stevenswig Reviews

Longlegs (2024)

I blame M. Night Shayamalan

[1/10 · 20 September 2024]

I watched The Sixth Sense when I was a kid. It was a boring movie, but I'm glad I sat through it, because the ending blew my mind. From that day, if a movie has good reviews, I sit through it just so I don't miss out on another potentially mind blowing moment. Sometimes the movies end up being worth it, but most times, like this time, it ends up feeling like a waste of time.

This A24-like movie was excruciating to watch. Nothing interesting ever happens. Nowadays, there's an epidemic of these movies that have good atmosphere and good enough acting, but extremely uninspired writing, Like the movie about the exorcism on live TV, but at least in that one, other things made up for the pedestrian story... But I'l keep watching every hyped movie that catches my interest, and I blame M Night Shayamalan for that.

Slingshot (2024)

More than what I expected

[8/10 · 20 September 2024]

I expected this to be a typical b space movie with jump scares based on the trailer. I didn't have any expectations going into this movie. I was just in the mood for a space movie and I was prepared not to make it through the movie.

I think it does a good job of showing the possible effects of that scenario on the mind.

It also had some emotional stuff that helped the story stick in mind.

There's a twist, and then another twist at the end. If you've watched as much Sci-Fi as me, you'll probably predict the ending.

I wouldn't call it a masterpiece, and it wasn't unique, but it worked for me. As for whether I'd recommend it to others, I say watch until you get bored, because, as you can see, many other reviews don't agree with me.

Die Hart: Die Harter (2024)

I really liked it

[8/10 · 12 July 2024]

I came in with low expectations because I had watched the first movie, and I expected to stop watching after ten minutes or so. I was wrong. Thank God I didn't see the reviews before watching it, because I might have not watched it. This movie is not for many people, it seems. It was plain silliness from beginning to end, and I liked every minute of it. I wouldn't recommend it if you don't like Kevin Hart's type of humor. If you want a serious story, stay away from this. I say watch the first fifteen minutes. If you don't like it, stop because that's basically what the rest of the movie will be like.

I Saw the TV Glow (2024)

Deceptive marketing

[1/10 · 24 June 2024]

A24 is known as the cool movie company, so some people will rate every movie of theirs highly just so that they can be seen as cool.

After 40 something minutes of watching this movie, I went to the internet to find motivation to keep watching. I checked the director's bio on Wikipedia where she says "It's actually quite comforting to embrace incoherence." If I knew that before starting the movie, I wouldn't have bothered with it.

I then went on to read the plot of the movie, which confirmed that stopping was the right decision.

This bad review is the fault of the people who made the trailer and the people who billed it as horror. If the trailer was honest, and the billing was accurate, I wouldn't have bothered with this movie and this review wouldn't exist.

Shazam! Fury of the Gods (2023)

I only remembered it because I was browsing IMDB

[1/10 · 3 May 2023]

I forgot about it immediately after watching. It's like they were trying to see if they can get away with using an AI generated story.

I really liked the first two movies, but now they're like "If marvel is making bad movies, why shouldn't we?" This movie was better than Black Adam, but that's not saying much because it's like comparing puke to diarrhea.

Studios need to start focusing on making good stories again instead of focusing on not offending people.

It wasn't that long ago that I used to go to the big screen trembling with anticipation because I knew my mind would be blown. Now, I just wait for a clear pirated copy. And I may not even watch the pirated copy because I fear wasting time because there's so much other garbage to sift through on the internet.

Guillermo del Toro's Cabinet of Curiosities (2022)

Boring as hell

[1/10 · 29 January 2023]

I'm a fan of horror anthologies, but I can't say I'm a fan of GDT, because all I can remember of his is the oscar winning bestiality movie and pacific rim. I watched this because in anthologies there's different writers, which means there's a chance I might like a few of the stories. I liked the first episodes. The short ones. I can't say they were great. I'd say they were on par with something like creepshow. The rest of them, however, is why I'm giving this show a one star rating. They seem to drag along, and the stories end up nowhere. They're horror, but they aren't scary. They aren't even creative. These stories don't seem like stories. They feel like scene after scene that don't have a resolution, they just end when the runtime ends.

The Killer (2022)

I only write this review because I feel cheated by the other reviews

[1/10 · 8 November 2022]

I wouldn't have rated it if it wasn't for the high reviews. The first review I read compared it to John Wick, and it was so convincing that I watched the movie immediately after. First of all, that reviewer should consider a career in sales or politics, because his review was that good.

Some movies can have action that's so good that the story doesn't matter. This isn't one of them. Seeing the main actor fight, move around, and shoot makes me appreciate how good Keanu Reeves and the people working on John Wick are.

The action is average at best. No sequence is good and no sequence stands out. If it had a story I might have made it past halfway, but after a while of subpar everything, I gave up.

I considered myself a fan of Korean action movies, but lately, after watching movies like this, Alienoid, and The Witch part 2, I'm thinking maybe I have changed... or maybe the quality of their movies is going down.

Nope (2022)

If you liked get out, you'll love this.

[6/10 · 25 August 2022]

I found the movie really interesting when the threat was a mystery. Once it was revealed, it became like many of these movies that are well reviewed by critics but aren't as good as they say. Like Get Out. I wouldn't demand a refund. Maybe half my money back.

Dual (2022)

I was entertained

[8/10 · 20 June 2022]

This is one of those movies I liked, but can't recommend. The only way to tell if you'll like it is to watch it. I was hooked by the weirdness from beginning to end. The main character was unpleasant, but I liked her. Some of the things being said and done will be ridiculous to some people, but it is what kept me watching. I liked it so much, I'm going to check out more stuff from the writer/director (whoever came up with this story)

Snoop Dogg's F*Cn Around Comedy Special (2022 TV Special)

Hilarious

[8/10 · 17 June 2022]

This has a rating of 5 point something, so I clearly don't know what people find funny. I loved Deray, the woman, Katt Williams, and the guy from Chappelle's show.

Amy Schumer's Parental Advisory (2022 TV Special)

Well...

[4/10 · 13 June 2022]

I can't say I was bored, but I didn't laugh either. It's like normal people telling stories that are kind of interesting. Nothing special about this special.

Extremely Analytical (2021 TV Special)

I don't get it

[1 April 2022]

This is the first time I've watched stand up and not been even close to cracking a smile. I was more entertained by the special of the girl from broad city. I gave up after like fifteen minutes because I just couldn't get any of the jokes.

At the beginning, it says that it was performed in front of a live audience. Was it, really?

I choose not to give a rating because maybe the jokes were funny and I couldn't understand them.

From (2022– )

I can't believe it's not HBO.

[8/10 · 22 March 2022]

This show is so goooood. Harold Perrineau is a treasure. There are some good shows out there, but I've not been engaged this much since maybe The Leftovers. I'd recommend this to anyone who likes the kind of storytelling you get on HBO.

The Adam Project (2022)

I made it to the end...

[1/10 · 15 March 2022]

... Because I was scrolling through my phone through most of it. The emotional parts had no effect on me. There was something off about how Jennifer Garner delivered her lines. I'm not a fan of Ryan Reynolds humor (bullet hole farting is supposed to be funny?) The action was pew pew pew. Nothing new or special. I sort of liked how the villain was killed, though. Maybe I'd have enjoyed this if I was the same age as the young character.

Bad Luck Banging or Loony Porn (2021)

This is a film, not a movie

[1/10 · 6 March 2022]

I say this because that's what 'sophisticated' people and critics call things like these. This was too complex for my simple mind because all I saw was a pornhub clip followed by walking, walking, and more walking. The walking was tedious to watch after around 30 minutes, so I started skimming through and by the end, it seemed like I had made the right decision. It has a high score, so I was expecting a good story, but for the the third time this year I have been fooled by the professional critics. My score is poop out of ten.

Contact (2019)

Michael Bay should be proud

[1/10 · 31 January 2022]

I stumbled upon this o TV, and it had legitimate researchers, so I thought it was going give me more insight than the many ufo documentaries before it. What I got instead was an elaborate production with people who are clearly acting. If these people are really government people, then the government must think people are morons. Why would I say this is fake? Don't I believe that aliens exist? No, it's the body language of the people in the show. They are acting,and yet this is supposed to be a documentary.

Terrified (2017)

Very nice

[8/10 · 20 January 2022]

The first scenes made me think that it would be a typical Hollywood type horror that has been done a thousand times before. I don't know, maybe this has been done before, but the execution was excellent. Horror movies don't scare me, so I can't effectively rate it on that. All I know is that I was entertained.

Mother/Android (2021)

Them doggone kids

[8/10 · 21 December 2021]

They should find a way to market this kind of scifi because it seems the title attracts the wrong audience, and the wrong audience gives it low scores. You tell people that this movie is by the guy who made an action packed superhero movie, so kids watch it expecting more of the same.

The movie had great atmosphere, good acting, and a good story. If you think all scifi should be like a marvel movie, keep away from this. There's nothing wrong with marvel movies, and there's nothing wrong with this.

Reminiscence (2021)

THANK GOD I DIDN'T READ REVIEWS BEFORE WATCHING

[9/10 · 30 August 2021]

I normally check movie ratings on IMDB before watching any movie. If it's below 5, I normally don't bother because I used to ignore ratings and watch movies if they looked interesting, only for the ratings to prove me wrong. I think I need to go back to my old ways because I really enjoyed this movie. Who knows how many other I might have liked but ignored because of blindly trusting the IMDB score?

Anyhoo, I was scrolling my phone during the first fifteen or so minutes, and I almost gave up, but I'm glad I didn't because it gets really interesting and clever. I think they used the concept really well, and everyone involved should be proud of themselves.