cascadiarch Reviews

Spycies (2020)

The Cheap Chinese Knock-Off of Zootopia

[1/10 · 13 February 2020]

I guess it was inevitable but jeeze. I was really hoping it'd have better writing and production values than this. From the characters to the world itself, there's absolutely nothing to connect with if you've already seen better films that do everything it's trying to do.

Funny Pets 2 (2018)

Blatant Secret Life of Pets Mockbuster

[1/10 · 18 January 2020]

Lazy pet videos strung together with lazy pet CGI. Just look up cat videos on YouTube and save yourself the trouble.

Zoo Wars (2018)

Easily the best film this studio has made so far.

[4/10 · 13 February 2019]

Which, of course, is not saying anything much. The voice work is bad, the characters are ugly, and there's a lot of stolen assets; the antagonist is just Pip from Barnyarn cosplaying as Darth Vader.

That said, the creators have taken a step in the right direction by taking on a more ambitious project. By telling a story instead of going with the 'instant dance party' format they've been doing, there's actual writing and a narrative to follow. Not all that engaging of one, of course, but it got a few genuine laughs from me.

Farmtastic Fun (2019)

These movies by Pippa Seymour are getting worse.

[1/10 · 27 January 2019]

You'd think, given the creator, that this would be a feature-length direct-to-video 'film' where cheap CGI barnyard animals dance badly around a farm. But no, it's set in a forest and the cast are woodland critters. Despite the cover, you will not find a cow, a chicken, or horse in the entire thing. Most of the songs aren't even farm-related; it even ends on 'He's Got the Whole World in His Hands,' for some reason.

The Legend of Secret Pass (2010)

The climax dropped this a full letter grade.

[6/10 · 21 January 2019]

So the antagonist is chasing down the protagonist because he wants to learn a magic song, and has no way of verifying whether any song he's told is actually the one he wants. And the magic gate he needs the song to open? It destroys anyone who sings the wrong song.

The cast all know and understand this.

It just seems like this this whole thing could've been resolved a lot quicker.

Elliot the Littlest Reindeer (2018)

Ungulate fans rejoice

[8/10 · 2 December 2018]

My name is Hazel and I love goats. If you don't match this criteria, subtract 4 from my (highly subjective) rating.

Haunted Transylvania 2 (2018)

Terrible Mockbuster

[1/10 · 21 September 2018]

This isn't a movie, it's just an hour of stolen CGI assets jiggling around the screen in the same animation loops as repetitive music plays. It looks like a rushed rehashing of it's "prequel," which only came out two years before it and has the exact same format, premise, and even segments.