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Reviews
Young, Stalked, and Pregnant (2020)
What kind of psychopaths have giant ass crescent rolls with cooked veggies
Ok basically this is the typical creepy boyfriend impregnates high school girlfriend right after she's admitted to her dream college also in a plot twist skeletor is the girl's mother so skeletor and her low rent Chris Pratt impersonator help their daughter decide to give the baby for adoption but the weird ass boyfriend asks her to marry and start a family yada oh and dudes mom is some unhinged killer of old people so this movie goes zero to bonkers in about 45 minutes standard lifetime characters and terrible sets like the dinner of steamed vegetables and a big ass crescent rolls but it's definitely worth it if you live the they're so bad they're good lifetime movies this won't disappoint.
Road to Revenge (1993)
If the room and samurai cop had a baby
This is an awesome piece of cinema I found this morning and wow I'm impressed! Written directed starring the same dude and he did an amazing soundtrack that should have won a Grammy!! William smith is well William smith in this and wings houser is so loaded throughout the movie he can't even string together a coherent sentence the action is intense the dialogue heart felt . So everyone should experience this masterpiece and make dehart release the soundtrack as it's one of the best musical performances of all time. Do yourself a favor and get everyone you know to watch this masterpiece and chicks love it.
Mean Girls (2024)
Steven segal Russian backed straight to video are masterpieces compared to this
Ok so I loved the original mean girls but this is a theater kids fever dream of mean girls and it's not good. Jaws the revenge is an amazing adventure compared to this and to be honest I only made it into the first 5 minutes and had to shut it of because it hurt my soul and now my dog doesn't trust me. So don't waste your time just watch the original or death wish 4 or 5. So if musicals are your thing might I suggest Dancin it's on with Gary Daniels as a mma fighter that owns a hotel for artists and actors it even has a mime !!! Mean girls reboot doesn't have a mine so the new mean girls did not invent toaster strudel.
Dark Mission: Flowers of Evil (1988)
Chris Mitchum at his doofiest
Chris Mitchum of Santa's summer house fame is a CIA operative that all the chicks in the movie thinks he's hot and either try to or end up banging him.. Christopher Lee is again channeling his fu Manchu to play the Cuban drug lord with a thick British accent! There's bad dialogue, goofy fights , explosions and a Reagan era anti drug message that would put saved by the bell to shame. But Chris Mitchum delivers his lines like he's getting paid in socks and underwear but if you love pre cgi b movies definitely check this one out on par with
Terror in Beverly Hills
American hunter
Any jelel merhi film.
Human Hibachi (2020)
Makes birdemimic look like a stunning piece of cinema
I'll break down why it's so bad
1. The acting is on par with your kids preschool Christmas play
2. Every character sucks
3. Movies like this are why found footage movies are rarely take seriously
First I'm a found footage fanatic who will watch any found footage movie once and there are some really well done micro budget found footage movies out there (children of sorrow, chasing the devil, ) but this was embarrassing I'm passing this on to Mike bill and Kevin at rifftrax to see if they can make it worth watching. Because honestly this is probably one of the worst found footage movies I've ever seen.
Wolfwood (2020)
Just throw this movie in the trash
First I will note I'm a huge found footage fan and this is definitely in the worst found footage movies I've ever seen bottom three the story sucks bottom line if your story sucks you just have a bunch of nerds running around the woods with cameras yelling a lot definitely do not bother on this joint it's terrible.
Prisoners of the Ghostland (2021)
Nick cage must owe some serious drug money
This is just bad really really bad like a fever dream come to life anyone that gives it more than a star worked on the movie and to the reviewer that said any rating this poorly is making stuff up no no we are not this movie sucks that bad and at this point in his career nick cage is acting in any goofy movie for cocaine.
Holiday Monday (2021)
Basically the Edgewood studios of the uk
This is basically radical Jack pressure point and ice breakers from the uk.
Seance (2021)
Future rifftrax material
Ok everything about this movie is bad especially the casting one of the students is 44 yr old Asian playing a high school student the dialogue is hilarious the story is interesting enough to keep you interested but all in all it will be a rifftrax movie in 5 years.
Chad (2021)
Strangers with candy for cancel culture
I haven't even watched an episode just some previews and said "hey that's like someone watched strangers with candy and saved by the bell and completely ruined them"
Fatal Future (2018)
Greatest piece of action cinema ever
This is the greatest thing printed to film hands down
Host (2020)
Terrible found footage
First let me start by saying I love found footage and mockumentary horror probably my favorite in the horror genre next to 80s horror anyway this was a cool idea even though the group call thing has been done before (unfriended and unfriended 2 dark web) but the execution was god awful there really is no story just a lot of screaming and crying with no real direction