ThyCriticMan Reviews

Desecrated (2015)

Bore.

[2/10 · 12 January 2015]

The 80's…

…an era where slashers sliced and diced their way to the top of the horror scene…

…these days are long gone.

The first fifteen years of the 2000's featured more ghosts and demonic possessions than they did unstoppable monsters or folks who have the ability to wield kitchen knifes better than the top chefs in the world. Sure, we have witnessed the birth of Mick Taylor and the Wolf Creek franchise. Yeah, Saw and Jigsaw have made a huge impact in the horror game. Fair enough that Victor Crowley from Hatchet, Chromeskull from Laid to Rest, and Leslie Vernon from Behind The Mask have also made considerable impacts on horror fans. However, if you mention any of these names to a casual movie-goer who does not know a single thing about horror, I bet you only Jigsaw can possibly ring a bell. They aren't nearly as popular as good old Leatherface, Freddy Krueger, Michael Myers, Chucky, or Jason Voorhees. It is the demons of Paranormal Activity or the titles with the devil in them that sell tickets these days. I'm at the point where I'm tired of demons. It is a new year and 2015 offers a new slasher flick in the form of Desecrated. Is this our chance to relive the glory days once again?

The plot is simple enough. Haylie Duff plays a wealthy girl named Allie McClean. She takes her friends up to her isolated ranch house for a fun weekend of the usual stuff. The usual stuff isn't as fun as usual due to a grumpy caretaker who doesn't usually like visitors. Unless they are dead. He sure seems to have fun killing his visitors. We should be able to have fun watching him kill his visitors, right? I don't think I did. Everything about Desecrated is done in the most bland way possible. The characters? Bland. The only character who is not bland is an obnoxious prick. Nothing more. His girlfriend is a pretty lady with an accent. Nothing more. Allie is a nice girl who plays the lead. Nothing more. Her boyfriend is the guy who takes charge. Nothing more. The remaining girl thinks the caretaker is good-looking. She wants to bang him. Nothing more. The final dude is kind of a wimp. He is Paul James from Greek and I know for a fact that he is quite good as an actor. This performance does not do him any good though. They are all incredibly dumb to the point where they are challenging to sympathize with. The killer himself is the most interesting character in the movie. Gonzalo Menendez does not come close to Christian Bale in American Psycho and falls short of Wolf Creek's Mick Taylor, but his psychopath military man is entertaining enough. With that said, I doubt he will be capable of haunting anyone's nightmares once the film comes to an end.

This isn't a big-budget film. I don't feel like ripping apart the filmmakers on how everything looks and sounds. It isn't impressive. I'll leave it at that. This is a cliché-ridden film with twists that don't really seem needed once everything is all said and done. I wasn't entertained the slightest bit by anything that occurs throughout this film. Mick Taylor is still the most entertaining slasher of the 2000's in my opinion.

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Superpower Film Scale: 1.5/5

1: Villainous Waste

2: Careless Bystander

3: Hero unaware of powers

4: On the verge of greatness

5: Heroic film

Standout acting heroes: Gonzalo Menendez

The Rover (2014)

No gun laws in the Australian Outback!

[7/10 · 22 September 2014]

An audience watching The Rover is comparable to an audience from the Wild West preparing to see their favorite outlaw square-off against the local lawman in a pistol duel. Opinions on the subject will differ greatly! The Western audience would be divided between those who respect the outlaw, and those who want to see his legacy come to an end. In the same manner, some viewers will enjoy witnessing the bleak and depressing journey that Eric (Pearce) goes on, as he attempts to locate the thieves who stole his car while others will struggle to find a reason to care. The protagonist featured in this story pays as much attention to doing the morally-correct thing as a gold-craving bandit about to rob a train would. Eric is a damaged fellow who does not hesitate to pull the trigger on his foes. David Michôd refuses to sugarcoat his character and viewers are required to get behind a despicable person for 102 minutes.This is a character study that centers around a man who goes on a killing spree because some idiotic bandits took his car. There are no consequences for murder or redeemable folks who will earn the sympathy of those viewing. After a global economic crash ten years previous, the world appears to be in rough shape. Everybody carries a loaded gun! And everybody is ready to shoot…

Michôd made an impact in 2010 with Animal Kingdom. His crime drama about a dangerous Melbourne crime family scored critical acclaim and won numerous awards. The Rover switches things up completely by giving viewers what can be considered a futuristic Western. Michôd takes a minimalist approach by sticking to the basics with how he tells viewers his story. He hints at far more than he provides. Antony Partos provides a fitting soundtrack to guide this violent trek through the Australian outback while Natasha Braier properly captures the beauty of the desolate wasteland that surrounds these characters. The cast of The Rover make this miserable flick watchable. Guy Pearce has essentially become the go-to guy for Westerns in the modern-era. From The Preposition to Lawless to The Rover, Pearce plays the tough-guy gunslinger perfectly and his performance here is no different. The always reliable Scoot McNairy does what he can with his limited villainous thief role, but it is the actor who plays his brother who steals the spotlight. The boy who got popular in the eyes of teenage girls while playing a "hot" vampire in Twilight shows that he is a man with serious acting chops in his role as Reynolds. Who plays Reynolds? Edward Cullen. Or, Robert Pattinson. His slow-witted character comes the closest to earning the affection of audiences simply because of the great performance that Pattinson delivers. He makes his trigger- happy murderer someone who viewers might actually feel a bit bad for.

The Rover loads a bare-bones script into a visually gorgeous barrel. It cocks and fires away at the traditional movie structure, thus finding itself aimed towards a crowd with a love for the artsy-style of film. Michôd's sophomore film is not one that the entire family can enjoy on movie night. It is strictly for those seeking a cool, suspenseful contemporary Western with a bloody high-body count. I'm one of those.

Superpower Film Scale: 3.5/5

1: Villainous Waste

2: Careless Bystander

3: Hero unaware of powers

4: On the verge of greatness

5: Heroic film

Standout acting heroes: Robert Pattinson

Website: http://thycriticman.com/

Cub (2014)

"This cub does not fear lions, tigers, or bears".

[8/10 · 19 September 2014]

Jonas Govaerts has bigger balls than any cub that I've ever seen (not that I take friendly peeks at the actual balls of any animals). However, he does share a few striking similarities with young carnivorous animals. Just as a young lion might show viciousness at an early age, Govaerts unleashes a fierce aim-straight-for-the- throat-mentality right off the bat with his directional debut. This fierce young director from Antwerp, Belgium, is as hungry as a bear looking to catch his or her very first fish, or a wolf on the hunt for a rabbit! The appropriately named Cub is a nasty, violent bear of a film that shows no mercy when it comes into contact with its prey. Whether it be on the characters that he, and Roel Mondelaers created, or the viewers who sit down to see his film, Govaerts relentlessly scratches, claws, and bites without any signs of ever letting up. Well, until his film eventually comes to an end, of course…

…But up until that point, Govaerts shows the ruthless aggression of a young cub, but does away with the inexperience that comes along with being new to the game. His debut film shows no youth from a production standpoint, nor does it give off the impression that this is the first time that he and Mondelaers wrote a major screenplay together. Not only does Cub benefit from a wonderful tension- building score that takes notes from the likes of John Carpenter and Dario Argento, but it also looks crisp and clear aesthetically, courtesy of drawing inspiration from the movies of Steven Spielberg. This demonstrates that Govaerts has learned from some of the very best to ever create horror on screen, and that he successfully did his homework by mastering the tricks of the trade early on. The screenplay itself brings me back to my original point about Govaerts having bigger balls than any cub that I've ever seen. Boundaries are broken, childhood innocence is lost, and the most innovative death traps that this horror fanatic has seen in years are on full display!

Before Cub played at the Toronto International Film Fest's Midnight Madness screening, Govaerts felt the need to warn animal lovers that they might have to leave the theater due to what happens to a dog in the film. He goes on to defend himself by claiming that he is a cat-lover! This is the same generous fellow who said okay to the slogan, "Buy a trap. Kill a cub", for his crowd-funding campaign. The cubs that that this slogan highlights are the human kind who attend summer camp. Animals, children, summer camp instructors, police officers…nobody is safe from the almighty balls located in the nether regions of this young director! A cool bit of information is that these clever filmmakers did not ask for crowd-funding for the purpose of funding the movie. They planned to put all the additional cash into creating awesome traps for our viewing pleasure. Have you ever seen a trap so cool that your palms suddenly felt the urge to slap each- other silly? It is uncontrollable. Do you believe that America's Saw movies are unbeatable? Think again!

A group of boy scouts venture into the woods with three adults and some additional fodder in the form of a few bullies and a police officer. Campfire tales reveal the legend of a feral child who roams the woods and it does not take long for the legend to become a reality. Little do the forest invaders know that this feral child is the least of their worries! A much more dangerous threat looms in the background waiting for the perfect chance to strike! The elements of a coming-of-age drama have intense sexual intercourse in a tent with the slasher genre and the result is Govaerts's Cub. This means that the cast is largely comprised of child actors, which very well could have been a recipe for disaster. The good news is that no bad apples exist in this batch. Govaerts picked his lead boy out of a music video and this kid shows acting talent capable of surprising anyone with doubts. Maurice Luijten is a future star in the making! The script has a heavy focus on his character to the point where it can almost be considered a character study and Luijten does not miss a beat in delivering the correct level of emotion to make the progression of his character believable.

Govaerts sets a new standard for modern-day slasher films with the release of Cub. It is a film that effectively pushes the limits far enough to get a shocked reaction from viewers, yet intelligently backs away from being unforgivably insulting (some awful things are insinuated, yet cleverly kept off-screen). These ballsy filmmakers attempt to give meaning to a sub-genre that has become over-run by maniacs who prey on hot, drunk, idiot teenagers. They offer a tragic story with a brutal pay-off instead! What is accomplished here is not the work of a cub…

…it is the work of a carnivorous predator ready to make his name prominent in the film industry for years to come.

Superpower Film Scale: 4/5

1: Villainous Waste

2: Careless Bystanderunnamed

3: Hero unaware of powers

4: On the verge of greatness

5: Heroic film

Standout acting heroes: Maurice Luijten

Website:thycriticman.com