FuzzBuddy72 Reviews

The Disappearance of Alice Creed (2009)

I don't understand why more people don't love this movie

[8/10 · 6 June 2021]

Some movies just work. At least for me. There are times when a detail will pull me out of a story, and that's me done. The movie just collapses. Suspension of disbelief is hard for me to maintain.

This movie had me 100% invested from the get. I loved the characters, I loved the story, I love the soundtrack. I watch a lot of movies (like in the vicinity of 300+ movies a year) from across a wide spectrum. While my tastes are eclectic, and I sometimes enjoy terrible movies just for the joy of a truly terrible film, this movie I enjoy for its simplicity.

The set is limited. The characters are few, so the story, the script and the acting have to carry the whole thing. And they do.

Gravedigger (2013)

Only the cast and crew saw and reviewed this movie

[2/10 · 2 April 2021]

It's the only reason it has a rating above 2.

I watch at least one movie a day, every day. Horror is my favourite genre. I have seen more terrible movies than most people have seen movies. This is a truly terrible movie. I gave it a 2 instead of a 1 because it had the good sense to be short. Under 90 minutes. At least it didn't waste a lot of my time.

Hell Is Where the Home Is (2018)

This is insulting

[1/10 · 9 January 2021]

Nobody this stupid survives long enough to make it to adulthood. There isn't a single likeable character and they are all so unbelievably dumb that you hope they are eviscerated in some clever fashion to at least make the 90 minutes feel somewhat worthwhile.

The number of contrived and pointless scenes is laughable. This film was scripted by a tween who got ideas from clearance bin comic books. I feel sad for Fairuza Balk. She deserves better than this. Within the first ten minutes, I hoped she would be the one to carve these cartoon characters into tiny pieces. After her ridiculous death, I just hoped an airplane engine would fall on the house or a giant sink hole would swallow everyone.

This film is made of dumb and if it weren't for the idiots storming The Capitol, it would be the single stupidest thing I had seen this week.

Christmas Blood (2017)

It's terrible, and that's the kindest thing I can say about it

[2/10 · 27 December 2020]

I'm a cinephile. I have a particular warm spot in my heart for horror. I don't mind subtitles at all, and I appreciate the diversity in storytelling from around the world. I say all of this so you know I was predisposed to be kind to this film. However, the kindest thing I can say about this film is that it is terrible.

CONS 1. Every stupid, annoying trope of every horror movie you have ever seen is in this movie: everyone is so stupid that it beggars belief, the police arrive "too late", the fornicators die first, the "friends" treat each other like garbage, the victims stand there waiting for the killer to get them, they search through rooms in the dark when they could just turn on the stupid light, the screaming is ignored (must just be good sex), the medical examiner eats over the corpses, the killer has an axe, and on and on.

2. You don't care about any of the characters: they could literally all die and at most you hope the kill is interesting (spoiler: it's not).

3. I know who the protagonist is supposed to be, the film makers don't seem to know though: the characters are so thinly sketched and it looks like they couldn't decide which story would be most compelling, so they just bounce around hoping that you will figure it out or pick one.

4. Is the entire town in Thailand?: they are in a relatively small village, it's the holiday season, they run all over town screaming their heads off, there are cars parked everywhere and not one single solitary person comes out to even see what is going on.

PROS I like winter and snow and I learned that there's an underwear company named Comfyballs.

Jack Frost (1997 Video)

So bad it's good!

[7/10 · 19 December 2020]

To be clear, this is not a good movie. That doesn't mean it isn't a ton of fun to watch!

Some movies don't set out to be Inception, they set out to be exactly as ridiculous and campy as they end up being. This is one of those films.

Jack Frost has a ludicrous premise, a bonkers script, cheap effects and low-brow humour. The horror is hilarious and the hilarity is groan-worthy. I watch it every year in December and enjoy it every single time.

It's stupid, offensive, dated and not even worth a Razzy. It is also a holiday classic in my book. Happy Holidays and make sure to ask Santa for some anti-freeze!

All Through the House (2015)

All I want for Christmas is an original idea!

[2/10 · 11 December 2020]

I love horror movies. I even love bad horror movies. This, however, was painfully, stupidly bad.

There's no need to include spoilers in this review. If you can think of an overplayed horror movie trope, it's in there. I was bored and mostly just wanted it to end.

A Lonely Place to Die (2011)

Better than the rating suggests

[8/10 · 19 December 2019]

Back before I smashed up my hand in a freak snowboarding accident, I was a rock climber, so climbing movies have always held a special place in my heart. I love depictions of vast, open spaces that seem almost untouched. For some reason, most people I meet have never even heard of this film, much less seen it.

THE PLOT A group of friends set out on a climbing trip only to come upon a kidnapped girl deep in the Scottish wilderness. They quickly realize that getting her and themselves to safety will not be as easy as a walk in the woods.

THE ACTING/THE CAST One of the reasons I'm surprised at the relative obscurity of this film is the cast is stacked: Sean Harris (he's one of the best bad guys in the business), Eamonn Walker (I feel like he's in everything - or I just watch lots of stuff he's in), Ed Speelers (because even my mother knows who he is - I don't watch Downton Abbey, but she does), Melissa George (Grey's Anatomy, Lie To Me, The Good Wife, etc.), Karel Roden (everything, I think - I'm pretty sure it doesn't matter where the film is being made or what language it's in, he's in it). The acting is solid and the script is good. The characters never seem forced or unnatural. There are some good lines and some really gripping scenes. The actors hold their characters well, and despite being very recognizable, they never pull you out of the story. The suspension of disbelief is carried throughout. I was fully invested.

THE CINEMATOGRAPHY AND SOUND The scenery is absolutely gorgeous. It makes me wish I could still climb. The cliffs, the rolling hills, the sweeping landscapes, it's just beautiful. The action sequences are shot in a way that you can actually follow the action; there's a lot of "running through the trees from bad guys", but you never feel like the camera work is jerky or confused. There are also these amazing slow sequences where they take their time, letting you feel every heartbeat. The landscape is used as a weapon, so the terrain is both beautiful and deadly.

The sound editing is fun. The juxtaposition of the soothing nature sounds with the loud, violent sounds of gunshots or the marriage of street festival chaos with the showdown with the kidnappers, everything is done so seamlessly that you truly cannot always tell where one sound ends and another begins. It's very well done.

I've watched this film 3 or 4 times, and I enjoy it every time. I'll probably watch it again sometime, but if you've never seen it, you should at least see it once. Time well spent (plus Melissa George wears my favourite sports tights in this movie, so somebody did their homework!).

Krampus: The Christmas Devil (2013)

Probably had a budget of pizza and beer (cheap beer)

[1/10 · 19 December 2019]

I preface this by saying that I have a soft spot for holiday horror. I'm a cinéphile and a horror fan. Throw in some tinsel and I'm predisposed to liking your film. Unfortunately, this movie looks like someone with a camera and enough money to pay for pizza and beer suckered some friends into setting aside their dignity to make an unforgivably bad movie. It isn't even "so-bad-it's-good" bad; it's just "this-is-a-ridiculous-low-budget-terrible-excuse-for-a-horror-movie" bad.

THE ACTING Just No. There's really nothing else to say. The acting isn't.

THE SCRIPT No humans speak like the characters in this movie. No humans behave like the characters in this movie. Every character in this movie is a caricature of a character in another bad movie.

THE EFFECTS The special effects aren't.

When I was in high school, we created a haunted house in some of the creepier parts of our 150-year old high school. Our effects were definitely more realistic and far scarier.

The blood in this movie looked like someone spilled juice in the snow. I think I saw that Krampus costume at the costumière around the corner from my house. I definitely own that wig.

THE CINEMATOGRAPHY AND SOUND I think the movie was filmed on a phone and the sound was captured on the same phone. It wasn't a good phone either.

THE PLOT I'm going to generously say it had one. It wasn't a good one, but it exists.

There are so many fantastic holiday horror movies. Do yourself a favour and watch one of those. This isn't one of those.