rewgreen Reviews

The Protectors: A Kind of Wild Justice (1972) Season 1, Episode 10

Needs to be around 25 minutes shorter.

[1/10 · 4 February 2023]

The longest episode so far, clocking in at about three hours, or at least that's how it feels. This one just seems to drag on and on, with stilted dialogue, an ambling plot and nothing really memorable enough to warrant reviewing. Sure, there's a plot twist towards the end, but by this point you don't really care.

Vaughn smirks throughout, Porter attempts to add a little 70's glamour, while Anholt merely makes up the numbers. None of the actors come out of this looking anything other than adequate, rather than proficient or likeable.

I always look forward to the relaxed final scene of The Protectors, it's an opportunity for Porter to show some cleavage and for the writers to add a little humour to the otherwise dry programme. Here Nyree succeeds in her task, but the writers unfailingly miss their mark by a country mile. Poor unflappable Harry Rule has to suddenly slip off his dour demeanour and form his expression into something more befitting of an actual likeable human being. This seems to be beyond Vaughn's abilities, but that may be purely down to the fact that the script's humour is so embarrassingly unfunny. You can't even laugh at the clumsiness of it all, you are just left openmouthed as the ever reliable Tony bursts into song.

The Protectors: Thinkback (1972) Season 1, Episode 9

We haven't seen the Contessa fence for a while. How do we remedy that?

[4/10 · 30 January 2023]

If you've watched enough TV from this period then you quickly realise the general direction that this story is taking. Unfortunately the time restrictions definitely don't work to the advantage of an otherwise clever little premise.

It's a shame, but there is just too much general silliness for any of this to make good TV viewing. Even making allowances for its 25 minute runtime, the programme is just plain clumsy.

Harry is able to explore and conceal himself within a small building full of armed criminals, yet Dilling couldn't keep himself hidden for five minutes in a Movie studio.

The whole elaborate ruse for one snippet of information when all they needed to do was ask the housemaid.

The convenient appearance of a collection of fencing foils, the Contessa's weapon of choice, just when the action required them.

The pointless subplot of Paul and Suki which eventually came to nothing as Paul ended up only just turning up in time for the credits.

In the briefest of searches, Dilling is inexplicably found in an open yard, apparently checking out a series of old pallets. Are they implying that there were no toilets in the studio?

The entertainment value of this series definitely stems from its weaknesses rather than its strengths. It's a large dose of nostalgic nonsense that would have little to nothing to offer the younger generation. For my generation it's an opportunity to cringe at how simplistic the TV of our youth really was. It's now incredible to believe that the target audience for this programme was adults and not young children.

The Protectors: King Con (1972) Season 1, Episode 8

The Protectors achieve the heights of pure pantomime.

[5/10 · 30 January 2023]

For me this was the best episode so far. At one point I even found myself laughing at one of Harry's quips, which is definitely a first.

The opening scenes don't stray away from the well established standards of the series, with the smug Contessa making an inordinately positive impression on everyone within her sphere.

By this point in the series I have personally come to dislike every patronising expression Nyree Dawn Porter throws at the camera. The Contessa is an unfunny parody of the affluent upper classes of society, clumsily acted by Porter and not helped by the storylines which depict her as virtually flawless. Compare this with Roger Moore's role in The Persuaders. Moore's Lord Sinclair is equally as supercilious and condescending, but is entertaining and affable because in reality he is so flawed. Moore's character is self mocking, Porter's Contessa is just unbearably haughty.

The series takes an unpredictable turn at this point. Believe it or not it moves into the realms of relaxed comedy. It's all infantile fun, but it is a refreshing change from everything that has preceded it. It may not necessarily be funny, but the actors seem to be enjoying it, so at least someone is.

The greatest aspect of The Protectors is that once the plot is established and the characters are introduced, you realise that it's time for the programme to wind-up and for Tony Christie to do his thing. Such is the case here. Nyree puts her cleavage on display again, we have the completion of the simplistic plot and finally, as usual, the script writers display their inability to write an amusing closing scene.

This whole 25 minute pantomime actually has some very capable actors scattered throughout its cast, including Anholt, Ronald Lacey, Peter Cellier and Anton Rodgers. It's a shame that they don't have more screen time and that certain central characters don't get less.

The Protectors: The Quick Brown Fox (1972) Season 1, Episode 7

Harry would've cracked the Enigma code if he had had the right cigar.

[3/10 · 26 January 2023]

Well we've had the mafia episode and the episode with the attempted overthrow of some foreign sounding banana republic, so which 70's TV trope is up next? Brainwashing? Voodoo? Plastic surgeon's creating clones? Double agents?

Ahh! Nazis of course. It didn't take long for them to turn up, but you knew that they were due, and here they are. Well at least for 25 minutes, by which time the Protectors will undoubtedly have everything under control.

Another forgettable episode from this forgettable series.

There are highlights, like Robert Vaughn seemingly needing a stunt double in order to film a scene where Harry has to actually run remotely fast. Or the scene where Harry immediately and nonchalantly solves the intricate code devised by the Nazis while relaxing in a wicker chair puffing away at his cigar.

These episodes take themselves far too seriously and are totally devoid of humour. Hence, when we are finally introduced to any light hearted scenes they just seem so uncomfortably contrived and cold. As is the case here with the unfunny final pool scene where nothing happens except we get more of Nyree's cleavage.

You must surely have asked yourself by now. Why are you watching this?

The Protectors: It Was All Over in Leipzig (1972) Season 1, Episode 6

It Was All Over Leipzig, (minus any actual footage of Leipzig).

[4/10 · 26 January 2023]

The team remain in Malta for 25 minutes of political intrigue.

The Contessa takes centre stage for this bout, and we see Nyree attempt to drop her supercilious smugness and actually display a little emotion for a change. Unfortunately she fails miserably and any attempt to draw the viewer's sympathy for the Contessa's dilemma doesn't really get off the starting block.

Meanwhile Harry's predatorial leering of a blonde dancer passes as the episode's attempt at humour and the steep streets of Valletta provide an opportunity to pay homage to Eisenstein's Potemkin. Other than that, it's just another forgettable episode.

As much as I loved The Forsyte Saga I always considered Nyree Dawn Porter to be totally miscast as Irene, and considering how integral Irene's character is to the whole plot, this was a critical flaw for an otherwise great interpretation. I'm having the same problems here. Both Dawn Porter and Robert Vaughn are extremely cold, humourless and undynamic. They lack the youthful, glamorous zest that their roles demand. This is one of the better episodes so far, but the casting just seems stale. Nobody seems deeply invested in their roles. The format is already looking tired and trite.

By this point in the series the viewer is left with more questions than answers... Why does the Contessa need so much hair?

Who exactly are the Protectors, who are they working for?

How the hell did the crew manage to get someone to finance a second series?

Who does the silhouette represent?

Who is stealing the upper half of the Contessa's outfits?

Who's looking after Harry's dog?

Why am I still watching this junk?

The Protectors: Ceremony for the Dead (1972) Season 1, Episode 5

Maltese Shenanigans.

[4/10 · 26 January 2023]

Considering its limited running time of 25 minutes the pacing for this episode is a little pedestrian at times.

Initially we are treated to a pageant of unimpressed Maltese women, and then this is followed by an unnecessary parachute scene and a convoluted explanation of the Contessa's role in Harry's newly formulated plans.

Don't worry if you don't exactly follow the gist of these plans because as the program draws to a close the criminal mastermind is unmasked and all the characters quickly explain the plot that you've just sat through, (just in case you are as confused as I was).

There's even time left at the end of the program for Harry to do a little flirting at the airport.

Somewhere amongst all of this nonsense they successfully managed to wedge in quite a few more action scenes than the previous episodes. It is quite a well balanced episode on the whole and although extremely silly, it is impressive how they fit so much into 25 minutes without the program feeling overly rushed.

The tourist hotspot of Malta is the real star of this episode though. I'm sure that many a 70's holiday maker booked a trip to Malta on the strength of this episode.

The Protectors: Disappearing Trick (1972) Season 1, Episode 4

Action, Excitement and Surprises!!! This Episode has none of them.

[3/10 · 25 January 2023]

The show's 25 minute action formula is now well and truly established by this point, with all of its flaws clearly on show. The plot's premise is underdeveloped, the characters are one dimensional and the closing theme is the highlight of the show.

The script is dry, and what little humour there is falls flat. Remember the comedic camaraderie between Curtis and Moore in The Persuaders, or Damon and Gaunt in The Champions. There is none of this here and subsequently there is little to no chemistry between the main actors. Robert Vaughn appears arrogantly distant, Tony Anholt is criminally underused, while Nyree Dawn Porter's acting at times is as shocking as her wardrobe.

A forgettable episode, and the sooner I forget it the better.