Change Your Image
ChrisRichmond
h]
You come across as one of the most intelligent people on Soapbox (which I admit ain't saying a lot). - Red Devil
(Damned with faint praise. [biggrin])
He's like the Stephen Fry of Soapbox. - UglyBessie
(Blessed with high praise. h])
ChrisRichmond - a real gentleman, always looking out for others. - Word Girl (Heed her words. But clearly under the same impression as ZuZu that I am "a cross between David Niven and Lewis Collins of 'The Professionals'"
I wish! [sad5])
"You are in my League of Extraordinary Gentlemen"
CobwebHead
Bags I Sean Connery, then. [biggrin]
If you haven't seen a terrorist, he comes in the form of Chris Richmond. - kaaatieDEATHLYstalker [sword]
"As usual, you are full of feces and do not have the courage to accept what your actions do. You are one useless little turd. You gutless bastard."
Yoyo (natch)
With fiends like that, who needs enemas? [giveup]
But enough about me...
What your Emoticon says about You
[royal] = I am British
[fight2] = I am American (Republican)
[sigh] = I am American (Democrat)
[cheers] = I am Australian (and/or Irish - Republic)
[fight5] = I am Northern Irish (Catholic)
[fight9] = I am Northern Irish (Protestant)
[snow] = I am Canadian
[sombrero] = I am Mexican
[angry6] = I am Scandinavian
[giveup] = I am Jewish
[3c] = I am French
[love5] = I am a Mormon
[evil5] = I am Transylvanian
[3eyes] = I am an Extra Terrestrial (or Buddhist)
[noir] = I am black (MLK fan)
[cool1] = I am black (Malcolm X fan)
[afro] = I am black (Jackson 5 fan)
[rainbow] = I am gay
h] = I am a middle-aged woman coping with 'the change'
[angry2] = I am a middle-aged woman not coping with 'the change'
[colorful] = I am a middle-aged woman really not coping with 'the change'
[clown] = I am pleasantly inebriated
[jump1] = I have a 'fuller figure'
[gum] = I am a teenager (but old enough to be on the Soapbox)
[bunny] = I am a teenager (and too young to be on the Soapbox)
[hide] = I am Zorro
[ninja] = I am a Blood/Crip (delete as appropriate)
[dead] = I am recently deceased
[out] = I am not so recently deceased
[weird] = I have had plastic surgery/I am Angelina Jolie
[bounce] = I have St Vitus' Dance
[explode] = I have high blood pressure
[love7] = I am Edgar Allen Poe
[mjeyds] = I am Roger Moore
[trum] = I am a Blues Brother
[nicebat] = I am a Goth
[hat] = I am a Dr Seuss fan
[xmas] = I have not changed my calendar
[angry5] = I have been debating with Ffocwit/Aspie/MichaelBolton (delete as appropriate)
[wave3] = I enjoy masturbation/You are a wanker
[roll] = I think this post has exhausted its comic potential
Additional:
[cool2]I am Hitler in disguise (Skyhawk)
[fight3]Reading your post has given me an erection (NotoriousKIT)
[sad3]Knowing I have given you an erection makes my clitoris sad (NotoriousKit)
........
At the request of 702, there follows my response to Yoyoofloco's accusation that my posts are 'anti-American'. (NB: This was shortly after Yoyo admitted that he supports terrorism 'if it supports my side' or helps 'American interests'. Make of that what you will):
No, Yoyo, my posts are not anti-American, but you are right to say they are anti 'American interests'.
That is because it is very difficult to be pro 'American interests' in this day and age.
Your (oil baron) president has invaded a country (albeit one ruled by a dictator) on a false pretext - taking several other nations, including mine, along for the ride - to line his own pockets. Tens - possibly hundreds - of thousands of people have died for this self-aggrandizing move, and it has plunged the region into chaos and opened the way for further terrorism - the very thing he (and you, until your recent confession) claimed to be against.
It has also helped cripple the US economy (except for arms manufacturers) but, hey, that's a problem for the next (probably Democrat) incumbent while Bush takes the money and runs.
Your (oil baron) president is (at the behest of ExxonMobil: http://www.guardian.co.uk/climatechange/story/0,12374,1501646,00.html the biggest of a tiny handful of world leaders who prefers to deny the threat of climate change and actively disrupts any attempt by the rest of the world to combat this serious issue. His followers sneeringly dismiss Al Gore's video for 'political bias', ignoring the fact that they are repeating the mantra of an oil baron (did I mention he's an oil baron? You are aware of the slight conflict of interests there, are you?)
The normally mealy-mouthed UN has taken the - for them - extreme step of 'naming and shaming' the US over this issue. The US delegate was even booed in Bali for initially toeing the oil baron's line. Yet when this sort of criticism arises, there is a certain type of American who, instead of saying 'Hmm, why do they say that? Do they have good reason?' chooses instead to dismiss them all as 'commies', tune in to Bill O'Reilly and tune out the world.
Your president also takes bribes - not merely from people who want political influence or a knighthood, as our corrupt politicians do, but from people like Paul Singer who want to use their already collossal wealth to blackmail or bankrupt entire nations through vulture funds - an injustice Bush could end at a stroke of a pen but chooses not to. This, of course, follows in the fine tradition of US presidents who happily oblige their fat cat friends by undermining foreign governments - usually replacing them with brutal dictators - to protect 'American interests' (ie private investors in, for instance, oil in Iran, copper in Chile and bananas in Guatemala) under the guise of rooting out a communist threat.
The US govt even pulled the rug out from under the British post-war (socialist) govt because it feared Britain, of all places, might turn into a 'commie' state, and only bailed us out again after securing free trade deals for 'American interests'.
And all that is before we start on the health system, the vast disparity in wealth, the quasi-apartheid that persists today in some areas, the vast influence of the gun lobby and invidious marketing by corporations pushing some of the most unhealthy products known to man - all protected by highly paid lawyers who wield the corrupted constitution as their own rusty sword, rather than the shining blade it was intended to be.
So, on all those scores, I am anti 'American interests' - but, frankly I think that makes me more pro-American than you are.
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Jesus Christ shot dead by anti-terrorism police
by BadgerPatroll
Scotland Yard was yesterday forced to apologise after shooting dead the Second Coming of Our Lord And Saviour, Mr Jesus H Christ.
The incident occurred at Stockwell tube station last night, after Mr Christ was alleged to have been moving "in a mysterious way".
Police spokesman Basil Dullard said that the police were not to blame, because "He looked Middle Eastern and had a very peculiar way of moving," and that blood seen on Mr Christ's forehead and hands was thought to have come from bomb-making or some other similar terroristing behaviour.
This is likely to cause a diplomatic crisis between Britain and The Democratic Republic of Heaven, with Heaven expected to react bullishly, citing previous agreements to unleash seven-headed beasts, whores of Babylon and other WMDs.
Tony Blair PM commented, "I'm sure that the End Times predicted in Revelation can be avoided if we can simply open a diplomatic channel with Mr Jahweh. This was an unavoidable error, and sadly necessary to protect us from the possibility of a terrorist killing maybe 100 people."
The Apocalypse is expected to last for all eternity and cause in the region of six billion deaths.
Richard Littlejohn of The Sun commented, "Not only were the Police completely right in their actions, but I bet this filthy scum was a dole scrounger and an illegal immigrant. You couldn't make it up."
.......
Feline Tips
Things cats like (in case you didn't know)
1. Scratch the base of the spine, just above the tail (we all know that).
2. Neck/head massage (face it, who doesn't like this?)
3. The 'slow blink'. This, I am sure, is a sign of contentment and affection.
When you are both comfy and relaxed, if you catch your cat's eye, smile and blink very slowly (it helps if you can purr, too, but...)
4. 'Ear nadging'. This is my 'signature dish' - the feline equivalent of sticking your finger on the bit of gristle at the front of your lug-'ole, pressing it in and broddling (forceful waggling). To do it to a cat, cup the base of your cat's ear around the back with a line of your fingertips, use your thumb to explore where the leading edge of the cat's ear meets the head - you will find a depression (not inside the ear). Press there, bracing the ear with your fingers, and waggle your thumb. It's not easy to describe but you'll soon get the hang of it. It's easier to use your right hand on the left ear, and vice versa. Your cat - unless it's a very unusual cat - should purr, drool (maybe), and tilt their head down on that side, leaning it into your hand. Eventually, they'll break free and shake their head, but not aggressively. Then start on the other ear. [cat]
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Of all the many weird, wonderful and often true things the Factmeister General has posted, this is the most aesthetically pleasing:
Clouds, interestingly...
In his essay �On the Modification of Clouds�, Luke Howard (1772-1864) employed four latin terms to categorise the clouds he saw around him; these terms still form the basis of modern cloud taxonomy: Cumulus - heap. Stratus � layer. Cirrus � curl. Nimbus � rain
Cirrus: High, detached, white filaments or fibres of delicate wispy cloud.
http://orange.math.buffalo.edu/455/patterns/web/slides/slide_Cirrus.jpg
Cirrocumulus: �Mackerel sky� � grains or ripples of white cloud in regular patterns
http://aposf02.cityu.edu.hk/~ksliu/obs/cloud/Cirrocumulus2.jpg
Cirrostratus: Sheets of cloud covering much of the sky, sometimes giving a �halo� effect
http://www.nonsoloscuola.org/Software/nubi/cirrostratus.jpg
Altocumulus: Patches and sheets of rounded or rolled cloud � separate or merged
http://mmem.spschools.org/grade5science/weather/altocumulus.jpeg
Altostratus: Sheets of grey-blue cloud covering the sky, often obscuring sun & moon
http://mmem.spschools.org/grade5science/weather/altostratus.jpeg
Nimbostratus: Associated with rain & snow,covers most of the sky; dark and heavy
http://www.kolumbus.fi/jkald/images2/nimbostratus.jpg
Stratocumulus: Layers of white cloud with dark grey areas; often light rain or snow
http://www.capetownskies.com/7981/13_cumulus_gapsb.jpg
Stratus: Uniform low grey cloud, outline of sun & moon visible if cloud is thin
http://www.uwsp.edu/geo/faculty/ritter/images/atmosphere/clouds/stratus_NOAA_wea02047.jpg
Cumulus: Heaped, cauliflower shape; brilliant white areas with dark bases
http://www.whiteplanes.com/images/weather/weather7.jpg
Cumulonimbus: Heavy, dense cloud with huge tall towers and dark shadows at base
http://www.meteorologia.it/Fotoatlante/foto/cumulonimbus%20calvus.jpg
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Bees and Wasps
Cute fluffy fuzzy bees are bumble bees - utterly harmless unless seriously provoked. I've had one lick sweat off my palm. They are totally placid. Big ones are queens. You often see them in late winter/spring looking for a nest site (usually at ground level).
If you find a bumble bee hive (possibly among leaves or your compost heap) there is no need to disturb it (they are, supposedly, protected species).
Small, leathery-looking bees are honey bees (or possibly solitary bees). Honey bees are usually only dangerous if you get too near their hive. They only sting once, but the sting will attract others. Away from the hive, like all insects, they are looking for food, so no real threat.
If you are stung by a honey bee, it will probably leave its sting in you. The sting is about 2mm long, with a 1mm dark poison sac attached (and probably a creamy trail of bee entrails). The sac continues to pump poison for several minutes, so remove it asap by scraping it off with a fingernail or blade. Do not try to pull it out as this may squeeze more poison into you.
If you have a honey bee nest or swarm (May-July is the main swarming season) contact your local beekeepers, who will gladly come and collect it.
Solitary bees look a bit like fuzzy honey bees. They are very placid. You may see one nesting in a hole in the wall or burrowing in flowerpots or alongside footpaths.
Shiny, brightly coloured ones are Wasps (yellowjackets in the US). These can sting repeatedly, but do not deserve their vicious reputation. They are curious, and only get aggressive if you flap at them. Wasps, like bees, feed on nectar, but their young larvae are carnivorous so, during the summer, wasps kill aphids (and pick meat off your barbecue bones) to feed to the young who in turn secrete a sweet sticky 'honeydew' for the adult wasp to eat. Come August, when there are fewer young to feed, the wasps start getting more of a pest at mealtimes, looking for a substitute for the honeydew. They also start to feed on fallen fruit, which is gently fermenting, so (like all drunks) they are apt to be a bit belligerent.
Wasps nests are beautiful constructions of papier mache (you may see/hear wasps collecting dry, rotten wood). If you can, ignore the nest. During winter all the wasps die off except the queen and you can get rid of it then.
Big wasps. As with bumble bees, you may see a queen wasp in the spring looking for a nest site. Check the eaves of your house and shed if you see one coming and going. A nest may start no bigger than a golf ball, but will grow with the colony.
Very big wasps (up to 2in long!) may be Hornets. They tend to be shy, but steer clear, you don't want to be stung by them!
If a bee or wasp lands on you, do not panic. Do NOT blow on it - that'll make it grip on tight with everything, sting included. Either leave it to fly off on its own or slap near it - that should startle it into flying off. It you slap the insect, you may kill it, but it may sting you in the process.
If you are stung by any insect and start to get breathless after a couple of minutes, you may be going into anaphylactic shock, which can be fatal. Try to relax, call an ambulance and tell them you will require an adrenalin shot.
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How you know you've spent too long on IMDb (by Paulus the Emohawk)
If more than 3 of these have occurred, you need a break
1) You start using markup in other places.
2) You have IMDb posters in your top friends on MySpace.
3) You have a 'favourite memory' from IMDb.
4) You intended to or bought a microphone especially so you could post on Sammi's voice thread.
5) You have multiple pre-authentication accounts and like to make them fight and make up with each other.*
6) You have used the term ad hominem attack without fully understanding what it means.
7) You know who Anne Couter is and you're not from North America.
8) IMDb is your homepage.
9) You argue with known trolls knowing that you will never change their mind.
10) You complain about how good it used to be.
.......
If you've come this far, you deserve a reward:
Chocolate Guinness Cake
Ingredients
12oz dark soft brown sugar
8oz butter (officially this should be unsalted)
8oz plain flour
2 tsp bicarbonate of soda
half-tsp baking soda
4 eggs, beaten
400ml Guinness (or try Young's Chocolate Stout, if you can get it)
8oz dark chocolate, grated (or ground in a food processor)
I also tend to add a tbsp cocoa powder and a splash of chocolate extract, if you can get that, but it's not necessary.
Topping
4oz (unsalted) butter
6oz white chocolate
2 shots (Irish) whiskey
Method
Grease or line a deep 8in cake tin (or 2x 2lb loaf tins)
Preheat oven to 180C or equivalent
Cream together the butter and sugar in a large bowl, and gradually beat in the eggs
In another bowl, sift the flour, bicarb and baking powder (and cocoa - optional) together
In another bowl, mix the chocolate with the Guinness (and choc extract - optional)
Gradually fold the flour and the choc/Guinness alternately into the butter/egg/sugar.
The mixture will be pretty runny. There is also a lot of it, but don't panic as it won't rise out of control.
Pour into the tin(s) and bake for 1hr to 1hr 15min. (check with skewer, but don't worry if the skewer comes out slightly 'dirty' - it's a VERY moist, dark, pungent cake)
For the topping
Melt the white chocolate and butter in a bowl over a pan of hot water. remove from heat and as it cools stir in the whiskey. The mix will separate, but stir vigorously and it will bind together again. Keep stirring occasionally as it cools. Have faith - it will eventually set.
Spread over the cake and - for that authentic 'Oirish pub' touch - trace a shamrock into the topping with a knifepoint.
As you can imagine, the creamy white head on the dark glistening cake represents a pint of Guinness - so this mix also works well if you have some deep (3in) muffin moulds.
Cheers - or, rather, Slainte!
Reviews
Strange Hill High (2013)
Stop-motion/puppet animation that's too cool for school.
Animated adventures of three (Muppet-style puppet) pupils: Mitchell (Doc Brown), Becky (Emma Kennedy) and Templeton (Richard Ayoade - the IT Crowd - stealing the show) at a slightly paranormal school with a Basil Fawlty lookalike headmaster, Mr Abercrombie (Jonathan Keeble). Although clearly aimed at kids (it is screened on CBBC in the UK) the writing team is headed by Josh Weinstein (The Simpsons, Futurama) so it is witty and warped enough for adults too, who will perhaps catch more of the cultural references (eg a scene in the school kitchen is reminiscent of Jurassic Park). The cast also includes John Thomson and Caroline Aherne in various roles. Spoiler alert: A sample plot involves the school cook being kidnapped and replaced by the tooth fairy, who is scheming to steal the students' teeth by serving up sugary sweets to build a very special Mouth Organ.