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The Florida Project (2017)
Pointless with no substance.
I kept waiting for some sort of story to develop, but this movie has zero story to it. No plot what so ever. That's not hyperbole. I'm not saying that because the story was weak or poorly written. I mean there is literally no story or plot. It's just watch these misbehaving kids misbehave because they have terrible parents who are happy being the dregs of society. There's no plot, structure, character development, character redemption, or resolution. Every aspect of film making looks like it was intentionally ignored so the creator could present some sort of artistic view, but comes off like he's also the sort of person that would set your car on fire for no reason and call it art.
I understand this is supposed to be a social commentary movie, but it fails in that regard, too. There's no statement being made, or any plights being exposed. Nothing ever happens to develop any empathy towards the characters. By the end of the movie, I literally didn't care what happened to any of them. There are no bonds being formed. The closest this movie comes to a climax is nothing more than a confusing blunder.
The mother is the worst kind of person. Nothing is her fault, she makes no attempt at improving her life or her daughters even though there is no apparent reason she can't get a job, she just would rather live a life of scamming, steeling, and prostituting. They try to pass her off as a caring mother, but that just doesn't work either. She comes off as the type of person who would enjoy all the fun parts of having a kid, but ignores everything else. That's not a caring parent, it's a selfish parent.
The acting could very well be pretty good, but it's hard to tell. It doesn't appear they were given much to work with. Just a script that said, "Be terrible people." The cinematography is awful. Oversaturated colors to the point that it's an eyesore. The overuse of unnecessary shaky cam becomes nauseating combined with out of focus and rapid moving shots makes it hard to watch.
If you're the type of person that would enjoy going over to someone's house that you don't like, and watching 2 hours of poorly shot home videos of nothing but their kids misbehaving, then this move is for you.
The Wrong Missy (2020)
A movie that had potential but ruined it
I thought the concept of this movie had a lot of potential. Unfortunately several parts of it were just mediocre, and the rest were down right horrific. The movie was about as predictable as it gets. They just followed a basic rom-com checklist about a guy falling for the girl he initially didn't like. The jokes weren't that funny. I'm pretty sure it's one of those movies that didn't really have a script, they just wanted everyone to improvise all their dialog and interactions. This is fine for the most part, nothing all that funny, but nothing terrible, with the exception of the one biggest downfall of this movie: Lauren Lapkus' role. I don't know where the blame goes; the writers, the director, or Lapkus, or maybe all of the above. But she does not come off as funny at any point in the movie, and every scene she has is pure cringe. And one of the biggest faults in the character is the fact that she is completely deserving of the hate at the beginning of the movie. The way she acts is completely disrespectful, selfish, inconsiderate and there is know reason for anyone to like her or feel sorry for her at all. But that didn't stop them from having her act somewhat normal for 5 minutes, then try to make you feel sad for her when she finds out he made a mistake and asked the wrong girl to join him. Then she runs off acting like she was done wrong, the right girl shows up and even though she's beautiful, smart, and kind, he runs off to chase the woman with no redeeming qualities. It was, overall, just a poor execution of a story that could of had potential to be not too bad. But, it was a Happy Madison movie, so I guess there's not much to be surprised with. They haven't put any real effort into any movie other than trying to ride the Adam Sandler name as long as they could.
47 Meters Down: Uncaged (2019)
Yet another movie to add to the long list of "How Stupid Can These Characters Be"
So there's 2 sisters in your typical generic plot. They go cave diving with no experience with 2 friends. All 4 of them continue to make the dumbest decisions at every opportunity. All while apparently trying to break the world record for most screaming in a movie. Honestly, every scene is filled with the annoying, shrill screaming of 4 girls (or whatever appropriate number as they die off). They come across sharks, that are apparently blind and hunt by sound....? I guess.... But for animals that have evolved in the dark, lost their sight, and survived by hunting by sound, apparently they can only hear things when it's convenient for the plot. And they are the most stealthy sharks in existence as well. As these people traverse through the caves, nobody ever thinks to swivel their head from time to time to look and see if they can see the sharks anywhere because these things continuously just show up behind these people and catch them by surprise. Every time a character dies, it's extremely predictable. They try to do the typical "shark suddenly attacks out of nowhere to kill a character" bit, but you see it coming a mile away. And the 2 sisters that everyone knows are going to be the lone survivors from the very beginning are protected by the strongest plot armor. Enough so that it makes it extremely hard to watch. I understand that in movies, sometimes you just have to give in to a suspension of disbelief to a certain degree, but there is only so much of that you can do. At some point, the writers need to not be lazy and put forth the effort to write a story that at least makes a little bit of sense. But, no. These writers were VERY lazy. Especially the ending. After running their oxygen down to below 20%, that 20% somehow lasts them longer than the first 80%. The sisters eventually ditch the scuba tanks on their way to an opening showing that the scuba tanks were actually not needed, because they can apparently hold their breath indefinitely. Extreme inconsistencies with the boat at the end. It's a glass bottom boat that sometimes is floating in about 20 ft of water and has about 6 ft draft, and sometimes it's in extremely deep water and has about a 25 ft draft. It shows them right next to the boat, literally touching it, but then cuts to an overhead view that shows them still 20 yards away because they still have to survive another shark attack. And BOTH sisters wind up in the mouths of separate sharks. Like, they are bitten from the side at the waist, fully in the sharks mouth. Yet these sharks are apparently just swimming around carrying the sisters in their mouths with the gentleness of a mother cat carrying her newborn kittens. Because after a violent attack, and then being carried off by the shark, each girl winds up with nothing more than some superficial teeth wounds. Then after some BS with a flair gun attack to save her sister, that sister gets attacked and then pulls out a shark tooth from who knows where to fend off her own shark attack with an even bigger load of BS, because, ya know... plot armor.... It's just so very, very, very terrible. Is it so wrong to think that writers should have to think a little bit about their story when writing it? I read one person's review where they were defending it saying "it was a pretty good movie, you just have to turn your brain off." Maybe that works for some people, but I don't want to have to pretend I'm stupid to enjoy a movie.
Hide in the Light (2018)
This movie has zero redeaming qualities.
To start with, the whole storyline is as unoriginal as it gets. A group of idiots go to explore an abandoned orphanage. And that is the peak of this movie. I understand that horror movies in general have characters do a lot of stupid and irrational things, but the extent that this group of morons commit idiotic decisions is unacceptable. Not a single smart idea or action was made in the entire movie. This demon is supposed to be hurt by light, but nobody uses their flashlights when it attacks. Even after people start dying, everyone keeps going off and doing their own thing by themselves.
The acting is bad. That's about all you can say about that. It's just not good. And the main heroine is just a "not nice person". I spent the entire movie just wishing she would get killed, knowing she would be the only one to survive. She's the main reason most people died. And she's a "not nice person" to everyone through the whole movie simply because her brother didn't tell her he was going to propose to his girlfriend. Seriously? If you want any sympathy built up for a character, you gonna have to do better than that.
Oh, and the demon? It's just a blurry shimmer, so I hope you're not expecting any kind of special effects. All in all, this movie is a complete waste and I honestly can't think of a single positive thing to say about it. Don't waste your time watching it. Your time could be spent doing much more purposeful things, like starting a petition to make sure these people never make another movie.
I Kill Giants (2017)
Just not a good movie....
I knew nothing of this movie other than the poster and the brief description on Hulu. The first problem, (as mentioned by several people here already) is the gross misrepresentation of what the movie is. Not fantasy, or thriller or anything like that. You can tell pretty early in the movie that it's just a drama with a fantasy mask on. I brushed that aside, after all, I can enjoy a good drama just as easily. The best part of the movie is probably the acting. It's not great, but it's alright. They use all the played out and tired clichés and tropes and sent them over the top. They try way to hard to push the girl's status as an outcast. And of course they have the way over the top bully. . And of course the child protagonist is so brash, quick witted, and always has just the right thing to put the adults in their place. I understand these are common tropes for movies, but they just went a little over the top with it. They make it a point to include the overly rude and mistreating big brother, but then continue on to show her as just as rude and mistreating to people as well, so there's no real reason to care about anyone in the movie. All the supporting characters are nothing more than place holders with absolutely no character development at all.
There's nothing new in this movie, in fact it didn't take long before I starting thinking it was extremely similar to "A Monster Calls". So similar in fact, I'm kinda surprised they didn't have some copywrite claims made against them.
Starve (2014)
No part of this movie is any good.
There is nothing good about this movie at all. Even in the worst movies, I try to find something positive in it, so here it is... the BEST thing I can say about this movie is this: The writing is so terrible, it's hard to tell if the acting is that bad. And disregard the fake reviews from the people that obviously either worked on the movie, or are getting paid for a positive review. I really wish IMDb could come up with some sort of filtering process for that.
I understand that sometimes in movies, they have to make characters make stupid decisions or act stupid to push the story in the direction they want. I hate it when they do that, but I understand they do that sometimes. That is all this movie does. At no point does anyone make a logical decision and at no point does anything make sense. I mean, the one gimp's primary weapon is a CO2 fire extinguisher!? And I don't mean it hits people with it. It just sprays people with it and they just go down. I promise, if you watch this TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE movie, you will just spend the entire time thinking none of this makes any sense. It's terrible and quite possibly the dumbest thing I've ever watched.
2 Broke Girls (2011)
Never been able to sit through a full episode
I've tried watching a few episodes of this terrible show and just can't do it. A lot of people complain about how crude or raunchy or offensive the material can be. That doesn't bother me. I don't mind crude humor and if you're easily offended, don't watch it. But this show seems to think you can be funny just by being crude and that doesn't work either. There's no real storytelling and absolutely no depth to any character in the show. Just cardboard characters forcing predictable and tired one-liners non stop. Each character having the acting skills of your average dung beetle. And they seem to think speaking their terrible lines in loud voices will make up for the lack of humor. All in all, I can't find one positive aspect of this show and I'm baffled that it has lasted this long and don't understand how anyone can give it more than 1 star.