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8/10
Excellent Creep-Out, But You Must Understand Slavic Mythology
24 October 2019
Let's start with the badly translated title. Where's the mermaid? There isn't one. The title character is a rusalka, not a mermaid in any western understanding of the word. Rusalki are the damned souls of girls who commited suicide by drowning, typically because they were pregnant out of wedlock and abandoned or rejected by the father. Such a girl becomes a rotting half-fish, half-woman, hideous in appearance, inhabiting ponds and rivers (not the ocean), who tries to lure young men to their death. They can shape-shift to appear beautiful or take the form of a living person. They are vengeful, evil, capable of sorcery, and dangerous. Don't think Ariel in a clamshell bra. Think carp zombies.

There. Does that help?

Marina is engaged to Roma, a competitive swimmer. Roma and his sister Olga lost their mother at an early age, supposedly to drowning. But as you see in the opening scene, she was actually killed by a rusalka at their lakeside dacha (summer house). The widowed father, who has had at best a distant relationship with his children ever since, unexpectedly gifts the dacha to Roma and Marina as a wedding gift, telling them to sell it and take the money. Instead, Marina wants to fix it up and keep it. But the rusalka has not gone away, and now casts her eye on Roma...

Visually, "The Rusalka: Lake of the Dead" (to give it its proper translation) excels. It is rich in old-fashioned atmosphere: mist on the lake, moon through clouds, candlelight in the old banya (wooden sauna), a lush Russian forest.

Contrary to what some reviewers found, the storyline is perfectly coherent. There are a handful of cultural references that Russians will understand but are not explained for the benefit of westerners (such as a shout-out to Karamzin's "Poor Liza").

But these do not pose a problem as long as you understand that a rusalka is not a mermaid.
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Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Harm (2007)
Season 9, Episode 5
3/10
Wasn't Looking for Sunday School
22 December 2017
I voted for John Kerry, opposed the invasion of Iraq, and virulently opposed (and oppose) torture-- sorry, "enhanced interrogation techniques," I am totally on the side of the prosecutors in this episode... and even I found parts of it squirm-inducingly preachy. Yes, horrible things took place in Iraq. Yes, it's true that some of the hypocrisy on the left is also presented. But in "ripping stories from the headlines," you need to leave your personal feelings at the door unless they are likely to be shared by a fairly reasonable majority of your target audience. This episode, in my opinion, crossed the line between entertainment and proselytization.
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3/10
A Disappointment, a Lost Opportunity
12 February 2007
As a pioneer-descended, Utah-raised Mormon bishop, I'm obliged to agree with some of the negative reviews. Perhaps I'm demanding, but when I see a comedy, I expect there to be a laugh or two somewhere in it. The actors are fine - very good, in fact. The film editing is fine. The script and direction are abysmal. Forget the plot holes and loose ends: The gratuitous swipes at other faiths and pro-LDS smugness are unbecoming and embarrassing. And I agree with one reviewer: enough with the paint ball obsession, Halestorm. This film wants to be funny and heart-warming and faith-promoting, but it comes out 0 for 3. The scriptwriters write as though they've no idea how to speak to a non-BYU audience. This film won't appeal to anyone but Mormons, and only the most undemanding at that. More's the pity.
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Malev (2005)
8/10
Estonia's "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"
2 September 2006
The earliest history of what is now Estonia was written by a monk called Henry of Latvia. This film's subtitle is "Henry of Latvia Lied!" In the 13th century, German crusaders conquered Estonia and essentially ran the place from elegant manor houses until the collapse of the Russian Empire in 1917.

This movie tells a very alternate -- and very funny -- version of how this came to be.

There are, unfortunately for us outsiders, more than a few inside jokes. For instance, it helps to know that the people of Estonia's largest island, Saaremaa, are seen by mainlanders as pseudo-Scandinavian rustics with a sort of Muppets' Swedish Chef accent. Comic allusions to the European Union may fly over the heads of people not familiar with EU politics. It's also helpful to know that turning to Russia for help in the past has typically proved not to be such a bright idea.

At the same time, I'm sure I don't need to explain why the French Knights Templar lust after Estonia's "natural resources" (swamp frogs). Or why the German knights all have little brush mustaches.

Some of the humor may be a little gory or crude for some tastes. There is a small amount of full frontal male nudity (swimming/bathing), if you prefer to be warned about such things. Though the performances are by and large outstanding, the script opens the odd loophole here and there that it never gets around to closing. Worst of all, as often happens with foreign films, the English subtitles all too often fall flat on the job. (Who quality controls these things, anyway??)

Still, if you like loopy absurdist humor of the Monty Python variety, you can't help but get a kick out of this likable and surprisingly well-made film from a tiny and beautiful country on the northern edge of Europe.
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Timeline (2003)
3/10
Out of time, out of place, out of steam
2 September 2006
First, a confession: I did not like the Michael Crichton novel on which this film was based. I knew enough about medieval history for Crichton's historical howlers to ruin it for me. For someone who so strutted his research, it was shocking how much the author "knew" that just wasn't so.

Even so, I could never resist any film with a medieval time travel premise, so I watched it.

Look. Even if you like the book, even if you think 14th century Frenchmen spoke modern French, even if you think 14th century English nobles spoke any kind of English at all; even if you can accept social customs, military tactics and critical architectural details that don't belong there OR then; this is just plain a slow, confused, predictable movie.

It's not that it's unwatchable. Billy Connolly and Frances O'Connor in particular give delightful performances with the material they have, but their talents are squandered. Save your time and (if you're considering a rental) money.
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