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The Watchers (2024)
Always always, the kids that talk back & never listen
I really dont understand why in every single movie put out by Hollyweird there has to be a mouthy, obnoxious, know it all kid. Its not cute, clever and its completely lazy writing. Of course they dont listen and it creates more problems and issues in the storyline. Is this what its really like or is it just a lazy filmmaking trick? Dakota Fanning was obnoxious in War of the Worlds and she is once again obnoxious here. Girl better get a new agent cuz shes just that.
Next lazy writing trick-
Main characters complete unawareness of the life or death situation. I knocked out the monster/villian and im just gonna stay unarmed and leave them there till they wake up again rather than take out the threat. Maybe ill go up to this thing and see if its still breathing(cheap suspense)
Whats good-
Cinematography and lighting. Its a dark movie, like 90% of all new horror movies, but with this one the director atleast got the lighting spot on.
Its interesting but a bit convoluted and very much like M. Nights work, obviously. Not sure why they only use this formula in their directing but id love to see them both(father and daughter directors) atleast try to do a different type of movie genre.
Batman: Caped Crusader (2024)
Gave me great nostalgia
I was pleasantly surprised when i saw this advertised on IMDB. Then i saw it was free on Prime and i cleared my schedule and marathoned 5 episodes in one sitting.
Same animation as the 90s one and the stories are phenomenal and deep. So happy JJ Abrams brought us this great show back. I grew up watching the original animated series and eventually bought them all for my son who to this day is a huge Batman fan.
The go deep on each major character and Batman/Bruce Wayne himself. He actually is required to sit w a psychiatrist that digs into his childhood trauma but Bruce has a great way of maintaining his alter ego hidden. Total awesome nostalgia. Keeping the same animation and 50s kinda time frame was great to see.
Too many of our shows and movies are redone, updated and transformed into something else. Sometimes it works, sometimes it fails miserably (Disneys Star wars comes to mind) the reason ill always pick DC over Marvel is cuz they have NEVER caved into the modern trends and fads. Voices are very well done as well. I felt like a kid again watching the show. Thank you to everyone that brought this back for us old Batman fans.
Exeter (2015)
Aside from special effects this is terrible
If youre like me and love horror, anything horror as long as its well done, then this will be a colossal waste of time for you just like it felt for me. I like horror that, though its a movie and fantasy, at the very least has the characters doing what any other person would do in a life and death situation, be hyper aware and not run off by themselves especially after all thats been happening and all the other people disappearing but not here.
One of the female characters just runs off while they are trying to get windows and doors unlocked and she literally looks like shes skipping all la dee dahh like they havent just been attacked by demonic forces. Another kid that just got thru being possessed just runs off to take a leak in a proper bathroom cuz the sink is just too much for him to take a wizz in.
This is absolutely terrible writing and the acting isnt much better. I feel bad for the guy that plays the priest cuz hes a decent actor in Dont Breathe.
Wintertide (2023)
Lead leads watchers to dislike film
The idea is original & interesting. The music/soundtrack is complimentary & balanced perfectly. The acting by all other actors is good & not overly dramatic. The story is not always solid. Yes i know its horror and people need to make stupid mistakes & the inaction of some characters is required in order to bring about more suspense eventually leading to a climax but when will we finally get good writing? Id love to watch a movie where the lead characters make reasonable decisions and their mistakes are not required in order for the story to be interesting or suspenseful. The lead in this movie isnt very pleasant or interesting. Viewers dont need a beautiful lead to keep us captivated and glued to the screen but we also dont need one that makes us uninterested or repulsed. The lead isnt ugly but she has the charm of an ingrown toenail.
Id love to see this movie w a bigger budget and better lead cuz the idea is very original and keeps you thinking about the energy we have inside us.
Picture Me Dead (2023)
Erica Mena cant act
I love Tubi. Its become my favorite app for movies and shows. They carry Southland, Kubric movies & so many random independent movies that are great. I decided to give the movies they're producing a try. Made some popcorn, sat on the couch and put on Picture Me Dead. Well picture me disappointed. The story is promising and the cast is beautiful, but this is where it ends. Erica Mena is painfully terrible as an actress as well as her sister, the sisters husband & a few others. How did the director not stop filming? If you still want to see it just put it on and clean the house so all you have to do is hear it. Ill try another Tubi production cuz its a great app but this one is a dud.
An American Satan (2019)
The devil would NEVER be around these lonely people
The documentary itself is fine. They have a subject, film interviews & then the interviewees keep repeating edgy rebellious stuff. They never explain their beliefs properly, but sound more like they love finally being in a club & and you might not even be accepted into it. They are part of an exclusive club eventhough Satan himself could walk past and they would never recognize him, instead theyd shoo him away for jot being dark enough.
Want real Satanists? Look towards Mexico. Those are some real human sacrifices spines and skulls in pots, children screaming in agony but the evil smiles on the faces of the Satanists only grow as if they are reaching extasy.
Painkiller (2021)
One sided wimpy revenge
I get it, you lost someone to pills. These are the same pills that give people w debilitating pain, cancer and nerve issues somewhat of a normal life by not leaving them stuck to a bed unable to move. But the person you lost was special, way more special than the millions living a 24/7 unending nightmare. So you wanna take it out on everyone in any connected w these demon pills. Good for you. Sorry it didnt work out putting that in a movie. Just made it seem like a wimpy guy that has to hide his face and sneak up on unsuspecting people to exact his pettiness. Wouldve worked better if the movie was about the same guy becoming a counselor, helping people that cant get off opioids. But who am i, just a dude writing a small personal review about a movie that wasted my time.
Resident Evil (2022)
Rated at episode 6
Like the title says, i rated it by the end of episode 6. I despise what these lazy writers do to decent shows. It was going pretty good until you get to the main character thats been thru tons of battles suddenly lets their guards down completely and endangers themselves or those around them. Then we're supposed to keep believing that this numbskull will manage to save everyone or survive. Also, how does all that zombie blood spray not infect people? I wanted this to be better. Why cant they just write better?
Licorice Pizza (2021)
Meh and ehh
The movie wasnt great & it wasnt terrible, it was "eh, ok, i guess". PTA is a quirky director & somewhat of an acquired taste. Lead female kept reminding me of The Woman In The Painting from the movie IT, thats all i could think when she made certain faces. Looked her up and saw she is a musician so cant blame her for making strange faces in the camera. The biggest stand out in the entire movie was Bradley Cooper and he was only in for about 10-15 minutes. The movie was way too long. Had a better director taken over at the end he wouldve cut the movie down to under 90min, and thats wouldve been really stretching it. Summed up, its young boy meets older woman, young boy loses older woman, cameo scene, cameo scene, cameo scene, young boy gets older woman back.
Haunted: In the Pines (2021)
Like uh it was scary? Like
The episode started intriguing enough but the introduction of the annoying Hannah murdered what life it had. Every sentence had a "like" & ended in a question despite it being a comment. Maybe im being too hard on her but people that talk this way are hard to follow or arouse interest. Another annoying thing about the show is that every scene is almost completely dark. We're supposed to believe that you're gonna turn on a chainsaw inside the house to open a wall and there arent any lights to turn on. I get it, its horror but good horror doesnt need to rely on dark scenes to be scary. The Pines is a great song tho.
The Prince (2021)
Funny is funny
I totally get it that Brits dont find this ok & theyre not disrespectful to their royals. Americans have none of that. If its someone that doesnt follow their particular beliefs then they will go to any depths of depravity to portray them killed or beheaded.
The show isnt as bad(as good) as South Park but it reminds me of Family Guy. The characters aside from the royals are endearing, even the subterranean servant (which reminds me of Hans Molemann)
Definitely suggest it if you want lighthearted comedy you can smile and giggle at.
The Woman (2011)
Awful music ok movie
I found the music way more disturbing than anything in the film. The levels of the music were way too loud compared to the rest of the sounds in the film. I really wanted to enjoy this but the music ruined it. Seems like the director owed someone a favor or they held his family captive unless he put this music in his movie.
Norbit (2007)
It makes me laugh
All that really matters is how much it makes you laugh. I dont get the low or angry reviews. It must be awful living humorless. Eddie Murphy is at his finest along w the all star cast. This is way better than any of the Madea movies. If you have a couple hours to kill and you want to laugh then watch Norbit. If youre a bitter person thats always over analyzing everything, steer clear
Prometheus Trap (2012)
Rubbish
I try to watch low budget movies to support artists and filmmakers but this is utter rubbish. The actors are ok but the sets look like they didnt even try. Most of all i am really annoyed by the directors panning and closeups of the actors when it clearly doesnt call for it. Also, why did he need to shoot into the light so much? Everything is washed out. Hope i never come across this teams work again.
Ghoul (2015)
Above average found footage
Ill start by saying how much i cant stand found footage, dark or shaky cameras. This movie was obviously done w a minimal amount of $$$ yet they still managed to pull it off. Maybe its the fact that i watch so much serial killer film and documentaries, this little film intrigued me when they began talking about a cannibal serial killer whose spirit was in the house where they were to film. The acting was a bit better than Blair Witch. One thing i dont like which is in every single movie nowadays is the stupid decisions people keep making. Id like a bit more reality where people actually listen to their friends or their basic survival instincts but oh well. When those characters die horribly i feel a slight smile on my face. Anyway im rambling cuz i only rate movies on here, almost never write reviews. Watch it if youre chill and dont expect big production. Youll be surprised at how well they pull off the creepiness.
Orphan (2009)
Forced to watch
I'm a horror fan, let me start by saying. I indulge in every type w my fav movies being Event Horizon, Borderlands, The Exorcist (show mostly) and recently Southbound. The girl I live with gets scared very easily and has a giant cross above the bed w Jesus looking down at the sins happening before his very eyes. That being said, she watched this movie w her family then came home and asked me to watch it for weeks till I finally said FINE, we'll watch your movie. During the entire movie she watched my face for reactions to what was going on on the screen. To be honest, the movie had me hooked for a bit but then kinda fell apart for me with the usual dumb mistakes people make in horror movies. Instead of basic human instincts taking over the characters make terrible decisions one after another. The premise is great, the acting is passable but in the end it's a teeball underhanded pitch for people that can't take a curve ball speeding down the middle. I lied to her and told her it was a great horror movie mostly cause I didn't want her to pout and never bring me another movie. Slowly I will turn her into a real horror fan.
Hunger (2008)
when Michael Fassbender became one of the greatest actors
Never have I had to turn away my eyes from a movie screen until watching Michael Fassbender deliver this Daniel Day Lewis performance and putting his own body thru a grotesque transformation. I knew he was a great actor but not till seeing him in Hunger did I see the complete commitment to character. Being an ignorant American, I know almost nothing about what happened during these tumultuous times except for what I have read myself now older (thanks school system) Watch this and think about all the men and women used as commodities in our own prison systems. I cannot compare this to In The Name Of The Father, Papilon or Midnight Express, this stands on its own. I am going to watch everything director Steven McQueen has done now. Hope the review helps.
The Stakelander (2016)
5.4 stars is not enough
I get it, people want huge productions and fancy fx but this has none of that. It's just a dreary end of the world vampire movie. The vampires are grotesque, not pretty and sensual. It's the way I think they should be portrayed. They are monsters that use humans as food. Also love the fact they kept the cannibals. Really adds to the fear the movie wants to deliver. Acting is good enough for an apocalyptic flick. There's no stupid decisions by the seasoned characters, like in Walking Dead or other countless movies and shows like this. These characters are rugged, broken and survivalists that count on the same things that have kept them alive as long as it has. I love 30 Days Of Night and would compare Stakeland 1 & 2 to that film. If you prefer nasty vampires that are more animalistic beasts, then you will likely enjoy this.
VooDoo (2017)
If you liked original evil dead
Seriously I was not expecting a movie to go down such a depraved path but it did and there's some genuine creepy parts aside from the grotesque descent into what seems like hell. Like the original Evil Dead, the acting is bad and though the special effects lack, that is what makes it work. I get the horror junkies not liking this cuz it lacks more depth or whatever they crave but it's horror and it did what it was meant to do. I had a girl peaking at the movie while I watched it and she went into the other room cuz it freaked her out. Entities with red eyes are something no one wants to see in their room. It's a slow starter and they could've cut out some scenes but I did appreciate the back story as to why this happens to the main character. Also reminded me of the recent Turkish horror movie, Baskin. VooDoo was a sliver better imo.
Southbound (2015)
Needs a higher rating than 5.9
Can't believe this movie gets such low ratings. I'd give it an 8 out of 10. I watch tons of horror and was very impressed w the genuine scare scenes that made me jump. They didn't rely on cheap cats jumping into scene or the millions of other generic ways to get people out of their seats. I highly recommend this movie for any horror fan. The 3rd story made me feel really uncomfortable and cringe yet couldn't stop watching. VHS was OK and I feel like that's where they cut their teeth, southbound is where they got everything right. The angels of death 💀 are some of the coolest I ever seen in a movie. Creep to say the least. The girl I watched this with literally curled up in a fetal position while watching this and she's a horror fan like me albeit not as rabid.