersea adventures, you like giant subs duking it out, or you have twenty minutes to kill, then I recommend "The Little Merhog." It's a lot of fun, it's well made, it's creative, and... huh, jellyfish on a pizza. Even the Ninja Turtles wouldn't touch that.
Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Super Robotnik (1993)
With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility
Look, up in the sky! It's a blimp. It's a slow-mo. It's Super Robotnik! Since all of his inventions don't aid him in taking over the world, what would happen if he gained superpowers? Like what if he somehow gained Superman's powers, but he used them for evil purposes? Why there'd be no stopping him. He'd take over Mobius lock, stock, and barrel. Not even Sonic could stop him. Well, through a total freak accident, Robotnik does gain superpowers, but nothing as epic as I just described happens. I believe this is the series' mandated superhero episode, as most shows of this caliber have certain types of episodes they have to do, it's kind of an unofficial rule. You have to have the babysitter episode, the amnesia episode, the time traveling episode, and the superhero episode, and Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog checked every, single one off the list, and it wouldn't make much sense to give Sonic superpowers because he's already nearly invincible. But enough rambling, let's see how Dr. Robotnik became a super being, and ultimately squandered the opportunity. It all started when clumsy Coconuts accidentally knocked over a shelf full of chemicals, causing them to spill into a giant vat, then an equally clumsy Robotnik slips and falls headfirst into said vat. Once rescued, he finds that he's suddenly stronger. He has x-ray vision. He can fly. He gained a super suit. Yep, the number one evildoer on Mobius now has supernatural abilities at his disposal. What's he going to do first? Well, because Coconuts was responsible for the chemical spill, Robotnik promotes him to first lieutenant and tasks him with recreating the mysterious formula,then he demotes Scratch and Grounder, so for once, it's them falling down the trap door instead of the monkey. Next, he pays Sonic and Tails a visit, showing off his new powers, including his freeze breath, which encases them in ice. He could just destroy them right now, like he could just crush them into powder, but instead he chucks his frozen adversaries to the polar ice caps. Finally, he steals candy from 4,822 babies. Really? I mean, really? This is what Dr. Robotnik does with superpowers?? What, is he going to take his time with conquering Mobius? He might as well, as Sonic and Tails are still snowed in, and slave-driver Coconuts is no closer to recreating the accident, as all he can manage to do is create a giant, green slime monster that chases he, Scratch, and Grounder all around the lab. But wait, Robotnik finally finds a use for his powers, as he happens upon a meeting being held by Mobius' top leaders on what to do about a certain evil doctor who keeps causing untold chaos and havoc. Super Botsy instantly captures the four bumbling heads, then flies off to find Sonic, who finally managed to defrost himself and Tails, and delivers the following ultimatum: he has Mobius' world leaders locked up in his dungeon, and if Sonic wants them back, he must defeat him in a battle of the gladiators, and if the hedgehog loses, he must leave Mobius forever. Super Robotnik, you are super stupid. Why are you playing around with Sonic like this? You could end him right now, then the world would be yours. I mean, I don't want Sonic to get killed, but Robotnik is such a James Bond villain, saying what he could do, but doesn't do it. Also, a battle of the gladiators? Really? We have to see these two compete in some kind of tournament? Also, leave Mobius? Where is Sonic going to go? How about instead, he has to turn himself in and let Robotnik capture him too? This is why scripts need to take longer than half an hour to write.
Sonic sends Tails to spy on the super blimp while he seeks out the brilliant, but kooky Professor Von Schlemmer to help him get a leg up in the competition. The professor whips up a giant exercise machine so that Sonic can work up those muscles and get in shape. Somehow, I don't think that's going to hold up against a villain with superpowers! However, this is only until Tails can locate a weakness they can exploit. I know what it is: it's this script. But as it turns out, there is one part of Super Robotnik that is vulnerable: his big, fat, derriere. He accidentally sits on a tack that landed on his chair as result of his bots' latest screw up, and it hurts like an S. O. B. For you see, his arse wasn't immersed in the chemicals when he had his accident. Well, neither were his legs and feet, but it had to be his caboose because... Rowby Goren is as immature as the kids watching this. Tails reports his findings, and Von Schlemmer douses a cushion with a serum that will enter his weak spot and slowly undo his superpowers. But how to get the doc to sit on it? Sonic disguises himself as a cushion salesman, and of course Super Stupidnik doesn't recognize him, however the ploy still works and he sits on it. It won't take effect for a while, so let's move on to the pointless gladiator tournament of Sonic vs. Super Robotnik, with the latter wearing a rump protector. The first course is climbing across a series of rings, but of course Super Robotnik cheats, using heat vision to make Sonic lose, then he flies across the course, touching the final ring, and reaching the end. Instead of being disqualified for cheating, he's declared the winner. Next, they roll in giant, steel balls across an obstacle course. Robotnik cheats again, bashing Sonic's ball with his super fists, then flying to the finish line again. All he's doing is cheating, that means he doesn't care so much about winning the games as he does defeating Sonic. If so, he didn't need the stupid games, he could've just defeated Sonic at any time! To cap things off, Super Robotnik uses a pillar and hits Sonic's ball like a baseball sending him flying so high, he knocks an angel off a cloud... huh?? For the final ordeal, it's Sonic and Botsy on a balance beam above a pit of molten "yuck". All the while, Von Schlemmer is wondering why his secret formula isn't dissipating Botsy's superpowers. Anyway, this is just as anticlimactic as all the other events, as Sonic simply removes Robotnik's rump protector, where surprise, surprise, he was keeping the keys to his dungeon. Talk about convenient. He steals the keys and kicks Robotnik into the yuck where, by the power of deus ex machina, he turns back into plain, ordinary Robotnik. So, Mobius' world leaders are released, Sonic is declared the winner of the gladiator tournament, as if there was any doubt, and to cap things off, God Himself strikes Robotnik with lightning. No, actually, it was that angel that Sonic ran into earlier, saying, "who says there isn't a little piece of Heaven on Mobius?" Man, they were on drugs when they made this. Our Sonic Says is about chemical spills, how to protect yourself, and how to avoid them if you don't know what they are. A very good lesson.
That was "Super Robotnik", and it was super underwhelming, super horribly written, super horribly animated, and the voice acting was super horrible. What was even the point? They didn't do much with Robotnik becoming a supervillain, just showing that he was more of a comic foil for Sonic, rather than an adversary. The gags were not funny, the story was predictable, it just felt like it was made very quickly. And why? Did people really want to see Robotnik with superpowers that badly? You know, I heard a piece of trivia that says DiC regulars Pat Allee and Ben Hurst submitted ideas for episodes, but all were turned down by Bruce and Reed Shelly, and all I gotta say is their ideas must have been really bad if some of these others were allowed to be greenlit. Finally, the concept of Sonic and Robotnik competing in a tournament was reused for "The Coachnik" and "Robolympics", as sort of an unofficial sports trilogy. In all three, Botsy tries to cheat, and Sonic emerges triumphant, because he doesn't cheat. Whatever, I really don't care. In closing, I don't recommend "Super Robotnik." It's not funny, not enjoyable, and it's insanely annoying. Even Superman IV was better than this.
Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: The Coachnik (1993)
Pump You Up
Dr. Robotnik built Scratch and Grounder in order to catch Sonic, but as you may have noticed, they aren't very good at it. Big surprise, I know. Well, the doc intends to finally do something about it and make his addle-headed helpers more adept at catching his most hated nemesis, and he will accomplish this by building a robot coach to help them get into shape. You read that right, I didn't make one word of that up. That is the basis for today's episode: "The Coachnik", and with a stupid title like that, you just know you're going to be in a long haul of cringeworthy gags and set pieces. We open on Tails complaining that he never gets to help Sonic take down Scratch and Grounder, and I agree, his complaint is valid and it is a peeve of mine with this show, however Sonic assures him that next time he'll get to help, however he doubts they'll be seeing those nimrods again any time soon. Well, you just had to tempt fate, didn't you? Because ahead of them down the road, the aforementioned dumbots are waiting for them with a container of crude oil and a flamethrower. Long story short, kaboom! Sonic thinks it's hilarious, as do I, but aw, Tails is all long faced 'cause he didn't get to help. Well, there wasn't much he could've done anyway. Even if he and Sonic hadn't run through, those idiots would've blown themselves up anyway. Back at the fortress, Robotnik reluctantly reassembles his faulty underlings, saying his plan was foolproof, but not moron-proof. Not much of a plan at all, if you ask me, so Botsy decrees he will improve Grounder and Scratch's abilities. Great, so what's the plan? Upgrade their intelligence? No, he creates himself a robot coach, named Coachnik. Really? That's your plan to improve these dunces' abilities? That makes no sense. If they were living beings, they could be trained. But they're machines, and machines can't be taught, they are programmed! Anyway, ol' Coachnik, who sounds a lot like Tommy LaSorda, though I highly doubt they could get him for this show, first shows Robotnik, Scratch, and Grounder what the underlying problem is via playback. Note: these aren't clips from past episodes, they were created specially for this scene, so it's not a clip show. First, we see Heckyl and Jeckyl enact trap #341 of the Wile E. Coyote handbook by way of creating a rockslide to trap Sonic, only he instantly builds a curved ramp that forces the boulders to defy gravity, fly back up and smash the bots. Next, we see them chase Sonic up to the top of the Statue of Liberty, which Mobius has for some reason, though it was only included so Coachnik could make a bad "Statue of Liberty play" joke. Robotnik is depressed at what he sees, knowing with these two, he'll never catch Sonic. Naw! Really? It's only the 43rd episode, you haven't figured that out by now? Coachnik assures him they have potential, but they have to get in shape. No, no they don't, as their physical abilities are not the problem, it's their limited mental capacity! Anyway, Sonic and Tails happen to check out the old stadium across the way from Robotnik's fortress, and there they see Scratch and Grounder working out. They're joined by Coconuts, who wants a piece of the action, and all three are sent to chase after our heroes. How do they elude them? Well, I'm sure you're familiar with the old paint a train tunnel on a hillside backdrop (as seen in Roadrunner shorts), so they do the flip side and paint a hillside over a train tunnel, and all three stooges are hit by an oncoming train. That joke failed before it could even be told.
Not filled with much confidence that his new coach will turn his old robots into winners, Robotnik decides to dramatically tip the odds in his favor by creating a super explosive football. It's sad that Plan B is more clever than Plan A. He could've just done that in the first place. So, since we're already very light on plot... LOL, plot? There is no plot. We're light on substance, so let's pad this idiocy out a little. First up, we got Coconuts on the weights, and here comes... ugh, Sonic disguised as a hulking bodybuilder who keeps adding more and more weights to the dumbbell's dumbbells, making him fall through the floor, and they liked this gag so much they did it again in "Robolympics", but without Sonic's stupid disguise. Next, he dresses like a French ballerina and gets Scratch and Grounder to do some ballet. This isn't funny! After his double costume party concludes, Sonic meets up again with Tails in scenery lifted from "Tails New Home"- just had to remind me of one of my most hated episodes. The little fox is still begging to be allowed to do something, so he's reluctantly allowed the opportunity to spy on Dr. Robotnik. Meanwhile, Grounder is put through an obstacle course, but thanks to Sonic adding some extra tires, he's led into oncoming traffic and wiped out by a truck, leaving behind only his head, which Botsy picks up and shoves his explosive football into it. Okay, the football is bigger than Grounder's empty head, so it wouldn't fit all the way in. Tails sees this, but doesn't realize the hidden object was a high explosive. Now I guess they're going to play football, even though neither side has enough members to form a full team, while Botsy watches from the safety of his fortress, which is located just outside of the blast zone for when that bomb goes off. He arms the explosive, with a two minute countdown, and then the games begin. Sonic and Tails make Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts crash into each other, but before they can have a look at what's inside the little green driller's head, he takes it back. The hedgehog trips him up and his head comes off, flying right into Tails' hands. He finds the hidden device and thinks it's just a timer. See, this is why you don't get to help out more often, Tails. Sonic deduces it's a time bomb, then they all play a game of hot potato to get rid of it, before Coachnik kicks it off the field... right toward Robotnik's fortress! Before he can get away, it explodes, sending him flying right onto the field. First thing Botsy does is blow Coachnik to pieces, however the coach does get the last laugh by kicking Botsy's butt up and down the street with his disembodied foot. Talk about giving him the boot. Our Sonic Says is about stretching before you engage in any kind of sporting event, because even if you're a robot, you can experience cramps.
That was "The Coachnik", and boy, was it stupid. The premise made no sense, Doug Molitor's script was terrible, the animation was terrible, and the voice acting was really bad. I know this series is just supposed to be noisy fun for the kids, but for adults, it's a real chore. However, I tried my best to find some good in it, and to do so, I looked past the stupid main plot about a robot coach trying to get Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts in shape, and I looked at the subplot about Tails being allowed to help more often. I interpreted it as him wanting to grow, he's not going to be a little kid forever, and sooner or later, Sonic will have to stop being so overprotective of him, but letting go will be hard. That's a far more mature message than what we ended up getting, but it's there, and I wish it had been explored more often. In fact, if we had gotten a second season of Adventures, maybe we would've seen the series evolve, and not just be nothing but yelling, running, and things exploding. Like the Saturday series, had it gotten a third season, Tails would've grown as a character, and I believe he would have here too. Sonic even says, "he gets more like me every day." He acknowledges this, knowing that Tails has the potential, he just needs to keep it in check... and he also needs to recognize when a time bomb is a time bomb and not just a timer. So in closing, I don't recommend "The Coachnik", because it's really stupid. You've heard of Hoosiers, well, this is Loosiers. By the way, Jaleel White does the worst Arnold Schwarzenegger impression I've ever heard... next to that guy who imitated him in Roland Emmerich's 2012.
Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Robolympics (1993)
Excellence, Respect, and Stupidity
Lower your expectations and go into this episode not expecting anything great, and you won't be disappointed. "Robolympics" is nothing more than a filler episode, because nothing of any substance happens. We have a plot, but it's a very weak one, and we have no story. It's nothing but predictable gags and situations for twenty straight minutes, and none of them are funny! Okay, so with a concept like Robolympics, it's going to be Sonic vs. Robotnik, Scratch, and Grounder in a olympic-style competition, and you can guess what happens: Sonic always wins, Robotnik looks like a fool, nothing more, nothing less. That's about the size of it. With 65 episodes, they can't all be winners, and here is one that's a loser. It opens with Sonic and Tails about to chow down on chili dogs when an elderly turtle scientist comes by and tells them there's a problem, and to follow him, but he moves as fast as a-that's right-a turtle. So while he takes his sweet time walking across town to his lab, Sonic and Tails finish lunch, catch a movie, bathe in the stream, and take a snooze. Is this supposed to be funny? Well, they have a weak plot and no story, so they had to pad it out somehow. When finally the turtle scientist, who looks like Professor Farnsworth if he were a turtle, gets to the lab, he shows them that an asteroid is on a collision course with Turtle Town! He somehow thinks Sonic has the ability to stop an asteroid, though the hedgehog insists they evacuate. That's when Dr. Robotnik appears on screen and says that only he can stop the asteroid... provided Sonic compete with him in the Robolympics. If Sonic wins, he'll stop the asteroid. If not, Turtle Town will be shell shocked. Really? Why does he care so much about winning the Robolympics? Why not do it the other way so if Sonic loses, he'll save the town? You know, up the stakes, create some tension? Did Jeffrey Scott write this during a bathroom break? So that's our plot, children. Sonic vs. Robotnik in the Robolympics. He plans to cheat, of course, but in this case, both sides do their fair share of cheating so you won't know who to root for. I'm also not sure why it's called Robolympics, because there are no robots competing. To ensure that he'll lose, Robotnik has Scratch and Grounder backing him up. They can't even light the torch without setting themselves aflame. Turn off your brain, folks, it's going to be a long ride. First up is the pole vault. Botsy cheats using an extending pole, and even has a pool of hungry robo piranhas on the other side. Sonic goes fist, vaulting in the air and sailing to the ground with a... parasol he has in his skull. Ugh. Robotnik goes next and predictably falls in the piranha tank, showing these robot fishes really will bite the hand that feeds them. That's one for Sonic, but the games have only just begun. Next up is the shotput. Robotnik throws it in the air, expecting it to be the radio controlled, anti-gravity model, only Grounder forgot the remote, so down it comes smashing Botsy on his pointed head. When it's Sonic's turn, they give him a bomb disguised as a shotput. When he realizes what it is, he throws it back from whence it came, and while it blows Robotnik up, at least he won the event.
Next up is weightlifting. Robotnik brings in a ringer to help him win this one: a super-strong robot named Arnold Robonegger. Must have stayed up all night coming up with that name. Ooh, this guy is rough and tough, but easy to bluff. Since we know Sonic isn't strong physically, he uses reverse psychology to trick this robot ringer, knowing he was all brawn and no brain. In short, he tricks Robonegger into upping his barbell to eight million pounds, and trying to lift it literally breaks him in two. Again, this isn't funny and the concept is wearing thin very quickly! The producers show us mercy and fastforward to later in the game where Sonic and Robotnik are tied with five medals each. They should've been both disqualified long ago. The final event to determine the winner is a decathalon. By the way, what makes them think Robotnik will keep his promise to stop the asteroid? He's clearly not trustworthy. Anyway, the race is on. I'll give you the short version: they electrify the jumps, but only Robotnik is shocked. Sonic lands in a bit of quick-drying cement, but Robotnik's fat carcass trips and falls, freeing him. They try to ice the pool, but all three fall in. Next, as Sonic is rowing his way to victory, Scratch and Grounder try to send a heat-seeking missile after him, but instead it goes after Robotnik. Back on the race track, you just know Sonic is going to run his way to victory. Turns out Botsy has another trick up his sleeve. He brings out a machine that magnetically draws Sonic by the metal in his cleats toward a machine that will shred him to bits. The evil doc goes on to renege on his promise to save Turtle Town. How predictable. Looks like Sonic will have to save them himself. Finally allowing Tails to be useful, Sonic requests he throw him a javelin, which he uses to jam up the shredder and somehow frees him. Robotnik reaims the beam, which Sonic makes refract off a flagpole, which zaps into space and course-corrects the asteroid... making it head right for the stadium! Good plan, "hero." It lands in the center, squashing Robotnik, Scratch, and Grounder to death. Either this stadium is twice the size of a city, or Turtle Town must be very small. It didn't look that small earlier. Whatever, the day is saved, all is well, and if you're still awake after all that, it's time for Sonic Says, which is about exercising and staying in shape, which is a good lesson, but doesn't apply to anyone in this episode, as they all either cheat or get lucky.
That was "Robolympics", and it sucked. The writing was horrible, the gags were not funny, it was dragged on and on and on. Little kids might find the slapstick funny, but to adults, it will get old very fast. Nothing was at stake, there was no tension, nothing for us to care. The animation was decent, everyone stayed on model, but the voice acting was horrible. By all means, skip this episode, you won't miss a thing. In fact, if I had my own Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog Bad Episode Olympics, in awarding the gold, silver, and bronze, I would give "Robolympics" the bronze. "Trail of Missing Tails" gets the silver, and "Sonically Ever After" gets the gold. What I'm trying to say is I don't recommend "Robolympics." I just don't get it. There were no other robots competing, and Robotnik just wanted to win the games and humiliate Sonic, that's all they were going for. Well, they failed!
Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Magnificent Sonic (1993)
The Fast, the Slow, and the Ugly
This episode pays tribute to the western genre, because it's a well known fact that if you have a series that experiments with a number of genres, you have to include the west. What is Mobius' take on the old west, you may wonder? One that involves robots and laser guns, so it's a combination sci-fi/western, like Cowboys and Aliens, except it doesn't blow. The peaceful town of Tranquil Gulch was facing a hostile takeover, and they prayed that a hero would race into town and save them. So, what went down exactly? Who would wanna bother these fine folks? Well, it all started one peaceful day when the sheriff received a rude awakening by a bug named Six-Gun Pete, looking to call the sheriff to a duel and lay claim to this town. Well, since the poor rabbit was outgunned and Pete shot up his office, he just hopped on his horse and hauled ass right out of there, so now I guess the place belongs to Pete. Huh, that was easy. Luckily for the citizens, the cruel reign of Six-Gun Pete would be short-lived, because Sonic and Tails just happened to be nearby, with the hedgehog wanting to pay Tranquil Gulch a visit. He was looking for a place to chill out and relax after weeks of fighting Robotnik and foiling his laughable schemes. They stop in the saloon, run by the lovely Miss Possum, and order chili dogs and root beers. So this isn't so much a spaghetti western as it is a chili dog western, I guess. That's when Six-IQ Pete comes in to try and shoot himself a hedgehog, but instead ends up getting tricked into shooting himself, blowing his own head clean off. That's when it's revealed that he was a robot! Aha, so Dr. Robotnik was behind this. Well, it's no surprise as he's the only evildoer on Mobius. In recognition for the hedgehog's bravery and tenacity, the mayor wants to name him the new sheriff, which he reluctantly accepts. Now you have to wonder what Robotnik wants with a place like Tranquil Gulch. Well, when he's not trying to take over the world, he's a greedy industrialist looking to buy up large pieces of land, raze small towns, and build megalopolis cities. In this case, he wants to turn it into Gambler's Gulch, the biggest casino on Mobius. Ah, so he's reenacting the history of Las Vegas. Unfortunately, Botsy's plans have been indefinitely halted as his headless horsebot rides in, carrying with him a sketch of them what was responsible. Seeing that Sonic was yet again trying to foil his schemes of skimming the poor to make himself richer, Robotnik sends Scratch and Grounder out to deal with him. Huh, might as well just send No-Head Pete back, he'd be just as effective. Heck, tumbleweeds would pose more of a threat than these two, but we've got to get our comic relief from somewhere. Back in Tranquil Gulch, Sonic tries to brush up on his laser gun shooting, and as big surprise, we find that he's a terrible aim. Ah, so we finally see something he can't do very well. But then, Sonic the Hedgehog has never had to use a gun before. Ah well, I doubt he'll have to use one now. Anyway, things start to get interesting when Hop-Along Birdbrain on whiny green steed come rolling into town and challenge Sonic to a duel. Deciding to forego using guns, he suggests they play poker. Strip poker. Hey now, Sonic, this is a family show! Scratch and Grounder enter the game rather confidently, as they're sure their computer brains can beat the hedgehog at cards. Now the first hand, Sonic clearly cheated, as he lays out a full house of aces containing his picture. Second round, Sonic has the same hand as the bots, but still wins. Third round, he has a "royal hedgehog." You're cheating! Either that, or the animators have no idea how to play poker. As for Scratch and Grounder, they had to remove most of their body parts, as I guess their computer brains are still running off Windows 1.0. Tails bags up the bot pieces and chucks them in the trash, the most useful place for them.
Once they manage to put themselves back together, they hatch a plan to get Sonic, using Miss Possum as bait. Scratch walks into the saloon wearing a rubber mask and tells Miss Possum that Sonic is waiting for her outside in a stagecoach. She must be really stupid if she doesn't recognize the lanky robot chicken who was just in there! That mask wouldn't fool anybody, but in this universe, everything works by Clark Kent glasses logic so she doesn't recognize him and stupidly gets into the stagecoach, with Grounder at the reigns. Once they're on their way, it's revealed the whole thing was a trap. Who'd-a-thunk-it? The mayor comes to tell Sheriff Sonic about the runaway stagecoach bound for Deep Canyon, with Miss Possum onboard! Like a bolt of lightning, he raced after that stage just as it went over the cliff, with the two dumbots and their hostage inside. They even bar the windows so that Sonic can't get out. Scratch and Grounder bid them adieu and jump out, only the idiots forgot their parachutes. Luckily, Sonic used them to slow the falling stagecoach, letting them land gracefully in the water. Thank goodness, or else Deep Canyon would've been renamed Possum Ravine. Now, what follows is a big drama about going over a waterfall, but it's only a ten foot drop! Maybe it was supposed to be bigger, but they ran out of time. Long story short, Sonic nets the two brainless bots and locks them up, then sends a messenger to relay this news to Dr. Robotnik. When he hears his bumbling goons are behind bars with bail set at 10,000 Mobiums, Botsy literally blows his top. Seriously, orange liquid shoots out his head like a volcano. Er, you might want to see a doctor about that. Deciding the time for a showdown was nigh, he heads to Tranquil Gulch to face a certain hedgehog, and he's brought backup. Get a load of this: five gunslinging robots- Wired Earp, Batch Cassidy, Billy the Kit, Chassis James, and Dos Holiday. Clever. They're all programmed to shoot fast and at blue hedgehogs, and they must also be programmed with Imperial Stormtrooper marksmanship. Unfortunately, they're all a waste as Sonic manages to outrun them. Yeah, every time he's up against an obstacle, he relies on his speed. This is why situations like this have no tension, because we know he's going to get out of it unharmed. All those robots with punny names are taken out easily. Good plan, Botsy. As for Scratch and Grounder, knowing that Robotnik will leave them in jail, they manage to break themselves out, and then capture Tails. Well, I give them points for ingenuity. So now the tables were turned. Robotnik orders Sonic into a draw, or else Tails would catch the next train head-on. Looks like he's got no choice. Before they meet out on the street, Miss Possum takes Sonic inside and gives him a sherpa to wear. If he's gonna get shot, he should dress nice, at least according to her. I love how Robotnik belts out an "I'm waaaiiiting" to mock Sonic. They meet out on the street, man against hedgehog, hero against enemy. This would be a showdown of epic proportions. Botsy draws and shoots, while Sonic reveals a mirror behind his sherpa, sending his shots right back at him. Luckily his lasers weren't set on kill mode, as it just blasts him in his derriere, sending he, Scratch, and Grounder crashing into an outhouse that reassembles itself into a coffin. Here lies Dr. Ivo Robotnik. "I hate that hedgehog!" So the day was saved, Sonic tenders his badge and turns the duties of sheriff over to Miss Possum, then he and Tails race off into the sunset. Our Sonic Says is about guns, and how they are not something to play with, even if you think they're not loaded. A very good lesson that everyone, young and old, should take to heart. If you see a gun lying around, don't touch it. A lesson that I think needs to be spread around more often. Think of how many lives would be saved.
Magnificent Sonic was pretty good. The animation was alright, the story and plot were entertaining, but the voice acting was its usual poor quality. There's a lot of funny gags, like Robotnik going nuts on that Sonic balloon, but not before he steals the messenger's tip money and throws him out the door. This guy's got serious issues. This episode was written by Jeffrey Scott, a man I've praised in the past for writing episodes of many of my favorite childhood shows, and he wrote quite a few for Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog. They weren't always winners, but good writers can make crap now and then. Not much else to say, except I recommend "Magnificent Sonic." If you're a fan of westerns, this would be a good one to check out. Good episodes are not easy to critique, and this one was pretty good. Though, back to Sonic being a lousy shot. We also know he isn't skilled in hand to hand combat, so what would happen if he lost his super speed and could no longer think on his feet? He would be completely defenseless. However, in the few episodes where he did become slow, the bad guys still couldn't stop him. Pays to wear plot armor, I guess.
Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Untouchable Sonic (1993)
Once Upon a Time in Mobius Corners
Dr. Robotnik must have been pretty bored or at least unable to come up with any master plans for world domination, because he's trying his hand at a protection racket. That's right, he's trying to sucker the residents of the small town of Mobius Corners to buying into his protection racket, lest horrible misfortune befall them. It would take a daring hero to put an end to this business and send Botsy to sleep with the fishies... or just pitch a large fit and shout about how much he hates that hedgehog. So let's take a look at what happens when the leader of a protection racket will himself need protection in "Untouchable Sonic." It started with Sonic and Tails racing by a ton of sight gags before deciding to stop for a dog break, though Sonic asks where they'd possibly find a chili dog stand in the sticks. Even the most undeveloped regions of Mobius have chili dog stands, Sonic, in the off chance you'd be coming through. They stop off at a quaint place simply named Bert's Diner, run by kindly green owl Bert Who, and his raccoon waitress, Roxy. They tell Sonic that gangster robots have been bullying the good citizens of Mobius Corners, even poor Bert himself, as two tough looking gangster robots named Roller and Ball Hog show up to cause trouble. If you're like me, those names should sound familiar, as they're both badniks in the first Sonic the Hedgehog game. Remember in Spring Yard Zone, that annoying blue ball that rolls down the hill after you? That's Roller. And in Scrap Brain Zone, that pink teddy bear thing that drops flashing balls at you? That, my friends, is Ball Hog. Well, those two are in this episode, in name only. They turned Roller into a pointy-headed bug thing, and Ball Hog is a beaked cat that talks like Rocksteady. To make an already long story short, Sonic manages to trash them and finds a business card for Dr. Robotnik's "Or Else Protection Service." He musta stayed up all night to come up with that name. That's when the aforementioned fat man called up via one of the bot's stomach phones, so Tails answers and tells him off. Angry that his protection racket was temporarily disabled, he calls for Scratch and Grounder, who were presently watching a clip from the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog pilot, then a bunch of generic shows, before being loudly called into action. Robotnik sends them to Mobius Corners, naming them chief enforcers and tells them to strike fear into the hearts of the citizens so they'll beg to pay for his protection service. That is so funny I don't even know where to start. Scratch and Grounder are about as scary as butterflies, and if the last two bots he sent didn't yield results, what chance would these two stand? He tells them to lean especially hard on Bert Who, who not only runs the diner, but is also the mayor. They have a brief Abbott and Costello style exchange, and are sent on their way. So how do the dumbfellas fair in their task? Well, Scratch threatens them with a time bomb, but forgets to connect the timer. Luckily Sonic caught it in time and sent it back, blowing them sky high. Sadly, this wasn't the last they'd see of them, because no matter how many times Scratch and Grounder get blown up, beaten up, dismembered, burned, frozen, buried, knocked out, reprogrammed, liquidated, insulted, bamboozled, outmaneuvered, outwitted, duped, suckered, snookered, trampled, abused, battered, humiliated, affronted, discredited, and denigrated, they are relentless and stubborn, so here they come again, giving it another try, but this time, our heroes were ready for them.
Because he's such a "master of disguise," Sonic disguises himself as Bert and tricks the two dumbots into thinking they need protection. Well, they will when Robotnik hears that they've screwed the pooch yet again. "Bert" recommend they go somewhere safe and whistles for a truck to pick them up. They take Scratch and Grounder over to the local jail where the real Bert incarcerates them, because you see, in addition to being diner owner and mayor, he's also the sheriff. Hmm, I'm starting to be reminded of a certain I Love Lucy episode. They're sentenced to 12,000 years for being stupid without a license. By the way, who was driving the truck? Bert was at the jail, so I guess Tails was driving? I guess the driving age in Mobius Corners is 4? Well, it looks like evil has been defeated and our heroes are triumphant. However, in a rare moment of intelligence, Scratch and Grounder manage to grab the keys to their cell that Bert absent-mindedly left dangling on the wall in the next room. Well, who could've foreseen them actually using their brains for once? So, while Sonic and Tails head off to tell Robotnik where he can stick his protection racket and get all the citizens their back their money, Bert goes to check on his prisoners, who get the drop on him. Roxy sees the two bots making off with their hostage and quietly hitches a ride, while back at the fortress, Robotnik unveils his latest weapon to stop a certain pesky hedgehog: a ginormous tank loaded with bombs and explosives. I think someone's trying to compensate for something. When he fires at them, the screen fills with "Pow!" "Wham!" "Thud!" exclamations like it's the Adam West Batman show. Looks like Botsy has Sonic outgunned, how will he ever stop him? It will take a very clever plan with plenty of ingenuity to get... or, he could just throw on another disguise from the pile. They sure do love that gag, but I personally can't stand it. I also can't stand when Robotnik himself is fooled by them. It completely undermines him as any sort of viable threat and makes him look like an imbecile. Sonic pretends to be some kinda social worker who threatens Botsy that he'll tell his mommy on him. Filled with dread at the idea of Momma Robotnik coming after him, he bribes the social worker with the entire amount he swindled from the folks at Mobius Corners. Sonic surreptitiously rewires the giant tank and bolts, then watches as it falls apart. Robotnik escapes in his Egg-o-Matic, saying he still has Bert prisoner, and dares the hedgehog to come and rescue him. At the fortress, they run into Roxy and try to find a way inside, which Sonic and Tails discover via trapdoor. It leads to the dungeon, where Robotnik was waiting, eager to show them his machine for immediate and effective hedgehog extermination: a giant hammer. Just as he's about to throw the switch, Roxy literally drops in, making the doc accidentally put it in hyperdrive. Stop, Hammer time! I had to say it. The things goes out of control and chases Robotnik, Scratch, and Grounder away. So with the "Or Else Protection Racket" officially defunct, Mobius Corners was safe again. To help Bert with his business, Sonic and Tails recycle Ball Hog and Roller into an automated drive-up ordering box, so Roxy can stop being a waitress and be Bert's partner whether he likes it or not. They're promised free chili dogs for life and Sonic and Roxy share a smooch before we segue into Sonic Says, which is about gangs and how joining up with them is no walk in the park. It's a good lesson, and again, Scratch and Grounder are about as intimidating as the Goodfeathers.
This was a very fun episode, with a lot of laughs, a decent story, a decent plot, and decent animation. Bert and Roxy were both likeable characters, and we do get to see them again in "Sonic is Running." This was probably the producers' tribute to gangster movies and faux protection rackets, showing that all it's about is intimidation and money. Strange that Robotnik would care so much about a nowhere burg like Mobius Corners, but I think it was all about principle. He doesn't like anyone who dares to oppose him, even though it's fairly easy to do. If Sonic weren't around, I wonder just how effective Botsy and his schemes would be. He wants to take over the world and he wants everybody to be his slaves, and he'll do it by any petty means he can. So next time you're in a Sonic mood, I recommend "Untouchable Sonic." Not much else to say as good episodes are hard to critique. Okay, here's one: enough with the disguises! They look cheesy and stupid, and let's face it, Jaleel White has no range as an actor, so he can't alter his voice very well. Ah well, with this show, silliness comes with the territory.
Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Sonic the Matchmaker (1993)
Cyrano de Hedgehog
In springtime, a young robot's fancy turns to love. Remember Breezy and Robotnik Jr., two robots created by Dr. Robotnik in the hopes of helping him destroy Sonic and conquer Mobius, only they each gained a conscience and turned on him? Well, what if in addition to choosing their own destinies these machines could fall in love, and suppose Sonic the Hedgehog is caught in the middle of this ludicrous love triangle? Let's see how this contrived premise will reach a contrived conclusion in "Sonic the Matchmaker." We open on Scratch and Grounder setting up a very lazy trap: a stick of dynamite disguised as a chili dog. Because Sonic isn't a complete idiot, he doesn't fall for it, and instead races off to deliver this very spicy dog to someone a big more hungrier than he. Dr. Robotnik is at his table awaiting dinner when Sonic runs in, disguised as a takeout delivery boy. Uh boy, only 2 minutes in and Robotnik is fooled by a Sonic disguise, now I have no faith whatsoever in whatever diabolical plan he's going to enact. The chili dog explodes and Robotnik throws a fit, though he has no one to blame but himself. Scratch and Grounder attempted to beat Sonic to the fortress, but they clearly forgot who they were dealing with. Robert Askin, was this your first episode? So after that unfunny scene, Robotnik rants about wanting someone to care for him and someone he could love, honor, and force into servitude. He wants... a wife. Well, you were almost married once, Botsy. Remember Katella? True, but I think he prefers a wife that not only did he agree to marry, but someone he's not completely terrified of. He's going to build himself a robot wife, and why he waited so long is beyond me. However, in a rare moment of usefulness, his bots point out what happened the last time he built companions: Breezy and Junior. They even have those episodes on tape for him to view. After reliving those literally painful memories, Robotnik orders Grounder and Scratch to seek out Junior and Breezy and bring them back so he can remove their heads and see what went wrong. They find Junior at a playground, where he was playing with his naked hippo friend, and capture him easily. They next seek out Breezy, who's got her own talk show now, and snatch her too. Fortunately, Sonic and Tails happened to be watching Breezy's show, witness the kidnapping, and follow suit. As they head through the snowy mountains of, I dunno, Ice Cap Zone, Sonic easily gets on the truck and cuts it open, freeing the captives, despite Junior's failed attempts to rescue them on his own. Breezy swoons over her blue, spiny hero, while Junior's red eyes turn green. For you see, the moment Junior laid eyes on Breezy, he felt a sensation previously unknown to an adolescent robot like himself: love. Sadly, the feeling was not mutual as Breezy would hardly give him the time of day. Meanwhile, Dr. Robotnik has proceeded with plans to create the future Mrs. Robotnik, ala Bride of Frankenstein, who he names Amaletta. He's even got their honeymoon planned: a weekend at Robotnik Falls, which will soon be renamed Robotnik Cliffs, as he plans to stop the flow of water, lest his blushing bride get wet and short circuit. Remember that for later. Oh, the absence of water will affect the fine folks below and start a famine, which Botsy views as added entertainment. However, before the wedding can take place, he needs to discover what went wrong with Breezy and Junior, so he sends Dumb and Dumber out again to find them. Seems to me like Robotnik should quit while he's behind.
Junior still has feelings for Breezy, who keeps swooning over Sonic, and concludes it's because he's a hero. Tails suggest Junior perform a heroic action like, say, Tails pretends to fall off a cliff and Junior can rescue him. I see two flaws in that plan. First, Tails can fly so he wouldn't be in any danger from falling. Second, if they don't let Sonic know beforehand it's just a ruse, he'll blow the whole thing and play uninvited rescuer. Well guess what, boys and girls, that's exactly what the payoff to this predictable scenario is! Tails falls, cries for help, Junior activates his go-go-gadget legs to reach him, only Sonic comes burrowing through the hillside to rescue his pal, who tells him he wasn't supposed to save him, which Sonic ignores as now he has to save Junior too. This only scores the hedgehog more points with Breezy, and makes Junior look quite the fool. Good plan, boys. In attempt to console Junior, Sonic tells him a bad joke. But in all seriousness, he tells Junior to man up and go talk to Breezy, while he and Tails give them some space. He even gives Junior the girl's favorite type of flower, the one with the long, dumb name that I still won't repeat here. Of course, she assumes they're from Sonic and swoons over him again. Hey, hotcakes, get over it. He's not that into you, and you're a machine! While that's going on, they're spotted by Scratch and Grounder who, instead of just going up and snatching them again, apply an over-the-top method of melting all the snow in the area, turning it into a giant tidal wave, and then snatching them. I give them credit, because it actually works. Sonic and Tails come back to find Junior and Breezy gone, and wonder what happened to all the snow. Lousy climate change. Well, with those two as Robotnik's captives, heads are literally going to roll. So once he gets a look inside, Robotnik finally discovers what went wrong with them. Their "nasty neuro netlink was on the fritz." Nice bit of techno babble there. He then orders Breezy and Junior junked, so now he can activate Amaletta, and hope that her nasty neuro netlink works just fine. Sonic and Tails find them in the junk pile and put them back together, then they hear about Botsy's plan to dam up the falls. When they see Robotnik fly off overhead, Sonic gives chase, while Tails and Breezy do their impressions of the heads of Sega Genesis and say what an absolute darling he is. Junior, however, decides this is the perfect chance for heroism and to prove himself to Breezy, yet he can't even climb over the wall. Robot or not, this is definitely Robotnik's son. At the falls, Botsy treats his new robot wife like a servant, while Grounder and Scratch set up the bombs to dam the river. They actually succeed, sending the water underground and making everything below the falls dry up instantly. However, I'm glad this was only a momentary disaster, as Sonic drops a huge boulder on the bots, which then rolls over the hole, blocking it. Glad there was never any real tension or a hint that anything was in dire straights. But at least Junior let Breezy know how he felt about her, which surprisingly touches her, as deep down, it seems she may like him too. To prove his love to his intended, Junior attempts to restore water to the falls, only it arrives ahead of schedule and sweeps him away. She dives in after him and saves him from the waterfall with her gadget copter. Now they were officially a pair, because love and true friendship isn't something you can manufacture, as Robotnik learns the hard way, because remember when I said he didn't want his new bride to get wet and short circuit? Well, it happens, and his once sweet, docile and obsequious wife turns into a total abusive battleax. He really does have that effect on people, doesn't he? Our Sonic Says is about playground safety, as Junior and his fat hippo friend nearly kill one another treating the playground like American Gladiators. And you know, Sonic lecturing us about playground safety reminds me of that Family Matters episode where Urkel is put in charge of a playground and gets roughed up by bullies. I guess if his words don't work out, Sonic can always dress up like Bruce Lee and fight them.
So that was "Sonic the Matchmaker," and amazingly, its heart was in the right place. Robert Askin's script was a sloppy mess, but at least we had a story and a plot this time. The animation was decent, and not quite as sloppy. The voice acting was terrible, like always, but other than that, it was a decent episode. It proves Robotnik is a total bumbler when it comes to building robots, as they always turn on him. It says something about Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts, though, as they never turned against him. Well, technically, they each did once, but it was just payback for how badly he treated them, they didn't side with Sonic against him. I guess it pays to make your machines profoundly stupid, because when they're smart, they'll use their heads and realize what a sap Robotnik is. Just look at this episode, he was fooled by one of Sonic's disguises toward the very beginning. What a clown. As for Junior and Breezy, they make a good couple, and as evidenced in "Hero of the Year", they do get together. In closing, I recommend "Sonic the Matchmaker", as while it's nothing special, it's not bad, and worth seeing if you liked the Breezy and Junior characters and want to see their story advance. A match made in a laboratory.
Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Boogey-Mania (1993)
Bad Dreams Are Made of This
A common critique I make towards this series is the assumption that the people behind the scenes were using drugs during its production, owing to how nonsensical, bizarre, and downright insane everything can be. Well, here is an episode that I would make the very same claim toward, because it's just as crazy and nonsensical as everything that came before and after it. That wacky Professor Von Schlemmer has invented a gizmo that makes dreams come to life. Other than conjuring up a dream girl to help him get laid, I'm not sure what purpose that would serve, but imagine if such an invention were to fall into Dr. Robotnik's hands. You know, like every other invention of this guy's has. He would unleash untold, unimaginable nightmares upon Mobius that not even Sonic could hold back. Unfortunately, that concept is not as cool as it sounds, as we discover here in "Boogie Mania." It's also the episode that spawned an infamous internet meme, which I'll talk about soon enough. Our story, because we actually do have a story and plot this time, opens with Sonic and Tails setting up camp, with the hedgehog setting up kitchen appliances he no doubt stole from some nearby house. As they prepare to eat their evening meal of chili dogs, a clown car comes chugging up, and out of it comes a wacky, big-headed clown. Huh, guess the president of DiC is making his rounds. He starts in with some antics, which Tails finds hilarious because they make him a mentally challenged toddler in this episode. The clown concludes his act by swiping Tails' chili dog and running off. They chase him to a cave, where they discover Professor Von Schlemmer hooked up to some gizmo, while the food snatching clown was entertaining him. Turns out, he was all a figment of the professor's imagination projected by his latest invention, the dream-a-majig, patent pending, it brings characters from the dream world into wacky world. Unbeknownst to our heroes, Coconuts witnessed the whole thing, so he zipped back to tell Dr. Robotnik about the professor's invention, hoping he would be impressed, however the doc was angry that the monkey didn't steal it and demotes him to scrub monkey third class. That's when Scratch and Grounder fall into the room, and here it is, folks, the line that launched a million YouTube Poops. Robotnik sees them and utters, "snooping as usual I see," putting emphasis on the Ping and As. Yeah, I know, it sounds like the name of a male body part. Long John Baldry passed away in 2005 before the advent of YouTube, so he never got to see this get turned into a meme, but just listen to how he delivered that line. I think he knew what he was doing, don't you? I can only imagine the tons of people who would be begging him to repeat that for them if he were still around. A lifetime body of musical work, and this is what people remember him for. But I digress, Botsy makes a plan to get that dream-a-majig into his possession to use for evil purposes, and since Coconuts didn't think to steal it, he'll have his other idiot robots do it instead. Back at the professor's cave, they remark how squeaky the machine's crank is, so Sonic races off to get some oil. That is seriously the weak explanation given for why he leaves the cave, so he isn't around for the kidnapping scene. It plays out as follows: the professor brings back to the dream clown, just as two robot clowns come into the cave. They stuff the professor and the dream machine into the clown car, all while Tails laughs, thinking it's part of the show. Then he wonders where everybody went. Stupid! Back at his fortress, Robotnik demands Von Schlemmer turn his dream machine into a nightmare machine, but he refuses. As a bonus, Coconuts came in with a captured Tails, however once again, his attempts to please his cruel master went unheeded, as he told him he should've captured Sonic. Hey, you know from experience that Sonic isn't that easy to catch, you bumbling bag of blubber! He has Tails taken to the dungeon by a tall robot with a mohawk. Whoa, where'd that guy come from? Why doesn't he get used more often? Anyway, this forces the professor to reconfigure his machine.
Tails and Von Schlemmer aren't held prisoner for long, as Sonic deduces where they are, being a Mary Sue and all. Great, so how does he break them out? He disguises himself as a key peddler, looking to trade old keys for new. Did Rowby Goren only have five minutes to come up with this scene? That was the best he could do? He frees his friends, but before they can escape, they meet Robotnik's worst nightmare. No, it's not Momma Robotnik, it's a giant, purple, three-eyed, floating monster. Sonic is no match for it, and the ensuring fight nearly destroys the fortress. However, the doc was unperturbed, because with the hedgehog powerless to stop him, he would finally have the means to conquer Mobius. Okay, so what's his brilliant plan of using that monster to his advantage? Well, I've never put much faith in Robotnik's plans, and this time is no acception. He uses his boogie-man to terrorize a nearby town, while he, Scratch, and Grounder loot it. Great, at this rate, he'll conquer the world in about five months. Dr. Robotnik is supposed to be a genius. He has a nightmare machine and a supernatural monster at his disposal, and he uses it for looting? Oh, and a group of terrified citizens run by, Tails points out that they're in their underwear. What is with this show's obsession with underwear jokes? I swear, the writers must have let their children contribute to the scripts. Anyway, with a nightmare on the loose, what would be the logical solution? Use another of Von Schlemmer's gadgets to go into the dream world itself. He sends Sonic and Tails through to find the Dream Meister. Oh, please let it be Freddy Kreuger. Please, please. Oh, and Coconuts sneaks in with them, trying to trap them in dream world, but guess what? He fails, like always. You know, he's dumber than Scratch and Grounder in this episode. If you were expecting something creative and fun for dream world, you're going to be very disappointed. This should've been called fever dream world, though I have no doubt this is what the producers of Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog see when they sleep. Anyway, who is this Dream Meister? Apparently it's some multi-armed telephone operator. Why would I expect anything less? She gives Sonic and Tails a cryptic list of instructions and sends them away. Well, that was pointless. When they get back to the professor, he translates the code to a list of chemicals... and did Tails just say, "what the hell does that mean"?? Between this and his dropping an S-bomb in the Christmas special, Tails seems to have quite the potty mouth. Ah, I'm just joking. I can dream, can't I? Turns out those chemical compounds are junk food, and since Sonic knows Tails has nightmares when he eats too much junk, that will be their perfect defense against Botsy's Boogie Man. So they load up Tails on crap and have him fall asleep, and as for Robotnik, Sonic disguises himself as a doctor and recommends Robotnik get some sleep. You know, I can buy Scratch and Grounder not recognizing Sonic's disguises, but when Robotnik is fooled, it only further demonstrates what a useless villain he is. Anyway, he puts the bad doctor to sleep, and then Tails unleashes his junk food induced nightmare, and this, ladies and gentlemen, is the highlight of the episode: the ten-foot tall amalgamation of tons of junk food, and he's equipped with ketchup and mustard cannons. Ah, so this must be the Condiment King in monster form. It's hilarious! He defeats Boogie and sends him fleeing right back into Robotnik's pointed head. So, he's foiled, our heroes have a junk food monster at their disposal, and hopefully Tails doesn't have diabetes from the ungodly amount of junk food he just ate, so to celebrate they send out for chili dogs, Sonic makes a bad joke, then we segue into Sonic Says, which is about getting plenty of sleep, and it's actually a very good message that I think would be more relevant today, due to people and their ever-growing amount of screen time.
So that was "Boogie Mania." The animation was terrible, the dream world was a huge let down, and Rowby Goren's script was horribly written. You know, another big claim I keep making is suggesting this series' scripts were written on legal pads in a single draft, but in all seriousness, I would love to see an actual, physical copy of an Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog script one day. I want to see actual proof that this stuff was really written down, that someone actually approved it, and it went into production. It would be even funnier if the script was a second or third draft... as if they would exist. Yeah, I rag on the series, but I don't hate it. Some episodes are really good, and sometimes really funny, but when you have a bad episode, like this one, you can't help but just shake your head and wonder if actual human beings made it. The voice acting was terrible, but I actually liked the clown voice Grounder used. In fact, Scratch and Grounder were unusually competent this time around. I didn't count one screw-up... except for the key thing. Guess they decided to give all the stupidity to Coconuts, making them look smarter by comparison. So, was there anything I liked? Besides Professor Von Schlemmer and the Condiment King monster, no. Do I recommend "Boogie Mania"? Let's be honest, we've probably already seen the best part (Pingas). Nothing else about it is very memorable. So, yeah, feel free to skip this one, as it's the stuff bad dreams are made of.
Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Subterranean Sonic (1993)
Subterranean Hedgehog Blues
On the planet Mobius, not all the action happens on the surface, as some of it even takes place underground. Watch as Sonic and Tails head to some underground caves to avoid Robotnik, but when they run afoul of a grumpy old miser, they manage to teach him the meaning of friendship, and they all work together to overcome evil and emerge stronger than they were before. That's the basic gist of this episode, but with a lot of weird and annoying gags thrown in. I don't remember if I saw this one back when it first aired, but I know I've seen clips of it, so it was interesting going back and discovering it for the first time. Our little romp in the park opens on Robotnik swearing vengeance against a certain wascally hedgehog for always foiling his schemes. Discovering Sonic to be in the Marble Zone-named after the second level in the first Sonic game-he sends Scratch and Grounder out to get him. If you recall from the game, Marble Zone was an ancient ruin surrounded in lava, whereas here on the show, it's a volcanic valley with rivers of lava and water geysers. The game version definitely wins. Anyway, the two dim-bots chase Sonic and Tails, successfully cornering them at a cliff. With no other foreseeable way out, they decide the only logical thing to do is jump down the geyser hole, going underground. Great escape plan, though it doesn't work very well because Grounder and Scratch end up falling down the hole too after being blasted by the geyser. With no other plans, Sonic and Tails just run around in the caves until they come to a large room full of treasure. Sonic is unphased by the gold and diamonds, but Tails saw fit to take one with him. But that's when they meet the one that owns this here treasure. Enter Spelunk, a cranky, curmudgeonly mole who don't take kindly to them what trespasses on his claim. He asks them if they have any last requests before he blasts them with his big freakin' cannon, and Sonic requests a way out and a dozen chili dogs. Sheesh, even when staring death in the face, he can't forget his obsession. Spelunk goes on a rant about how expensive chili dogs are and lights the fuse. Despite Sonic trying to tell him they're freedom fighters, he calls them freeloaders and that he don't give nothin' for free, except for a cannonball, which chases our freedom fighters out into the caves, but luckily Dumb and Dumber show up and take the cannonball to the face. Sonic and Tails make their way to a series of mine cart tracks which they assume leads out, but then they saw Spelunk coming at them in a minecart. So instead of just wanting them out of his caves, now he wants to straight up murder them. A chase ensues until... uh oh, here comes a family of slow turtles crossing the tracks. Just had to throw in that old gag, did you? Since when do turtles live underground? Unless they're ninjas. Anyway, Sonic plays crossing guard to make sure they get across before the deranged mole could turn them into turtle soup. However, he just won't let well enough alone. He pulls a switch that turns the uphill tracks into a super fun slide, making our heroes slip all the way down and right into a cage. They're now Spelunk's prisoners and they get to listen to him rant and rave about his world views for the rest of their lives, and Sonic can't cut through the bars because they're made of diamondium. Um, yeah, but as you all have probably noticed, the bars are clearly far enough apart that they can just walk out! What is the deal with cages on this show? Every time our heroes are put in a cage, the bars are a mile apart. It's always vertical bars too, why not put some going horizontally? I don't understand why that's such an issue in cartoons. Is it so we can see the characters inside? I dunno, it just drives me nuts.
Scratch and Grounder reported their findings back to Robotnik, so they all went back to the last place they saw Sonic, but as expected, the two idiots forgot where the caves were, so Botsy's brilliant plan is to just dig up the whole place aimlessly, just like Governor Radcliffe in Pocahontas, trying to in vain to find all the gold supposedly buried around the Virgina territory. Little did they know that the cage holding Sonic and Tails was just below their location, which meant any second, they'd literally bring the roof down on this place. Spelunk blames Sonic and pulls a lever, opening a trapdoor on the floor of the cage, that wound send he and Tails down a bottomless pit. Like the Nostalgia Critic pointed out, Tails can fly, so he could just lift up Sonic and put him on the ground. Anyway, despite Sonic trying to warn that old fuddy-duddy about Robotnik, he could care less. Speaking of Botsy, he resorted to just blowing the whole thing up. A cave-in ensues, blocking the only exit to the room, but smashing Sonic and Tails' cage, freeing them, and sending Robotnik, Scratch, and Grounder down the bottomless pit. Ah well, good riddance. But the whole place was about to collapse. Sonic could easily tunnel out the blocked entrance, but Spelunk the Miser refused to leave his treasure. He could just leave him to die, but like the good-hearted freedom fighter he is, Sonic saves Spelunk before he was crushed by a giant boulder. Never had anyone risked their own life to save his. No one's ever done that for him. That's when Spelunk decides to turn good and learn the importance of friendship. But how to get out of the caves? The tunnels were booby-trapped by swinging mace balls. Well, luckily, the material of Spelunk's jacket was made of diamondium, which he reluctantly lets Sonic unravel into a long, sturdy thread to hold the balls at bay. Once they're through, however, he quickly knits it back into a jacket. Meanwhile, Scratch and Grounder were stealing Spelunk's treasure... wait, how the hell did they get back there? Last we saw them, they were all plummeting to the center of Mobius. What, did Robert Askin write himself into a corner and couldn't think of a way to get them out? As he was sitting there, jotting out this script on a legal pad knowing it had to be turned in within an hour, did he just shrug and say, "eh, just magically have them appear back at the treasure room. No one will notice." This is what happens when shows like this have to be made quickly. Anyway, they're stealing the gold, while Robotnik waits up in his Egg-o-Matic, doing... sleep sit-ups? They were on drugs when they made this. How will Sonic, Tails, and Spelunk stop them? The hedgehog puts on one of his stupid disguises and distracts them, while Spelunk uses a little sulfurious to their advantage. Stuff works like gunpowder. Long story short, they send Scratch and Grounder up the conveyor belt, along with a trail of sulfurious, blowing them away. After that, Spelunk decides to take his treasure and go out in the world to help people, having learned a valuable lesson about friendship. Our Sonic Says is about sharing, as we see Tails and Spelunk having lunch, the former only having one dog and the latter only having one bowl of chili. That's when Sonic barges in and suggests combining what they have, as sharing is caring. And they never would've thought of that had he got come along.
So that was "Subterranean Sonic", and, well, it was not bad. It has no story, a vacant plot, bad animation, and the voice acting was really bad. You could tell Phil Hayes and Gary Chalk were still getting the feel for Scratch and Grounder's voices, because they sound very different here. They even have Brooklyn accents for some reason, which I'm very glad they got rid of. So even though nothing makes any sense, the episode is not bad. If you want something mindless to kill thirty minutes, then I would say go for it. It has a good message about the importance of caring for your fellow man, and it's one of the few times in this series that Sonic refers to he and Tails as freedom fighters, which they are more considered to be in the Saturday version. This was also a rare time when the series tried to include areas named after levels from the Sonic games. In this case, we had Marble Zone, which looked nothing like it did in the first game. It was interesting that they tried to do that, but a little research might have helped. So in closing, I recommend "Subterranean Sonic", as it's nothing special and is fraught with inconsistencies, but it's harmless fun.
Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Too Tall Tails (1993)
Big Trouble with Little Tails
It's no secret that when it comes to chili dogs, Sonic has a very big appetite, and so does Tails. In fact, I think his might be bigger than Sonic's, but what do you think would happen if the little fox became bigger than his appetite? Like, what if he were enlarged to fifty feet? Why he might devour entire cities, causing loads of devastation and chaos in his wake. There might be no stopping him. Luckily an implausible situation like that isn't very likely to happen... except that one time that it did. Let's take a look at "Too Tall Tails," which begins with Dr. Robotnik holding Professor Von Schlemmer hostage, forcing him to tell him how to build his latest invention, but refuses to tell him how to operate it. Though once the doc administers a little tickle torture, he willingly gives up the process. After that, Botsy has the professor transported to the deepest, darkest part of the Jungle of Doom where no one will ever, ever find him. At least for 20 minutes. Gosh, all this fuss over Von Schlemmer's new invention, which Robotnik is sure will allow him to take over Mobius. What exactly does this machine do? Well, we have to wait on that since we're thrown into a scene of Sonic and Tails being chased by Coconuts. It lasts all of two minutes before Sonic makes the monkey slip on water and crash into three walls he pulled out of thin air. That's the last we see of him in this episode, so... Coconuts, ladies and gentlemen. With the dim-bulb taken care of, they head to a little town called... and I'm not kidding here... Wienerville. It's populated by beings who look like wieners, so I'll bet they have some wild sausage parties. LOL. Wait, since the people are wieners themselves and they serve chili dogs, wouldn't that make them cannibals? It would be like if cows ran a steakhouse. Right away, Sonic and Tails meet Mayor McChee... er, Knockwurst, the man in charge of this fine establishment, who treats them to a meal of just about every pork product ever conceived, and Tails eats everything put in front of him. It seems the little guy has a big appetite, as according to Sonic, they missed a few meals. Why, what were they doing? Spending all that time fighting Robotnik? Speaking of that pushover, he's still trying to get the professor's mysterious gizmo to function. Apparently what it does is enlarge things, so Robotnik tests it out on a hunk of Grounder's belly button lint. Gross. He doesn't have a belly button nor does he wear pants, so... never mind. It works in enlarging that gunk, then it malfunctions and explodes. Another great plan gone up in smoke, Botsy. Well done. Anyway, since Tails finished his 20th plate, he's now ready for dessert. Sheesh, if he ate that many spicy pork products, nobody better go anywhere near him with a lit match. Speaking of gas, a thick orange cloud mysteriously forms over the town, Tails inhales it and suddenly starts to grow. This is apparently the fallout from Von Schlemmer's machine, and if it was a gas cloud that fell over the town, why was Tails the only one affected? He enlarges fifty feet high, and guess what? He's got a big appetite to go with his new size. What a glutton! He picks up buildings that resemble food, and he probably ate a few wiener people too, just because they look like food. In the process, he breaks the Welcome to Wienerville sign, while Mayor Knockwurst just stands there. I know he can't do anything because it's the act break, but even when we come back, he's still just standing there like a statue about to be flattened, but of course Sonic saves him in time.
So, Tails is the size of a skyscraper and he's incredibly hungry, and Sonic has no clue what to do. As if things couldn't get any worse, Dr. Robotnik flies in with Scratch and Grounder, saying via megaphone that this was all evildoing on Sonic's part. Oh come on, Botsy, these people may be wieners, but they're not stupid. Oh, boy am I about to be proven wrong. And I guess this is Robotnik's backup plan since the enlarger machine went bust: bring these foolish franks to his side? He does so by bringing them gifts. Yep, I'm not kidding, he presents the folks of Wienerville with free gifts, which they rush at. Sonic and Robotnik start pointing fingers, but when Botsy points out the destruction caused by Tails, all of a sudden, these idiot sausages see Sonic as the villain. What an easily led pack of morons. As for Tails, he makes short work of the town's crops and eats a cartload of Mobian melons. Um, Tails, have you ever heard of a little something called self control?! Robotnik orders the citizens of Wienerville to stop him. Oh yeah, right, what are they going to do? In fact, I'm sure Tails will probably just eat them. Hope he grills them first, and then smothers them with ketchup. Oh yeah, I went there. Robotnik then retreats back to his fortress to get something to further aid him in his plan, leaving Scratch and Grounder in charge in the meantime, and as usual, they choose that particular moment to exposit about Professor Von Schlemmer and his machine, his antidote, and that he's lost, and of course, Sonic overhears them. Great, just force them to tell you where he is and go get him. And how does he do that? He pretends to be a talent scout, citing Scratch and Grounder to be contenders for the next Mr. Universe. Oh lord. He then sets up a stage complete with question and answer portion and, oh, they forgot to keep Sonic's disguise on, so now he's fully exposed... you know what I mean, and since these two robots are the dumbest, they still don't realize this is a hoax. Long story short, Sonic tricks them into revealing that Von Schlemmer is in a bottomless pit in the Jungle of Doom. He awards them with a new car that makes them crash, then he races off to the jungle. That was a nice 3 minute waste of time. Sonic rescues the professor, who tells him the antidote is the fragrance of the Hootentoot garlic, which grows in the garden of the evil Wizard Lizard, and it's laden with boobytraps. Nice setup that goes completely to waste, as Sonic grabs the thing and easily avoids the traps. We should've dedicated more time to this instead of that stupid gag with Scratch and Grounder. Anyway, Sonic gets back to Stupidville just as Botsy is there with a freeze cannon to turn Tails into an icicle. He has the garlic, now to get it into Tails' mouth. I thought it was the fragrance, so all he has to do is smell it. Anyway, they wonder how to get the fox to ingest it, and instead of just saying, "hey, Tails, come down here and take a whiff or a taste of this garlic," they resort to another overdone contraption: they launch a ginormous chili dog, spiked with garlic, like a rocket ship. In all the time you wasted putting that together, Robotnik would've frozen Tails solid and had these fools groveling at his feet. Instead, Tails ingests the big dog and shrinks back to normal. As for Robotnik's freeze ray, it bounces off a hillside and freezes he, Scratch and Grounder. Sonic was glad to have his pal back to normal size and the citizens of Wienerville apologize for being such wieners. To celebrate, Tails orders 700 dogs. Ha ha ha, you destroyed half their entire town and their means of food and supplies, and you dare to ask them for more food? But then they were jerks, so I guess they deserved it. Our Sonic Says... is actually really funny. Guess what topic they picked to coincide with this episode about food? Proper nutrition. That's right, the chili dog inhaling hedgehog tells us to eat our fruits and veggies and dairy, breads, cereals, the main food groups. That is just hilarious, and I'm not sure if the makers of this series saw the irony. Yeah, it's a good message, don't get me wrong, but again, someone who is obsessed with chili dogs is telling us the importance of eating healthy. That's like if the Ninja Turtles had an entire episode about pizza, then said, "make sure you eat all your fruits and veggies, dudes." I guess do as they say, not as they do. Anyway, it's still funny.
So that was "Too Tall Tails." Here's the rundown: the animation is a bit sloppy in some places, Rowby Goren's script is a poorly written mess, but good golly, there were plenty of funny gags in this one, like Robotnik giving the wiener people gifts, and of course the Sonic Says, so I give them points for having gags that were funny... not that bodybuilder contest of Sonic's, that was dumb. The voice acting was terrible, but they're all good actors, just like this show had some good writers on board, like Bruce and Reed Shelly, Jeffrey Scott, and Mr. Goren. I've seen other things they've written and they did a good job, so what happened with this series? Well, all good actors and good writers turn in crap now and then. Too Tall Tails isn't a bad episode, just not one of the best, but I do recommend checking it out. Even if things make no sense, it's still got plenty of laughs, and who doesn't love Professor Von Schlemmer? So if you've got any friends who are gluttons, tell them this tall tale about Too Tall Tails.
Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: The Robot's Robot (1993)
When Machines Begat Machines
What if machines could build machines? Not programmed to do so by humans, but by their own volition? Like robots building robots. Then I'd imagine we would have a situation similar to The Terminator, in which case heavily armored units would roam around eradicating any organic lifeform they could find and the world as we know it would be doomed. But hey, what if Scratch and Grounder built their own robot? Then we'd have nothing to worry about, because it was most likely fall apart or blow up in their faces. Well, guess what? There was a time when Robotnik's dim-witten double-act created their own robot, and it wasn't a total disaster. Find out how it all went down in "The Robots' Robot." We open on two kids, Jackson and Suzie, who are... I dunno, part squirrel or part chipmunk, riding their bikes back to their village, when all of a sudden, the whole town just imploded in on itself. Don't you hate when that happens? Well, when there's trouble, Sonic is never far away, as he and Tails arrive almost instantly, and just as quickly, they realize who was behind this dastardly deed. Bet you'll never guess. It's Dr. Robotnik, as he watches them gleefully through his candid camera. This minor village implosion has been implemented through his latest creation: The Super Planetary Implosion Machine, or S. P. I. M., and it does exactly what the name implies. Today, it was a small village; tomorrow, the world! As he shows Scratch and Grounder, the entire thing would be powered by a Beautiful Lepton Atomic Material Modification Oscillator, or B. L. A. M. M. O, but I'll just call it Blammo for short: a single light-bulb that harnesses immeasurable power, but it highly unstable. So, of course, Botsy leaves it just lying around the machine where Grounder nearly knocks it to the floor, almost shattering the entire operation. Robotnik wonders where he went wrong. Um, Episode 1. He goes on to state that even an idiot could build better robots than these two. Taking that as a challenge, the two get to work dumping random objects into Robotnik's robot maker. This should be interesting, two dumbells procreating: their machine will either be immensely intelligent, or dumb as a tree. When it finally gets born, I guess is a good way of putting it, it's a small purple robot with a tricycle body, claw hands, a football shaped head, and can only communicate in bleeps and squeals. Scratch and Grounder act like proud parents and bestow upon their new robot the creative name of Robot. Really? A robot named Robot? Personally, I would've called him Wheelie, owing to his tricycle wheels, but this is Scratch and Grounder we're talking about here. The first thing they do is have their "son" wash dishes, which results in Botsy's entire set of dinnerware being destroyed. When the doc sees what's afoot, he's livid, and threatens to turn Robot into a popcorn popper. So, after cleaning up all the broken plates, Dumb and Dumber discover that their new underling is running away from home-I don't blame him-and in his knapsack, he takes the Blammo! Oh no!
Wasting no time, Scratch and Grounder try to find their runaway by-get this-putting an ad in the paper. They even say what Robot was carrying: a toothbrush, two pairs of underwear (you know, items that a machine without teeth and legs would need) and a "highly unstable Blammo device that could implode the entire planet." Luckily, Sonic and Tails were reading the morning paper, so with the plot exposited to them, they hurry off after the runaway, who just so happened to roll by them at that moment. They, along with the dim-witted duo that created him, all chase him toward Jumbo Canyon. Unfortunately, the little guy couldn't stop in time and rolled over the edge... with the unstable Blammo in his possession. Again, this is on Robotnik for not keeping that thing locked up. They beg Sonic to rescue him, but he says he's going to do it for the sake of Mobius, and not Grounder and Scratch. Yeah, by the time you were done with that conversation, Robot will have hit the bottom of the canyon and all of Mobius would be imploded. However, because I guess he can also slow down time with his speed, Sonic manages to unearth a stream of water to catch Robot in the air, preventing a disaster of imploded proportions. Back at the campsite outside their imploded village, Suzie and Jackson find Robot crying, while looking at a picture of Scratch and Grounder. Well, if you miss them, why did you run away? He's not very smart, but then, he's only a day old. They discover the Blammo in his possession, but when Sonic asks for it, Robot throws it at him too hard, and it's scooped up by Dr. Robotnik, flying by in his Egg-o-Matic. With the fate of the world resting on their shoulders, like always, Sonic and Tails chase Robotnik. They chase him into an active volcano where the hedgehog was nearly toasted by flying fireballs. Luckily Robot showed up and put them out with his handy fire extinguisher. The three pursue Robotnik over a frozen lake, where again Robot helps Sonic by providing him some ice skates. However, they come to a dead stop outside Botsy's fortress. Eh, Sonic will find a way in, he always has before. Not to worry, Robot has the key. By now, Robotnik was seated at the Spim, activated by the Blammo, prepared to implode any and all settlements on the planet. Wasting no time, Sonic dismantles the Spim, doing so by dressing as a stereotypical scientist. How does he know how that thing works? Because he's a Mary Sue, that's why. Don't know why he's bothering with the disguise, since Robotnik can't see him. No matter, he magically rewires the machine so that it not only reverts Jackson and Suzie's village back to normal, but it also implodes Botsy's entire fortress, trapping he, Scratch, and Grounder inside. In the end, Robot is given a choice to either go back to that unstable household, or go off on his own, and Robot wisely chooses the latter, since Scratch and Grounder considered him more of a slave than offspring. Sonic and Tails take him to Scrap Valley, the home for misfit robots, where at long last, he was accepted. Our Sonic Says is about fire safety, in which Sonic tries to guide Scratch and Grounder out of a burning building that was a real fire trap. Fire safety and an evacuation plan, both very good lessons.
This episode was pretty amusing, and it was a fun idea. The animation is decent, the writing is decent as we actually have a story and a plot, and the voice acting was... standard, so I'd say it was well made. The premise reminded me of that Ninja Turtles episode where Bebop and Rocksteady mutate their pet turtle into a fighting machine. That was the introduction of Slash, and if you saw the action figure first, I'm sure you were disappointed in how he was portrayed on the show. I know I was. We'll be seeing Robot again in "Hero of the Year" where we see a clip from this very episode, as he joins Breezy and Robotnik Jr as machines that started out as evil minions, but made the choice to turn good. Those are always a defect they seem to have. Luckily Scratch and Grounder are stupidly loyal to the end, and I guess Robot didn't mean much to them as they never talk about him again. Not much else I can say, except I recommend "The Robots' Robot", as while it's nothing spectacular, it is a pretty fun episode with a good message. Now, if Grounder and Scratch considered Robot offspring, then wouldn't they both be offspring of Robotnik too? If so, then I'd say he's been a terrible father.
Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Lovesick Sonic (1993)
What I Did for Love
No doubt Sonic the Hedgehog would be the object of many girls' affections, given his status as the number one hero on Mobius, but with all the running around and stopping of evil schemes Sonic does, do you think he would ever find time to settle down or have any kind of relationship with the fairer sex? It almost happened once, when Sonic went gaga over a female hedgehog, who was sadly not all she seemed. This is episode where Sonic meets Breezy, and it's also the one with the most infamous Sonic Says of the entire series, which you better believe I'll get into later on. This is "Lovesick Sonic", and it sure makes me sick. It opens on a hedgehog/human hybrid being chased by Scratch and Grounder, pleading for help. Lady, we've seen these two idiots in action, I think you'll be fine. The reason they're pursuing this girl is because they think she knows where Sonic is. Why, because she's a hedgehog too? Anyway, Sonic hears the call for help and races to the rescue, just as Scratch and Grounder catch and interrogate the girl. The long and short of it is that he disguises himself as a photographer and makes the robots pose in a puddle of glue fired from Grounder's glue gun in a futile attempt to make Sonic stops in his tracks. While those two dumbots are in a sticky situation, Sonic races off with the girl, whom we learn is named Breezy, and brings her back to their campsite. She begins fawning all over Sonic, calling him handsome and brave and daring and strong and whatnot, and the silly hedgehog was flattered. The whole time, Tails was being incredibly rude, trying to insert himself between Sonic and Breezy. Now this girl is a real piece of work, and I mean that in more ways than one. She's going to prove that Sonic will do anything for her. Huh, this should've been called Love-Slave Sonic instead. First, she requests a table with an umbrella, because while she accepts Sonic's lunch invite, she doesn't like eating out in the sun. Next, she wants flowers, but not just any old flowers, she wants the kind with a long, dumb name that I don't want to repeat here, and they only grow near the equator 2,000 miles away. Well, you can bet something like that won't sway the hedgehog from getting this vivacious flirt what she wants. He races down there, buys a map to where the flowers grow, but is warned to be careful of the alligators, the python, and the tribe of cannibals. Did we suddenly run into an Indiana Jones movie or something? Anyway, none of those deterrents stop Sonic from getting the flower, not even the previously undisclosed fire-breathing dragon. Wow, all that for nothing, no tension whatsoever because we knew Speedy would get out of it unharmed. He gets back, where Breezy and Tails chide him for taking a long time. Ah, both of you go jump in a river. To be fair, Tails tried offering her a chili dog, but oh, she's a picky eater too. She only eats dogs personally cooked by Chef Charlamagne, six thousand miles from here, so... ugh, off Sonic goes. Okay, we have no plot for this one, do we? No story, no plot. We're nearly 8 minutes in and all we've seen is Sonic run around the planet to get flowers and chili dogs for this really annoying woman. I'm starting to agree with Tails, they should've quit while they were ahead. Why should we care about any of this? Well, this trip to the Arctic actually does serve a purpose, as the polar bear Sonic asks for directions actually works for Dr. Robotnik, as he somehow knew Sonic would be there.
Turns out, this was all one of Botsy's big plans, for you see, Breezy is one of his creations. He did it all to lull Sonic into a false sense of security and be eliminated. Scratch and Grounder were unaware that Breezy worked for the Doc, so I guess he told them she was in cahoots with the hedgehog, so they'd chase her down, hold her at bay in the hopes that Sonic would rescue her. Awful lot of faith he put into this plan. Oh, but that was just part of it, as Robotnik exposits by dressing in a... a Nazi S. S. uniform, even doing the sieg heil salute, and presenting his newest contraption: a machine for tunneling underground. He's going to drill underneath the reservoir overlooking a small village populated with innocent women and children, to flood it out and open Lake Robotnik. I like how as he's tunneling underground, we see everything marked like we're looking at a map. The reservoir, the water, the village, there's even a sign that says "The Dastard" with a sign pointing to Robotnik, and you know they would've preferred putting a B instead of a D. Anyway, Frosty the Hedgehog returns with Breezy's ice cold chili dog. Unfortunately, when shaking the snow off, he doused the campfire. Breezy suggests a place to heat it up... 600 miles away. This is getting really old really fast! Tails pretty much says to leave his pal alone, and she responds by grabbing him by the nose and chucking him into a river. Okay, when I said that earlier, I didn't mean it literally. He floats down stream, yelling for help. Dude, you can fly, just get yourself out... oh hey, he actually did it. Well, props for not making him a damsel in this one and getting himself out of his fix. No doubt his horny hedgehog pal is too busy stoking the flames of love to even notice Tails is alive. The little fox flies overhead as Breezy consorts with Scratch and Grounder, putting their plan of Sonic extermination into play. They're going to stick him on a treadmill that will generate static electricity, then bring out a giant magnet to draw him in and hold him in place, and if that fails, a enormous stomper will come out of the sky and flatten him. She takes the phone out of her stomach to call Robotnik, while Tails goes to find Sonic to warm him of his impending demise, but he won't listen! Well, looks like he's a goner. This is what happens when you think with your 'other' head, hedgehog. But oh, what's this, in addition to bringing her that special chili dog, he also gives her a locket, and he wrote her a poem. It's as corny as a Nebraskan cornfield, but it seems to actually touch her. Seems Robotnik built her with a heart. With Breezy distracted, Scratch and Grounder activate the trap, catching Sonic on the static electricity treadmill. Before you can say, "Jane, stop this crazy thing!" he's drawn to the magnet! Breezy intervenes and saves Sonic, who in turn saved her when the bots activate the sky stomper. Then the earth literally opens up and swallows Scratch and Grounder. Good riddance. Breezy tells Sonic about Robotnik's plan, so he quickly races underground and stops him instantly. Why didn't they just call this show Adventures of Mary Sue the Hedgehog, because that's pretty much what he is. With that taken care of, Sonic is bummed that the object of his affections is a robot, but Tails brings him a poem Breezy wrote before she left. It basically says they might meet again some day down the line, "then you'll be mine." With that, Sonic races off down the line. She didn't mean that literally! And here it is, boys and girls, the infamous Sonic Says, which talks about being touched inappropriately and what to do about it. Everyone wants to poke fun at this, like it's so funny to hear Sonic the Hedgehog talk about being touched in such a way, but this is a very serious lesson. People even like to make fun of Winnie the Pooh: Too Smart for Strangers for having a section on what to do in case of bad touch. They're not doing this to be funny, this is an important thing to discuss. It's a shame more kids shows don't broach this topic, and I applaud the producers of Sonic for going down that road. You may want to laugh, or you may wanna go, "err... yeah, let's not go there," but you know what? Going there might actually help someone, so grow up. This is a very good message, though told a bit too light-hearted, even though Sonic is being serious.
So that was "Lovesick Sonic," and here's the rundown: the animation was terrible. I've never seen the characters go so off model before, with Robotnik being the worst. It's like they had to rush this out in a hurry. Well, it looks like crap. Second, the writing was terrible. We had no story or plot, we had no tension, no reason to care about anything. Third, the voice acting was terrible, everyone sounded like they phoned it in, except for White and Baldry, of course. However, just because it was made terribly doesn't mean it was a bad episode. I didn't particularly like it, but I can see how it has its merits. Strange that Robotnik builds machines with a heart and a conscience, and more often than not, it's those machines that turn against him. He succeeded in making Grounder and Scratch completely loyal, while at the same time profoundly stupid, but it seems his smart machines are the ones that grow a conscience and leave him, so it's a real pick your poison situation. So do I recommend "Lovesick Sonic?" Sure, it's worth seeing at least once. We'll be seeing Breezy again in "Sonic the Matchmaker", where she gets paired up with Robotnik Jr., another invention of the doc's to betray him. He'll never learn, will he?
Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Robotnik, Jr. (1993)
Son of Robotnik
Today, we are getting the answer to a question people have seldom asked: what if Dr. Robotnik had a son? Someone to follow in his footsteps, reaping his brand of villainy all over Mobius? I'd say very little would change, because this version of Robotnik is an ineffectual villain who is easily overthrown and is proven to be a complete and utter boob. Still, he desires an heir to his throne of wickedness, someone who thinks like him, who is a regular chip off the old block, and since no woman in her right mind would ever mate with him and carry his insidious seed for all the money in the universe, Botsy would have to build the child himself, and that's exactly what he does in this week's barrel of fun, so let's dive in and meet Robotnik Jr. We open on Robotnik and his comedy duo initiating yet another futile attempt to stop Sonic. Instead of anything clever, they just aim a giant vacuum hose down the road in hopes of sucking him up. Trap number 1125 from the Wile E. Coyote handbook. Well, it almost worked, except the hedgehog tricked Scratch and Grounder into aiming the hose up in the air, bringing down Robotnik in his Egg-o-Matic, literally smashing that plan to pieces. Craving someone to be as evil and vicious as he, Robotnik decides he'll build himself a son, but as we've seen with Scratch and Grounder, he's not very good at building competent machines, so lord only knows how he'll screw this up and ruin his mechanical child's life before he was even born. Well, quick as you can say "daddy dearest", Robotnik had built the spitting image of himself: a short, rotund, smart-mouthed hellion dubbed Robotnik Jr. The doctor was so happy, he even bestowed upon Junior his own mini Egg-o-Matic, and takes his son camping in the meadow. But this isn't just any regular camping trip, as a Robotnik and Son camping trip includes deforestation, pouring of concrete to park their huge RV, and then paving a freeway to get it there, and then constructing an airport for the hell of it. Nearby, Sonic and Tails see the flumes of black smoke coming from the meadow, they know that where there's smoke, there's Robotnik. It could also be an improperly extinguished campfire, but either way, Sonic can't resist the urge to show off, so he races over to where Grounder and Scratch are driving an enormous steamroller, where he dresses like a rep from the asphalt supply company, saying the stuff is defective. They should've told him to kiss their asphalt, but because they're stupid, they don't recognize him, like always. Sonic claims the stuff isn't sticky, which tricks Scratch into standing on it. Next, he tricks Grounder to join him in the path of the steamroller by saying the machine is defective too, and then he backs over them and flattens them like pancakes. He also flattens Robotnik's RV and calls Junior ugly. Hey, you're not exactly a bouquet of roses yourself, Speedy. Deciding to forego the camping trip, Robotnik sets about teaching his new son about his mission in life: to capture Sonic the Hedgehog, and ultimately fail miserably.
Botsy sets up a classroom and teaches Catching Sonic 101, laying out his latest fiendish plan of tricking the hedgehog into running into a maze, with the only exit being the sewer, which they will then flood and make him a goner. Sounds like an interesting plan, though I wonder how the reality will play out. Well, when you're tasked with writing an episode of this show, the deadline is two hours, and you have to include loads of slapstick, and Sonic is an untouchable Mary Sue, then you better believe the result will be nonsensical, but quotas must be met. Anyway, so Grounder and Scratch chase Sonic toward the maze via motorbikes, but the hedgehog was one step ahead of them, because he saw the cocktail napkin this script was written on and knew what was in store for him. He obligingly races into the maze, allowing Robotnik and Junior to shut the doors, only for him to cut his way out and run away. However, Junior proves himself to be a bit smarter than his pop, as he installed an extra trap door, which magically opens under Sonic, sending him to the underground river, then they seal it shut behind him. With Sonic out of the way, Robotnik claims he no longer needs Scratch and Grounder, so he has them recycled into a bedpan and a bidet and sells them to a nursing home. No, I'm just kidding, he demotes them to laundry detail. Not happy that they now have to wash Botsy's soiled underwear, they devise a plan to get rid of Junior. As for Sonic, he sinks into the water for a bit, sucking up large bubbles to maintain oxygen, which is a nice callback to the games, and I'm glad there are more big bubbles here, because trying to find them in the games with that time running out tune playing is nerve wracking. Anyway, Sonic does a tornado spin and extricates himself out of the trap. Nobody likes a cocky showoff, my friend. Meanwhile, Robotnik shows Junior the family tree, showing him what a proud line he comes from, and to show his pride in his son, he's going to arrange a fishing trip for father and son to bond, so he tasks Scratch and Grounder into taking him instead. Did they even read this script out loud? Oh, Robert Askin, you're just Askin for some criticism, which I will properly dole out at the end. Once they arrive at the lake, the robots put into play their plan of getting Junior out of the way. They drive up to the water in a cement mixer with the intention of filling the lake with cement, but then they trick Junior into looking in the back of the truck, then kick him in. Junior cries for help, which Sonic hears and swings in to the rescue. He tells Junior that he doesn't have to be bad, and if someone has bad friends, they'll eventually be bad to him. Dr. Robotnik arrives to bring his son home, and when Junior claims Sonic rescued him, he refuses to listen and instead sets about his next brilliant plan to eradicate his sworn enemy. Yeah, because your last plans worked so well, you bumbling blimp. So what's the setup for his next huge, embarrassing failure? Well, it's like burning ants with a magnifying glass, but in this case, it's a giant magnifying glass that reflects sunlight with an intensifying beam. Realizing that his old man was no good, Junior races to the Egg-o-Matic, hoping to put himself between Sonic and the beam, saving his life. Very noble. This can't be Robotnik's son. Seeing the boy flying around snaps the hedgehog into action, which proves he could've saved himself without Junior's help. Either way, the boy has switched affiliations. Robotnik's own flesh and blood, on in this case, metal and oil, has disowned him. How typical. Out of plans for the week, Robotnik shouts his famous catchphrase, and this train wreck mercifully ends. Our Sonic Says is about peer pressure, and how not to give in when you're told to do something you don't want to do. A very good lesson.
So, here's the rundown: the animation in this episode was terrible. The characters constantly go off-model, it looks like a serious rush job. The voice acting was terrible, but I want to state that although the acting is terrible, the actors are not. This show has some very good voice actors: Gary Chalk, Phil Hayes, Ian James Corlett, and many others, whom I've heard in other things where they do a good job, so when I say the acting in this series is terrible, I don't blame them. I blame the voice director and the producers for making them give these performances. With that said, I also lay blame at the feet of Robert Askin, who wrote a sloppy script, but I like the idea. Robotnik building himself a son who's as much of a troublemaker as he, but finds a moral compass and makes the choice to switch to the side of good, that part of it was done very well, however it was mired in a non-stop barrage of unfunny gags and pointless traps because Sonic always manages to find a way out, and in other episodes, when he can't, they make the robots stupid and let him out themselves, so there was no tension whatsoever. It's a shame Momma Robotnik didn't show up, because she would've immediately taken her grandson away and raised him to be truly rotten, knowing what a screw-up her son is. In closing, can I recommend "Robotnik Jr"? Yes, but only if you don't take what you see seriously, if you just view it as mindless, noisy fun, then you should be fine, but if you want something well-written, well-acted, and well-animated, look elsewhere. We'll be seeing Junior again in "Sonic the Matchmaker", where he pairs him up with Breezy, another of Robotnik's machines that switch affiliations on him.
Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Tails' Tale (1993)
Mobius Tails and the Temple of Doom
Here's an episode of Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog that I never saw when it originally aired. In fact, I never knew it existed until I found it a few years ago, and I gotta tell you, it's really great. I may rank it as one of the best episodes of the series, though there is only one thing I would change about it, but I'll get into that later. This is another episode where Tails takes center stage, and like his other efforts before, he does a good job. It poses the question, "what would Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog be like without Sonic?" Like what if he disappeared for a while and other characters had to look for him? It's an interesting experiment, taking the main character out of the show for a considerable amount of time and see if the other characters can manage. So how did Sonic become absent from his own show? How did he vanish without a trace, and how did he get himself into one of the most precarious predicaments he's ever faced? We'll find out in "Tails' Tale," which opens on Sonic and Tails witnessing a dogfight between a biplane and Scratch and Grounder flying two Egg-o-Matics fused together to form a makeshift biplane. These two are trying to shoot down the first plane for some reason that's never addressed. Since they couldn't hit the broadside of a skyscraper, they resort to sleeping gas bombs, which promptly put the pilot to sleep and sending his plane on a collision course with the ground. Since aerodynamics is more the fox's thing, Sonic sends Tails up to get control of the situation. Taking the stick, Tails narrowly avoids a fatal nosedive and brings them down safely. That's when he meets the bird who was piloting that bird: Captain William LeDuc, toast of duck society, and he's French. Tails wants to introduce him to Sonic, but there's just one little problem: Sonic was gone. Where did he go? Tails and LeDuc notice signs of a struggle and deduce he'd been taken. Unable to find Sonic from LeDuc's plane, they decide to seek a more scientific approach to finding their wayward friend, so they head over to the laboratory of that loveable, absent-minded, naive, semi-mad scientist, Professor Von Schlemmer! He whips up a nifty little gadget called the Sonic Sonar, then they all get in LeDuc's plane, with Tails at the stick, and follow the readings all the way to the Mobius Jungle, where they land in a clearing where Von Schlemmer's machine indicates Sonic is located, but there's no sign of him. At first, they think it's a dead-end, when suddenly they hear Sonic's disembodied voice, telling them to wait until nightfall and they'll understand everything. Tails is right, that was spooky. They wait until dark, when suddenly, out of thin air appears a giant Mayan Temple, and according to Von Schlemmer, it's the Temple of Komometz (forgive me if I spelled that wrong)... the cursed temple. It only comes out at night, and legend says whoever is still inside by dawn will vanish forever. Aware of the risks, Tails says he's going in, while LeDuc and Von Schlemmer stay outside, and yes, they're doing the cowardly Frenchman stereotype with LeDuc. I didn't want to bring him up, but I'm suddenly reminded of Antoine from the Saturday series. However, he overcomes that stereotype long enough to find a way into the temple, keeping his eyes closed so that he doesn't see anything that scares him. He's a goner.
Meanwhile, Tails finds himself chased by an army of bats, racing through the numerous doorways and hallways of the temple, which gives me think of those Scooby-Doo chase scenes. He manages to evade those purple, winged demons by going into the Tomb Room... where's Lara Croft when you need her? Seriously? Well, this room doesn't have anything dead, however it contains two things are braindead. That's right, boys and girls, Scratch and Grounder are back. Turns out this was all a diversion to prevent him from rescuing Sonic. Sure enough, Dr. Robotnik is "negotiating" payment to King Komomatz himself, as he was the one who nabbed the hedgehog. Unfortunately, this raises a few questions: so did Robotnik, Scratch, and Grounder enter the temple the moment it appeared without our heroes seeing them? How did King whatever manage to capture Sonic in the daytime without anyone seeing, and how did he take him back to his temple if it only appears at night? Who knows? Back with Botsy and the King, even after this guy successfully captured Sonic, Robotnik still saw fit to cheat him out of his full promised payment. Dude, he did what you could never do, and now your arch-nemesis is about to be put out of the way, shouldn't that be worth all four million Mobiums? What a cheapskate! Back with Tails and the robots, LeDuc literally drops in, eyes still closed, and Scratch asks him who he is. He's the biplane pilot you were trying to shoot down earlier for no reason! Using his head, Tails manages to push over the pushovers and rescue LeDuc, then they make their escape. They get stopped at a lava pit which, alas, Tails is too tired to fly them over, and LeDuc, being a cartoon duck, of course he can't fly. But oh, wait, there's a bridge. Naturally. Scratch and Grounder attempt to curtail Tails and the duck with a book of curses. Seems they'd know about that since they're both curses on Robotnik. Scratch recites the curse to destroy the bridge, but Grounder saying it wrong rebuilt it. Knowing time was of the essence, and as soon as the sun came up, their numbers would be up, Tails and LeDuc find Sonic in an upstairs cell, all chained up and nowhere to go. Luckily the guards left the key outside the cell, and it doubles as a saw for cutting chain. Makes me think this invisible guard is a sympathizer. Once free, Sonic races Tails and LeDuc to safety, then has to deal with King Komomatz, who turns out was sold a false bill of goods by Robotnik, who told him that the hedgehog was cruel, treacherous, and flaky, and should be imprisoned to protect the planet. Talk about a big, fat pot calling the kettle black. And speaking of false bills, that's exactly how Robotnik paid the tab. So not only was he too stingy to part with 4 million big-ones, but he didn't even try to cheat him with real money? What a snail. Realizing who the real enemy was, Komomatz vows swift and terrible retribution. He places a curse on Robotnik's fortress, then whirlwinds the doc and his robots back there. What is the curse, you ask? He makes the fortress disappear and reappear over and over. Guess the king is a troll. If he really wanted to curse Robotnik, he could've given him a hundred clones of Scratch and Grounder. So once out of the temple, Sonic and Tails bid LeDuc a fond adieu, and Tails asks him if he's not afraid to fly anymore. When was he afraid? That was never addressed. He says he isn't, and vows to return some day, though he never does. Our Sonic Says is about computers, where right as Tails is about to bash his faulty machine, Sonic reminds him just how useful computers can be. This was in 1993, so they were just starting to be popular items in every household. He says we need to take time to learn all the things these innovative machines can do... or maybe Tails just needed to update from Windows 3.0.
That was "Tails' Tale", a very good episode. It had a good story, decent plot, decent animation, and interesting characters. William LeDuc was amusing, and I'm glad they put him to good use, and he wasn't entirely the typical cowardly Frenchmen. In fact, I'd take him over Antoine any day. Maybe the Freedom Fighters can do an exchange. Now as I said above, there's only one thing I'd change about this episode, and that is having Dr. Robotnik, Scratch, and Grounder sit this one out. There was really no reason for them to be there, as we had already built up a mysterious new villain and an evil temple. I know at the time that Robotnik was the only villain in the Sonic games in those dark days before Shadow, but at least in the three Super Mario cartoons, each one had at least one episode where King Koopa wasn't the villain. Hell, in the Super Mario 3 show, there was one episode where Mario himself didn't appear, so at the very least, we could've had one episode out of 65 in which Dr. Robotnik was absent. I'm serious, he wasn't needed here, I think they just threw him in to keep the audience engaged, but we would've been anyway. So although I like this episode, it has plenty of flaws and plotholes, like why were the robots shooting at LeDuc when they didn't even know who he was? How did Robotnik and his goons get into the temple when it appeared at night? How did King, er, Batface nab Sonic so stealthily? Well, errors aside, this one is still a good watch, so I recommend "Tails' Tale", if you want to see Sonic without Sonic and let the secondary characters take center stage. There was a great deal of suspense wondering what happened to him and who had the tenacity and skill to abduct him in broad daylight and just magic him away. I'd like to think that if Adventures got a second season, we'd have seen more episodes like this. Maybe. That's all I've got to say, check this one out.
Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Robotnik's Rival (1993)
The Duck or the Egg?
Now, I'm just going to state right off the bat that you absolutely need to turn your brain off to view this episode. Like, you can't ask any logical questions or try to make any sense of what's going on, because even by Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog standards, this episode is just plain crackers. It tries to ask the question: what would Dr. Robotnik do if another crazy evil genius showed up on his turf to try and capture Sonic and take over Mobius? Things would certainly get very wacky. In the past, I've claimed the animators had to have been on drugs when making this show, and "Robotnik's Rival" proves that beyond a doubt. It's an interesting idea if a second mad scientist showed up to try and rival Robotnik, since he's pretty much the only evildoer on Mobius, and it's refreshing to see a secondary villain not created by him. So here's our plot: there isn't one. Our story? Nope, don't have that either, it's just going to be running, yelling, and sight gags for twenty minutes, but I'll try to give it a fair shake anyway. We open on Robotnik cornering Sonic and Tails in a B. F. T: Big Freakin' Tank. With it, he'll ensnare the hedgehog and fling him to the North Pole, but suddenly, along comes a R. B. F. G: Really Big Freakin' Tank that tries to catch Sonic and Tails also. The two beams get into an armwrestling match, allowing our heroes to go free. Who would dare step on Robotnik's turf and take this bout of evil genius from him? Enter Brandon Quark, a squat, web-footed mad scientist with a Napoleon Complex and is triggered whenever someone calls him a duck, like Marty McFly when he's called a chicken. Incidentally, his name is Brandon Quark, but when he shows Robotnik his poster for when he conquers Mobius, it says Quark Rex. Did they forget his name between scripting and animation? But old quirky Quark isn't alone, as you know how Robotnik has Scratch and Grounder? The new guy has his own robot: Dufus: Design Unit Flexible Underling Substitute, he's liquid that can shapeshift. Like the T-1000, only not nearly as cool or dangerous. Looks like Botsy has some competition. They make a wager on whoever catches Sonic first can take over the world. Well, may the worst man win. So what brilliant scheme will Robotnik employ to land himself a hedgehog? A machine that hypnotizes ants to waylay Sonic and Tails at a free picnic setup. Ants? Really? And they're not even fire ants. Why not bees or mosquitos? No wonder you haven't taken over the world with stupid plans like this, Botsy. Can't say Quark's plan was very good either, as Dufus was posing as the picnic table. These guys suck. What's Plan B? Robotnik makes everything go dark with the darkenator he bought from Wes Weasely back in "Birth of a Salesman," only Quark shows up to shed some light on the situation with his Solar Polar Molar, a tooth that creates light and can shoot frickin' laser beams. Man, I don't know what the production crew was smoking and I hope I never get addicted. Dufus shows up to calculate the probability of success if Robotnik and Quark simply worked together, to which they agree. Good, now when they shoot each other in the foot, it will be by accident. So what plan will they come up with? Free chili dogs, of course. Tails nearly falls for it, but Sonic points out it being a trap, so they sit down on a conveniently placed bench... which turns out to be Dufus, that morphs into a cage. Caught, done! Very nice, even throwing them off with the free chili dog stand... unless that wasn't part of their plan and some idiot was giving away chili dogs for no reason.
Sonic and Tails are chained up in Robotnik's dungeon, Mobius is doomed, and will soon be under the command of two evil geniuses. How will they ever get out? Well, as is tradition for this show, when Sonic can't get himself out of a trap, he tricks Scratch and Grounder into getting them out. When you write yourself into a corner, just adjust your characters' stupidity and it works every time. Get this: Sonic tells the two dimwits that they already escaped and what they see are holographic projections. Oh come on, not even Scratch and Grounder are that stup... it worked. Grounder grabs them, magically undoing their shackles, which allows them to escape. Oh lordy lord. Dufus shows up to check on the prisoners, and because everyone in this episode has to be an idiot, except Sonic of course, Robotnik's robots make him think he screwed up, and he believes them. I like when he says, "my circuits are hurting," because mine are too. He does manage to fool Robotnik and Quark by shapeshifting into Sonic and Tails still in bondage. Man, I'd take Doofus from DuckTales over this guy any day. Well, now that our heroes are free, they figure the only way to stop the two bumbling baddies from taking over the world is to turn them against each other again, and do so by printing lies about them in the newspaper, including Quark being married to Bigfoot. LOL. They start fighting when Dufus makes them actually kiss and makeup. They really do it. Get a room, you two. The ridiculous newspaper trick didn't work, so Sonic will have to go to absurd lengths to turn the tide on these two tyrants. He hosts an award ceremony, yes, an actual award ceremony, pitting Robotnik against Quark, and the winner of the most hammy villain and chewer of scenery award is Brandon Quark! He accepts his award, saying, "you hate me, you really hate me." You got that right, pal. Botsy is a sore loser and they start bickering again. Time to divide and conquer. Sonic and Tails pose as soldiers, making Robotnik think Quark already took over a city, then Sonic dresses as a traffic cop and pulls Quark over for speeding, and that the law in Robotnik City forbids ducks. This means war! Robotnik and Quark get in their B. F. Ts and start shooting at each other. Dufus, who has had an existential crisis, decides to bail, while Quark is captured by Scratch and Grounder, who Robotnik proudly proclaims were programmed to be idiots. Uh huh, sure. That's when old Quack has a mental breakdown and flies south with all the other ducks... until he's eventually caught and tossed in the loony bin. I don't get it! What's the joke? He doesn't even look like a duck! Well, he does sound a lot like Daffy. As for Robotnik, he's going to claim victory if it kills him and orders the bots to use his duplicator. Why? How will cloning Sonic and Tails stop them? It misfires and we get Robotnik to the power of two, both proclaiming they hate that hedgehog before plummeting to their deaths. Our Sonic Says is about cheating, and how cheaters never prosper, as we see when Robotnik and Quark engage in a foot race. The message about cheating is true, but these guys are both villains, so of course they're going to cheat.
What in the seven levels of Dante's Hell did I just watch? This is among the craziest episodes of the series. It wasn't terrible, but it was nonsensical and ridiculous. The animation is bad, the voice acting is terrible, the writing is abysmal, there's no story, there's no plot, and the gags are not funny! "Robotnik's Rival" was written by the late Gordon Bressack, and while he wrote one of my favorite episodes, "Musta Been a Beautiful Baby," he also wrote one I absolutely hate: "Sonically Ever After." It was an interesting idea introducing another villain in the series, someone to rival Dr. Robotnik, but this was more of a comic foil, and as we know, Robotnik and Sonic already have that kind of relationship. In short, I don't recommend "Robotnik's Rival." It's not funny, it's not focused, it's insanely annoying, and your circuits will hurt after watching it. It was a nice idea, and Dufus was an interesting addition, but they don't do anything with these new characters. It's such a waste. This one isn't terrible, but on the tier scale of Good, Bad, and Horrible, this one ranks Bad.