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The Gate (1987)
How the Hell is this a 6 rating
I Know "Horror" films are generally under-marked on IMDB so as long as it's rated 6 or above I'll give it a go. This film is awful. The acting is so wooden I thought a tree house would appear at some point. Added to the story-line and the dreadful acting and the apparent indifference demonstrated by some of the characters when something, not just heartbreaking, happens but might mean the end of the World as we know it. No "Start, middle and end" just a pile of random clips stuck together. The "cutaways" to each individual character may have been mixed up and meant for a different scene unless, of course, "surprised, excited, angry, scared etc all look the same. Then there's the "Special effects." Think the original "King Kong," and realise that 50 years later the makers of this trash had not seen SE in any other movie since. Seriously! Absolute garbage.
Dangerous (2021)
Why is money wasted on crap like this?
Gaps between the, dire, dialogue that makes this look like a run-through. Weak story, weak acting, weak script and awful directing. Characters stubbornly sticking to their guns despite the circumstances. Has the FBI have just one agent? As bored as I was watching this crud, I have become equally bored writing this review. Watch it if you want. Pressed "Submit" but apparently Internet Movie Data Base require another 250 characters. Is this a plot to discourage us to give a succinct, true account of the way we feel about a movie. I think it id. Don't watch this unless you are really curious on how NOT to write, direct and act in a.
End of the Road (2022)
Laughable
This was made in 2022. It looks like it was made in 1922. I found myself laughing out loud at the moments when we are supposed to be jumping out of our skin. Dreadful story. Even worse acting with a script a six year old could have written for a cartoon. The characters say one liners like "I got you now" and have monologues explaining why they are in the position they are in instead of letting the story outline their predicament. Badly directed too. The plot revolves around 90% of the characters being evolved from The Hills Have Eyes cast. It doesn't inspire me to visit America. Please don't listen to the high marks given by some reviewers. This is real bad.
The Hollow (2015)
What is the matter with film makers?
This was made in 2015. In a disused film set from 1945. Only joking! It wasn't that good. When you witness dross of this calibre, I often wonder if the script writers, actors, directors etc. Watch the movie when it's complete or take the money and say "Oh well."
Braven (2018)
Pretty awful
I'm all for a bit of action but this action for the sake of action is dross. In this day and age why are people stabbed, burnt, shot (you know what I'm about to say) but still manage, after a little howl, to run through the woods like Usain Bolt. I wouldn't waste time on this. Lame story, awful acting by one in particular (I'll let you decide) and unbelievable recoveries from very serious injury. Don't bother.
High Hopes (2002)
Margaret John is awsome
Every time I watch re-runs of Gavin and Stacey I am reminded of how much I miss this gem of a programme. Probably only broadcast in Wales, the stories are hilarious, the characters unique and the acting outstanding. Laugh out loud moments largely due to the brilliant Margaret John who plays the ex-stripper matriarch and mother of the hapless Richard "Fagin" Hepplewhite (Robert Blythe). The series was created by the mega under-estimated Boyd Clack who also plays the Police Sergeant. If you get the chance to see this show, sit back, relax with a comforting drink and be prepared to marvel at the genius writing. By the way Margaret John plays "Doris" in Gavin and Stacey.
Disturbing the Peace (2020)
Did I just see the final edit?
Surely what I just witnessed was a run-through of each scene. A truly awful movie. Do not watch. How anyone can produce this in 2020 is remarkable. Didn't Guy Pearce used to be a decent actor?
The Void (2021)
What is the point?
Just one review before this one from lynnsimpson who gave it a "2." How can you give this junk such a high score? Pathetic show, poor presenters and offers no enjoyment at all. I couldn't care less whether the contestants win or not. It beggers belief why ITV continue to trawl out shows like Ninja Warrior, Love Island, The Masked whatever and this crap. By the way, how much do these sets cost?
Commando (1985)
Gunmen need some shooting practice
How has this got more than 3/10. I watched it again just to see if I was a little harsh first time round. No, it's still crap. Fun??? Absolutely not. Funny??? Maybe.
The Mauritanian (2021)
Land of the free my arse
Slow to get going but if this is a true story USA should hand their heads in shame, and that includes Obama.
Go with Me (2015)
Interesting. Then uneventful
Perhaps I dozed off once or twice because this movie didn't go anywhere. Unbelievable concern from the Sheriff turned into 90 minutes of nothing. Great cast, wasted.
Greenland (2020)
About five or six mini movies in one
Not great. Personally, I wouldn't bother watching this unless you want to be someone who says they've seen it. Nonsensical and too unbelievable. From the decisions the world leaders and scientists got wrong to the bizarre actions of some of the characters. Cliche ridden, Smaulchy and filmed in a way that it looks like several short movies put together, like a soap opera. Not for me.
The Lincoln Lawyer (2011)
Good. Apart from the directing
I enjoyed The Lincoln Lawyer. Longish but kept me interested if not "gripped." The only thing that spoilt it slightly was the "Occasional" and totally unnecessary camera work. Zooming in quickly at certain points in the film where nothing of any consequence was happening. There was also "Jerky Cam" when the lawyer was getting ready to act towards the end. Possibly there were two camera operators, one of whom had had a little too much to drink and kept dropping the equipment. But it did spoil the film a little.
Tokarev (2014)
Don't bother
I like a revenge movie. But not this one. Badly written, acted and directed. All over the place. Car chases, pensioners running (for ages). Slow, moody scenes and all for nothing. I'm as bored writing this, as I was watching the film. Goodbye.
Oblivion (2013)
Tom Cruise at his best
Tom Cruise is an excellent actor. He can make any movie work. But this movie is a supreme example of thought provoking ideology. I like the dystopian or fantasy genre of film because it might, actually, turn out to be the truth. You will need to be capable of following the premise but I have watched this three times and am now confident that the message has come through. Please watch this. It's better than it's current score. You won't be sorry.
Moby Dick (1956)
Not the classic it is supposed to be
I don't remember watching Moby Dick, which is why I forked out £3.50 for the pleasure, having read so many stories. I was born the year this movie was made but that is the only connection I can claim. I am struggling to find words. I haven't read the book (which must be better) but I was expecting more than this stilted fare. I am giving it a score of three. Not the worst film I've seen by a mile but only watch it if you are in it for the curiosity. By the way, I know this was made over 60 years ago but, the special effects look like they were made in a bucket.
Life (2017)
Why compare this to Alien?
I quite enjoyed this, despite some predictable and sometimes unnecessary dialog. The other downside was the lack of background at the start of the movie which meant we didn't know enough about the characters to empathise with them. My major concern with some reviews, that give this a low score, is the tiresome comparison with "Alien." The only similarity, is that there is an "alien" living on a space ship (station in this case) and not being very nice. Personally, I found "Alien" quite boring whereas this film motors along at a good pace. Not a classic by any means but well worth a look. Might also sharpen the mind regarding what we may encounter should we find "Life on Mars."
The Vanished (2020)
I lasted 31 minutes
I rarely give up on a film and I have (very occasionally) changed my mind when I have seen it through to the end. This is absolute tosh. The acting from Anne Heche, in particular, was truly awful. The "feel" of this movie wasn't right from the start, from the far too sweet 7 year old to the absurd script and what was all that frighteningly close, close ups of their eyes all about. They sneak out at the dead of night making sure they "make sure the police don't see us, or they'll stop us." There are plenty of police dogs accompanying the plethora of police who all seem to be in one gang shouting "Taylurrrr" multiple times while the parents managed to avoid them and they are whispering "Taylurrr" repeatedly until they stumble across a man sleeping next to a campfire dead centre of the path they are walking on. Now , I don't know about you, but if you have to whisper your daughters name for fear of the police hearing you, I'm pretty confident the boys in blue might see a blazing campfire in the middle of the night. If you enjoy this, well done.
The Fall (2013)
ZZZZZZZZ
Too slow. As my review was too short, may reiterate "Too slow."
The Occupants (2014)
Don't bother
Started well enough, unfortunately ----acting bad, direction bad, script absolutely awful. Story couldn't be fathomed out. I have never watched a movie with a score of 3.7. Having now done so -- I won't do it again.
Poltergeist (2015)
2 stars because I managed to watch it till the end
Awful film. As remakes go this ranks amongst the worst. How did Sam Rockwell end up in this drivel. By the way, he is one of the worst actors in it, probably due to the shame of signing up for it. In fairness, the trailer looked bad so I wasn't expecting much. I wouldn't waste your time with this movie but you may be curious like me.
Southpaw (2015)
Good Grief
Saw Jake on British talk show bigging up "Southpaw" and being a big JG fan was delighted to see it on the list of available films to watch on a recent flight to New York.The film (A boxing theme for us thickos) is now on my list of the top ten worst films I've ever seen. Mr. Gyllenhaal is a very talented actor but he and even Forest Whittaker can't do anything with this screenplay which is almost a carbon copy of (all the bad bits) of similar screenplays which won great acclaim 40 years ago (When it was fresh). A truly awful film which keeps you riveted because it's so bad you really expect a brilliant twist towards the end. Alas not. Inexplicable dialog and plot "I gotta be there" (Hero's 12ish year old daughter repeatedly insists) but there is no explanation why she gotta be there. Absolute tat. Brilliant film "Love and Mercy" saved my soul on on a 7 hour flight.